by Laura Riley
We sit drinking tea, chatting about the house. She tells me about the team of builders who, along with Cole, fixed the house’s structural damage. She tells me they located the source that was causing the damp and that was fixed, and shortly after mould was ripped from the walls. She says she’s sleeping on the sofa bed in the lounge until her bedroom is ready, and that the loft conversion is to be her art room.
After my cup of tea, the conversation returns to Ellie.
“How about I spend my lunch hour with you both tomorrow? That may help her anxiety,” I suggest.
Lizzie rubs the top of her arm. “We could certainly try. I can’t promise anything, Seth, other than I’ll try my best with her.”
“That’s all anyone could ask.”
“If at any time you undermine me, then I can’t babysit. If she’s crying or screaming, I will sort it.”
I nod, knowing how much it’ll break my heart to hear Ellie get so worked up. I’ve got to put that to the back of my mind. Seeing my baby’s face when I take her to Disney World will be worth the sacrifice. Not only our holiday, I’ve got to get enough money saved to buy our house.
Lizzie clicks her fingers in front of my face, forcing me to refocus on her. “No good cop, bad cop. We’re on the same team, okay?”
She holds her fist out in the air. Leaning forwards, we fistbump. I know that nothing can happen between us, and yet… I smile at her, I mean I really smile. My eyes soften at my new friend, my ally.
I form a fist and gently nudge her cheek to the side. “You’re all right, Lizzie.”
Returning my gesture, she replies, “You’re not too bad yourself.”
I stare at her for long seconds as her face transforms from smiles to seriousness. I snap us out of the moment. “Now let’s discuss the plan of action for Ellie.”
Lizzie
It feels nice calling the shots and being a little more in control after the disaster earlier. With Seth fully on board, I feel more confident about looking after Ellie. Now, how to make her feel more at ease with me?
I glance at him. He’s leaning against the kitchen worktop, drinking another cup of tea. A cup of tea that hasn’t had five teaspoons of sugar tossed in.
He eyes me suspiciously. “What put that stupid grin on your face?”
I deliver an incredulous stare, feigning innocence. “Nothing at all. I was just thinking of ways to make Ellie feel more at ease here.”
He stands taller. “Go on, I’m listening.”
Feeling somewhat on the spot, I say the first thing that pops in my head. “How about you bring a few toys from home?”
Seth nods. “That’s a great idea.”
“And if you could let me know the sorts of things she likes on the TV—”
“Nemo, The Little Mermaid. She loves anything relating to fish and the ocean.”
I look him up and down. Ironic that the two films he mentioned feature a strong single father role. I don’t know how Seth could even doubt his ability as a father—it’s clear to see how much that little girl adores him.
Seth glances down at his watch. “Shit, Darcy’s got to leave for work soon.”
After placing his cup in the sink, I follow him to the front door. He sits on the stairs, pulling his shoes on.
“Where does she work?”
“She cleans at the hospital. She works ten-thirty pm till twelve-thirty am Monday through to Thursday. Her main job is looking after Ellie. Her boss said they’ll increase her hours at the hospital when Ellie goes to school.”
“That’s really good of them. Not a lot of workplaces are that flexible.”
Seth shrugs. “Well, it’s not like she needs the job or the money. Her husband Dwight is a neurosurgeon there. He asked nicely that they gave her flexible hours, and they were only too happy to oblige. Problem is, when they ask her to cover shifts, she doesn’t know how to tell them no.”
“She doesn’t like to let people down, that’s a good trait to have.”
He gets to his feet and stands looking down at me. The moment of politeness passes, and we’re heading towards awkward.
Either kiss me or say something.
“I’m glad we had this talk,” he says, holding his fist out to me. We fistbump. Twice in one night.
Fantastic.
We’ve officially entered the friendzone.
Seth turns up at eight am the following morning. Winking at me, he nudges Ellie into the hall and walks in holding a large wooden box. Without a word he takes said box into the lounge and places it next to the settee.
