by LaJill Hunt
This is it, I'm dying, I thought.
A nurse rushed in and magically, as if out of thin air, placed an oxygen mask over my face.
"It's okay, just breathe slowly, come on," her voice was soothing and her eyes looked into mine as she nodded at me with a slight smile. "I got you, you're okay. That's it."
I slowly inhaled the cool air. Moments later, I realized the tightening on my arm was just a blood pressure monitor. I winced in pain as the nurse used the stethoscope to check my blood pressure.
"I'm sorry, babe," she said quietly, "I know you're in a lot of pain right now. We're gonna get you all taken care of. I'm Anna, by the way."
"What's wrong? Is she okay?" I heard Kellen ask.
At the sound of his voice, tears formed in my eyes that I couldn't fight
"She's fine, Mr. Michaels," the nurse said, looking at me oddly.
"Leah, baby," Kellen walked over and took my hand.
I didn't want to see him, so I closed my eyes. I willed myself to go back to wherever it was that my body had taken me before I woke up.
"Your wife's body has suffered a major trauma, Mr. Michaels, and she's in a lot of pain. What she needs now is to rest and heal. Maybe you should go and let your family know that she's finally conscious," Anna said.
"Okay," Kellen agreed.
I opened my eyes when I heard the door close.
"Can I get you anything?" Anna asked.
"Sleep," I nodded, again wincing.
"I got ya," she said, reaching onto a nearby tray and removing a syringe. I didn't even notice the IV in my hand until I looked down and saw her pushing the needle into it. A euphoric feeling seemed to take over my body. I drifted into a peaceful slumber, faintly hearing her tell me, "Nighty-night."
When I woke again, it was morning. I could see the light from the sun coming through the window of my room.
"Leah?" Kellen's voice called to me, "Leah, baby, can you hear me?"
I inhaled and nodded. I could hear him dragging the chair closer to my bed.
"Oh baby, I'm so glad you're okay. I was so scared," he buried his head in my chest and I moaned, causing him to jump up, "I'm so sorry, baby."
There it was again, Kellen being sorry. I glanced up and stared at him, shaking my head.
There was a knock at the door, and an older gentleman in a white lab coat walked in. "Good morning. Glad to see you're awake. I'm Dr. Jennings."
Kellen stepped back as the doctor examined me. I felt strange; it was as if, the amount of pain my body felt equaled to the amount of numbness. I was in an altered state of mind, and I didn't know how to begin to come out of it.
"How is she, Doctor?"
"Well, the fall down the stairs caused some internal bleeding, and she broke three ribs. She's lucky to be alive. I'm sorry to tell both of you this, but she did lose the baby."
For the first time since I had been in the hospital, I spoke, "Baby? What baby?"
"Mrs. Michaels, you were nine weeks pregnant," the doctor said, softly.
Pregnant...a baby...lost….my baby…
"Oh my God, we didn't know," Kellen reached over and grabbed my hand. "I feel so bad. Our baby."
I snatched away from Kellen and grabbed my head. I finally did something I wanted to do for months...I SCREAMED.
Second Offense
Omari
"What time are you getting off tonight?"
"I should be home by eleven," I told my mother as I headed out the door. "Is there something you need me to do?"
"Your sister wants to go to some dance tonight at the school, and I told her to be home by midnight."
"I will be home before then," I assured her.
"I don't know why either of you feel like I need a babysitter, and besides, Mama, I think midnight is a ridiculous curfew," Shaunie walked into the living room with her hands on her hip. She was dressed in a pair of hip hugging jeans and a sweater so snug that her outfit left nothing to the imagination. The high- heeled boots on her feet even seemed to cling to her thick calves. Her long hair was pulled into a pony tail that sat on top of her head, and she had on way too much make-up.
"Midnight is a decent curfew for a fifteen-year-old," my mother told her.
"I'll be sixteen in two weeks," Shaunie reminded her.
"Then we'll let you stay out till twelve thirty," I teased.
"Shut up, 'Mari. You never had a curfew," Shaunie whined.
"That's because when he was your age, he stayed out of trouble; unlike you, who go looking for it," my mother shook her head and pulled at Shaunie's sweater.
"I don't go looking for trouble," Shaunie protested and squirmed.
