by M. S. Parker
I reached for it, my fingers tracing my name as I imagined him writing it. Imagined him wrapping the gift. I carefully slid my finger under the flap and began to work the paper off. I was never this gentle when I opened my gifts normally, but I wanted to save it. My last keepsake from him.
I set the paper down next to the letter and took a deep breath. The box was plain and black, nothing written on it to tell me where it was from. I opened it and caught my breath.
Inside, nestled against black velvet, was a small silver spoon.
It wasn't something new. I knew that because I'd seen it before. Allen had shown it to me. It and a dozen other ones just like it.
They were Lockwood family silver spoons. Ones that the Lockwoods had engraved with every child and grandchild's name and birthdate.
There was a small piece of paper folded underneath it and I pulled it out.
It wasn't addressed to me.
Dear Baby Girl or Boy,
You don't know me, but I knew your mother. She is the most special person in the world, and I know she loves you more than anything else in the world. She's been thinking about having you for years, and I know now that you're here, she's going to be the best mom in the world. I don't know if I knew your dad, but I'm sure, no matter who he is, that your mother has picked someone amazing to share her life with. Be good to them because I know they love you more than anything.
I buried my face in my hands and cried.
Chapter 19
I was still crying when Jasper came home. These weren't gut-wrenching sobs or even the sort of hard, angry cry I'd experienced over the past six months. There was some sadness in the tears, but more a sense of relief and gratitude. Relief that I now knew for sure what had happened and how Allen had felt. Gratitude that I'd been allowed to have as much time with Allen as I'd had. Gratitude for everything I'd had with him.
“Shae.” Jasper was at my side immediately, not even bothering to take off his coat.
I put my face against his broad chest and breathed in the scent of cold that clung to the fabric. The feel of his arms calmed me, and after a few moments, I pulled back to wipe my face.
“What is it?” he asked. “Did something else happen with the police?”
I shook my head. “No.” I gestured towards the table.
“What's that?” He shifted so that one arm was around my shoulders and he could reach for the letter with the other.
“Read it,” I said quietly. It was strange that the thought of Jasper reading something so personal didn't bother me. In fact, I preferred him reading it to me having to explain it.
He pulled me tight against him as he settled back against the couch to read. I rested my head on his shoulder, not wanting to look at his face while he read. After a few minutes, I felt him sigh and he set the letter aside.
“Are you okay?” He smoothed down my hair.
I nodded. “Surprisingly, yes. I feel like this kind of weight was lifted off of me. Like I finally got answers.”
“This is Allen's handwriting,” he said quietly.
I straightened a bit, turning so I could look at him. I could hear what he wasn't saying. “I don't think the other letter was really from Allen.”
He opened his mouth, hesitated, and then spoke, “I didn't want to say it before, but I agree. It didn't really sound like Allen. That other letter. But this, it sounds like him.”
“It does,” I agreed. “And that was with the letter.” I pointed at the box.
Jasper reached out and opened the box. He stared at the spoon, the look on his face telling me that he knew exactly what it was. He read the note next and I watched him wipe his own eyes. He set the note down and gently touched the spoon.
“I can't believe he did that.” There was a soft smile on his face. “No, actually, I can. That's exactly the kind of man Allen was.”
“Do you think he knew?” I asked.
“Knew what?” He turned back to me.
“That this would happen.” I leaned back into him and pulled his arm around me. “You and me. Do you think Allen knew that the two of us would end up together?”
Jasper kissed the top of my head. “I don't know. But he hoped we would. That the two people who loved him more than anything else would fall in love with each other.”
“I want to decorate,” I said suddenly. “I want to decorate the house for Christmas. And I want the two of us to spend the holiday together. I'll invite Mitchell to come over on Christmas Day for a bit, but I want it to be about the two of us.”
I didn't ask if he wanted to invite his family. I already knew how he felt, and if something changed, I was sure he'd let me know.
“That sounds perfect.” He cupped my chin and tipped my head up. “Anything with you sounds perfect.” He brushed his lips across mine. A gentle kiss, but one that still made my stomach flip. “When do you want to decorate?”
I smiled at him. “Tomorrow. I have something else I'd like to do tonight.”
I pushed myself up to press my mouth more firmly against his. He made a sound in the back of his throat as I slid my hands under his coat, pushing it off him. I let my hands linger on his broad shoulders as he pushed his hands under the bottom of my shirt, palms skimming over the small of my back and up my spine. His skin was still chilled from being outside.
His fingers curled over the clasp of my bra and his teeth scraped over my bottom lip, drawing a moan from me. He broke the kiss, but didn't pull back.
“Bedroom.” His voice was rough, twisting things low inside me. “Now.”
I linked my fingers behind his neck. “We can stay here.”
He shook his head, his eyes a dark, stormy gray. “I want to take it slow.”
Oh.
He stood, reaching down to take my hand. He pulled me to my feet and the two of us walked upstairs and into our room. Once inside, he peeled off his shirt, revealing the sculpted torso and narrow hips that made my mouth water. I'd loved the way Allen had been built, but Jasper's body was equally as delicious.
