by Karen Deen
We are now the three amigos. They are my dearest friends who I share everything with. This morning’s gym session should be very interesting.
The lack of sleep was courtesy of one, Mr. Grant Stevenson.
I was so wound up when I came home last night, I paced the apartment trying to calm down. Never has a man affected me like Grant did yesterday. While the men I meet in the dancing world are fit and strong, their physical shape is different. Mark my ex was built like a typical dancer. At the time I found him attractive and he made my skin shiver a little.
This thing with Grant is so different.
He made me feel like I had electric shocks running over my skin when he touched me. His body was manly and rugged, and perfectly sculpted. I have only seen him with a suit on. My imagination last night was running wild with what was under that suit. Not that I will ever know. The man drives me absolutely crazy. How could someone I have only known for a few hours take up so much space in my head?
The thumping of the music coming from the gym this morning is calming. Not many people would feel the same. To me, music is my life. It helps me to move, to think, and to breathe. This is just what I need this morning.
Closing the door on my locker, I head out to the main floor and find a guy running on my treadmill. There’s one thing that’s always guaranteed to annoy any gym member, and that’s when someone else is on your machine. We all, in theory, lay claim to our favorite machine. Thinking it should always be free when we enter the gym. Of course, it makes absolutely no sense that the gym would be able to have a machine to reserve for every member. That rational thought does nothing to take away my annoyance.
As I wander further down the room to pick another treadmill, Xavier spots me and I can tell he’s chuckling to himself. He knows which machine I lay claim to. He’s laughing at me having to find another. Great friend he is.
Functioning on limited sleep is not going to make me a happy little girl this morning. He’ll do well to figure that out now before I snap at him.
“Hey, Zara. You’re a little bit later this morning. Sleeping in is not like you.” Natalie calls across from the weights bench.
“Yeah, well, that’s because I haven’t had a lot of sleep, so it was hard getting up this morning. If Xavier wants to get out of here without a bruise he needs to wipe that stupid smile off his face.”
“Oh, we did get out on the wrong side of the bed this morning, didn’t we, Princess? No problem, I will sweat that out of you before you leave. Get warmed up and get over here.”
I begrudgingly step on the treadmill and start a slow jog to warm up my legs. I hope Natalie has time for a coffee after this workout. I really need to let out my frustrations, so I can move on. Grant’s in my every thought and I don’t want to even think about him. I don’t like him at all, he is too arrogant, even if he does do things to my body. I’m ignoring it. There’s no point thinking about a guy who turns me on if I can’t even stand to have a conversation with him without us at war with words.
The morning workout turns out to be successful. It takes my mind off Grant. Xavier has me sweating, making me feel strong. Finishing off, I convince Natalie and Xavier to grab breakfast with me at the Sunny Break Café which is in our complex.
“So, what pissed off Miss Zara last night that meant no sleep? Did one of your little ballerinas turn up in her black leotard and all the rest were in pink? Oh, no actually, I bet one had a ponytail instead of her ballet bun?” Xavier just couldn’t help himself. He’s always the joker. Life is never too serious for him unless it’s in relation to training.
Elbowing his ribs, I slide into the booth next to him. “Don’t even start, Xavier. You wouldn’t be able to guess, even if you tried to understand my day yesterday. Yes, it has to do with one of my students but that’s just the beginning of the story.” They both lean forward on the table with their elbows, resting their chins in their hands. Times like this, you see family habits that just link them together as siblings. “Why don’t we order food first, I am starving. Then we can start on the drama of my life.”
As soon as the waitress leaves with our orders, Natalie is straight on me. I go through the day, step by step, explaining all about Mr. Grumpy and his bossiness. Natalie doesn’t care for any of that, she just wants the details on how hot he is.
“You don’t understand, Natalie. It doesn’t matter how hot he is. I can’t even talk to him without him trying to control the conversation and situation. It really makes me crazy. I’m not some easy woman, who he can simply walk over. That’s never going to work with me. We’d end up spitting fire at each other.”
I look down at my hands, remembering Grant pinning me against the mirror. That was one of the only times there was no arguing. Purely because I was that distracted, I couldn’t even speak. Grant took my breath away.
“Okay, what aren’t you telling us, Zara? Your whole face just changed, and you drifted off someplace else. The blushing told us it was someplace juicy. Come on, spill it, woman.” Natalie pins me with her stare, while Xavier rolls his eyes at his sister. I love Xavier, but this is definitely girl talk that I wasn’t sure I wanted him to hear.
I hesitate but need to talk to Natalie about it. It was so intense, and I’m still having trouble processing the moment.
“We had this moment last night in the studio. He was standing over top of me and I was against the mirror. He had my heart racing and my skin felt like it was on fire. He leaned forward and whispered in my ear, describing how he would fuck me against the mirror and how much I would like it. My body temperature went through the roof and I couldn’t even form a word to come out of my mouth.”
“Oh my God, what did you do? Did you get down and dirty with him?” Natalie bounces on her seat.