"Dressed like this, that's what you're looking for. Why are your clothes so tight?" Mama asked. "And why do you have all of that gunk on your face?"
"They're not tight, and it's not gunk," Shaunie sighed then looked at me. "Do I look like I'm looking for trouble, 'Mari?"
I knew better than to answer. My mother and sister had been battling daily over clothes and makeup for the longest time, and there was no way I was going to get in the middle. Most days, I tried to leave the house before their daily bickering started.
"Tell your sister, 'Mari," my mother started at me.
I inhaled deeply and tried to come up with a neutral answer. Something about what my mother said about my staying out of trouble resonated within me. The fact of the matter was I didn't stay out of trouble. I was a convicted felon. Being caught that fateful night by the jumper resulted in my getting a drug charge, losing any chance I had of getting a scholarship or joining the military. It had been two years, and my life still seemed pointless. At one point, I hadn't even seen the need to participate in my commencement ceremony, but I knew that I at least owed my mother the opportunity to see me walk across the stage. And although I graduated with honors, it still didn't make a difference; I was a convicted drug dealer.
"Sometimes trouble has a way of finding you even when you don't go looking for it, Shaunie. I think Mama's trying to tell you that you don't need to help it find you," I kissed my sister on the cheek and playfully hit her on the butt, "Find some looser jeans, and I'll see you at midnight, Cinderella. Don't make me come find you!"
"Uuuugggghhhh, Fine!" Shaunie groaned and went back into her room. "I can't win in this family."
My mother smiled at me and said, "Thanks, son. I don't know what I'd do without you."
"Anytime, Ma."
"Love you. Have a great day."
"Love you, too, Mama."
I walked out the door and rushed to my mother's old job--the bakery-- now one of the two places where I worked. For eight hours a day, I baked bread; and then, I went to the paper mill where I worked as a janitor in the evenings and at night.
This was now my life, but I had no one to blame but myself. Even though my future no longer looked bright, I was still determined to make it up to my mother and sister, who stood by me during my legal troubles. If that meant working three jobs, I would do it.
"Yo, Omari, hold up!"
I turned around to see Redbone running toward me. After getting busted, I made it a point to stay as far away from anyone in the game, not wanting to take any chances. I knew that Redbone didn't have anything to do with me catching a charge, and he was still "good peoples"; so I stopped and waited for him.
"What's up, Redbone?" I gave his fist a pound.
"Nothin' man, I wanted to catch up wit' you before you left for work. I need to holler at you for a sec."
I gave him a look and said, "Man, you know I ain't trying to do nothing."
"Naw, man, it ain't nothing like that," he smiled. "But we need to talk."
"Can we walk and talk at the same time? I can't be late for work."
"Hey, we can ride and talk. My car is right over there. I can drop you off," he pointed to the shiny, copper Porsche. It looked out of place in our ragged neighborhood. There was no way I was getting into that vehicle, which was probably a moving target for the feds.
"I'm good, it ain't that far," I said and started walking. Redbone fell in step beside me, and I said, "What's going on?"
I figured it had something to do with my cousin, Trina, who he had been dating for as long as I could remember. I was surprised when Redbone said, "It's about baby girl, Shaunie."
"What about her?" I frowned.
"Hey, we family. You know I'mma look out, that's why I'm coming to you about this. From what I been hearing, she's been hanging out with Skeet and that ain't good."
I stopped dead in my tracks. Skeet was an older dealer in the neighborhood who was nothing but bad news: loan shark, pimp, drug dealer, murderer, and career criminal. Truth be told, that didn't even sum up Skeet. There was no way my little sister could be involved with a low-life scum bag like Skeet. No way.
"What? Where did...who told...how did…"
"Hold up, hold up, li'l cuz. Look, I already had a talk wit Skeet and told him she was my li'l cousin and he needed to back the fuck off her. I just wanted to let you know so that you could talk to baby girl and just be on the lookout. I mean, if it was my li'l sister, I know you would tell me," Redbone said.
"No doubt," I nodded. "Thanks, Redbone. Good looking out, man."
"Hey, like I said, we fam. You a good dude, Omari. I know that shit that went down wit you was foul. I feel kinda responsible."
"It wasn't your fault."
