by Karen Deen
“How are you doing today, Em? How’s Thomas? Are you all settling okay?” Her smile always makes me relax.
“A little tired, but besides that, we are both perfect.
“So great to see you, Zara. I’m so glad Grant and the kids brought you for a visit. I heard you were here the night he was born but couldn’t stay, so I am so glad you’re back.” I see Zara starting to breathe a little slower with Emily’s warm reception. Her eyes however, show that her mind is still racing trying to process everything.
“Zach, can you pass Thomas to Zara so she can meet our new little blessing? He’s so cuddly, you’ll just love him. I stare at him all day. I never thought I’d be lucky enough to have any more children, so he certainly is a gift to us all.” Love pours from Emily as she looks at her son in Zach’s arms. My big, strong brother is brought to his knees every time he’s near Thomas. Emily knows Thomas isn’t only a gift to her and the twins, but he’s a miracle for Zach. They all are. His life is perfect.
I feel the nerves and anxiety radiating off Zara.
The moment Thomas is placed in her arms, calmness washes over her. Her eyes gaze lovingly down at this perfect little boy. All the troubles from earlier fade away and she allows her head to be one place. Finally, Zara’s shoulders relax, the back of her fingers gently touching Thomas’s cheek. It seems Sammy isn’t my only wingman. Thanks, baby Thomas.
16
Zara
Such innocence and trust in such a small child. Not touched or tainted by the world yet. All he has known is the love of his family. The room is filled with it, you can feel it. Running my finger down his soft smooth cheek, I fall in love. Thomas is just adorable. My mind scrambles and my senses are on overload from Grant. I try to process everything and now Thomas has eased my mind. How can such a soul be so calming? He’s just what I need. A little nose that’s shaped like a button is sitting in the middle of a cute little face. His jaw line though is definitely from Zach. Strong and square which show power. Grant’s jaw is the adult image of Thomas.
I wonder what Thomas’s life has in store for him. What will his dreams be? Where will life take him? The love I share for these three little people is growing by the minute. I have no idea why, but I feel so close to this family. It’s like Thomas has a magical power that’s dragging me in. If only it were that easy, Thomas. Life is so much more complicated than that.
My mind becomes totally consumed by Thomas, that I don’t realize Grant, Zach and the kids are no longer in the room. Emily signals for me to join her on the bed. I’m not ready to finish my cuddle yet. Emily doesn’t try to take her son, instead she simply smiles at me like the cat that ate the canary.
“He’s so precious, Emily. Thank you for letting me see him. This is the first time I’ve held a baby so little. My ovaries are aching at his cuteness. I have never had that feeling before.”
“Zara, that’s not just Thomas doing that to you. It has a lot to do with that big dominate male you walked in with. The same one who can’t seem to take his eyes off you. He’s turned on things in your body that have never been awoken by any man before. Tell me honestly, am I wrong?”
I try to say the words, but they fail to form. Taking a huge breath, all that comes out is a sigh.
“That’s what I thought. The electricity zings between you two and you weren’t even touching.”
I don’t know Emily all that well, but we’ve got along right from the start, ever since she came into the studio to enroll Sophia. Everything about her aura tells me I can trust her. Right at this moment, I need to talk, and I know Emily will understand.
“Oh God, Emily. Grant turns me upside down every time he walks in the room. His voice makes my stomach butterfly and when he touches me, I lose all rational thought. I don’t know how to handle him. It’s been two days since I met him, and he’s consuming me.”
“So, what’s the problem?”
“The problem is, I can’t let it happen, but I don’t want to stop it either. The timing is all wrong.”
“Zara, talk to me. If anyone knows about the power of a Stevenson man, it’s me. Let me help. Whatever you say will stay between us. I love Grant dearly, but you look like you need a friend.”
“You have no idea how much I need to talk. My head is so conflicted. My body turns to mush. That is not me, Emily. I am a strong independent woman who doesn’t need a man. I know where I’m heading and what I need to do to get there. There’s no time or space for a man in that journey. The last time I let one in…he crushed me and my dreams. I can never let that happen again.”