“Geesus, Nat! What do you think? Of course, I didn’t. That’s not saying I didn’t want to. If he’d pushed, I know he would’ve stripped me bare in thirty seconds. What the hell is wrong with me? I don’t even know him.”
“It must have been some first meeting. You’re not one to give up control. For him to have rattled you, then he must be pretty forceful. Maybe he is what you need. He might make you relax and stop having the control stick up your ass. That’s part of your problem, sweetheart, you never let yourself relax and have a bit of fun.” Xavier tries telling me how it is while the waitress places our breakfast down in front of us.
My favorite breakfast sits under my nose causing my mouth to water. Toasted sourdough, layered with avocado, tomato, mushrooms and a poached egg. It’s amazing and a great meal to kickstart the day. I’m too distracted by my breakfast to answer Xavier. Stuffing the first mouthful in, I feel like I’m in heaven.
“Are you trying to ignore me, Zara, or are you just too busy orgasming over your breakfast?”
“Xavier, you are so rude. Of course, I am ignoring you, and yes I am making love to my breakfast.” I take another mouthful, savoring the taste. “Besides, I do not have a control stick up my ass. I’m just making sure I’m getting where I need to be. You know I’ve worked so hard to get back to dancing at this level. I can’t afford to relax or take time out to have a relationship. There’s no point even contemplating it.”
“Zara, you’ve been working hard, but you still need to live. You don’t want to die a lonely old lady with twenty cats, with all your useful body parts shriveled up from lack of use. That would be such a waste.”
“Xavier!” Natalie and I both yell at the same time.
“That’s just wrong coming from you, but just so you know, my battery-operated boyfriend makes sure there’s no lack of use” I chuckle to myself as Xavier reddens with embarrassment.
“Suck on that, Xavier. That’ll teach you for trying to take the conversation there.” Natalie’s laughing at her brother who just got owned. He should know by now I never back down.
“All I’m saying is, maybe it’s time to move on from Mark. Not all men are bastards. I know you have been waiting for me to ask you out, so you can see what th
e ultimate man is like, but I don’t want to wreck our friendship.” His smile tells me he thinks he’s funny.
“Like you said, Xavier, all men are bastards. You and Grant are definitely in that category. Lucky that I love you like a brother, so I can put up with you being a bastard.” Poor Natalie struggles to get through her breakfast. Every time she takes a bite, one of us speaks, and she laughs so hard she almost chokes on her food.
I glance at my watch and realize I need to get moving. Getting up late has left me little time to get to the studio and set up for the day. I have several tiny dancer classes in the mornings which are popular. The moms and dads use the time to have their coffee dates while their older kids are at school. There’s nothing cuter than little girls and boys learning how to dance. They just love life and there’s not a worry on their faces.
“I have to run. Time to start work for the day. Xavier, the breakfast bill is all yours. That’s what you get for being a bastard.” I stand and hug them both. “Let’s see if I can have a calmer, quieter day today. See you both in the morning.”
Natalie yells at me as I walk away. “You better call me if anything interesting develops today.” I wave over my shoulder and keep walking, smiling at the great friendship we have. I would be lost without them. I don’t bother telling them that Sophia doesn’t have a class today so there’s no chance of running into Grant. I think I’ll leave them hanging for more gossip.
6
Grant
It takes until I’m on the fourth mile of my morning run before my mind clears enough. I need to carry Zach’s workload for a while, so he can enjoy time with Emily, baby Thomas and the twins. They need time to cement their bond as a family and share their love with one another. As much as the twins feel loved, they will need to adjust to sharing the attention with Thomas.
While I am doing Zach’s work I also need to make sure everything else is running as it should and that Luke, Alesha and Lilly are not taking on too much work or stress. I can do all that. I’ll just have to work weekends and later each day. It won’t be forever, I can handle it.
Dad and Mom need to be kept out of the office, so they don’t try to help with Zach away. I love them dearly, but the business has changed greatly since Dad retired.
Juggling the workload will be intense but nothing I can’t handle. That’s my job, to take on the stress of the family and look after them all.
Then there’s Zara.
Most of my run this morning had me thinking about her. She’s the strongest, most confident woman I’ve met. No one is ever game enough to go toe to toe with me. The only woman who puts it over me is my mother. My sisters think they do, but only because I let them think that. The women in my family are strong, that’s no doubt. Dad has raised the boys to be protective of our family. I will do that until the day I die.
What I can’t understand is why I feel a strong sense of protection over Zara after just meeting her yesterday. I don’t think we even spoke a single word that wasn’t in the context of shooting ammunition at each other. It felt so amazing. Zara stirred a craziness in me that I had no control over. That is massive for me to even admit.
I don’t know how to cope with it.
I need to have everything in its right place. I have always been like that and I can’t change it. When it comes to Zara, that control goes out the window the moment she opens her mouth. I don’t know how to cope with that. I need to see her again and get to know her and find out what makes her the beautiful woman she is.
I spend most the run working out how to plan a chance meeting. I doubt if I call her, she’d agree to dinner or coffee. To be honest, I’m not sure that’s how I’d like to get to know her either. We are both too intense to be able to sit at a table and have a calm conversation.