"In a way, it was. When you came to me, because you wanted to help your moms out, I shoulda told you no. Not even let you get in the game. You wasn't like the rest of us knuckleheads. You had your head in the books, not in the streets. If I had it to do all over again, I woulda just gave you some damn money and told you to get the fuck outta my face and run down the damn street!"
I knew Redbone was being sincere. I appreciated him for it.
"Thanks, man," I said. "I gotta get in here before I get fired."
"Yeah, well, handle your business. I'll keep my eyes out on the street for Shaunie."
"Please, do that."
Redbone gave my fist a pound and said, "Hey, it takes a village, man."
Later that night when I got to the papermill, the doors were locked. I called my boss; he told me that the building had flooded earlier from some kind of sprinkler issue and I had the night off. It had been so long since I had a night off that I didn't know what to do with myself. I had a couple of bucks in my pocket and thought about stopping at the bar and getting a drink. I then remembered that I didn't drink. I thought about maybe having a dinner date, followed by some much needed sex. I then remembered that the last girl I dealt with was long gone, and I didn't have a new one to call. Instead, I decided to go home and get into my bed.
"Stop, what are you doing? Don't do that."
I was caught off guard by my sister's voice. She was supposed to be at the school dance; but instead, she was in her room and she wasn't alone.
"Now don't start tripping. You wasn't telling me to stop while we were at the mall buying you all those fancy clothes, was you?" a male voice laughed.
"I told you…you didn't have to buy me shit," Shaunie snapped.
"Well, I did, and now it's time to pay for it," the man told her.
"Stop it! I'm not playing!"
I burst into Shaunie's room and saw her struggling to get away from Skeet, who held her by the wrists. I punched him straight in the face, and he fell back on Shaunie's bed.
"'Mari!" she squealed.
"Get the hell outta here, Shaunie!" I yelled and prepared to square off with Skeet, who was struggling to get up.
"I'm sorry, 'Mari," she cried.
"What the fuck?" Skeet said, rubbing his eye.
"You got ten seconds to get the fuck outta here," I warned him.
"I ain't going nowhere 'til I get good and ready, nigga!"
I jabbed Skeet again, this time catching him in the eye. He stumbled but didn't fall. Shaunie screamed again.
"Get outta here, Shaunie!" I yelled.
"'Mari! Gun!" Shaunie screamed and I turned to see Skeet reaching into the waistband of his pants and pull out the black piece of steel. My sister lifted her leg and kicked the gun out of his hands before he could aim it, and it flew across the room. I scrambled to pick it up and Skeet grabbed her by the hair.
"Let her go, man!" I said, aiming the gun at him.
Skeet had his arm around Shaunie's neck in a choke hold, and I saw the fear in my baby sister's eyes. The gun was cold in my hands. I had never held one before, it was unfamiliar, yet I instantly felt the power it had.
"Please, Skeet," Shaunie pleaded.
"Shut up, bitch! I'mma kill you, then I'mma kill him," Skeet twisted his arm tighter around her neck.
"I don't think so. I got your gun." I shook my head and said, "Now, let her go!"
Skeet looked at me then laughed. He then pushed Shaunie away from him, "Young-ass bitch ain't worth it anyway."
Shaunie didn't wait for me to tell her to get out, she ran out of the room, crying and screaming. Skeet and I were all alone; he was still smiling at me. I didn't know what the hell was going on, and I slowly began backing out of Shaunie's room. Just as I made it out of the doorway, I saw Skeet reach behind his back and pull out another gun. I knew what had to be done and I pulled the trigger. I was stunned when instead of shooting just one time, several shots rang out, and Skeet's body fell to the floor.
I could hear the faint sounds of sirens in the background as I dropped the gun and slowly walked into the living room. My eyes fell onto a framed photo of my family, and I stared at the smiles of my mother and sister. Once again, I did what I knew I had to do. The last time, it cost me my future; this time, I knew it would cost me my freedom.
Early Release
Leah
"Well, this is it, home sweet home."
I looked out of the window of the car at the tiny duplex with the perfectly manicured lawn and stared. It seemed so tiny and uninhibited.
"Come on; let's go in. I'll give you the grand tour," Mrs. Gordon, my new landlord, said cheerfully.
I slowly got out and followed her inside. It wasn't as small on the inside as I thought it would be. The carpet was new, and the walls were freshly painted.
