by Amy Knupp
It likely wouldn’t be okay. She’d picked the wrong guy.
“Annnnd your silence confirms exactly what I needed to know,” Mackenzie said quietly.
“I’m sorry, Mackenzie,” he said, because he heard the hurt in her voice, and if there was one thing he was crystal clear on, it was that he never wanted to hurt her.
“Me too.” She shook her head, as if at a loss as to how it’d come to this. “Having you in my life as a friend, with or without benefits, jacks with my head. And my heart. I have to stop it. I’m looking to the future, buying a house, building up the Nashville branch of To the Stars. And I want the rest of the package, Drake. I do. I want to get married someday, want to have a family. And I know that you don’t.”
“I might someday,” he started, reflexively, almost defensively, because yeah, the thought of being alone for the rest of his life… That suddenly seemed like a cold, lonely existence. It hadn’t before, but as he peered at Mackenzie’s profile and imagined not being able to see her whenever he wanted to… He clamped down on that line of thoughts right quick.
“I understand why you can’t,” she said softly, and he knew she was talking about his dad’s death and the way that had fucked him up good. “If I was a different person, maybe I could wait around for you to sort things out. Maybe I could do halfway, but I can’t. That’s not me. So I need to stop. I need to say goodbye.”
He felt that like a physical blow, and the need to lash out boiled up in him. He couldn’t believe she was just going to walk away. “So I get no say in this? You’re just done?”
With her clutch sitting on her legs now, she ran her hands over her face, pausing with her fingers covering her eyes. When she dropped them, she said, her voice rough and emotional, “What do you want between us, Drake?”
He knew what the “right” answer was, knew she wanted him to want a commitment, exclusivity, to be her boyfriend, to love her back. But right now, the thought of saying any of that made his chest go ice-cold with fear.
He wasn’t a commitment guy. He didn’t know if he could ever let himself love a woman the way Mackenzie needed—deserved—to be loved. Over the years, content to be carefree and single, he’d questioned whether he was actually capable of that kind of love. In spite of the charming, happy, friendly face he put forth to the world, he was selfish and stunted and fucked up inside and he knew it.
It didn’t matter how much he wished he could tell her what she wanted to hear. He couldn’t lie to her. Couldn’t risk hurting her even more in the end.
“I like having you in my life. I care about you, Mackenzie. I respect you, I admire you, I like hanging out with you. I like the way things are.” That she didn’t made him want to yell and punch things.
Gazing at her lap, she nodded sadly, slowly, repeatedly, as if lost in thought. “I wish I could settle for that, Drake.”
Before he could say anything else, Mackenzie leaned across the console, cupped his cheek, and kissed him. She didn’t open to him, didn’t take it physically deeper, but he could feel the depth of her emotion behind it as she lingered for an extra second. As soon as he put his hand on her waist to pull her closer, she cut him off. Ended the kiss. Looking into his eyes, she said, “Unfortunately, I love you, and that changes everything.”
She pulled away, picked up her wallet, which had slid to the floor, opened the door, and sent him a sad smile before climbing out and walking away.
He watched her, a painful wad of emotions jamming up his throat, as she got in her car, started it up, and, without another look in his direction, drove away.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
In all the years of upheaval and moving around and roommates, it seemed the one thing Mackenzie had rarely been was alone. It was taking some getting used to in her apartment, and it would take even more adjustment in her home. Her two-story, three-bedroom home.
Her home.
“I’m moving to Muller Street,” she said to herself with a partial smile as she maneuvered into a parallel parking spot on Hale, on the other side of the street from Sierra’s apartment, right in front of the recording studio.
The joy at receiving the call from Calvin a couple of hours ago was tempered by the heaviness that still sat like a lead weight in her self-inflicted broken heart, but she was determined to stifle the sadness and savor her news. Thank God for Sierra’s insistence that they celebrate.
Mackenzie made a solemn promise to herself, as she killed the engine, to leave the Drake-related sadness in the car. She climbed out, determined to enjoy the night.