“Is it okay here?” he says, pointing to the toy box.
I raise an eyebrow.
He merely shrugs. “What? We spoke about this last night. It was you who suggested I brought a few things to make her feel more at home.”
By ‘a few things’ I envisioned he was going to bring a few items, not her toy box. The lid won’t close over the mountain of toys beneath. I like to be minimalistic, and the thought of all these toys strewn across my floor is bothering me.
I give him a thumbs up. “To be honest, I thought you’d bring the entire contents of her room, bed and all. But I see you opted for being minimalistic and only brought this one, albeit massive, toy box with you. It’s totally fine.”
Now it’s Seth who raises an eyebrow. “You know, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.”
“But the highest form of intelligence,” I fire back.
Seth attempts to flatten some of the toys inside so he can put the lid down. He fails.
I smile at the little girl who stands in the lounge doorway. Needless to say, my smile is not returned. As well as a frown, Ellie is wearing the cutest blue and white sailor dress.
Seth motions for her to join us. Dragging her feet, she does as requested.
I consider this to be a massive step for Ellie. Though the moment is gone when the front door opens and slams shut. Deep in conversation, Rick and Cole proceed to make their way up the stairs.
“Today, Papa Bear,” Cole calls.
Ellie jumps, diving into Seth’s arms. With her head buried in his chest, he flips Cole the finger.
I wag my index finger from side to side. “I’ll tell him you did that.”
“You do that,” he says, a mischievous glint in his eyes. He releases Ellie and squeezes her little hands. “Remember what Daddy said. If you’re a good girl then we’ll go out for lunch. Okay?”
My heart melts at how devoted he is to her. Seth alone in a bar is hot, but single dad Seth brooding over his little girl, that’s every woman’s fantasy.
I gaze out of the window. Beautiful pastel-blue sky and not a single cloud in sight. “What about the beach? Perfect weather for it.”
Seth holds out his arms, as if making a statement. He’s wearing a tatty pair of work trousers and a paint-stained t-shirt. “I didn’t bring a change of clothes.”
That’s a big fat no then. Seth must pick up on my disappointment, as he hasn’t stopped staring at me. “We passed a park on the way here, didn’t we, baby?”
Ellie’s face lights up. I’m sure mine does too. Who doesn’t love the park?
“What a fantastic idea. Does Daddy want me to push him on the swings?” I say, winking at Seth.
Ellie laughs, burying her face in his t-shirt. He looks down, ruffling her hair. “Why are you laughing? Is Daddy’s butt too big to fit on the swings?”
She squeals as he begins prodding her sides.
He flashes me a glance. “I really should get to work. Any problems, just shout. I’m talking to Lizzie, by the way, little miss, you filled your week’s quota of shouting yesterday.”
I laugh, but the sound that came out of her mouth yesterday, that godawful scream will haunt me till the day I die.
He kisses Ellie on the head. Then he turns and hurries up the stairs.
As Seth suggested, I try a different approach today. Instead of fussing over Ellie, I sit on the settee in the lounge. My book is open, and I occasionally turn the page. I’m not re
ading, I’m watching her. When she looks up, I look down, burying my head in my novel. I want to suss her out before I decide the best way to approach her.
Unlike yesterday, the hours pass smoothly. She watches Finding Nemo and The Little Mermaid. She even hums along to some of the songs.
I’d love to take credit for her change of attitude today. However, to her I’m no more than a bystander. Seth’s promise of our lunch date does the trick. I think it helps that he shouts down every half an hour. “Three and a half hours until we go to the park… three hours…” And so forth. She visibly relaxes when she hears his voice.
We while the hours away until finally Seth calls down, “Park time.”
I close my book and make my way to the hall. Ellie is already there waiting. She’s even put her little shoes on.
“Great job,” I say, even though they’re on the wrong feet.
Seth bounds down the stairs and it’s as though he reads my mind. He hits his palm over his forehead. “Wrong feet, the buckle needs to be on the outside.”
She smiles triumphantly as he crouches and switches her shoes over.
