Hours. I’d be hours away.
Fucking sucked.
I lay in bed for a while, wishing I could close my eyes and go back to sleep. I’d dreamt of taking Bree on another date. I was pretty sure we went to the zoo, because I swore I remembered seeing tigers or something—that part was probably only because I’d just watched that documentary on Netflix.
Yeah, if there was one good thing about taking an impromptu vacation away from your life, it was the fact you could finally catch up on all of the shows the entire world had already seen.
But, anyway, back to the dream. After the zoo, we’d somehow wound up at my apartment. All alone, no Trent to be seen. Just me and her, and my greedy hands and mouth. The only thing that would beat that dream would be reality, but I knew, if Bree and I ever got to that point, it would be different. She was a virgin, after all, and I bet she’d feel the most self-conscious she’d ever felt in her life.
I shouldn’t let myself think about that. That was getting way ahead of myself, almost outrageously so. What I should do was get up, pack my car, take a quick rinse in the shower, and leave. Tell Mom and Kyle goodbye, and then head to her house to tell her the same.
I…I didn’t want to leave her. I really didn’t, but I had to. I had a job to get back to, a life I had to clean up. Trent was on the lease for another six months, so I’d have to figure out how to deal with that. I would be okay with him moving out, but then I’d be on the hook for the rent myself, whereas right now, we split it, along with all of the other bills.
One thing at a time. First I had to say goodbye.
It took me about an hour to get up and get everything done. Kyle was still half-asleep when I said goodbye to him, and Mom was in the process of getting ready for work, too. They’d both see me again soon, but they were not the ones who I didn’t want to say goodbye to. I was twenty-five years old, so being apart from my family was something I was used to, now.
But Bree? I didn’t think I’d ever get used to being apart from her. I wanted to hold her every second of every day and make her believe all the things I told her. Somehow, she’d wrapped me around her finger without knowing it. I bet she had no idea how crazy she made me feel.
After all, I just got out of a terrible relationship. It wasn’t good to jump into a new one so fast, right? Still, even knowing that, I couldn’t change what I wanted—and that was Bree. Bree Stone, the pink-haired, green-eyed girl with a heart full of sorrow and self-depreciation.
I didn’t text Bree that I was on my way over; I’d never seen her so early in the day. She’d probably think something was wrong. It was just before eleven that I pulled up to her house, sitting back in my seat and staring at it for a few minutes before getting out. I knew she’d be here; she said she had no life.
Gathering my nerves, I headed up to the door and knocked. An older man answered it: her dad. Mr. Stone was a man with thinning brown hair and a greying goatee, along with eyes that were a bit more blue than green.
“Mr. Stone,” I said, offering him my hand since this was the first time I’d met him. “I’m Calum Renolds.”
“Ah, yes,” he said, taking my hand and shaking it vigorously. “Kyle’s brother…and the one who took Bree out a few times. Is she expecting you?”
When he finally released my hand from the handshake, I let it fall to my side as I shook my head. “She is not. I’m not here to stay long. I just wanted to see her for a bit.”
Mr. Stone stepped aside, wordlessly inviting me in. “She’s upstairs, in her room.” When I thought he’d say something else, something along the lines of leave the door open or something else threatening that a father might say to protect his daughter, he simply walked away.
I wasn’t going to complain. I was a little old to hear threats like that, and Bree was twenty years old. We were both old enough to decide what we wanted to do.
I brought myself up the stairs, not knowing what room was hers. The first room was closed, so I took the chance and knocked. A soft voice told me to come in, so I peeked my head inside first, just to make sure it was her.
And it was.
Bree sat at her desk, working on a laptop. When she saw it was me entering her room, her eyebrows furrowed and she slowly got up.
I closed the door behind me, hoping to give us some privacy for this. I didn’t know how she would take me leaving, and I didn’t know how to break it to her gently. If anything, I wanted to reassure her, to make her see that just because I was going back home didn’t mean I would automatically remove myself from her life. I wanted Bree to believe in us.