It was Wednesday evening, a little after seven o’clock, and though the retail businesses on Hale seemed to be closed, the street was alive with activity. Between Frank’s Diner and Clayborne’s and the restaurant within the Wentworth, the air was filled with tempting food aromas, and she thought she even caught a whiff of sweet baked goods from Sugar Babies. There were quite a few people about, coming and going and window-shopping. Lights were on in the studio, shining out onto the brick sidewalk in front, and Mackenzie glanced in, wondering which musicians were working and whether she’d recognize them if she saw them. They were apparently tucked inside the recording rooms though, out of sight.
Next door, Henry Interiors caught her eye, even though it was obviously not open, the display windows dimly lit and showcasing a rustic farm table made of three wide planks of dark-stained wood. It was beautiful and unique, and the place settings of simple white and blue coordinated with a sprawling spring floral centerpiece of white and green with a few blue-violet blooms as accents.
She needed a dining table. Most of the places she’d lived in the past few years had had breakfast bars and stools and little to no room for a full table, but now she had a dining room to fill. Walking closer to the door, she noted the store’s hours and promised herself she’d come back. She shoved down the thought that she’d either be eating at that table alone or standing at the kitchen counter.
After a cursory glance at the other display window of Henry Interiors, she darted across the street toward the spa, following Sierra’s directions to get to her second-floor apartment at the end. Once she’d knocked, she put a smile on her face and didn’t have to fake it much, because this was exactly what she needed. Girl time, even if she didn’t yet know Hayden, Sierra’s friend who was joining them.
The door opened, and Sierra welcomed her in with a warm hug. “Hello. Congratulations! I cannot believe you found something so fast.”
“Thank you. One day of searching! I figured it would take me a month to find a house,” Mackenzie said, her melancholy taking a backseat to gratitude and affection even as she forced down the thought that what had brought this friendship about—the North family—was now less a part of her life. The important thing was, her ties to Drake had introduced her to Sierra, who was fast becoming one of her closest friends in Nashville. “And you guys found one too. Calvin’s having a very good week.”
“God’s truth,” Sierra said. “He’s more than earned his money with me.” She laughed. She’d texted Mackenzie last night when the offer she and Cole had put on a fully renovated ninety-two-year-old farmhouse-style home had been accepted.
“Come meet Hayden,” Sierra said, gesturing to the kitchen, which was open to the entry and living area.
At the kitchen island stood a cute brunette with a warm smile and a bottle of wine in her hand. She was dressed in cream-colored pants, a classy leopard-print blouse, a black jacket, and bare feet. Mackenzie could tell in an instant she was going to like her.
“It’s nice to meet you, Mackenzie,” Hayden said. “We’ve got a Shiraz open. Can I pour you a glass?”
“Absolutely,” Mackenzie said, walking toward her. “Good to meet you. Thanks for letting me crash your evening.”
“You’re not crashing at all,” Hayden said as she filled another glass and held it out. “I just got done with work across the street and didn’t think I could make it all the way home without a glass of wine.”
; “Or a couple of bottles,” Sierra said as she made her way to the counter, where a carryout bag sat. “I just picked up pretzel bites, fried mushrooms, mozzarella sticks, and fries from Clayborne’s. Hope you girls are feeling snackish.” She unloaded multiple takeout boxes and took down three appetizer-sized plates.
“Health food at its finest,” Hayden said, which of course made Mackenzie think of Drake. Stupid man and his stupid health fetish. He would wholeheartedly disapprove of Sierra’s offerings, and Mackenzie was going to savor every drop of greasy goodness. “Bring it on. Where’s Cole tonight?”
“He and Gabe are installing their mom’s new appliances. Her refrigerator stopped working and she decided to go with a new top-of-the-line one in black. Everything else is stainless and ten years old, so the guys convinced her to upgrade everything.”
“Good for her,” Mackenzie said, setting her glass on the counter in hopes of avoiding a spill.
“Cracks me up that she probably spent a small fortune on appliances but didn’t spring for the store to install them.” Hayden opened a drawer and took out serving spoons, obviously at home here.
