She just smiles at me and nods her head. After we eat, she goes home to talk to Matt about everything. I wish her luck and tell her again not to worry. Matt will be excited.
With nothing else to do, I clean my apartment and go downstairs to do a load of laundry. I am tempted to text Hunter to see if he is coming over tonight, but decide not to. I will let him determine if he wants to come over or not. I don't want to look desperate or that I need him. I grab my laundry basket and head to the basement. Once down there I sort through the colors and lights and put them in the machines and head back upstairs.
As I go up the stairs and round the corner to my door, I notice a piece of paper stuck to my door. Thinking maybe my landlady put it there, I don't think anything of it. I grab it off the door, noticing that is folded in half. I open my door placing my basket down and discarding the paper onto the table by my door. After a few hours and getting all my laundry done, I get ready for work and leave the apartment. It will be my first day back at the diner since the incident with Keegan. I called work and told them what was going on. I am lucky my boss Rob is understanding. He has two daughters my age that he doesn't get to see very often.
I get my uniform on and head out the door, making sure I lock it. I work the crap shift tonight from five to one in the morning. I told him I would pick up any shift he needed me to because I left him short on staff for a week. Just so happened someone quit and he needed me tonight.
When I walk into work, Rob greets me from behind the front counter, clearly flirting with the woman customer that is in front of him. He is good looking for an older guy. It’s no wonder the older women who come in flirt with him. I go into his office to put my purse away. He must have followed me back there because when I turn around he is walking in.
“I just want you to know I am here for you. You need anything, don't be afraid to ask.” He looks at my face and I can tell he is angry with seeing the marks on it. They are healing, but you can still see the faint green and yellow that is left behind from the bruising, even with makeup.
I walk over to him and pat his arm lightly. “Thank you, Rob. That means a lot to me.”
He follows me out of the office, not saying anything at first but before we walk to the front of the dinner he tells me that Keegan is not allowed in here and if he sees him here he will call the cops.
I nod at him, smile and go and start my shift.
I like knowing that I have Rob on my side. It makes me feel better coming to work. I was a little nervous coming in today, but I won’t let Keegan control my life anymore. I let him control me for far too long.
My shift goes quickly, mainly because we were busy for some reason. People like to come in late and eat. Not that I will complain because they are the people who normally like to tip very well. The closer it gets to closing time I start my cleaning, wanting to get home, maybe take a nice warm bath with a good book, and then go to bed. I seriously need some relaxing time. Where I don’t have to think about everything that is going on. No thoughts of Keegan and no thoughts of Hunter.
I have my back to the door when I hear the bells jingle, letting us know someone just came in.
“The kitchen is closed,” I say without looking at whoever it is, annoyed that they are going to ruin my time to take a bath and relax. I take a second to finish rolling the silverware and turn to see who came in the door.
Hunter is standing there is his hotter-than-hell uniform and a sexy grin. Really, he should not be able to be a cop or allowed to wear any uniform. It should be illegal. He should just arrest himself. Or maybe I could, using his handcuffs. Oh Christ, I can’t think about him in that way. Shaking my head, I smile back at him.
He gives me an amused look, clearly knowing I was just ogling him. “I don't need to eat.” He says, leaning on the counter with his hip. “I just wanted to see that you got home safe tonight.”
I can feel the heat creep up in my cheeks. Forcing myself to look away from him I start to clean the counters.
“Oh, thank you, but I have my car.” I keep my eyes off him, trying to control my blushing. I have no clue why I am blushing so much now with him. It’s pretty disturbing or I am just that pathetic.
“That’s fine I can follow you.” I look at him and watch him cross his arms in front of him. His arm muscles tightening as he does it.
Before I can protest against him following me home, Rob comes up front from the back smiling at Hunter and gives him a big hug.
Hunter and Rob have always been close. Rob dated Hunter’s mom for a while. When it ended between them, Rob stayed in Hunters life and even helped out Hunter’s mom from time to time. “Are you here to take Payton home?”
“Yes, I was going to follow her home to make sure she is safe.”
Rob grins and pats Hunter on the back. “You are a good man Hunter. Payton needs a good man in her life.” He says, grinning even more, trying to get his point across.
“She will find someone worthy of her love someday.” Hunter shifts a little as he says it, looking away from me. I can tell he is uncomfortable and it kind of hurts to know he doesn't want to be the one who is worthy of my love. If he doesn't want me then why does he care, and why the hell did he kiss me?
I take a deep breath and tell him I will be ready soon. I ignore what they are talking about and finish up my clean ups. When I finish, I grab my purse and say good night to Rob.
I get to my car and get in, not saying a word to Hunter. He stops me before I can close my car door. Putting his hand on the door and leaning down into the car.
“I will follow behind you.” He smiles as he shuts the door for me. I watch him walk over to his car and slide in.
