by Thalia Lark
I stood to my feet so forcefully my chair banged against the wall behind me, and the desk Courtney and I were sharing rocked forward. It didn’t fall, but her stationery, our workbooks, and the documents from the front office all clattered to the floor.
I balled my fists by my side and stalked down the aisle, uncaring now of the eyes following me, ignoring the hoarse shouts of Mr Warner as he demanded that I sit back down. I wrenched the doorknob towards me, and when it didn’t open I threw my fist at the wall so hard it made a loud smack that startled the rest of the room. I rattled the doorknob until the door swung open and crashed into the wall. Then I took off at a run, sprinting down the hallway, skidding around the corner, and hurrying down the staircase with one hand trailing the banister shakily.
Somehow I made it back to my dorm, my brain in such a commotion of anger and panic that I could barely register my current whereabouts, let alone give conscious thought as to where I was headed. I slammed the dormitory door closed behind me and stormed towards my bunk, then before I could even fully comprehend what I was doing, I started yanking my clothes and few belongings from the drawers and shoving them into my duffel and shoulder pack. Zipping the bags closed and holstering them, I clenched my teeth and punched the Dead Bed so hard it trembled and my knuckles smarted with pain. I focused on the pain, my ears ringing and my breathing shallow, and it helped to alleviate some of the trapped emotion I felt churning in my abdomen.
I glared at the room around me for a moment before hurrying back to the door. I didn’t care what my mother would say at having me come live at home again. I didn’t care what the staff would say at my reckless outburst and behaviour. I didn’t even care at that point if I made it home alive, so long as I could get out of St Peter’s. All I could think was that I couldn’t stay in that godforsaken school another moment. The change was just too much. The foreignness of the city, the buildings which may as well have been terraced they were so closely aligned, the people with their snarky attitudes and their sharp tones and their propensity to humiliate new students to the point of an emotional breakdown…it was all too much. If Mum wouldn’t come pick me back up, then I’d catch a bus back to Warrabeela myself. I’d crawl on my hands and knees back to Warrabeela if that was what it took.
I let my feet fall on the stairs hard enough to send shock waves through my heels. Then I was out of the door and away before Mr Warner had even had a chance to send someone after me. The front entrance was too well surveyed with the presence of the administration office, I thought, so I ran through the garden beds around the back of the dormitory complexes, and raced across the empty football field to the ten-foot-high fence on the other side. Once there, I curled my fingers through the mesh, gritted my teeth, and hoisted myself upwards to scramble over and away.
Alex Calvin
I’d reached halfway up the fence before the wire started cutting into my fingers too painfully to ignore anymore. The humiliation and anger writhing inside me gradually lessened as I scowled through the hexagonal holes in the mesh, breathing hard and fast and clenching my teeth. After a moment of hanging there, suspended halfway up the fence, I reluctantly started climbing back down the way I’d come, the mesh humming in sequence as I wrenched my hands from it one at a time. As the uncontrollable emotion cleared from my mind, I suddenly realised what running away would do. I didn’t so much care about the trouble I’d cause at St Peter’s – I was more concerned with the fact that escaping back to Warrabeela meant I’d end up living with Mum again. And that wasn’t really a situation I desperately wanted to return to.
With these thoughts sauntering through my mind, I jumped the last metre of the fence and bent my legs for the impact. After my feet were firmly back on the ground, I kicked the mesh to vent the last of my frustration, and then sank onto the grass, leaning back against the fence and pushing my bags away from me with my feet. I scowled across the football field, folding my arms over my chest and ignoring the figures approaching me briskly from the dormitories.
The three teachers slowed as they neared me, stepping across the grass with care. I appraised them briefly – two men in trousers, button-down shirts and ties, and a woman in slacks and a white blouse – before turning my head away resentfully and gazing towards the end of the field. One of them reached into his pocket and withdrew a mobile phone, flipping it open, dialling and wandering away from us to talk as the other two approached me. The woman knelt down on the grass in front of me, her frown concerned and her tone urgent.
‘Are you hurt?’
