I felt my phone vibrate in my pants pocket. I’d shut the ringer off earlier when Sean had started messaging me. Chris had been asleep in his chair so I didn’t want to wake him. I also hadn’t wanted him asking questions.
Goodnight, beautiful, the message said. I undid my jeans and let them hit the floor as I decided how I wanted to respond.
Goodnight, was what I finally settled on. I wasn’t necessarily encouraging him but I wasn’t ignoring him either. Part of me wondered if he would change his mind. That suddenly he’d realize there were much prettier and more readily available women out there he could be flirting with. Ones that didn’t have little girls, a husband and more baggage than he probably knew what to do with. After a little thought, why wouldn’t he change his mind? I’d just enjoy the attention while I could get it but try not to take it to heart too much. It most certainly would be fleeting and I would be right back where I was before Sean showed back up.
I recalled the way his hand would linger on me as we made cookies. The way my belly had stirred when he’d kissed me. I tugged my shirt over my head and looked at myself in the full length mirror. My hands moved to the scar across my abdomen, disfiguring me. I hated the way my body looked now. Thick thighs, a rounded belly and breasts that were large but lifeless. But when Sean looked at me, touched me and caressed my skin… I didn’t feel that way. I felt young and sexy. Desirable even.
Turning from the mirror I removed my bra. I picked up my phone and deleted the messages from Sean. As I got to the last one, I allowed my mind to visualize him lying in bed next to me. Rolling over to give me a good night kiss he’d say, “Good night, beautiful.” Then, he’d kiss my lips before my forehead.
I’d drape my arm over his side, snuggling up to him. He’d be warm and smell of something manly and sexy. My hand would graze along his back, feeling his muscles ripple as he moved. I’d be able to feel his low moan as he began to want me.
My hand dipped into my panties, finding my slick folds. I Imagined it was his fingers there rather than mine. Fingers moving forward and backward, round and round. My clit growing harder as the moisture pooled between my legs.
I imagined him sliding my underwear off so that he could have easier access. His fingers would slide back and push inside me. I continued to touch myself as I thought about him doing the same to me. My fingers mimicking the movements I imagined, making me close my eyes in ecstasy. I leaned back against the dryer, as I delved deeper into my fantasy.
I could almost feel his hair between my fingers as I imagined running them through it. He’d kiss me along my neck and collarbone, making me lose all control of myself. I’d wrap my leg around his hip and hid slid his erect member between my folds. Teasing at first, making sure I was ready for him. Then, when he was sure I was ready for it, he’d push deep inside.
My legs began to tremble as I felt myself on the edge of orgasm. My fingers were working furiously as it built, making me feel weak. If Chris had walked in, there would be no way to stop. I was too close. Finally, I shuddered my release until I nearly collapsed on the floor. I was panting and my heart was beating a million times per minute. Quickly I tugged on my pjs and left the bathroom.
I couldn’t believe how amazing that had felt. How long had it been since I’d had an orgasm like that? Hell, since I had even bothered to touch myself? I made my way through the darkened house to the kitchen where I poured myself a glass of ice water. My thoughts were running through my mind so quickly I almost couldn’t keep up. What was I doing? I had to be tip-toeing a line with what I was doing. I shook my head. What I’d done was stupid. What if Chris had caught me? I couldn’t imagine thinking of someone while masterbating was going to really help me not become attached. It was foolish. I had to stop it all. Chris may not be perfect, but he was still my husband. I had to remember that. I needed to put as much distance between me and Sean as I could. That was the only way I could keep my head straight.
Who was this woman, anyway? Was I really wanting to pull my family apart? No. I couldn’t do that to Avery. Chris may not show her a bunch of attention, but she loved her father. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. That was it then. I wouldn’t send any more messages to Sean. When he finally sends one to me, I will tell him that we have to stop. Resolving to put it all behind me, I washed my glass and put it away.
Climbing back into bed, I was overwhelmed with the smell of his alcohol breath. He was facing my side of the bed and breathing with his mouth open. I sighed and turned my back to him before cuddling down into the blankets and closing my eyes. Before long, I drifted into a deep and dreamless sleep.
Chapter 8
Sean
I had just shut off the tv and started getting ready for bed when my phone rang. It was Dad.
“Hey Dad,” I said as I answered the phone.
“Hello, Sean. Sorry to call so late, your mother just went to sleep.”
“Not a problem. What’s going on?” I sat back down in my chair as Cash nuzzled my hand.
“Do you think you can come visit for a day or so? I know it’s the middle of the week, but your mom’s been a bit down. I can give you some money for your lost wages if you need it. I just really think having you around for a day or so would lift her spirits.”
“Sure, Dad. I’ll talk to my boss tomorrow and see what he says. I’m sure he won’t have a problem with it,” I said.
“That would be great, son. Thank you,” he said. “It really means a lot to me.”
“Not a problem. I’ll let you know when I’ll be leaving tomorrow.”
We hung up and a million thoughts were going through my head. Should I tell Lily? Why is my mother so upset? Did she know something she wasn’t saying? I called Cash and headed to the bedroom. After climbing under the covers I decided not to say anything to Lily. She had her own problems going on, I didn’t need to add to them. Besides, it was my mother. She didn’t need to stress about it. I would be back before she even knew it. I shifted down into my blankets and settled in. I’d be back before she knew it.