Clever girl. She has him where every little girl should have her daddy, wrapped around her little finger.
“What does my little girl want for lunch?”
Ellie rubs her stomach. “A pizza.”
“A pizza?” He leans forward, tickling her neck. Her shoulders scrunch and she giggles. The sullen look I know has been replaced by the sweetest smile. Her large blue eyes are focused solely on her dad.
Seth stands, rolling his neck from side to side. “Come on, time’s ticking.”
Rather than Seth driving, we decide to walk to the park. We stop at a small grocery shop en route and buy a selection of snacks and sandwiches for lunch.
With a carrier bag in one hand and Ellie’s hand in the other, Seth swings the gate to the park open.
Ellie points. “Monkey bars.”
Seth passes me the bag before lifting Ellie high in the air so she can hold onto the metal bars. Holding her thighs, he walks beneath so she can swing from one to another.
After placing her feet on the ground, Seth jogs towards the swings, calling over his shoulder, “I’m going to beat you.”
Ellie is soon running behind, her little legs doing everything they can to catch up. “Wait for me, Daddy.”
Not wanting to be left behind, I jog after them.
Seth begins running in slow motion, allowing Ellie to overtake. “No, she’s just too fast.”
Laughing, she grabs the metal chain in her hands. “Beat you, I beat you.”
“Maybe, but I can go higher,” he teases. Sitting on the adjacent swing, he kicks off the ground. “Told you Daddy’s butt wasn’t too big.”
I can’t help glance at his muscular arms. They’re flexing and tensing as he holds the chains. His tattoo looks even sexier in the afternoon sun.
“You’re cheating,” Ellie says, trying hard to match her dad’s pace.
Instinctively I step forwards. “Would you like me to push you, sweetie?”
She hears me, but doesn’t answer. She’s determined to do it on her own. I just stand watching them swinging side by side. The shrill squeals leaving Ellie’s mouth warm my insides.
I can see the trust she has for Seth, the love in both of their eyes. There’s another swing besides Ellie, but I can’t swing with them. They’re a unit, their own exclusive club that no one else will be allowed to join. It makes me kind of sad. I wonder what it’d be like to be granted momentary access, to be part of their club.
“Come on,” Ellie yells.
I jump, jolted from my reverie. Ellie’s running to the slide, Seth on her heels. I know I need to be more approachable, fun-loving. Hoping it’ll gain me some brownie points with the little girl, I skip my way over. The bag rattles as I do. I’m conscious about what I must look like, but Ellie looks at me. She doesn’t smile, but curiosity skates across her features, which in my book is better than a frown.
I stop at Seth’s side. His lips make a thin line and I know he’s trying not to laugh. He looks me up and down. “Finally decided to join us?”
I stand taller. “Yep.”
“Nice skipping by the way.”
“Thanks.”
He juts his chin in Ellie’s direction. “See, she’s a different kid when she’s with me.”
“I can see that.” I gaze at the tall steps she is climbing. She’s so much more confident when he’s around. Shaking my head, I can feel anger rising in my gut. “Anna hasn’t the slightest idea what she’s lost.”
He blows out. “Or the damage she’s caused. All I can hope is that in time Ellie will start to trust people. I know this won’t be easy after she was let down by the one person she needed the most.”
I realise I’ve lifted my hand from my side and run my fingers softly down Seth’s arm. He doesn’t pull his arm away, nor do I move my hand. With my hand now resting on his arm we stand together as Ellie takes a couple more turns on the slide.
Our contact is finally broken when Seth reaches down into his pocket and pulls out his phone. I’m tempted to place my hand on his arm again, but I have to remind myself that he isn’t mine. They aren’t my family.
He doesn’t like you in that way.
“Shit, is that the time?” he says, so only I can hear. He reaches for my hand—
Oh, God, it’s happening—and takes the carrier bag out of my hold.
Sigh.
Holding the bag up, he rattles it in the air.
“Picnic time,” Ellie chants.