I shook my head, avoiding her eyes tenaciously. After a few moments of silence in which I could feel her eyes running an inventory of my physical wellbeing, I simmered down enough to glance at her and scrutinise her with narrowed eyes. She had soft blonde hair in a ponytail and a tanned, heart-shaped face; her eyes were blue, less striking than Courtney’s but much kinder; and there were a few creases in her forehead, hinting at an age of no more than late-thirties. As her eyes met mine, I looked away again sullenly.
‘Does – does this sort of thing normally happen?’ she asked, her voice a little breathless as though she was struggling to find the right words.
I shrugged in response to her query. Of course I’d felt angry and humiliated before, and lost control of my temper, and even attempted to run away from my old school and home a few times. But I couldn’t honestly tell her that my emotions had ever overcome me with such intensity as today. After another second or two, I shook my head to give her a more concrete response to her question.
‘Right.’ I watched her take a deep, slow breath, and whatever self-soothing mechanisms she was employing must have worked, because her tone was more relaxed the next time she spoke. She turned her head to nod at the two male teachers behind her after regarding me quietly for another moment. ‘She’s fine,’ she said to them. ‘I’ll take her back to the dorms and keep an eye on her for the afternoon. If you could let Mr Warner and the principal know, that’d be great.’ Then she turned back to me, pushing herself up and brushing off the knees of her trousers as the other two teachers turned and started heading back across the oval with long strides. She put her hands on her hips and motioned her head towards the school, looking at me determinedly as her whole persona suddenly took on a much more composed, authoritative quality. ‘Come on then,’ she said.
I scowled at the ground, tightening my arms across my stomach. ‘I’m not going back there.’
‘Well, you can’t stay sitting here.’ She paused, watching me as she took a deep breath. ‘It’s Julianne, right?’
‘Juli,’ I snapped.
‘Well then, Juli, either you get up and come with me now, or I’ll call Mr Clifford back and he can manhandle you back to the dormitories. It’s your choice.’ I looked up to see her raise her eyebrows and shrug nonchalantly, and her assertive tone surprised me so much that some of the resentment slid out of my expression. She waited patiently as I reluctantly clambered to my feet, retrieved my duffel bag and shoulder pack from the grass, and slung them over my shoulders. I frowned at the ground and followed in silence as she led me back across the football field towards the school.
‘I’m Miss Wheaton, by the way – your form teacher. I’m sorry I didn’t manage to introduce myself to you earlier…I hope you were able to find someone to show you around and help you get settled.’
I coughed out a humourless laugh. ‘Yeah. Courtney Goddard.’
‘Ah…’ Miss Wheaton looked at me understandingly. ‘I’m afraid Courtney can be a little intimidating at times. It’s a shame you didn’t cross paths with one of the tenth grade leadership team first. I think they had some sort of conference this morning.’ She rubbed her hands together. ‘Well, why don’t we have a quick cup of tea and then I’ll find one of the girls to show you back to the dorm? I reckon Lori would be the best way to go.’
Lori Matthews turned out to be a five-foot, stocky, freckled fourteen-year-old with brown bangs, twinkling dark eyes and a vibrant personality. She wa
s the type of student teachers trusted with the most responsible tasks, but the sparkle in her expression told you straightaway that she’d horse around on any matter of insignificance. To my surprise – feeling calmer after a cup of hot tea and three Anzac biscuits in the teacher’s lounge – I took a liking to her immediately.
Lori sat on my bed and chattered to me happily about her home and adjustment to life at St Peter’s while I unpacked my belongings for the second time. ‘Yeah, it took me a while to get used to being at a boarding school. I mean, I’m not unused to sharing a room – I share with my two little sisters at home – but undressing in front of a bunch of other girls my age was a little weird to begin with.’ I must have looked nervous, because she hurried on reassuringly. ‘Don’t worry, there’s plenty of cubicles in the restroom down the hall.’ After she’d given me a brief overview of the class and study system, leisure time and bedtime routine at St Peter’s, she asked: ‘So what about you? What’s life like at your home?’
I described briefly our farm in Warrabeela, and told her I lived there with my mum and the animals. Thankfully, she didn’t press matters on the parent front, and instead asked what I liked to do in my spare time. I shrugged in response. ‘Riding the horses, taking the dogs for walks, mustering—’
‘Mustering?’ Her eyes widened as she smiled. ‘Like, mustering cows?’