I was so distracted by him that he was lowering his boxer-briefs when I finally remembered that I was still fully clothed. As he straightened, he smirked at me, the sort of self-satisfied smile that said he knew exactly what I'd been doing and that he enjoyed knowing it.
I started to reach for the bottom of my shirt, but his hands covered mine, stopping me. I raised my hands above my head and let him pull the shirt over and off. He let it drop to the floor and then stood there, looking at me with a hungry expression on his face.
“I'll never get tired of this,” he said as he lightly ran his fingers along my collarbone, then down along my bra. “Seeing you. Touching you.” He cupped my breast over my bra. “Knowing you're mine.”
If he'd told me that before I'd read his journal, read how he'd felt about me for all these years, I would've appreciated the remark, but I couldn't have understood the enormity of what he meant. Now, I got it. Knowing how long, how patiently he'd waited for me, never knowing if he'd even have a chance to tell me how he felt, or if he did, if I'd return the feelings...it was almost overwhelming. I'd never doubted the depth of Allen's love for me, and I knew I could believe as strongly in what Jasper felt for me.
“How did I get so lucky?” I asked as I reached out and put my hand over his heart. “Most people think they're fortunate if they find one person who can love them the way I've been loved. And I've had two.”
He covered my hand with his and held it there for a moment before pulling my hand up to kiss the palm. He released my hand and reached around behind me to open my bra clasp. He pulled it off and covered my breasts with his hands. His fingers moved over the soft flesh, and his thumbs ran back and forth across my nipples until the darker flesh was hard and tight.
“I imagined doing this so many times,” he said, his gaze still on my breasts. “Touching you like this, seeing your body respond to me.”
Heat unfurled in my belly, spreading out and around, saturating my skin, my muscles,
every part of me. When he lowered his head and flicked his tongue across my nipple, I moaned.
“On the bed,” he said, lifting his head.
I sat down on the edge and then pushed myself back until I was in the middle. He crawled up next to me, his movements graceful, sensual. Allen hadn't been awkward, but there was just something about the way Jasper moved that would've made me think of sex, even if he hadn't been naked.
He stretched himself out over my body, his bare skin pressed against my jeans, then against my bare skin. He placed open-mouthed kisses up my stomach, and then across my breasts, teeth and lips pulling at my skin until it turned pink. He sucked skin into his mouth and I ran my fingers through his hair, holding him at my breast as he marked me. His fingers were at my waist, fingers teasing at the flesh just below the edge of my jeans.
I gasped as he closed his mouth over my nipple. He sucked on it hard enough to make me cry out, back arching. Each pull was like a bolt of electricity straight to my core. Then he switched to the other, the air suddenly cold against my wet skin. His fingers were at work between us, deftly undoing my button and zipper. He raised himself up on one arm without breaking suction. His teeth scraped back and forth over my nipple as he shoved his hand into my pants, fingers working their way over my panties until they were pressed against the damp cotton.
“So wet,” he murmured as he rubbed my clit though the material.
My eyes closed and his mouth returned to where it had been, teeth sharp as they nipped, tongue soothing. His fingers continued to apply that wonderful friction and my body began to tighten, building towards climax.
And suddenly I was there, crying out his name as I ground down on his hand, desperate for more. He pressed his fingers harder against me, his mouth suddenly at my ear.
“That's it, baby. Come on my hand. I love knowing that I brought you here with just my fingers.” He bit my earlobe and my body jerked. “Now I'm going to bring you with my mouth, lick every inch of you until you're writhing with pleasure.”
Fuck.
Before I could even consider how to respond to what he'd said, he was sliding down my body, pulling my jeans and panties off in the same smooth motion. He tossed them over his shoulder as he grabbed my ankles and pulled my legs apart. I didn't have time to be embarrassed by the sudden exposure because he was right there, desire clearly written on his face.
“I used to wonder about what you tasted like,” he said. He pressed his lips against the inside of my thigh. “Wonder what it would be like to feel you come against my mouth.”
I shivered. Jasper had never talked like this before, not about how he'd felt before. Maybe it had been Allen's letter saying that he wanted me to take care of Jasper, or maybe it had been him letting me read his journal, but something had changed to make him feel comfortable saying these things. Whatever the reason, I liked it. Not just because the things he was saying made me feel wanted, but because I wanted to know him, know how he felt and thought.
He ran the flat of his tongue across the sensitive skin and another shiver went through me. He wrapped his hands around my thighs, holding me in place as he pressed his mouth against me. I cried out, my body attempting to move, but his grip was tight, preventing me from going anywhere.
He was relentless, tongue sliding between my folds, dipping into me before moving up to tease my swollen clit. Each touch sent a new ripple of pleasure through me and then I was coming, my muscles tensing as the orgasm caught me by surprise. I grabbed the comforter in my fists, pulling at it as Jasper continued to lick even as I came. One climax rolled into another the moment his lips covered my clit and started to suck.
“Please, Jas,” I began to beg as my body shook. “Please, please, please...” I wasn't even sure what I was begging for, only that I didn't think I could take much more.
I let out a half-sob of relief as he raised his head. He kissed my hip, then moved up until he was laying next to me. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me against him, holding me until I stopped trembling.
