Excerpt From
Heavenly Here With You
Engagement is difficult. Marriage is harder.
But it can be heavenly.
To celebrate Valentine’s Day, Charlie and I went to a small restaurant in San Dimas that my roommate suggested. On each of the tables was a little peg game where you try to jump one peg over the other. If you have one peg left at the end, you are a genius.
After we ordered our food, Charlie picked up the peg game. “What’s this?”
“Oh, it’s like a puzzle game. You have to jump the pegs. Here, let me show you.” I tried to take the game out of his hand.
“No, let me figure it out,” he said.
“I just want to show you how to jump the pegs.”
“Don’t tell me anything. I want to figure it out by myself.”
I sat with my arms crossed and tried to be patient. Was this going to be like the riddle about the angels guarding the door to heaven? Would he stare at that peg game until he figured it out? It would take hours. I looked to see if there was an empty table so I could grab another game, but they were all taken. I watched Charlie stare at the pegs.
“Can I just show you?”
“Can you just give me a minute? Geez.”
His attitude made me so mad. It was just a stupid game. I didn’t want to solve it for him—I just wanted to jump a peg so he could see the basics.
My tongue started to burn. “You are a stubborn ass.”
He slammed the game down on the table. People across the restaurant looked at us.
We left without eating. He took me back to my apartment, and we sat in the car in silence. I didn’t know how to apologize. The whole situation was so ridiculous.
He leaned his forehead on the steering wheel, and I flipped open the vanity mirror and rubbed my face with my hands.
“I’m tired,” I said.
“You should go.”
“Do you want to talk?”
I watched his face. It always changed with his mood. Whenever I kissed him, it became squinty and round like a young lover, and when he played guitar it was fixed in confident concentration, his lips slightly parted. Now his face looked pale and fragile, his features heavy with disappointment.
I looked down and saw that I was fidgeting with my engagement ring. It was still too large because I hadn’t had it fitted yet. The cold night air made it even looser.
We agreed to talk the next day. I got out of the car and walked by myself up the stairs to my apartment, went inside to my room, and went to bed without a word to any of my roommates.
He came over to my apartment the next evening after work. “Miriam, I am marrying you because you bring out the best in me. But last night you brought out the worst in me.”
“What did I do? What was so terrible?”
“Your attitude. The way you snapped at me. You called me an ass, like I am some huge jerk. You need to watch how you talk to people, especially the people you love. You need to be respectful. So do I. I shouldn’t have overreacted either.”
At first I wanted to argue with him. But I had heard those words before. I had snapped at him the way my mother always snapped at my sisters and me. I was becoming my mom. Or maybe I had always been like her.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” I said. “I will pray about it. I will try to change.”
“You’ve become real to me since we’ve been engaged,” he said.
“Is that good or bad?”
“For a long time you were perfect. Now you are real.”
“Now do you think I am ugly?”
“No. But I’ve seen an ugly side of you.”
“It’s from my mom’s side of the family.”
“Really?”
“You know my mom. You know how she is.”
“It doesn’t mean you have to be that way.”
“I know. I pray to God that I’m not. Did I ever tell you that Paul—that guy I dated who was older than me—said he couldn’t marry me because of my mom?”
“No. What didn’t he like about your mom?”
“She insisted he tell the church leaders that we were dating. She said that if he didn’t, she would tell our pastor about it.”
“Good for her.”
“What? You think that’s good?”
“I don’t know all the details, but I look at it this way: You are her daughter. She was looking out for you.”
“Don’t you think she was being manipulative?”
“I think your mom has more wisdom than you give her credit for. She can be a little wacky, but I think she has a good heart.”
I sat up straight. It was a novel idea. My mom? Wise? Good-hearted?
“I can’t tell you how happy that makes me. I am so glad that you like my mom.”
“You have to think about all the good things about her, not the bad things. You will become whatever you focus on. So think about things like what a good cook she is. She makes the best peanut butter ribs.”
“I know. They are the best.”
“And she makes good daughters.”
Heavenly Here With You
Coming Soon
2015
www.chelsearotunno.com
Small Group Discussion Guide
Goodnight to My Thoughts of You
Introduction:
This devotional guide provides discussion questions for small groups or book clubs that are reading the book Goodnight to My Thoughts of You. The guide can also be used as a resource for individual reflection.
You have access to a free printable version of these discussion questions at https://www.chelsearotunno.com/discussion-questions-for-goodnight-to-my-thoughts-of-you. Feel free to make hard copies so you can write down your thoughts. Answer the questions that interest you. Some are deeper than others.
Look inside your heart, and pray for wisdom from God. I pray that you will make it through every hardship in your life and that you will become a stronger person because of it. I also pray that you will share your own story one day and hold someone else’s hand as they walk through the valley.
Introduction for Group Leaders:
Girls love to talk. Especially about guys, friends, school, parents, and themselves. Girls learn from one another by listening to each other and allowing their peers to share their inner thoughts, opinions, and feelings in a safe environment where there is no fear of reproach.
Below you will find a list of 7 optional materials you can provide for each girl to help her remember what she and her friends are saying, as well as 10 suggestions for how to use this book with your small group of high school girls.
