by M. D. Grimm
But not if he stayed here. He looked around and knew he had to leave. The Agency meant well, but this place, their scents, they were too much like the other place. The bad place―the place where all this began. The voice thrived on those sensory memories, and if he was to get rid of that voice, he had to leave. Now.
Closing his eyes, Xavier focused on his breathing. He remembered what it was like to have fingers, to feel his hair brush against his eyes. He focused on his dulled senses, the sensation of walking upright. Slowly and steadily, he shifted back into human form, the change natural. Yet it still exhausted him. He knelt on the floor, slightly dizzy. He stared at his hands, at the blood coating them. They were scarred, rough, and slightly bony. His fingers curled into fists.
Who had done this to him? Who had made him into a monster? Who had stolen his life, made him forget his memories from before? Who had put this madness inside him?
He didn’t have any answers. Xavier stared at Josh. But the kid might. Coming to a decision, he stood and walked out of the room. The security system had been compromised. He knew that much. An explosion like that, an alarm should have gone off. But it didn’t. Xavier knew, in his gut, that he had time. A little time before backup came. If backup was coming at all. There might be a silent alarm, but the attackers hadn’t been amateurs. They’d cut all electricity to this place, after all.
He stepped delicately over debris strewn across the floor, careful where he put his feet, and searched for a bathroom. His own was damaged by the explosion. He found it quickly, through the break room, and scrubbed himself clean. His movements were mechanical, efficient. He hardly thought about what he was doing; he just did it. He splashed himself with hot water and dragged soapy hands through his hair. He really was a mess. Using paper towels to dry off, he walked back into the room that had been his home for who-knew-how-long.
He stepped carelessly over those he’d dismembered and continued over to where they kept his spare garments and put them on, knowing he would have to find better clothing before long. There were no shoes, but Xavier easily stepped over the debris again.
He went directly over to Josh, carefully lifted the kid, and slung him over his shoulder. The poor kid probably had a mild concussion. Xavier still remembered the sight, the noise, of Josh smacking his head against the plexiglass. Xavier bared his teeth, his wolf crouching. Before he shifted again, Xavier shook himself, hard. Focus. He needed to stay focused.
Proceeding over to the locked cabinet, Xavier fished the keys out of Josh’s pocket and opened the doors. He found a treasure trove of weapons and set Josh on the floor to grab as many as he could. He’d smelled the metal, the gunpowder. Even in human form, his senses were heightened, but still dull compared to his wolf’s senses.
Xavier realized, after handling all the weapons with skill and efficiency, that he must have done something like this before he was taken. But what? His memories of his early life were fuzzy. Then again, so were his memories during his time of insanity―as he considered it. His only real, distinct memory was waking up in that cage with a short, blue-eyed man staring at him from the other side.
“My name is Agent Poe,” the man had said, his voice steady and calm. Hard. “I don’t know if you can understand me, but you are safe. You won’t be hurting anyone, and no one will hurt you here. Can you tell me your name?”
But Xavier couldn’t tell Agent Poe his name. He didn’t know it at the time. He’d only remembered his name a couple of days ago.
Shaking away those thoughts, ordering himself to focus on the present, Xavier considered Josh’s key ring. There were many keys on it, but one he recognized as a vehicle key. Perfect.
Leaving Josh and the weapons, Xavier walked carefully through the mess. He glanced briefly at the fallen light, up to the ceiling, then back down at the floor. How did that fall? It was well beyond the blast radius of both explosions. Strange. He shrugged and continued walking.
The front doors looked untouched by explosion, which meant those black-clothed invaders must have hacked their way inside. Xavier stepped outside and instantly swung his head away from the searing sun. He blinked, his eyes stinging. He threw his arm up to block the rays. Half blind, he struggled to look around. It didn’t take him long to spot the truck sitting alone in the driveway in front of the building. People still walked up and down the street, going about their business.
The building must have some great soundproofing to keep several bomb blasts hidden. Xavier didn’t have a problem with that.