I glance at my watch and need to get a move on because I can’t be late for the office. My footsteps quicken as I pound the pavement, heading back to my apartment. The city’s just starting to come alive for the day even though I’ve been running for over an hour. Rising early is something I’ve always done since I was a little boy. It gives me time to plan my day and be ready for the world. It’s what I do. I often think it would be nice to sleep in, lay in bed reading the paper with a coffee like others do. It’s a luxury I’ll never allow myself. Even if I tried, I am not sure I could manage it.
With my building in sight, I slow to a light jog to cool down and stretch in the park across the road. I love to stretch in the fresh air rather than in my apartment. It helps calm my mind before the day gets crazy.
“Morning, Mr. Stevenson.” Burt, my doorman, tips his hat to me as I come through the doors.
“Burt,” I nod, “another day has dawned.”
He smiles at me as I head for the lifts and replies, “Better make the day worth the effort it took for that sun to rise, hey, Mr. Stevenson?”
“Always do, Burt, always do. No point wasting it now, is there?” He chuckles as the doors close. We go through the same ritual every morning ever since I moved into the building five years ago. It took a long time for me to find the right apartment. Now I have it, there’s no chance I’m moving anytime soon.
Burt’s in his late sixties and loves his job as a doorman. He lost his wife to cancer three years ago and has never missed a day of work since. I think it gets him through his grief.
You can’t be married for forty-seven years and not miss them, like part of your whole soul is missing.
I often wonder what it’d be like to wake up every morning to see your wife in the bed next to you, day in, and day out for forty-seven years.
That’s a love that’s truly special.
I want that one day.
To be loved more than life itself. To have another life that I can love so hard I can’t breathe without her.
One day.
Zara
“Arms out in front of you, holding your hands. Great job. Now let’s tap our toes out to the front, pointing our toes. One foot at a time. Watching Miss Zara now and follow me.” I watch my little dancers in the mirror. It’s the hardest thing to do to watch them and remain serious without laughing out loud.
They’re so adorable and every one of them is doing a different action. It doesn’t matter. What matters are the smiles on their faces. You don’t always get the smile due to the concentration of which foot to point forward. One of my little boys concentrates so hard, he looks adorable. He actually pokes his tongue out between his lips and bites down while he’s concentrating. It’s the cutest thing I have ever seen.
“Keep up the good work. Your dancing is awesome, my little ones. Now that is all for today. But I want you to go home and practice what we have learned, ready for next week. Time to get a drink of water and take off your ballet shoes, ready for your big people to pick you up.” I turn to see parents and carers starting to filter in through the doors.
The excited chatter gets louder as the kids run and dance over to their parents, showing them what they’ve learned today. It’s such an amazing feeling to see the improvement in each of my students. At this age, they can struggle for weeks with a particular sequence of steps, but when they finally get it, it’s like a lightbulb turning on and their whole face lights up with such pride. I’m so lucky to be a witness to that.
The last mother and student head out the door, so I call after them asking them to lock the bottom door. I don’t want any strangers calling in unexpectedly like yesterday. Grant made such a commotion about it last night that he had me thinking about it. I’ve never been worried before but then again, I have never really thought about it. It makes sense, but I would never admit it to Grant.
Checking my timetable, it confirms I have a break now for the next three hours. That gives me time to finish choreographing my audition piece for the New York Dance Company. I had auditioned just before my injury and made it to the last group before the final cut.
I need to ensure my audition makes them stand up and take notice of me straight away. I’m running out of tim
e to gain a spot in the company. Soon I will be considered too old. Even if I get accepted now, I would only have a few years to live my life-long dream.
My life felt like it’d crashed around me the day my partner dropped me in a lift. From the moment my knee hit the floor the pain that ran through my body was like nothing I’d ever experienced. I’d screamed and brought the studio to a halt. I tried to get up, but my leg just buckled under me. I was left in tears no matter how brave I was trying to be. My dance partner, Scott, panicked while trying to comfort me and yelling for others to call 911. I don’t remember much after the paramedics arrived. I’d torn my anterior cruciate ligament in my knee, clean off the bone, as well as some hairline fractures in my bones. Surgery was the only option and at least eight weeks’ intense rehabilitation to walk properly. It was nine months before I could even start to dance or run. During that time, I lost all my strength and muscle definition.
It was the worst time of my life. Never had I felt such despair.
Laying on the gurney listening to the doctor was like a knife stabbing my heart. He stood there telling me how high the possibility was that I would never dance again.
My heart shattered, and I tuned out what he was saying after that bombshell. I spiraled down a dark tunnel. I was a strong, stubborn woman, but at that moment, I was broken in a thousand pieces.
All I had wanted since I could walk was to be a dancer. My parents tell stories of me dancing to my own rhythm. It was like I had an internal playlist of music only I could hear. I couldn’t understand how life could be so cruel to me.
That day was just the beginning of months of heartache. It didn’t take long for me to stop sulking and realize the only person who could ever prove the doctor wrong would be me, and of course, with my family, Natalie and Xavier being my biggest supporters and pushing me to never give up. I have now made it back to this point.