That was probably too much to hope for, since she didn’t even believe in herself. It was okay, though, because I’d be strong enough, bold enough, stubborn enough for the both of us.
“Calum,” she said, tilting her head as she studied me. She wore some kind of black pants, not quite leggings but definitely not jeans, along with her typical oversized sweater. Today her pink hair was drawn to a single shoulder, haphazardly braided and kept tied with a black band. “What are you doing here?” She did not rush to my side, didn’t rush to hug me or kiss me like another girl might’ve. She simply stood there, staring, waiting for me to explain myself.
“I came to see you,” I said, stepping closer. “I needed to see you, actually.”
Bree looked at me like I was crazy. “We just saw each other last night.”
“I know. There’s something I didn’t tell you last night, though.” I ran a hand through my hair, watching her expression change. Almost instantly, she looked so sad, it hurt me to see her stare at me like that.
I reached for her, and she allowed me to take her hand and pull her toward her bed, where I sat. Just on its edge, not completely. I didn’t want her to get any wrong ideas here. Bree sat beside me, our knees grazing each other’s, and I held onto her hand, refusing to let it go.
Her hand was so much smaller than mine, her fingers slender and pale, her nails cut short. Not a freckle anywhere to be seen. Almost like a child’s hand in mine, every part of it smooth and soft. I held onto her like the world depended on it, like I would lose her forever if I let her go.
It might be easier to let her go. It might be easier for the both of us if I cut this off, trampled and discarded these budding feelings inside, but that wasn’t what I wanted. Even if this would be hard, even if this would be the most difficult thing I’d ever had to do in my life, I wanted to keep Bree with me. I wanted to be in her life and her to be in mine. I would be enough strength for the both of us.
“It’s nothing bad,” I told her, trying to ease the tension I could feel seeping from her. “I just…I’m heading back home today.” Figured it would be best to just out and say it, get it over with. To prolong this would only lead her to think of everything else that I could possibly say and have her needlessly worried.
Her expression fell somewhat. “Oh.”
I tugged on her hand, causing her to lean into me. “That doesn’t mean anything, though. I meant what I said before. I still want to see you, Bree.”
The look she gave me right then told me she didn’t believe me, and I responded by using my free hand to cup her cheek and tilt her head, planting my lips on hers. I hoped this kiss told her all my words couldn’t.
Bree turned to mush in my hands, leaning into me, sighing into my mouth as her lips turned pliant and willing. I released her hand, pulling her onto my lap as I kissed her harder, wrapping my arms around her back and holding her against me, soft enough not to hurt her, but tight enough that she could not escape.
And she wouldn’t. I would not let this girl go. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever.
After a while, I pulled my mouth off hers, opening my eyes just a hair to see her already staring up at me, her lips a tad redder than they were before, her cheeks beautifully flushed with heat. “If you think that just because I’m going home means this is over, you’re wrong.” I tangled my fingers into her hair, swiping my thumb along the curve of her cheekbone. “I’ve never do
ne long-distance before. I never wanted to. But for you…for you I would, for you I will.”
Bree set a hand on my chest, running it along the fabric of my shirt as she gazed up at me with eyes that were too innocent, too wide and sad for their own good.
“I like you too much to let you go,” I added, hugging her harder, feeling her shiver against me. She buried her face in the crook of my neck, breathing me in, and I simply held her, refusing to let her go.
For now, at least, we could stay like this. For a little while.
Alas, even the tender, quiet moments had to end. Such was life. I hated the fact that I had to help Bree off me, had to let her go and feel a coldness where her body had been, but I had to. I had to go home, had to fix my life. Things would get better, though. With this girl by my side, everything would get better.
“I’ll text you when I’m home, okay?”