The next few minutes went by quickly. He hauled Josh―gently and careful of his head―into the cab of the truck before shoving the rifles and axe behind the seat. He tucked a handgun in his waistband, making sure the safety was on, and grabbed as much food and supplies as he could from the break room. He covered the guns and axe with the tarp, just in case someone happened to look into the cab. He packed the food efficiently in the back and covered it with another tarp, tying it securely together. His movements were automatic, as if he’d done this many times before. Xavier tried not to wonder why he had this sort of knowledge. His memories would come back, just like his name. Whether he wanted them to or not.
Starting the truck, he backed out of the parking lot and sped down the road.
After making a quick stop at a tourist information booth, Xavier grabbed a couple of roadmaps and pulled over at a rest stop to look them over. He had just planned out his course of action when Josh stirred beside him in the cab. He froze. Josh slowly sat up and blinked, looking around. He appeared a little dazed, which was to be expected. Josh was slightly dirty and his clothes were disheveled, but not enough to draw attention to himself. He looked like he’d gotten into a scuffle. There was a dark bump on his forehead above his right eye from where he’d rapped against the plexiglass, and a thin red line ran across his neck, the blood now dry. But his movement reopened the small wound. Xavier realized his hands were clenched into fists and consciously loosened them.
The scent of Josh’s blood made his wolf growl, thirsting for retribution, despite the perpetrators already being dead.
The redhead suddenly turned, and that light blue gaze came to rest on Xavier himself. Josh’s eyes widened, and he cringed back against the passenger door. Xavier knew he’d gotten the blood and gore off in the Agency’s restroom. Though he was sure he still looked wild.
“It’s all right,” Xavier said softly. “You’re all right.”
“Where are we?” Josh asked, demanding. “Where have you taken me?”
“You need to calm down,” Xavier said, noticing the high pitch of Josh’s voice. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
Josh swallowed. “Yeah, okay. Sure. Um. Can you let me go?”
Xavier decided the only way to keep Josh with him was to offer full disclosure. He’d learned a lot about Josh during his time in that cage. He was certain Josh hadn’t been aware he’d been capable of understanding the entire time. He’d learned Josh’s thoughts and fears, his desire to become an agent. His devotion to helping shifters. The fact that he was an orphan. Xavier would use all that, everything he could think of, to keep Josh with him.
“I can’t,” Xavier said slowly. “I need you.”
“Need me? Why?” Josh was very pale, and that worried Xavier. The nasty bruise on his forehead stood out starkly. They should get some ice on that. “You’re free, right? That’s what you wanted. I need to go back and report to the Agency. The Knights―”
Xavier narrowed his eyes when Josh snapped his mouth shut. “The Knights? Who are the Knights?”
“I―um… nobody,” Josh finished lamely.
Xavier continued to stare hard at him, and the kid finally relented.
“Look, the Knights are an organization that wants to eradicate shifters. They’re the ones who did… whatever they did to you. They messed with your head. Those three people who you… killed… they were members of the Knights.”
Xavier nodded slowly.
“Look”—there was a plea in Jos
h’s voice—”you don’t need me anymore, right? I can just―”
“But I do need you.” Xavier lashed out and gripped Josh’s hand. Josh flinched but, to his credit, didn’t try to escape or attack. “You said they did something to my head. Well, they did.” Xavier gripped Josh’s hand in both of his, urging the kid to understand. “There is a voice in my head, Josh. A voice that orders me to kill my own kind. To kill shifters.”
Josh shuddered out a breath. He was trembling.
“I don’t want to kill shifters, Josh. I never did. I don’t know why… it doesn’t matter. The point is, I need you because you shut the voice up!”
Josh’s jaw dropped. “I what?”
Xavier smiled humorlessly. He was desperate, and he detested it, but it couldn’t be helped.
“You drown the voice out, Josh. I don’t know why or how, but you do. When you talked to me while I was in the cage, I realized I could think once again. I could hear my own thoughts. I could hear my wolf once more.”