“Why can’t Grant be part of your dreams? No man has the right to crush a dream. The right man, the one who is meant for you, will walk beside you in that dream and be there to catch you if you fall. To push you back up and point you forward until you reach that dream.”
Emily has no idea what she’s saying is actually like a fairy tale. But, that’s not what happens. The only way you can get to your dream is on your own. Other people only want to be a part of it while the going’s good. When times get tough, they walk away and crush you.
“It doesn’t always happen like that, Emily.” Thomas stirs in my arms. I don’t know what to do with him and feel a moment of panic. Instinct, however, soon kicks in and I start to pat his bottom and his sleepy smile returns.
Emily reaches out and places her hand over mine. It’s a gesture of friendship and one which makes me feel safe.
“The day Zach walked into my life, it was one of the worst days I’d lived through, other than the day I lost my mom. Yet, he blew me away. I had no choice but to notice him and I knew in my heart I needed him. What could I do? I tried so hard to deny my feelings. My kids needed protecting and I didn’t want to be hurt. I pushed him away so many times trying to pretend I was in control. I’m telling you now, I wasn’t in control of anything. Zach Stevenson had arrived in my life and he was my happily ever after. Nothing I did was going to change that. Zach fought his feelings just as hard as I did. He tried to walk away, but fate and the universe had worked too hard to get us together and we couldn’t deny it any longer.”
Emily radiates love. Her eyes glisten as she retells her story. Everything she says makes sense. Grant has this kind of pull on me and I don’t even know how to explain it.
“I am so confused, Emily. When Grant walks into the room, I can’t function. Being friends is all it can be. But it’s like he’s not buying it. It’s like he thinks the words I say are all lies and what I’m really saying is I want him to eat me alive.”
Emily bursts out laughing and wakes Thomas. He starts to cry. Emily reaches for her son and when he’s nestles into her arms, he settles.
“Oh, I know that look, Zara. How do you think Thomas was created?” We both giggle.
“My audition is only a few weeks away and I am so close to my dream. I can almost smell and almost touch it. Since I was a young girl, all I wanted to do was dance for the New York Dance Company. Years of training, auditioning and pain have all come to this. My past injury ruled me out but this time I can taste it. Losing focus now would be the end of the dream. I am too old to start again. It would not be fair to Grant to start something and then move away to pursue my dream.” Hesitating to tell Emily the truth, I whisper, “Part of me is also scared I won’t be able to leave him. That regret would eat away at me for the rest of my life. That’s not fair to any relationship.”
Tears well and I reprimand myself for feeling this way about I man I’ve known for only twenty-four hours. Emily prepares to feed Thomas when she answers.
“You can’t stop love, Zara. You also can’t choose when it finds you. Talk to Grant. Tell him everything you have just told me. Don’t discount him until you have given him a chance. Your past man obviously was a total dick. I am sure there is more to that story as there is to mine and Zach’s. Another day, another place and we’ll talk about that. Now it’s just important for you to know Grant is a good guy. He might appear all alpha male, domineering and straig
ht talking. Deep down though, he’s the biggest softie. He just finds it hard to show it. Again, that’s Grant’s story and I’m sure he will show you that side if you give him a chance. Just think about it, Zara. What I’m saying to you is not because Grant is my brother-in-law, it’s because I see the way you two are together. Nothing should stop you when you find your ‘one’. He wants you just as much as you want him, even though you are scared to admit it.”
“Christ … Emily, I want him so much. Never have I been so close to tearing someone’s clothes off and letting them take me. With him, it’s every time we’re alone. I fantasize about what he can do to me. And the thought of him naked…!” My cheeks redden with embarrassment.
Emily bursts out laughing. “Sorry, Thomas,” she coos. “I need to stop scaring you like that. I have a feeling you might need to get used to me laughing while your Aunty Zara is around.”