We find a small, shaded area under a horse chestnut tree where we sit cross-legged.
“Here,” Seth says, handing out sandwiches and bottles of lemonade.
We sit as a few more families arrive with their children. Ellie’s shoulders hunch over and she stops talking. She shuffles along the grass so she’s sitting closer to her dad.
Seth continues to eat. He hasn’t noticed. I figure he’s used to her anxiety. He’s glancing down at his phone and, without a word, he swipes his finger across the screen. He stands, takes a couple of steps away and leans his elbow against the tree. “Cole.” Seth takes the phone from his ear, looking at the screen for a beat before placing it back to his ear. “No, I did not know it was that late.”
I glance at my watch. It’s one-thirty pm. We’ve been an hour and a half, not the hour he’s allocated for lunch.
“Thanks for being so understanding.” There’s a short silence. I have no idea what Cole’s saying, but Seth is nodding. He ends the call and retakes his seat beside me. “I’ll take two hours for lunch, and whatever work isn’t done I will stay behind and finish off.”
“Sure.”
I was so busy watching Seth that I completely forgot about Ellie. She’s bent over picking dandelions and blowing their seed heads into the wind. I edge forward, thinking maybe I could join her, but Seth rests his hand on my knee.
“Leave her,” he says under his breath. “It’s just so nice seeing her happy and not looking for me.”
I nod and edge back. His hand remains on my knee and whilst he watches Ellie, I watch his hand. I wonder how it’d feel to lace my fingers with his. To sit back and lean my head against his chest. To have him want me as much as I want him.
“Darcy finishes work at four o’clock. She’ll pick Ellie up and take her home. I’ll stay at yours until six pm, if that’s okay?”
The idea sends gooseflesh crawling its way up my arms. Rick and Cole are finishing at normal time today—they’ll be out of my hair at five o’clock—which means I’ll have Seth to myself for a whole hour. I give him a sideward glance. “That sounds good to me.”
Seth loses track of time and finishes work at seven pm. We chat over a cup of tea. Our conversation is focused on Ellie.
I take a sip from my mug. “Beach tomorrow?”
Seth’s gaze lowers to the floor and he shakes his head. “I don’t know. I’ve kinda put off going to the beach since…”
I lower my mug and raise my brows when he doesn’t continue. “Since?”
He lets out a long breath, and I can see the turmoil in his expression. “It was the last place we went with her mum. I’m worried it’ll stir some negative memories, and she’ll only associate the beach with her mum leaving.”
I get what he’s saying, but that’s no reason to stop going to the beach. “I think it’s time to make new memories.”
“I think you’re right.”
We finish our drinks and he leaves. As soon as I close the door I pick up the phone and call Amber. It goes to voice mail. “Amber, it’s me, call me when you get this message. I need your help planning tomorrow.”
The second I cut off the voice message, my phone rings.
“Lizzie?” It’s Amber.
I walk to the lounge, sit on the settee and watch as Seth’s van reverses off my drive.
“Amber, I need your help…”
Lizzie
I’ve only seen Ellie wear dresses, but today she’s wearing a pair of shorts and a bright lemon t-shirt with a smiley face on the front. One face is happy, now to get the other to follow suit.
“An hour till we go to the beach,” Seth yells down.
Leaving Ellie watching the TV, I close the book I’m reading and hurry into the kitchen. I stayed up late last night thinking about the advice Amber had given me. I know I can’t give the child a paint brush and expect her to paint a picture, I have to be cleverer than that.
My eyes rove over the breakfast bar. One freehand sketch of Nemo, a plastic bowl full of mosaic-like paper tiles, and two glue sticks. By the time we leave for the beach I am going to have a mosaic picture of Nemo, which Ellie will have helped me complete.
I bundle the items into my arms and hurry into the lounge, purposely tripping myself up near where Ellie is sitting. The orange squares fall like confetti around us. The cardboard picture has landed in front of the child, the glue sticks inches away.
Perfection.
She watches me closely for my reaction. Now to perform for my audience.