Chapter 9
Lily
I went a few days before my issue with Sean really came to light again. He messaged me here and there, but nothing over the top or flirty. I had actually convinced myself he’d moved on when I received another message. It was simple but brought a smile to my face.
How’s life been treating you? It said.
“Who’s that?” my mother asked when I checked my phone.
“Oh, just a friend,” I said simply as I sent back. Good, you?
“I haven’t seen you smile that way in a long time,” she said softly.
I looked up at her, shocked. “You’ve seen me smile.”
“Well, of course. Not quite like that, though. That one went all the way up to your eyes. Whoever it was, they mean something to you,” she observed.
“He’s just an old friend that has shown back up,” I said. “Nothing more.”
“Uh-huh,” she said nodding. “You may be fooling yourself, but you can’t fool your mother.”
I put my phone down, crossing my arms as I leaned back on the swing. We were sitting outside in her back yard as Avery played on the swing set.
“I think you’re imagining things,” I insisted. My mother often tried to give me relationship advice when it came to my marriage with Chris. I usually balked at what she said, but I would still listen. I didn’t want to admit that most of the time, she was right. Maybe it was just age and experience, or perhaps, she could see something I couldn’t.
“Tell me something, this old friend… Did he used to mean something to you?” she inquired.
“Maybe,” I hinted.
“Are you happy now with Chris? Don’t just say what you think you should be saying. Take a minute and really think about it.” My mother turned away from me, allowing me time to my thoughts. Her blonde hair was pulled up into a ponytail, her lined face free of makeup that morning. She always seemed so beautiful and wise to me. I saw her jaw working, and I
knew what that meant. She was biting back more that she wanted to say.
“What is it, Mom?” I asked as I took her hand. We continued to swing slowly on the old creaky swing. Each movement providing a rhythmic groan of the chains that actually made me feel more relaxed.
“I had never planned on telling you,” she finally said. “It didn’t seem pertinent, I guess.” My mother heaved a huge sigh that seemed strong enough to dislodge whatever it was that she had held back for so long. “I was actually married before your father,” she said.
“What?” I asked, shocked. “To who?”
“That doesn’t really matter. It didn’t lat long. He turned out to be not the person I thought he was. Over time, he began to drink more and more often. He always had an excuse. Sometimes he would go to the bar with his friends and come home whenever he felt like it. Others, he would it in the house and get drunk all alone. I didn’t see the signs at first. There was no internet for you to search for others going through the same thing you were. You suffered in silence.” She admitted.
We sat quietly for a while, both lost in our own thoughts while appearing to watch Avery slide down the yellow plastic slide over and over. Squealing with delight each time.
“I’m not saying Chris will end up like this, and lord knows it’s your life so it’s not for me to say. But I love you and that little girl over there more than I could ever say. Words just don’t express that kind of love.” My mother turned to me and took my hand. “You watch him. Watch him like a hawk. If he ever says he’s going to hurt you, believe him. Don’t wait for proof.”
“Why are you bringing this up now?” I asked, confused.
“You said this friend is a man. I can see he makes you happy. It’ won’t take long before Chris notices, too. If he’s anything like what I’ve experienced, he won’t take kindly to it,” she warned.
“Chris isn’t like that,” I said defending him. Hearing the words come out of my mouth, I began to wonder how many other women said those exact words and later took them back. I’d seen the glares, the sideways glances from him from time to time. Mainly when he drank hard liquor.
My mother lifted her hands in defense. “I’m not saying he is. It’s just, you’re my baby and that’s my grandbaby. I’d do anything to protect you but I know you have your own choices to make. The man I knew didn’t seem like the kind to do that, either. But then one night he was.”
“Grandma, Grandma! I want to show you something,” Avery said as she ran up to us and took my mother's hand.
“What is it, sweetie?” she said, her focus shifting.
“Come look!” Avery squealed as she pulled her grandma away from the swing.
I sat there, watching the two giggle and laugh while mulling over what my mother had said. She wouldn’t just say something like that for no reason. If she’d gone this long without telling me about being married before to an abusive alcoholic, there was a purpose to saying so now. Did she see something that I didn’t? Were there warning signs that I was just too blind to see?
Watching my mother and my daughter play with a butterfly, I thought about both Chris and Sean. Would Chris start to see something between Sean and I? Nothing had been happening and he was aware that Sean would text me off and on. He never seemed threatened by it.
Mom came back to the swing, puffing and out of breath. “Does this friend of yours have plans for the three day weekend?” she asked.
“I’m not really sure,” I said. “Why?”
“Well, if he’s a good friend and he’s alone this weekend, why not invite him to the barbecue?” she asked, arching one eyebrow.
“You wouldn’t mind?” I asked.
“If he means something to you, in any way, he’s important to me,” she said simply.
“I’ll send him a message later and find out,” I said.
* * *
It was almost lunch time when I finally sent a message to Sean. Avery and I had made it back home and she was now cheerfully eating her chicken nuggets while watching her favorite cartoon.