“Are you kidding me?” Sierra said. “Cole wouldn’t allow it. He said half the time those guys don’t know what they’re doing anyway, and he’s right. So he’s taking care of his mama.” Her affection for him oozed through her tone and her smile.
“You’ve got yourself a good guy. What can I do to help?” Mackenzie asked, sidling up next to Sierra at the counter. As Sierra opened the boxes, steam came off the fresh-looking bar food.
“Sit yourself down and tell us all about your new home,” Sierra said.
Mackenzie’s stomach growled, and she realized she hadn’t eaten since an early lunch. “I’d love to,” she said to Sierra.
She and Hayden went around to the stool side of the island and settled in.
“Ahh. I’ve been waiting hours to get off my feet,” Hayden said.
“Do you work in retail?” Mackenzie asked, guessing from the aching feet and the across the street comment.
Hayden nodded as she swallowed a sip of wine and set her glass on the granite counter. “At Henry Interiors.”
“Oh!” Mackenzie said, perking up.
“What Hayden doesn’t mention is that she owns Henry Interiors and is a designer,” Sierra said. “A very good one.”
“Oh,” Mackenzie said again. “That’s awesome. The store looks amazing from the window. I just fell in love with the farm table on my way here.”
“The one in the window?” Hayden said, her eyes sparkling. “Isn’t it gorgeous?”
“It’s beautiful, and so is the way you set it up. Is it bunches and bunches of dollars? Because I might need it.”
Hayden laughed. “I like this girl so much,” she said to Sierra. “I have pieces in the bunches-and-bunches range, but that isn’t one of them. I found it in an estate sale in not-so-great condition and refinished it myself.”
“You did that?” Mackenzie asked.
“She has a serious knack,” Sierra said as she slid three plates of fried goodness onto the island and then set out various bowls of condiments and sauces.
“All it needed was some TLC,” Hayden said modestly. “Anyway, come in sometime and you can see it up close. And if I drink wine with you in an intimate setting, you’re automatically qualified for the girlfriend discount.”
“I for sure will,” Mackenzie said, lifting her glass. “To drinking wine in an intimate setting…and girlfriends.”
Hayden and Sierra made sounds of agreement and clinked their glasses to hers.
“So tell us all about it,” Sierra said, coming around to their side. She scooted one of the four stools around the corner and sat at a right angle to them. “Isn’t Calvin amazing? How many houses did you go through to find the one?”
“Calvin is a godsend. He took me through nine houses on Friday. It was the third one we saw that I fell in love with. I knew the second I walked in the door,” Mackenzie said. “It felt right, even before I saw everything, if that makes any sense at all.”
“I get it,” Sierra said. “My crew thinks I’m crazy, but I believe buildings have a soul. It’s something you sense rather than see, and if a house doesn’t feel right, you’re not going to be happy there.”
“To heck with what your crew thinks,” Hayden said affectionately. “You gotta do you.”
“I do me better than anyone else.” Sierra laughed. “So what’s the house like?”
Mackenzie described it in minute detail, thanks to their genuine enthusiasm and interest, and lost herself in the excitement the milestone called for.
“It sounds perfect for you,” Sierra said. “I assume Drake went through it with you?”
“Ahh…um, no,” Mackenzie said, and her surface happiness drained away, as if someone had released the stopper from a bathtub. Because she hadn’t told Sierra, hadn’t told anyone about her short, intense, and now over adventures with Drake, not since he’d showed up in Jiva. She hadn’t had a chance until now. It wasn’t something you discussed over text.
She’d apparently not shoved that ball of sadness down nearly deep enough, because just the mention of his name had her throat closing up.
“Oh, hon.” Sierra clutched Mackenzie’s wrist intuitively, her smile disappearing. “You guys… He went on your trip with you, didn’t he? I just thought…”
“Yeah,” Mackenzie managed before her breath was stolen by a wave of emotion.
“Who is Drake?” Hayden asked. “Cole’s Drake? And do I need to hunt him down with a baseball bat?”