Optional Materials List:
1. Discussion Questions
2. Prayer Request Journals
3. Note Cards
4. Extra Sheets of Paper
5. Pens/Pencils
6. Watercolor Paints (Chapters 31-33)
7. Envelopes and Stamps (Chapters 34-36)
How to Use This Guide:
1. Print a set of questions for each person in the group. https://www.chelsearotunno.com/discussion-questions-for-goodnight-to-my-thoughts-of-you
2. Plan to meet with your small group weekly. Start each session with prayer.
3. Read Goodnight to My Thoughts of You to your girls. You may want to read one, two, or three chapters per week. There are 10 questions for every three chapters.
4. After you read, let the girls respond.
5. Read the questions for the section you just read out loud.
6. Have each girl choose one or two questions she would like to answer.
7. Let them talk; help them stay on topic.
8. Ask each girl to share one prayer request. Have everyone write down all the prayer requests in their prayer journals.
9. Go around the circle, each person praying for the person to her left.
10. Encourage the girls to write out more answers at home and bring them next time.
Discussion Questions for Chapters 1-3
1.
Does anything stand out to you in Chapters 1-3?
2. What is your dream car?
3. What does a person’s car tell you about their life? For example, a family van or a Porsche? What does your dream car say about your dream for your future?
4. Think of a person you know who is infatuated, or head-over-heels in love, with a guy. How does she act?
5. Have you ever felt like you could not control your feelings for a guy? Who was he? What was he like? Have you ever liked a guy who you knew was off-limits or out of reach, whether a famous actor or singer or a guy at school? How did you feel?
6. What is your most embarrassing moment?
7. Has God ever told you “no”? What was one of your prayers that God answered with the word “no”?
8. Think about a time when you went on a trip with friends or family. Why does a vacation or service project help you bond with others?
9. Do you think Miriam is crazy in these chapters or can you relate to her? Why?
10. Activity: What qualities do you look for in a friend? Write them down on a note card. Try to live out those qualities this week.
Discussion Questions for Chapters 4-6
1. What stands out to you in these chapters?
2. What feelings stir in your heart when you see your dad (or a photo of your dad)?
3. Has anyone ever called you when you didn’t even know they had your number? Who was it and how did it make you feel?
4. What do you think Paul wants to talk to Miriam about after the Good Friday service? What does Miriam assume he wants to talk about?
5. Should Miriam have gone with Paul to The Grove? Why or why not? What would you have done?
6. What kind of clothes do you wear when you want to look really good? What do your clothes say about you?
7. Think of a guy who you like. What kind of clothes does he wear? What do his clothes say about him?
8. Have you ever experienced a dark force or spirit? If so, describe the situation and what happened.
9. If Miriam had not seen the strange evil spirit on the pier in Santa Barbara, how might the date have ended?
10. Activity: Miriam had already kissed a few guys, but then she read Passion and Purity and decided not to kiss another guy until her wedding day. Do you think she will live up to her promise? If you have a purity ring or a purity pledge, what have you decided that you will save for only you and your future husband? Draw a large circle, a ring, on a sheet of paper and write your pledge inside the ring. Be specific about where you choose draw the line with a guy, especially a guy you could see yourself marrying.
Discussion Questions for Chapters 7-9
1. Does anything stand out to you in these chapters?
2. If you found out you were pregnant at this time in your life today, what would you do?
3. When was the last time you talked to your mom? Does she know how you really feel these days? For example, what guy you like? Or what hurts you?
4. Do you have a job? What can you do to earn money for the things you want to buy?
5. Think about your life goals. Where do you imagine yourself working in ten years?
6. Do you think Miriam’s mom loves her? Why?
7. What is the perfect prom dress for you? What color, style, and fabric? How much does it cost? If you already went to prom, describe your dress, hair, and makeup.
8. What is Miriam’s reason for why she and Paul do not talk while he is away?
9. Choose a line or a few lines from one of Miriam’s poems that describe how you feel today.
10. Activity: When Miriam feels emotional, she writes poems and stories. How do you express your emotions? Have you ever tried writing down your prayers in a journal? Write your requests and praises to God on a sheet of paper right now.
Discussion Questions for Chapters 10-12
1. What stands out to you in Chapters 10-12?
2. Name the people who you would love to have at your graduation.
3. How do you feel about using strong words, like curse words? What is a curse? Are curses real? What does the Bible say about curses?
4. Miriam ends her friendship with Lana instead of apologizing and mending it. What would you do if another person came in and damaged your relationship with someone you loved?
5. Where do you go when you need a place to be alone and rest?
6. Do you think Miriam should keep hoping and trying to make it work with Paul, or should she let him go? What signs has God given her?
7. Why does Miriam like Paul? Why is it so hard to force yourself to stop liking a guy?
8. What is your favorite movie?
9. What do you look for in a guy? Do you find yourself drawn to unpredictable guys? Steady, reliable guys?
10. Activity: Who is your best friend? List all of your past and present best friends and put a smiley face by the ones you still talk to, and a sad face by the ones you don’t see or talk to anymore. Draw a heart by the names of people you want to keep in touch with for the rest of your life.
Goodnight to My Thoughts of You Page 38