Punching in the message and hitting send, my mother's words were still swimming around in my brain. Chris had liked having Sean over that first night because I left him alone. He’d said he didn’t mind having him around, maybe that was a good sign. Granted, he didn’t know Sean had been flirting with me but I felt like that was probably old news. He would still call me some sort of pet name on occasion, but we hadn’t seen much of each other recently. The warning behind my moms words seemed to have lost their strength and I worried less.
Do you have any plans this weekend? I sent him.
I sat my phone down and walked away, sure I probably wouldn’t get an answer for a while. To my surprise, it ringed with a response almost instantly.
None. All my family lives too far away, he answered.
My family is having a barbecue over at my parents house. My mother invited you if you aren’t too busy, I replied.
Love to! Can I stop by for a minute? His message said.
Sure, I said.
“Honey, a friend is going to be stopping by for a moment,” I told Avery. Her eyes never left the television, she simply nodded.
It wasn’t long before there was a knock on the door. I still hadn’t been able to change out of my lazy day clothes of a pair of sweats and an old tee shirt. My hair was still in it’s messy bun. Oh well, I thought. Seeing me in my natural state will definitely deter him.
When I opened the door, I wasn’t prepared for just how handsome he looked. I couldn’t put my finger on what was different, but he was looking really good. Perhaps it was the dark blue shirt that was making his eyes seem to stand out. His dark hair shone in the sunlight and his smile was infectious.
“Hey,” I said as he stepped inside. “This is my daughter, Avery. Avery, this is my friend Sean.”
She looked over at him and waved. “Hi Sean! Do you like chicken nuggets?”
Sean sat down next to Avery on the couch and smiled. “I love chicken nuggets,” he said.
“Mommy, can I share my nuggets with him? I’m getting full.”
“Well, sure. But Sean probably doesn’t want your nuggets, honey,” I began. I looked at him, “You really don’t have to…,” I began.
Avery held out a nugget to Sean and he eagerly took it and popped it in his mouth. “Wow, that’s a good nugget,” he said as he dramatically rubbed his stomach.
“I know, Mommy makes the best chicken nuggets ever,” she said beaming. “Mommy, get him some juice like me? Please?” she asked using her best manners. I nodded and went to the kitchen to pour another glass of juice. I could hear Avery talking to him but I couldn’t make out what they were saying over the sound of the tv. I smiled as I heard Sean laughed one of his big hearty laughs. I quickly returned with the glass of juice for Sean and smiled as I placed it in front of him.
“Thank you,” he said as he took a sip.
Avery passed him another nugget before looking at me. “You can go do whatever you need to do, Mommy. Sean is watching cartoons with me,” she said with a big yawn.
“I don’t think he came over to watch cartoons, Avery,” I pointed out.
She leaned against him and yawned again. “Maybe not, but he likes them. Don’t you?” she said turning to look up into his eyes.
He smiled back down at her before looking at me. “I’m fine, really. If there’s something you need to do, go ahead. We can chat in a little bit.”
I nodded and disappeared to the laundry room. I switched the laundry and folded what was in the dryer before picking up the toys in my daughters room. By the way she was yawning, I knew that nap time was right around the corner. There was nothing worse than trying to carry a sleeping child through a room littered with toys.
By the time I made it back to the front room, Avery was curled up on Sean’s lap fast asleep.
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” I said apologizing. I rushed to get her but he waved me off.
“I’ve got it. Where do you want her
?” he asked. I motioned for him to follow me and he stood, cradling my daughter in his arms. He followed to her room and I motioned to the bed. Ever so gently, he laid her down on the bed before covering her up with a blanket.
“She’s a cute kid,” he whispered as we stepped out of the room.
“That little girl is my everything,” I admitted. “I don’t know what I’d do without her.” I suddenly felt very conscious of how I looked. “I’m sorry I look so rough today. I wasn’t expecting company and I just haven’t managed to do much but visit with my mother.”
“You look just as gorgeous as ever,” he said taking my hand and pulling me closer. “I’m sorry I haven’t been able to visit much lately. Work has been busy.”
“Speaking of, are you going to be in trouble?” I asked.
His gaze moved to my lips as he shook his head. “I’ll be fine. They sent me to run a few errands. I’ve been working on the old Speck farm outside of town. They don’t expect me until later.”
“Oh,” was all I could think of to say. “So the barbecue is on Saturday at one if you can make it. I’ll text you the address later,” I said suddenly very aware of how very close he was.
“I’ll make it,” he said. “If you want me to.” His eyes left my lips and met my gaze. “I’ve missed you.”
Those old conflicting emotions began to rear their head again. I wanted so much to lean into him and just be in thi moment with him. I wanted to forget the long nights I cried myself to sleep because Chris had gotten drunk on liquor and said hateful things, knowing he wouldn’t remember in the morning. Every time I had to do things on my own, simply because Chris didn’t want to. Like doctors appointments, pictures, even Christmas shopping. I was always doing it on my own. I hadn’t realized just how much of a strain it had put on me until that moment. Having someone standing before me, willing to take away all the pain, even if just for a few moments.
Friends with benefits: Erotica Page 4