There was so much feeling in Hayden’s voice, so much support and sisterhood in that one sentence that tears instantly welled in Mackenzie’s eyes.
“I have a Louisville Slugger by my bed,” Hayden continued, and that did it. Mackenzie laughed at the same time the tears poured over the rims of her eyes.
“Oh, hon,” Sierra said again and put her arm around Mackenzie. “The sad thing is, Hayden means it.” She shook her head as if Hayden was beyond help. “Yes, Cole’s Drake. You have to get over your man anger.”
“No anger. Just being supportive,” Hayden said with a half grin. “Want to talk about it?” she asked Mackenzie.
Mackenzie covered her face with both hands, a little embarrassed to bawl like a baby in front of this girl she’d just met. But when Hayden moved her stool closer and leaned up against Mackenzie’s other side, she felt these women’s support with every fiber of her being and knew it was okay. They weren’t going to judge her.
Sucking in a deep, shaky breath, Mackenzie nodded and launched into a summary of her time with Drake, starting back on the night she’d flown into Nashville, for Hayden’s sake. Sierra added in parts she knew, and when Mackenzie told them how Drake had shown up unexpectedly at the romantic resort on the island of Jiva, both of them gasped.
“I had no idea it wasn’t planned and he wasn’t invited by you,” Sierra said.
“Oh, my God,” Hayden said. “That’s…” She shook her head. “Even considering that the money factor was not blink worthy for a North brother, that is incredible. I thought Drake was the one who rarely goes out with a girl more than once.”
“None of them really do relationships, from what I understand,” Sierra said, “but yeah, Drake goes out all the time but rarely with the same person twice. Until now, apparently.” She raised her brows with a knowing look at Mackenzie.
“For a guy like that to travel all the way to the other side of the world to surprise you?” Hayden shook her head. “That’s quite a statement.”
Mackenzie gaped at Hayden, because it was true, and hearing it from someone else somehow made it sink in.
“Whatever happened between you two,” Sierra said, “because I sense there’s not a happy ending to this story, there isn’t a doubt in my mind that he cares deeply about you.”
Mackenzie swallowed, the tears not slowing at all.
Hayden spooned several fried mushrooms onto her plate. “He p
ut himself out there. It was a grand, romantic-as-hell gesture. How were you supposed to not fall for that boy? I’ve met him. I know what he looks like,” she added.
Mackenzie laughed through the tears again and then said, mournfully, “He’s so damn good-looking.”
“Damn him,” Hayden agreed.
“So your trip once he got there…was it good?” Sierra picked at a fry from her plate, dragging it through the excess salt before sticking it in her mouth.
“So good.” Mackenzie told them about their final day and the customized tour of the islands.
“Wow. I did not know he had that in him,” Sierra said quietly. “You didn’t stand a chance, did you?”
These girls… Mackenzie didn’t know them well yet, but she knew she would, because they so got it. She felt a strong bond developing already and was so glad she’d texted Sierra her house news first, even before Ezra and her boss and friend, Cora.
“Our agreement to spend time together was just for the duration of our trip,” Mackenzie told them, her voice sounding thick and off. “And then he showed up at my apartment last Saturday night to celebrate his new job.”
Sierra explained the job details to Hayden and said, “Thank God he was smart enough to take it. You know…that was a big, giant step for Drake.”
“Taking a job with his family’s business?” Hayden asked.
Both Sierra and Mackenzie nodded.
“He’s never committed to a career-type job,” Sierra said. “He’s the baby of the family, and Cole says it’s been a long time coming for Drake to take some steps toward growing up.”
“Heading up a brand-new division of a big company seems like a pretty big leap,” Hayden said. “Good for him.”
As Sierra told Hayden more about Drake’s history of splitting his time between various part-time gigs, Mackenzie stopped hearing her as her mind spun.
They were both so right with their observations—Hayden’s that it was a big step for Drake to fly around the world to spend time with Mackenzie and Sierra’s that taking that job was monumental. Mackenzie knew all too well how monumental—probably better than anyone else did, because Drake had confided in her.