That makes me laugh. “Emily, stop it. You are as bad as Sammy and Soph, who’ve already made me a seat at your family table. What the hell am I going to do? Maybe we need one night of passion, so I can get it out of my system. Then maybe, he would let me go.”
“One thing I can assure you of is after the first time I fuck you all night long, there’s no way you will want me to let you go.” Grant’s deep voice sounds behind me. I feel him grow closer and then he whispers in my ear. “If that is what you want, baby, I’m ready when you are.”
I’m frozen in place and sweating all at the same time. My face heats up and I know it’s colored bright red. But it’s not just from embarrassment. Grant’s voice did what it always does when his tone is low and dirty. It makes me succumb to temptation and want to hand over complete control.
Not wanting to turn around, I slowly look at Emily. She’s trying to hide her smile that blatantly says, ‘I told you so’. Looking at the two of us she knows I’m fighting a losing battle, and she’s just confirmed I already know. Stevenson men don’t give up easily.
“Grant, where’s Zach and the twins?” Emily asks, letting me know we are on our own. Grant doesn’t answer, his focus still on me, causing the small hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end.
“Grant. Over here. It’s me… Emily. The lady with the baby,” she snickers.
Grant moves to the side of me so I can see him. “They met Mom and Dad downstairs and are getting Gruffy a coffee before they come back up. Sorry, Emily, but we need to leave.”
“Right now?”
“Zara, let’s go, please.” He takes my hand and pulls me up straight into his arms. This is not helping me get my body under control. My hands fall to his to balance myself, and god it feels good. Zach clears his throat as he enters, and I’m brought back to reality.
“Nice to see you, Emily,” Grant says warmly. “And Zach, I will talk to you tomorrow.” Grant relinquishes his hold on me, so he can kiss Emily and Thomas. After he shakes Zach’s hand, they lean in for a man hug. I’m still recovering and can’t seem to form a single word.
“Say goodbye, Zara,” Grant directs me.
Whoa! Hang on a minute. I am nobody’s puppet. His bossing me around certainly snaps me out of it.
“I am perfectly capable of speaking for myself, thank you very much,” I respond.
“Zach, it was lovely to see you. Emily, thank you for everything. Thomas is amazing, and you’re right, he has a very special soul.” My look into Emily’s eyes lets her know how much I appreciate the chat. Her insight into Grant was greatly needed.
“I am here anytime you want to visit or chat, Zara. I have a feeling I will be seeing quite a bit of you.” She winks at me before turning her attention to the commotion approaching the door. The twins have arrived. My mind is still reeling from Grant and his declaration of wanting to fuck me. He’s right, we need to get out of here. Fast.
We say goodbye to everyone and, as we leave Emily’s room, Grant takes my hand and marches us down to the lift. The ride down to the ground floor is silent but only due to having to share the space. How exactly am I going to get myself out of this? Tell him I didn’t mean it? He would never believe me.
We reach the car and I can see he’s struggling just as hard as I am.
“Grant, we need to talk,” I say while looking at my feet.
“Get in the car, Zara. We are not talking here.”
Oh, no you don’t. “Don’t you dare talk to me like you own me!”
Grant steps forward causing me to step back until I’m pressed between him and the car door. I feel the rise and fall of his chest brush my breasts. “Let me assure you, Zara, I know I don’t own you and I am not the type of man to ever want to own a woman. So, get your ass in the car now before I can no longer control my actions. You can’t stand here and talk about wanting me to fuck you hard all night long and have it not send me crazy. Yes, we need to talk but not in a hospital carpark.” He takes a long pause and his breathing slows. “You have no idea what you are doing to me, Zara.”
Slowly dragging his hand up my arm, he cups my face before gently pulling me into an embrace, my head laying on his chest. His heart beats steady and hard. “Please, Zara, get in the car so I can take you home and we can talk when we get there,” he whispers. “I think we both need time to calm down.” With that he pulls me away from the car and opens the door for me. Stunned by what he’s said and done, I slide into my seat without so much as a word and fasten my seatbelt. How can I resist that chemistry? I need to be strong enough to say no to whatever he offers. Whoever said listen to your head is crazy!