“Do you have any idea what that does to me?” He pressed his lips against the top of my head. His voice was soft, his touch gentle as he ran his fingers over my shoulders. “Seeing you come apart like that. Hearing you say my name.”
I ran my fingers across his chest, smiling as I scraped my nails over his nipple and he hissed. I moved my hand lower, across his flat stomach, and then wrapped my fingers around his cock. He made a sound halfway between a growl and a moan as I gripped him, rubbing my thumb across his soft skin.
“I love knowing that I make you hard,” I said then kissed his chest. “I love hearing you say my name.”
“Shae,” he murmured, his hands tightening on my shoulders.
I looked up at him as I started to stroke his cock, my hand moving up and down his thick shaft in a slow and steady rhythm. Our eyes met, and he held my gaze for what felt like an eternity, like nothing existed outside of us, the feel of his body against mine, my hand moving over him.
Then, suddenly, he surged upright and pulled me across his lap. My legs automatically went on either side of him as he gripped my waist and held me up so that the tip of him was brushing against my entrance. He stretched his arm up along my spine, balancing me even as he slowly lowered me onto him.
My eyes closed as he entered me and he stopped.
“Open your eyes.” His voice held an edge of something dark, almost dangerous.
I did and swallowed hard at the look on his face. It was full of raw emotions. Lust and desire that made every part of me heat up. Love so strong that it felt like I couldn't contain it all. And a possessiveness that twisted that primal part of me that wanted him to claim me.
We watched each other as my body slid down onto him, each inch bringing us that much closer to being joined as intimately as two people could be. My breath was coming in short pants by the time he was fully inside me, my body feeling like it had been stretched to the limit.
I wrapped my arms around his neck as his hands settled at the small of my back, waiting for me to adjust to the overly full feeling that always came with having him inside me. I began to rock against him and he responded, his body moving with mine. There were no deep, penetrating thrusts, but he was pressed against everything, every nerve singing with the pressure and friction of our dance. Neither of us spoke, letting our bodies say what we knew we had no words to express.
As my body began to tighten, he reached up and put his hand on my cheek, his thumb sliding into my mouth. I sucked on it, ran my teeth along the pad, circled it with my tongue. He made a small sound and then replaced his thumb with his finger. I repeated what I'd done, the salty taste of his skin bursting across my tongue.
When he dropped his hand behind me, his wet finger sliding between my cheeks, I sucked in a breath, knowing what was coming. I was already hovering on the edge, and I knew only a bit more sensation and I'd be tipping over. Then his finger was there, pressing against my asshole and I leaned forward, giving him the bit of space he needed to push his finger inside.
I swore as I came, deep shudders of pleasure running through me as he twisted his finger, the base of his cock rubbing against my clit almost painfully. I pressed my face to his shoulder, biting down on the hard muscle there.
His body jerked against mine and I heard him say my name. Then he was coming too, pulsing and spilling into me, the sensations sending another ripple of pleasure through me. I clung to him as we rode each others' bodies, wringing out every last drop of pleasure until we collapsed back onto the bed, spent.
Chapter 20
The day after I found Allen's real letter and gift, I brought down my Christmas decorations and spent the whole day putting them up. When Jasper came home, everything was up and I actually felt like it was the holidays.
I'd put the garland up the staircase railing, but everything else had gone somewhere new. It was the perfect combination of familiar and new, letting me use what Allen and I had bought, but not making the rooms look identica
l to how they'd been before.
The only thing I didn't do was put up the tree. It just felt like it'd be a bit strange to have all of those Christmas ornaments that Allen and I had collected during our time together. I had some of my own, but there weren't enough to cover the whole tree. And then there was the issue with the tree itself. It was shabby and probably should've been replaced a couple years ago, but it had sentimental value. But I didn't want that sentiment becoming a part of the new life I was sharing with Jasper. I wanted us to have our own traditions and our own things to be sentimental about. I just wasn't sure what I wanted to do about the tree. But it was only the first week in December, so we had plenty of time to decide.
As much as I enjoyed spending all of Thursday decorating, I did find one downside to it on Friday morning.
I was bored out of my mind.
I didn't have any cleaning to do since I'd done that when I'd cleaned up after the cops had torn things up. My decorating was done. I made a batch of gingerbread men, but I was done before lunch and knew that if I started doing any serious baking, we'd be buried in food by the time Christmas came around. I had no schoolwork to do and there wasn't anything I needed to attend to at the vineyard.
I had no idea what I could do to keep myself busy, but I did know that if I didn't find something else to do, I was going to lose my mind. I'd done most of my shopping online already, but there were always a few things I could pick up. With that decided, I headed out.
I was halfway into the city when I remembered I hadn't taken the time to eat lunch. On a whim, I decided to run through and pick something up to take to Jasper so we could have lunch together.
Georgia was at the desk when I came in, and I forced myself to give her a smile. Her hand was still wrapped and I felt a pang of annoyance. It was probably petty of me, I knew, to think she'd done it on purpose, but I couldn't help it. Something in my gut just made me not want to like her.
