have a cellar---and itwould be just like Fluff to stop flying at some place where there wasn'tany cellar.
"Oh," said Massett, "he wouldn't have gone far with the house. A houseis a great deal heavier than a hydrant. He would probably have moved thehouse off the foundation a little, but, judging by the direction Flufftook, the house would have wedged between those two trees, and you wouldhave only lost a piece of the porch, or whatever he was tied to. Butthe lesson is that you must not try to shoot Fluff unless you are a goodwing shot. Unless you can shoot like Davy Crockett, you would be apt towound Fluff without killing him, and then there _would_ be trouble!"
"Yes," said Murchison, "the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals folks.There is only one way in which a dog can be killed according to law inthis place, and that is to have the Prevention of Cruelty to Animalsfolks do it. You send them a letter telling them you have a dog you wantkilled, and asking them to come and kill it. That is according to law."
"That," I said firmly, "is what I will do."
"It won't do any good," said Murchison sadly; "they never come. Thisaddition to Gallatin is too far from their offices to be handy, and theynever come. I have eighteen deaths for Fluff on file at their officesalready, and not one of them has killed him. When you have had as muchexperience with dogs as I have had you will know that the Preventionof Cruelty to them in this town does not include killing them whenthey live in the suburbs. The only way a dog can die in the suburbs ofGallatin is to die of old age."
"How old is Fluff?" I asked.
"Fluff is a young dog," said Brownlee. "If he had an ordinary dogconstitution, he would live fifteen years yet, but he hasn't. He has anextra strong constitution, and I should say he was good for twenty yearsmore. But that isn't what we came over for. We came over to learn howyou mean to get rid of Fluff."
"Brownlee," I said, "I shall think up some way to get rid of Fluff.Getting rid of a dog is no task for a mind like mine. But until hereturns and gives me back my hydrant, I shall do nothing further. I amnot going to bother about getting rid of a dog that is not here to begot rid of."
By the time Fluff returned I had thought out a plan. Murchison had neverpaid the dog tax on Fluff, and that was the same as condemning him todeath if he was ever caught outside of the yard, but when he was outsidehe could not be caught. He was a hasty mover, and little things such asclosed gates never prevented him from entering the yard when in haste.When he did not jump over he could get right through a fence. But toa man of my ability these things are trifles. I knew how to get rid ofFluff. I knew how to have him caught in the street without a license. Ichained him there.
Brownlee and Massett and Murchison came and watched me do it. Our streetis not much used, and the big stake I drove in the street was not muchin the way of passing grocery delivery wagons. I fastened Fluff tothe stake with a chain, and then I wrote to the city authoritiesand complained. I said there was a dog without a license that wascontinually in front of my house, and I wished it removed; and a week orso later the dog-catcher came around and had a look at Fluff: He walkedall around him while Massett and Brownlee and Murchison and I leanedover our gates and looked on. He was not at all what I should haveexpected a dog-catcher to be, being thin and rather gentlemanly inappearance; and after he had looked Fluff over well he came over andspoke to me. He asked me if Fluff was my dog. I said he was.
"I see!" said the dog-catcher. "And you want to get rid of him. If hewas my dog, I would want to get rid of him, too. I have seen lots ofdogs, but I never saw one that was like this, and I do not blame you forwanting to part with him. I have had my eye on him for several years,but this is the first opportunity I have had to approach him. Now,however, he seems to have broken all the dog laws. He has not secured alicense, and he is in the public highway. It will be my duty to take himup and gently chloroform him as soon as I make sure of one thing."
"Tell me what it is," I said, "and I will help you make sure of ft."
"Thank you," he said, "but I will attend to it," and with that he got onhis wagon and drove off. He returned in about an hour.
"I came back," he said, "not because my legal duty compels me, butbecause I knew you would be anxious. If I owned a dog like that, I wouldbe anxious, too. I can't take that dog."
"Why not?" we all asked.
"Because," he said, "I have been down to the city hall, and I havelooked up the records, and I find that the streets of this addition tothe city have not been accepted by the city. The titles to the propertyare so made out that until the city legally accepts the streets, eachproperty owner owns to the middle of the street fronting his property.If you will step out and look, you will see that the dog is on your ownproperty."
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"If that is all," I said, "I will move the stake. I will put him on theother side of the street."
"If you would like him any better there," said the dog-catcher, "you canmove him, but it would make no difference to me. Then he would be on theprivate property of the man who owns the property across the street."
"But, my good man," I said, "how _is_ a man to get rid of a dog he doesnot want?"
The dog-catcher frowned.
"That," he said, "seems to be one of the things our lawmakers have notthought of. But whatever you do, I advise you to be careful. Do not tryany underhand methods, for now that my attention has been called to thedog, I shall have to watch his future and see that he is not badly used.I am an officer of the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals as well as adog-catcher, and I warn you to be careful what you do with that dog."
Then he got on his wagon again and drove away.
The next morning I was a nervous wreck, for Fluff had howled all night,and Murchison came over soon after breakfast. He was accompanied byBrownlee and Massett.
"Now, I am the last man in the world to do anything that my neighborswould take offense at," he said, as soon as they were seated on myporch, "and Brownlee and Massett love dogs as few men ever love them;but something has to be done about Fluff. The time has come when we mustsleep with our windows open, and neither Massett nor Brownlee nor I gota minute of sleep last night."
"Neither did I," I said.
"That is different entirely," said Murchison. "Fluff is your dog, and ifyou want to keep a howling dog, you would be inclined to put up with thehowl, but we have no interest in the dog at all. We do not own him, andwe consider him a nuisance. We have decided to ask you to get rid ofhim. It is unjust to your neighbors to keep a howling dog. You will haveto get rid of Fluff."
"Exactly!" said Massett. "For ten nights I have not slept a wink, andneither has Murchison, nor has Brownlee--"
"Nor I," I added.
"Exactly!" said Massett. "And four men going without sleep for tennights is equal to one man going without sleep forty nights, which wouldkill any man. Practically, Fluff has killed a man, and is a murderer,and as you are responsible for him, it is the same as if you were amurderer yourself; and as you were one of the four who did not sleep,you may also be said to have committed suicide. But we do not mean togive you into the hands of the law until we have remonstrated with you.But we feel deeply, and the more so because you could easily give ussome nights of sleep in which to recuperate."
"If you can tell me how," I said, "I will gladly do it. I need sleepmore at this minute than I ever needed it in my life."
"Very well," said Massett; "just get out your shotgun and show it toFluff. When he sees the gun he will run. He will take wings like aduck, and while he is away we can get a few nights' rest. That will besomething. And if we are not in good condition by that time, you canshow him the shotgun again. Why!" he exclaimed, as he grew enthusiasticover his idea, "you can keep Fluff eternally on the wing!"
I felt that I needed a vacation from Fluff. I unchained him and went into get my shotgun. Then I showed him the shotgun, and we had two goodnights of sleep. After that, whenever we felt that we needed a fewnights in peace, I just showed Fluff the shotgun and he went away on oneof his flying trips.
But it was Brown
lee--Brownlee knew all about dogs--who first called myattention to what he called the periodicity of Fluff.
"Now, you would never have noticed it," he said one day when Murchisonand I were sitting on my porch with him, "but I did. That is because Ihave studied dogs. I know all about dogs, and I know Fluff can run. Thisis because he has greyhound blood in him. With a little wolf. That iswhy I studied Fluff, and how I came to notice that every time you showhim the shotgun he is gone just forty-eight hours. Now, you go and getyour shotgun and try it."
So I tried it, and Fluff went away as he always did; and Brownlee satthere bragging about
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