Grant
My head’s warring with other parts of me on the drive to Zara’s apartment. Whoever said listen to your head, needs to be more specific which head they mean.
My brain tells me to slow it down and listen to what Zara needs to say. There’s a big reason behind why she’s trying to keep her distance. No normal person fights this kind of attraction unless there’s a major reason. I need to respect that and be prepared to listen to her rationalization.
Though my other head in my pants is as hard as steel. There’s not one piece of rational thinking going on in there. All my cock wants to do is take her up on her offer of fucking her hard, all night long. Exactly what I’ve been dreaming about since I met her. She has my body on high alert. Every time she looks at me with that spirited soul, I know I want her more. The pounding of her heart when I held her in my arms, told me she wants it too. I don’t know how to pull back my thoughts of having her under me.
“Grant!” Zara suddenly screams.
“Fuck!” I slam on the brakes, the Audi skidding to a halt at the red light I almost ran.
My heart races and beside me, I can could hear Zara’s exhaling heavily. “I am so sorry,” I say, taking her hand in mine. “I should’ve been concentrating more instead of being so distracted. I need to get you home safely. How much further is your apartment?”
Her shoulders visibly relax. “Just up the road, turn right into the second intersection. We’re almost there. That is, if you think you can manage to get us there safely.”
For some reason, her glare makes me laugh. It breaks the tension even though Zara looks like she might slap me. I probably deserve it and that just makes me laugh all the more. I can almost see her thoughts…kill Grant Stevenson or strip him naked. I wink and her nostrils flare. Here we are, two grown adults acting like teenagers with raging hormones we don’t know how to control.
Zara finally starts to relax, and she starts to giggle. There is something about the sweet giggle of a beautiful woman. We start laughing so much, we both get tears in our eyes. I can’t remember that last time I ever laughed so hard. A car horn sounds, startling us both. The light is green and a long line of cars behind me wait impatiently. I slowly accelerate and head down to Zara’s street.
I pull over to the side of the road, and instead of making a move inside, we both sit in silence tying to gather ourselves. It’s me who speaks. “Well, I have to say, that certainly broke the moment.”
“If I didn’t laugh,
I would have screamed at you. We both know that wouldn’t have been pretty for either of us.” Despite the warning, Zara still smiles brightly.
“You’re pretty hot when you’re mad at me. I think I’ve seen that side of you a few times already.” I can’t help myself. Straight away the tension swings from light and funny, to the building of our off-the-charts sexual tension.
Zara’s smile fades. “Grant, we need to talk. I can’t do this. That statement doesn’t stop you, though, so I need to fully explain. Do you think you can behave yourself enough to come up for coffee?”
“Coffee? Just coffee?”
“Yes, Grant! Coffee. You know the brown liquid that smells great, tastes even better and is known to calm the most savage Zara in the morning. Understand? Think you can manage just coffee?”
I contemplate what’s been said. Did I want just coffee? Hell, no. Did I want to know what the hell is going on in that stunningly beautiful head? Hell, yes.
“Coffee and a chat sounds great. I mean, it’s not like I’m going to need anything to keep me awake tonight. I think I’ll be doing that all on my own. So… yes, Zara, I would love to come up for coffee. Then home to spend a lonely night, in my bed trying to get some sleep.”
“Jesus, Grant! Can you ever keep the conversation clean?” At least that earns a laugh as she tries to open her door. I grab her leg.
“Please, wait. It really is important to me.” Jumping from the car, I see Zara visibly relax. Opening the door is a small thing but so ingrained in me that I want Zara to know what it’d be like to be with me. She would always be treated like a treasure. The same way my father treats my mother. Their love is precious and everlasting. It’s a love you never doubt when you see them together.
“Thank you. Sorry for not waiting for you to open the door, I’m just not used to being looked after like this. I didn’t do it to be painful.”