***
Hunter
Something made Payton upset. I thought she would be happy to see me tonight. She looked happy when I first walked in. She gave me the smile that I love to see. It’s a smile that is so bright and makes her shine. Then it turned to annoyed, and now shut off. She did not say one word to me when we were on the way to her car. She just got in, like I was not even there. I had to tell her I would follow her so she would not just take off. I need to know she gets home safe.
I get into my squad car and follow her to her house. I keep close, not wanting to lose her on the way. Knowing her, she would be stubborn and go in by herself. She is like that, wanting to be independent. I never have really seen her this weak before. I think it’s why I am so protective of her. She is not weak. She is a strong woman. She hid the abuse she was receiving from us for how many months.
Thinking about Keegan and what he has done to her has my hands automatically tightening on the steering wheel until my knuckles turn white. The guy really pisses me off. He better wish we never meet in a dark ally and I am off duty, because he is a dead man if it ever happens. She pulls into her parking lot and parks her car. I pull in right next to her and get out of the car. I walk over to her door and open it up for her.
“Thank you.” She says as she gets out of the car.
She looks down at the ground and starts to walk to the apartment building. I shut her door and walk with her putting my hand lightly on the small of her back. Feeling the warmth of her through her shirt drives me to want to touch her skin, knowing it would be soft. I don't know what it is about her, but all I want to do right now is push her up against the wall and kiss the hell out of her.
Before I know it, we are at her apartment. She has the door unlocked and is about to step inside. I pull her back.
“Let me go in first and check it out,” I say as I step in front of her.
“Ok,” she moves to the side to allow me to walk into the apartment. It doesn't take long for me to check everything out, to make sure nothing is wrong in her apartment. On my way back to the door, I notice a piece of paper on the table by the door. I pick it up and read it.
“You will pay for what you and the asshole cop were doing in the bookstore. I will make both of you pay. You don't get to touch other men. You are mine.”
&nb
sp; Even more pissed off now I ball up the note and fling open the door, startling Payton.
“Is everything ok?” she looks up at me with a worried look.
I shove the balled up letter at her trying to contain my anger. She takes it and unrolls it. As she reads it all the color in her face pales. She looks up at me, then back at the letter.
“I got this before work, it was taped to the door. I didn’t read it. I put it on the table and forgot about it. I thought it was from the landlady.” She says as she rambles on; her nerves are getting the best of her. She does this when she is scared or really nervous.
I place my hands on her arms lightly and pull her close to me. “Shhhh. Payton your place is safe right now. He isn't here.” I stroke her back, trying to stop her shaking. “If you want I can stay here tonight. I am off duty.”
She just shakes her head yes and I move us into her apartment. She holds onto me tight for a few more seconds before she pulls away from me. I lock the door. I am so glad she did not read that note when she was alone. The fear I just saw was too much.
She walks into the living room and sits down on the couch. “All I wanted tonight was a bath, a book, and bed. I can’t live in fear all the time Hunter, it’s tiring.”
I squat in front of her. Cupping her face lightly, making her look at me. “Payton, you never have to be scared. I will always be here for you. I always have been here for you. I have always wanted to be here for you. You do things to me I don't understand.”
She reaches up and grabs my hands and smiles. If I were not on my knees right now, I would have been right there. The hope I see in her eyes, the want I see there. It was enough to bring me to my knees. To beg her and tell her, I will be the guy she needs. The guy who will be there for her and protect her. To love her and cherish her. Right then I realized. I love her. But I shut that feeling out because I know I can’t love her. I won’t do that to her.
Chapter 9
Payton
I smile at Hunter like a fool. Here he is, telling me I do things to him and all I can do is smile. Tonight he said I will find a man that would be worthy of my love. Making me think that man was not going to be him, and now he is saying I do things to him. How do I take this? I need to know what he means. I can’t have my heart broken again.
“What kind of things do I do to you?” I whisper.
He sighs, breaking eye contact with me. I release his hands as he pulls them away from my face and rubs the back of his neck, standing up taking a few steps away from me. Hesitating before he answers.
“You make me feel things I don’t want to feel.” He looks away. “I don’t want to feel them for you. I have a duty to Matt to not have these feelings.”
I look at him in stunned silence. Trying to process what he is telling me.
“Do you want to be with me Hunter?” I get up slowly from the couch and walk to him.
“It wouldn't matter Payton. Even though, Matt told me, he wouldn’t mind if I ever dated you. I could not do it to him. What if I hurt you? Then I lose you and Matt all at once.”
I know my lips turn up in a smile hearing that Matt told him he could date me. Making me think how would James feel about him and I together? I don't think he would mind.
I need to be brave right now. I need to tell him how I feel. Then maybe he won’t be so scared to see that we could work. That he is what I need right now.
I take a deep breath and before I can chicken out, I open up to him.