That had been the best thing of all. Not only did the voice take away his sanity and control, it controlled his wolf, his twin spirit. His primal brother. But when he’d shifted hours before and ripped those knights to shreds, he had been in control of his wolf. He’d felt that spirit once more. That strength, that love. He and his wolf knew each other again.
“But―”
“I need you, Josh.” Xavier squeezed the kid’s hand. “I need you to keep me sane so I can figure out what I’m going to do.”
“But the Agency―”
“Didn’t I tell you?” Xavier’s patience was running thin. “Didn’t I say that they can’t help me? I can’t be caged anymore. Do you understand that? I can’t be a specimen anymore. I can’t stand to be in a place where all the scents remind me of that place where they… changed me. I can’t.”
“But I can’t stay with you.” Josh lightly touched the back of Xavier’s hand. “Not like this. The Agency will be looking for me. And you. You know what you did, right? They won’t want you to be a danger to anyone.”
“You will keep me from harming anyone.” Xavier was ready to beg if he had to. He let his guard completely down. He met Josh’s gaze. He let Josh see his desperation, his determination to heal, to make amends. To change.
“I won’t be a danger if the voice stays quiet. You do that for me.”
“I….” Josh lowered his gaze and stared at their hands.
“You said agents help shifters,” Xavier said, using his last argument. “So are you going to help me or not?”
Josh’s hands jerked, but when he met Xavier’s gaze, he appeared determined. He lifted his head and straightened his shoulders. He took a deep breath.
“Fine. We’ll make a deal, then.”
Xavier blinked. “Okay.”
“One month.” Josh leaned forward, and it was Xavier’s turn to be pressured. “I give us one month to find answers before I contact the Agency and tell them where we are. At that time I will give a full evaluation of your recovery, and they will decide whether you are able to be in society.” He paused. “In one month, whether we find all the answers or not, we report back. Deal?”
Xavier wanted to argue. One month? Was he serious? Did he really expect to find all the answers in thirty days? But that was thirty days of the voice being quiet. Thirty days to get his head on straight.
He considered Josh. There was still fear in the kid’s eyes but also strength, and the willingness to help. “Deal.”
Josh exhaled sharply. “Good. Now, I need to send an email to the Agency and let them know I’m alive.”
Xavier nearly exploded. “What―”
“Listen!” Josh gripped Xavier’s shoulders and shook him. He was taken aback by the sudden take-charge attitude Josh projected. Didn’t this kid tremble in terror moments ago? But then he remembered Josh’s courage during the knights’ attack, especially the way he’d wielded that axe. This kid was more than he seemed.
“The Agency will hunt for both of us if they think you’ve kidnapped or killed me. If I email them, tell them I’m safe, I can buy us time. They will still hunt, but the urgency will be less. I need to do this, Xavier. It isn’t negotiable.”
The firm set of Josh’s jaw and the surprising steel in his eyes convinced Xavier there was no point in arguing. And it also hit him that he was most likely getting Josh in trouble with the Agency. This entire situation must be incredibly unorthodox for the kid.
“Fine,” Xavier said.
Josh gave a nod and settled back in the cab. “The local library has computers. I can send the email there. Then we should leave Santa Fe and New Mexico. The Agency will swarm down here when they learn of this.”
Xavier nodded. Before he started the truck, he leaned behind the seat and lifted the lid of a small cooler. He grabbed a small bag of ice and shoved it into Josh’s hands. Josh frowned at it.
“For your head.”
Josh blinked at him. “Oh. Thanks.” He pressed it to his head.
“There’s also aspirin in the glove compartment.”
Josh swallowed hard and pink entered his cheeks. He nodded.
Xavier pulled onto the street. “We’re heading to the Mojave Desert just outside Las Vegas.”
Josh gaped at him.
Xavier smiled sharply. “That’s not negotiable.”