Bree nodded, and I gave her a quick peck on the cheek before leaving. I waved goodbye to her parents, who were in the living room, and I headed to the front door, feeling good about it. Bree might not believe me yet, but hopefully in time she would. Hopefully in time she’d come to trust me, know that I meant everything I said. I—
All of my thoughts stopped the moment I stepped outside and found myself staring at another guy getting out of his car. He’d parked in the driveway, right behind Bree’s car. He had a backpack slung over his shoulder, and he looked positively thrilled to be here.
Was he here to see Michelle? Kyle hadn’t mentioned anything about her working with another guy…
Light brown hair that seemed to sparkle golden in the sun, a clean-cut jaw that was more square than anything. When he got closer, I could see his eyes were a dark amber, and the moment they locked on me, his legs halted.
He was a handsome guy, I guess. Kyle would be jealous if Michelle had to work with him.
The other guy narrowed his eyes at me somewhat, and he soon met me on the pathway just below the porch. I had no idea why he stared at me like he didn’t like me, but as long as he wasn’t making any moved on my brother’s girl, we were fine.
“Let me guess,” the newcomer spoke, grinning a dimpled smile. “Calum, right? You know, I always wondered, what kind of name is Calum anyways?”
Wait a minute. How the heck did this guy know me?
“Who are you?” I questioned, feeling the need to flex my muscles.
“Ah, so Bree kept me to herself,” he went on, his grin widening. “Interesting. Kind of makes me wonder if she likes me more than she likes you. Not going to lie, it feels pretty good.”
Hold the fucking phone. Bree? This kid was here for Bree? I felt my heart start to race in my chest. The way he spoke her name, the way he was happy to learn she’d kept him to herself…did he like her, too?
And, of course, I wondered right after that: did she like him? Bree never told me she was seeing someone else. Granted, I never asked, but I didn’t think I had to.
Did I have competition?
“I’m Mason,” the newcomer spoke, still grinning that annoying proud grin, like he thought he had me beaten. “I’m in one of Bree’s classes. We’re also partners for a group project, so, you know, we’ll be seeing lots of each other in the future.” He walked around me, saying nothing else as he headed to the house.
I turned, watching him go in without even knocking. How many times had he been here? How much time had he spent with her? Suddenly I felt insecure about my relationship with Bree. How could I possibly beat someone who saw her damn near every day? I’d be hours away. I couldn’t…
No. Insecure wasn’t me. The way Bree reacted to me, how she felt in my arms…it was right. No matter what happened, no matter what that idiot Mason thought might be between them, it was nothing compared to what was between Bree and me.
Bree was mine, even if she wasn’t technically my girlfriend. That freak Mason would realize it soon enough, because even though I might be going home, I would never give up on this girl.
Chapter Twelve – Bree
Michelle sat on the end of my bed, wearing her pajamas. Tonight was an odd night for her; she wasn’t hanging with Kyle. Nights like that were far and few between. Her blonde hair was pulled back in a bun, and she’d already taken off her makeup for the day. Her azure stare was on me, twinkling, knowing everything about everything, and yet she still felt like she had to ask.
“What are you going to do?”
I said nothing for a while, leaning back against my headboard. Calum had gone home a few days ago, but he’d been texting me nonstop. He’d even made time to call and talk at night. We stayed on the phone for over an hour yesterday, which was very weird, because I was not the easiest person to hold a conversation with.
Heck, I had no idea why he was trying so hard, but he was. I did wonder if it was because he’d run into Mason on his way out.
Oh, yeah. Mason had told me all about it, and he told me the story with a huge grin on his face. I’d been so shocked that I hadn’t said much at all during the few hours we worked on our project. I also had been pretty quiet during class, but like always, Mason made up for my silence.
Still jealous, though I think he thought he had it in the bag, since Calum had gone home.
What did he think he had in the bag? Me.
I had no idea why these two were so adamant about me, because really, there was nothing special about me. Nothing worth fighting over, but they seemed content to keep trying.
Michelle, of course, loved the drama. She liked hearing about both of my, to use her words, would-be suitors. It was as she sat on my bed and asked me what I was going to do that I realized she was probably right. I had to do something. We couldn’t go on like this.