“Hunter, I love you. I have since the day I met you. You may think you are not good enough for me, but you are. I don't know when you put me on such a high pedestal, but I don't want to be up there. I can decide if you are good enough for me myself. You don't need to do that.”
He looks away, saying nothing. I see his shoulders sag as he just stands there. As the seconds go by, the silence stretching, my hope begins to become smaller and smaller. He doesn't want me. Not the way I want him. I want all of him. His heart and soul. I want to love everything there is to him. Be there for him like he is here for me. But I am losing that. It was never mine to lose, but I feel it slipping through my fingers. I am starting to regret saying I love him and sharing my feelings with him. He is still just standing there, motionless looking at the wall.
“Forget I said anything.” I let my shoulders sag as I go to walk past him, wanting to be done with the conversation, and head for my bedroom.
As I pass him, his hand shoots out, grabbing my wrist lightly, stopping me from going any farther. I pull my arm away from him, but he stops me, pulling me close to him. Our chests touching, causing every hair to stand up from the goose bumps his touch is causing. Even though it’s just his chest, I can still feel the electricity travel between us.
He goes to say something but stops himself. Instead, he leans down, resting his forehead on mine, letting go of my wrists, bringing his hands back to my face and tilting my face up to his. His lips meet mine softly. Kissing me like I am breakable. I don't want to be breakable.
I run my hands up his chest, feeling his uniform under my fingers. I fist the fabric and pull him closer to me. Kissing him deeper. Opening up my mouth for him.
It thrills me when I hear him moan into my mouth, giving me more courage to kiss him with more passion. I let go of his shirt and start to unbutton it, working my way slowly to the bottom of the shirt. He drops his hands, grabbing onto my hips, pulling me closer to him so our bottom halves are touching. Letting me feel how turned on he is. He moves one of his hands up my side, letting it run lightly up my belly under my uniform shirt. His feather-light touch causes goose bumps to form and me to shiver. He makes is up my stomach and stopping once his hand reaches my chest, grasping one of my breasts, kneading it lightly. I moan into his mouth. I finish with the last button and yank his shirt out of his pants, leaving his chest bare.
He sucks in air as I run my hands over his bare chest, breaking our kiss. He moves his lips to the edge of my mouth and slowly kisses down my neck, stopping at my collar bone. He kisses back up my neck, all the way to my ear and nips the lobe roughly.
I keep my hands on him, not wanting to move. Shocked that this is actually happening and neither of us is stopping it.
“I want you so fucking bad Payton,” he whispers in my ear, causing me to smile like a fool. “I am yours to have Hunter.” He looks me in the eyes. I can now see the hope in his eyes along with the need. Before I can say anything, he picks me up, cradling me to his chest and brings me into my bedroom.
“You deserve to go slow Payton. I want to cherish you, every step of the way. I am going to take my time with you. You said I put you on a pedestal. I know I do and you will always remain on that pedestal I put you on.”
I smile up at him as he lowers me to the floor, making sure my feet are firmly planted and I am steady before he lets go. He lowers his mouth back down to mine, kissing me slowly, pouring his soul into one kiss. He didn't need to tell me how he feels about me, I can tell just by that one kiss.
He slowly undresses me, removing my clothes while never letting his lips leave mine. When he finishes, he lowers me to the bed and stares at me.
“I knew you would be beautiful.” He lowers himself on top of me, kissing me again in a way that feels like he is claiming my soul. As he kisses me, I start to remove his pants, getting his belt undone and then his zipper. He helps me pull his pants and boxers off, leaving us naked; our bodies molding together as one.
***
Hunter
I would not trade the last two hours for anything. Being able to have Payton in my arms is such an amazing rush. Something I want to hold on tight and never let this feeling go but I know I have to. I gave into her tonight, wanting to show her how special she is. It is something I should not have done. I should have let her go into her room and left her alone. But I am selfish and I didn’t stop. I had to kiss her. I had a need, to keep her by me at that moment. That is when I decided I really am no good for her. I told her I was going to keep her on that p
edestal she claimed I have her on. She deserves to be on one.
She told me she loves me and I said nothing to her. I really want to love her, but I can’t. Love is broken and it only allows you to get hurt. I have felt that hurt when my father walked out on my mother, and then to watch my mother get beat by a man who claimed to love her. I don't want to be my father and I know that’s who I will be. I can feel it. I can’t commit to a person. When I feel comfortable with someone, I get scared and leave them. Love scares the shit out of me.
Here I am now, watching her sleep with her body draped over mine like she is my own personal blanket and all I want to do is leave her apartment. The need to get away from this feeling starts to creep up on me. I can feel the tightness in my chest the more I think about it. It’s funny when I am out on a call and someone is pointing a gun at me I feel no real panic. But here when I am holding the one thing that means so much to me, all I want to do is run. Like a fucking coward. Like my father.
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