Chapter Three
Josh didn’t know what he’d gotten himself into. He sat silently in the passenger’s seat, staring out the window. The ice against his head helped, so did the aspirin. His stomach was still uneasy, but that faint seemed to have done him good. With several tissues, he’d managed to wipe most of the blood off his neck where that bastard had cut him, as well as his ear where that bitch had shot him. He breathed carefully, trying to make his brain work and think of a plan. The beautiful landscape around them didn’t hold his attention as it usually did. He couldn’t stop himself from glancing frequently at Xavier’s profile. Some of the madness in those remarkable eyes had dimmed, and an intelligent determination had replaced it. That gave Josh some reassurance. But how long would it last?
They’d just left the library, where Josh sent an email to the Agency. He’d used the generic email and addressed it to Agent Poe. He could have emailed Poe directly, but he wanted to buy them some more time to get out of New Mexico. The email would get to Poe in a day or two. It was unlikely anyone would check in on the substation before then, what with the Knights occupying their time and resources.
For once, Josh was actually thankful to be forgotten.
“Um, Xavier? Why are we heading north? Las Vegas is west.”
“If we’re being tracked, we can’t drive straight there. We’ll go through Colorado and Utah. Double back a couple of times. Back roads.”
Josh nodded slowly. That should throw the Agency off their trail. At least for a while. The effectiveness of the plan made Josh wonder about Xavier, about who he’d been before his capture. What kind of man knew things like that?
A silent hour or two passed. Josh stared out the window, not seeing the flat lands, the snow-peaked mountains in the distance, or the squat trees or shrubbery. He barely noticed the historic Pueblo buildings and houses or the people who lived in such a culturally rich location. All those things used to fascinate him, and he would wonder at the people’s stories, the people who lived now, and those who had lived then. But he didn’t wonder now. His mind was occupied with everything wolf shifter.
The truck stopped. Josh looked at Xavier.
“Pull out your card,” he said.
Josh blinked. “My what?”
“Debit card,” Xavier said slowly. Josh stared at him, not completely understanding. Then he looked past Xavier and noticed an ATM across the street from where they’d parked.
“The Agency will be alerted that I used the card,” Josh said as he pulled out his Agency-issued debit card. “I have an account with them and they can track any transaction.”
“I’ll take care of that,” Xavier said simp
ly. “Empty your account.”
Josh took a breath but nodded. They would need money, if nothing else so Xavier could get some better clothing. And shoes. Josh got out of the car and jogged across the street. He felt Xavier’s eyes on him and tried not to look over his shoulder. He didn’t know what it said about him that he thought Xavier was quite attractive. Or could be, if he wore normal clothing that showed off his muscled figure. Cut his hair, maybe.
Josh shook his head. You’re pathetic.
A couple of minutes later, Josh returned. He’d taken several hundred from the account. Hopefully enough to get them where they were going. He got back into the truck, and Xavier pulled out a pocketknife. Josh flinched. Xavier narrowed his eyes.
“Your card.”
Josh handed it over. Then Xavier sliced the card up with his knife.
Josh gaped. “What the hell are you doing?”
“If the Agency is as high-tech as I think it is, they will be able to track this card.” He stuck his hand out of the open window and let the pieces of the card fall from his hand onto the ground. He folded the knife and returned it to his pocket. “Now all they know is that you used the card at this ATM.”
He glanced at the rearview mirror and narrowed his eyes again, this time in thought. He looked over his shoulder. Josh followed his motion and noticed a small, compact car parked behind them.
Josh guessed Xavier’s intent. “No.”
Xavier raised an eyebrow at him. “This truck is Agency-issued, correct?”
Josh glared. “Yes.”
“They will be able to track this vehicle as well. We need to be off the grid.”
“But―but that’s stealing!”
Xavier snorted, this smile different than that first one. It wasn’t feral or wild or smug. It was small but genuine. And it was nice.
“You are such a child sometimes.” Xavier shook his head. “It’s sort of cute.”