As I remained silent, Michelle went on, “If you would’ve asked me two months ago if my sister would be stuck in a love triangle, I would’ve laughed. But here you are, in the middle of Cute and Cuter.” I had no idea which one was supposed to be which, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.
A love triangle. Was that what this was? Was I stuck between two guys, and in the end I’d be forced to choose? Or maybe one of them would get sick and tired of the indecision on my part and leave, and thereby making my decision easier.
But then it probably wouldn’t be too long before the other one left, too. They both might claim they wanted to stick around, but I knew better. I knew, in the end, neither one would. Who would want to stay by my side for that long? I couldn’t even stomach myself.
“No hard feelings if you like Mason better. He is cute, and from what I hear, funny,” Michelle went on. “Calum’s a big boy, he’ll get over it.”
I shook my head a bit, not knowing what the hell I was going to do.
“Or do you like Calum better? He is older, and he’s out of the partying stage—although it doesn’t seem like Mason’s in that stage, either.” It was something she’d know, since she was knee-deep in that stage of her life herself.
“I don’t know who I like better,” I said, wondering if that made me a bad person. I didn’t know how many times I’d kissed Calum now…and Mason—he hadn’t made a move on me after his sudden kiss, but I knew he was dying to. I knew, if I gave him the go-ahead, he would gladly kiss me again. “I like them both.”
“I hear ya.”
“No, you don’t. You’re all for Kyle.”
“You’re right,” Michelle said, shrugging. “But still, I can see their appeal. I mean, I like both chips and cookies, you know? I wouldn’t want to choose, either.”
It was then I had a silly thought—and it was the silliest thought I could possibly have in this situation—but what if I didn’t choose? What if I refused to? How long could we go on like this? Perhaps that would be better than outright choosing one.
At this point, I didn’t want to choose. They both made my heart act up, both made my body feel a strange kind of desperate and needy. They made me feel things I never dreamt I would, and if I was honest with myself, it was a nice feeling. To be wanted, to be neede
d by someone else…there were no words for it.
In the end, I would be heartbroken, I knew, either way, if I chose or if I didn’t choose.
“Maybe you won’t have to,” my sister said, picking at her nails.
I wanted to laugh, but I didn’t. All I could do was say, “You’re saying maybe Mason and Calum will both be happy to be with me at the same time?” The thought seemed so far out of the ordinary that I couldn’t even picture it.
Hell, I couldn’t even picture one guy staying happy with me, let alone two. Two just seemed like an alien equation.
Michelle said, “You never know. Guess you’ll have to wait and see. Now, I’ll leave you alone. I know you’re dying to lay down and stare off into the void.” Her voice took on a dramatic tone, and I had to roll my eyes—even if she was right. She rolled off my bed and left my room.
Heaving a sigh, I went to turn off the lights and get under the covers. My phone was already beneath my pillow, charging. Had to change the ringer to silent, because with the amount that Calum was texting me, it was going off constantly. It took every ounce of willpower in me to not roll over and check it.
Mason texted me a bit more now, too, actually. And not just about the project. He’d taken to asking me how my day was, telling me goodnight, texting me good morning. I mean, was all of this normal? Was this what everyone else did when they were dating or tiptoeing around getting into a relationship? I had no idea. I had no experience. All of this was new to me, as new as something could possibly be.
And the worst part about this was the fact that I knew none of it would last. I was so torn—so unbelievably torn because I knew this wouldn’t go on forever, and yet I wanted it to. I didn’t want to have to say goodbye to Mason or Calum. If there was ever a time in my life when I wanted to be selfish, when I wanted to be optimistic and hope for something good, it was now.
Maybe it was silly, maybe it was stupid, maybe other people would think I was a sad excuse of a human, but this was the first time I ever really, really wanted something for myself. Another person. Two of them, at the same time.
Sounds of Silence: A Contemporary Romance Page 14