I nodded. ‘Fifty head of dairy cattle.’
She looked in awe of the country life. I couldn’t imagine how foreign it must have sounded, how different to living in a small apartment in Sydney with barely enough garden space to grow herbs.
The bell rang for the end of school a short while later, and within a few minutes a strawberry blonde girl hurried through the doorway with an armful of workbooks. Thankfully her smile remained in place as Lori beamed and gestured her over. ‘Em, this is Juli. Juli, Emma Sheridan.’
Emma pushed back her ginger fringe and grinned nervously as I met her round blue eyes. It occurred to me suddenly that she was probably in the classroom that morning when I stormed out, and my cheeks reddened at the thought. I hadn’t even thought to consider the responses I’d get from the other students, especially my own grade. The prospect of what people would say now suddenly loomed over me, and I found myself ignorant as to how to clear the air.
Emma seemed to notice my discomfort, and spoke up somewhat uneasily. ‘I hope you – um…well, I hope you’re feeling…better.’
I averted my eyes and frowned, chewing the inside of my lip uncomfortably. ‘Yeah.’ I shoved my hands in my skirt pockets as an awkward silence ensued, hunching my shoulders and swaying a little until suddenly voices and footsteps carried down the hall towards us. I heard an unintelligible mutter and then Courtney’s brash voice.
‘She must be crazy or something. I mean, God, I was half expecting her to flatten Warner. I reckon she could’ve taken him you know…’
I frowned as they suddenly appeared and their grins faded.
‘Oh.’ Courtney watched us looking a little abashed, flanked by Miranda and two other girls. Then she cleared her throat. ‘Yeah, the whole class is talking.’
‘Courtney,’ Emma chided.
‘What?’ Courtney looked defensive. ‘She may as well know. There’s no point us all whispering behind her back.’
I nodded and looked at the ground, trying not to think about the shuffling footsteps heralding the rest of the tenth grade’s cohort as they suddenly flocked through the door to the dormitory. I felt all eyes train on me in a quiet mixture of perplexity and uneasiness as the feet slowed to a standstill, and I realised reluctantly that I’d have to say something to placate my classmates if I had any hope of settling in. So I took a deep breath and gave them the best explanation I could. ‘Um…’ I cleared my throat roughly. ‘I’m sorry about what happened in English. I was feeling a little…overwhelmed.’
There was quiet for a moment before Emma spoke up again. ‘Don’t worry,’ she said. ‘I mean, everybody was a little freaked at first, but it’ll settle down soon.’
I nodded a little as a few more students threw in their agreements and then gradually sauntered away towards their own bunks. No doubt what happened would spread around the school, but at least the girls in my dorm had decided – as far as I could tell – to put it behind them. Lori smiled at me and hooked an arm through mine. She wasn’t aggressive in her movements like Courtney had been, so this time I didn’t protest.
‘Come on, I’ll take you on the grand tour. You coming, Em?’ As Emma nodded and hurried to pack away her textbooks, Lori looked around the room searchingly. ‘Nell must have gone to catch up with James. Boys and girls aren’t allowed in each other’s dormitories, obviously, but there’s a massive recreation room downstairs between the two dorm complexes where everybody can hang out. There’s a pool table, table tennis, Foosball and a couple of old couches, you know. It’s usually not too packed during summer, because most people like to spend their time at the pool.’
Lori and Emma led me back downstairs and out of the building. They took a small pathway to the left that led us straight through to the football oval. Twenty odd boys were already in the middle of the playing field in shorts and T-shirts, tossing a football around as someone counted heads and separated them into two teams. We skirted around the oval and headed towards the tennis courts on the other side, bypassing a very crowded swimming pool on the right.
‘There’s a tennis club that meets every Tuesday and Thursday after school,’ Lori said. ‘Mostly it’s the older girls who play but a couple of the eighth and ninth graders like to pitch their mitt in too, so to speak. Do you like tennis?’