"This is the living area, the eat-in kitchen is right through here. There's a washer and dryer in the pantry. There are two bedrooms separated by the one bathroom. It's really plenty of space," she nodded. "So, what do you think?"
I looked around each room, carefully taking inventory of the doors and windows. I wanted to know exactly where each and every exit was, just in case. Mrs. Gordon must have sensed my fear, because she quickly pointed out the security system and deadlock bolts on both the front and back door.
"It's perfect," I finally said. I tried telling myself that I was being paranoid and had finally freed myself, where Kellen couldn't find me, no matter how hard he tried. After surviving the beating which landed me in the hospital for a week, I fled in the middle of the night. I left everything I had: my purse, my phone, my husband, my marriage, my family, and my friends. The only thing I took with me was my life. Anna had proven to be more than just my nurse; she was my guardian angel and my saving grace wrapped into one.
"So, how are you feeling?" She asked me, one afternoon after helping me bathe and put on clean pajamas.
"I'm fine," I whispered.
"You know if you need anything, I'm here," she said as we made our way to my bed, "You wanna talk?"
I lay back on the cool pillow and closed my eyes. Talk about what, I thought. Talk about how my husband had beaten me severely, caused me to lose the baby I didn't even know I was carrying, and lied about my falling down the stairs. Talk about how trapped and confused I was; wanting to go home, but never wanting to go back there all at the same time. Talk about how embarrassed and ashamed I felt, not wanting to disappoint my family who depended on me for so much. Sure, let's chat.
Instead, I just shook my head.
"Your husband called and asked if you needed anything," Anna stated, "Do
you?"
At the mention of his name, the tears that I had been fighting once again started to fall. A lump formed in my throat, and I tried to swallow. My lips trembled, and I said, "No."
"No, you don't need anything?" Anna tried to clarify.
"What else could I be saying no to?" I shrugged.
"You tell me," she folded her arms and waited for me to answer.
"Can I get my shot?" I asked.
"No, you can't," she stated.
"I'm in pain. I fell down a spiral flight of stairs. I need my meds," I stared at her.
"Honey, you don't have to fake it with me like you and your husband are doing for everyone else around here, including Dr. Jennings. The injuries you sustained don't even match up with falling down the stairs. Look," Anna turned my wrist over and pointed at the dark bruises, "you don't get defensive wounds from falling down stairs."
"Can I just have my drugs? You said you were here for me, I need you to get them for me," I sniffed.
"So, your plan is to become an addict? You're just gonna medicate yourself to death instead of dealing with the obvious?" she asked.
"Just give me the DAMN DRUGS!" I hissed. "You don't know what you're talking about. You can't help me, no one can."
"You can help yourself," Anna told me. I looked up at her, and she nodded. As I lay in the hospital bed, I heard Kellen lie to our friends and family about what happened, and it sickened me. I overheard him tell people on the phone that I couldn't have visitors, per the doctor's orders. His acting was impeccable; not only was he concerned about my health, but he was devastated by the loss of the baby. This angered me. Kellen was the reason why I was in the hospital. He even had the nerve to suggest that once I was released, we take a vacation. I couldn't fathom going anywhere in the world with him.
The night before I was scheduled to be released from the hospital, I fled my old life of wealth and brutality for one filled with uncertainty and what I prayed would be safety. Anna connected me with the director of a women's shelter, but we all agreed that that probably would not be the safest place for me. Instead, the director had a friend who she introduced me to. For the past few weeks, I had lived with the Gordon family, the nicest, most giving family I had ever had the pleasure of meeting. Mr. Gordon owned the Gordon Paper Company, and in addition to being the director of the battered women's shelter, Mrs. Gordon owned a child care facility. She was a survivor of domestic abuse herself, who nursed me, talked to me, listened to me and helped me more than I could have ever imagined. She encouraged me to send emails to my mother and Dallas, letting them know that I was in a safe haven and I would be in contact, so they wouldn't be worried. Anna had also informed them that I was safe. I had left everything at the hospital except my driver's license and social security card. My cell phone, all my charge cards, and my cash were left in my four hundred dollar Dolce and Gabanna bag. I didn't want to take a chance and bring anything that would ultimately lead to Kellen finding me, not that I had any idea as to where I was going.