I shrugged. I was feeling drained after being inundated with so many new faces and so much new information. But I cleared my throat nevertheless and worked some energy into my tone. ‘Never played.’
‘Really? You’ve never played tennis? Not even in P.E. or something?’
I shook my head, watching the figures on the court as we approached.
‘Why don’t we see if the older girls will play a round or two with us?’ Emma said. ‘We can teach you the rules as we go.’
There were three girls on the court, two on the far side and one on the side closest to us. The nearer girl turned around as we pushed open the mesh gate, holding her racquet aloft, and my energy levels abruptly and unexpectedly increased as I met her gaze.
I couldn’t help but study her in the few seconds it took for us to walk over. She was about my height, not particularly athletic but lean, with fair skin and auburn hair pulled back in a straight ponytail. I appraised her face as we approached, my abdomen tensing in an unfamiliar way as she looked at me curiously and tilted her head very slightly to one side. Her face was slender, with almond-shaped, hazel eyes, a narrow nose and a broad mouth. I wouldn’t have described her as pretty, but there was some sort of magnetic energy to her countenance that captured my attention and seemed unwilling to let it go.
‘Hi Alex,’ Lori said.
The girl smiled and nodded, glancing at my two friends briefly. ‘Hi Lori, Emma,’ she said, nodding her head in turn. She looked at me again, a strange mixture of audacity and confusion in her eyes. ‘Hi.’
‘Alex, this is Julianne Page, new kid in our class,’ Lori said. ‘Juli, this is Alexandra Calvin, eleventh grade.’
‘Alex,’ the girl corrected. I wouldn’t have said she was arrogant exactly, not in the same way Courtney came across. But her manner was…confident, more mature than the girls in my grade. She nodded her head in my direction. ‘Nice to meet you.’
I straightened my posture so I reached my full height, and inclined my chin ever so defensively as I motioned likewise. I felt a strange compulsion in some way to measure up to her. ‘You too.’
‘Can we play?’ Lori asked.
‘Sure.’ Alex gestured to the court. ‘Two of you on this side and one on the other. There’s some racquets over by the fence.’ Once we’d collected the racquets, Lori jogged to the other side of the court, leavi
ng Emma and I to join Alex. From the time I stepped up beside her, her whole persona seemed to alter. She looked down at the floor briefly before eyeing our opposition, deliberately avoiding looking at me with a resolute expression. I frowned in confusion as I retreated to the back of the court.
I soon learnt the gist of the game. All the time I was distracted though, wondering why Alex wouldn’t look at me. And then it occurred to me that the older grades had probably already heard the story of what had gone down in English that morning. She was probably not too eager to associate with me after that. I felt my insides tighten at the thought. I didn’t know why I cared so much. Peer approval and acceptance had never exactly been a top priority for me. But for some reason, I kind of wished Alex and I could meet with a clean slate. I tried to push the thought away, refusing to admit that I was kind of fascinated by this striking and aloof character.
Finally, after nearly an hour of hitting the ball back and forth, Lori held up both hands in defeat, puffing air from her cheeks. ‘I’m beat.’ Emma nodded in agreement, her face red and her fringe sticking to her forehead with perspiration.
Alex nodded and glanced towards the small sports shed in the corner of the court, presumably where the equipment was stored. ‘I’ll put the racquets and balls away,’ she said, pushing her hair off her face and fanning her cheek with one hand.
I looked through the court fencing to where the trees surrounding us were rustling in the breeze, hoping my sudden discomposure wouldn’t show as Alex appeared in front of me and held out her hand for the racquet. I was expecting her to leave without saying anything, but then suddenly she spoke, prompting me to look up and meet her eyes.
‘Not bad.’ She gave me a quick smile. ‘Do you play?’
I shook my head, an involuntarily frown settling on my lips. I was confused to find her suddenly engaging in casual conversation with me, when for the last hour she’d pretty much ignored me. But there was something about her clear, captivating voice that dispelled any annoyance. I cleared my throat a little and pushed back my shoulders. I hadn’t intended to say anything more, but when Alex nodded slowly in confusion and started turning back towards the shed, I found myself asking quickly: ‘What about you?’ to stop her.
