by LaJill Hunt
Think positive, Shaunie's voice said in my head….You're gonna get what you deserve, it's coming, Coach G's voice echoed behind hers. I fought off the negative vibes that had started to consume me and walked over to Mrs. G's car. Coach passed me a box of pots and pans. Just as we were about to head in the house, another delivery truck pulled up from the furniture company.
"Damn, how much furniture did they buy?" Coach asked the same thing I was thinking. The delivery men had already brought into Leah's apartment an entire bedroom set; a living room set; and two televisions, much like the one I wanted for my place. There didn't seem to be room for much else other than a kitchen set, which I noticed them already unloading. The guys lifted the gate of the second truck. I was shocked to see that it was full of furniture. There had to be a mistake, because there was no way all of that was gonna fit into Leah's apartment.
We were standing there, looking at the truck and silently wondering what the hell was going on. Shortly Leah and Mrs. G came outside.
"Why are y'all just standing there? I thought you all were constrained for time?" Mrs. G asked.
"Evelyn, how much stuff did you buy? That's ridiculous," Coach pointed at the second truck which they were starting to unload. "You have truly gone overboard. There's no way all of that is gonna fit into Leah's apartment. Sometimes, I just don't understand you."
"Victor, what the hell are you talking about? You know what, just be quiet and take the boxes into the kitchen. I know what I'm doing," Mrs. G told him.
"You're wasting money, that's what you're doing," Coach mumbled and headed inside.
"What? What did you say?" Mrs. G demanded.
Being the smart man that he is, Coach just answered, "Nothin'," and continued.
Being the smart man that I am, I was just about to follow behind him.
"Wait," Leah stopped me, "Those aren't my pots and pans."
"They're the ones that were in the trunk," I told her, looking at the box I was holding.
"Wait," Mrs. G called out to one of the men unloading a chaise lounge and taking it inside, "That doesn't go in there."
"Sorry, ma'am. Where do you want it to go?" The man asked.
"It goes in the apartment next door," she told him. Mrs. G looked at me and said, "And so does those pots and pans. You can go ahead and take them inside too."
Instead of throwing the box down like I wanted to, I took the box into the kitchen. This was too much. Not only did I have to suffer the humiliation of helping Leah move into her apartment, but I also had to help whoever was moving into the apartment I hoped would be mine. I put the box on the kitchen floor and turned to see Leah standing there, holding another box.
"Here you go," she said, passing it to me, "Bathroom stuff, I hope you like green and brown."
I took the box from her and wondered what the hell she meant. Before I could ask her, she walked out.
"How do you want us to set this stuff up?" One of the guys asked me.
"Huh? Oh, I don't know man, it ain't my place. Let me go get the landlord, she can tell you."
I rushed next door and told Mrs. G she was needed.
"What's wrong now?" She asked, somewhat frustrated that I had interrupted the process of adjusting an area rug.
"They need to know how about the other furniture," I told her.
"What about it? You don't like it?" She frowned.
"It's fine, I guess," I answered. "They need to know how you want it set up."
She looked over at Leah, then to Coach, who was still mumbling under his breath, and shrugged, "It's up to you."
"Mrs. G, I'm not trying to be funny, but I think you should come and tell them what to do," I tried to remain calm.
"I don't understand why you can't just tell them," she said.
"Fine," I said and went back to the apartment where the men were waiting. I directed them and showed them exactly where I thought everything should go. Within thirty minutes, everything was unloaded and in place; including the kitchen set, both bedrooms, and the living area. I was admiring the feng shui when Mrs. G and Leah returned.
"See, you did a good job. It looks really nice," Mrs. G told me.
"It really does," Leah agreed.
"So, are we all done?" I asked, checking the time. I had a seven thirty curfew at the halfway house, and it was already almost six, "I still have to get back to the plant and get my truck before I get home."
"You wanna do the bathroom before you go? I think you have time," Mrs. G asked, "Where is the bag?"
"Come on, Omari, let's get going," Coach walked in and said.
"Ready when you are, Coach," I said, relieved.
"Victor, can we at least do the bathroom before you leave?"
"Evelyn, now you've gone too far. I refuse to have this young man hang around here and help decorate somebody else's bathroom…"
"What?" Mrs. G whined, "Victor, why are you being so difficult?"
"Because, Evelyn, this entire situation is trying enough as it is. He didn't even have to come and do this, but he did. And you just keep pushing and pushing."
"Well, I did want him to be here when we did all of this, Victor. I mean, I know I may have been a little presumptuous when I picked out the furniture and decor, but I at least wanted him to help get things moved in. I know it was last minute, but I just found out this morning when we went to the furniture store that they could deliver everything at once. You should at least appreciate my initiative to get everything done as quickly as I did, dear."
As usual, Coach and Mrs. G were having it out and didn't seem to realize they weren't alone. It was funny, yet strange. I just stood back and waited it out.
"Having us help Leah is one thing, but to have him help the person moving into here…."
"Wait, a second," Leah interrupted him, "You do realize who the person moving in here is."
Coach looked at me and I looked at him, still confused.
"My Lord, Victor, do you ever listen when I'm talking to you? I called you this morning and told you that Leah and I talked. She's fine with Omari moving in. You all just needed to be here to help," Mrs. G folded her arms and stared at Coach.
"Evelyn, you said Leah was fine with Omari moving her in and we needed to be here to help her."
"So, this is my place?" I said, wanting to make sure I was hearing things correctly.
"Yes, Omari, it's your place," Leah nodded.
I looked over at Coach, and the grin I had was bigger than the one I wore that morning. He walked over and gave me a bear hug, lifting me off the ground. I was so overcome with emotion that tears came to my eyes. He finally released his arms from around me, and it was Mrs. G's turn to embrace me.
"Thanks, Mrs. G," I whispered into her ear. "You don't know what this means to me."
"Just pay it forward, Omari, and if anyone deserves it, you do," she replied.
I looked up and saw Leah staring at us and thought how crazy we must have looked.
"Thank you," I mouthed the words to her.
She seemed surprised and didn't react for a few seconds. I wondered if I had done something wrong or been too quick to assume that this was something she had willingly agreed to. A soft smile spread on her face, and I knew that she had.
Good Behavior
Leah
"Wow, Leah, this is amazing!"
"Thanks, Anna," I said, standing back and admiring my masterpiece in progress. I was still working on the mural I was painting on the building of the child care center. After I completed the sign that Evelyn hired me to design and paint, I suggested that maybe I could add a little flair to the large, white building. She didn't hesitate and immediately agreed for me to do the work; she gave me free reign to be as creative as I wanted. Painting had become my therapy. Becoming engrossed in the colors and turning the visions I had in my head into visions others could see kept me busy, and at the same time, allowed me to think. Without fail, Evelyn would pick me up each morning and bring me to the school, where I would grab my supplies
and go about my work. Soon, the building was covered with colorful images of children laughing and playing with rainbows and butterflies, reading books, and smiling. It was as if I was trying to evoke happiness and peace with every stroke I painted. I would watch parents bring their children to school; my soul would ache for the child I had lost; and I would paint the pain away.
Even though I insisted that she didn't owe me anything, each week I was paid, and she still refused to allow me to pay any rent or utilities. I saved my money, and soon had enough to buy a Toyota Camry from one of the parents at the school. It was a far cry from the sleek, gold Jaguar I was driving in my old life. But it was clean, in excellent condition, and more importantly--it was mine. Days turned into months, and slowly, my new life began emerging. My artistic talents weren't limited to painting the child care center. Mr. Gordon had referred some of his paper clients for me to design logos. I also did an oil painting for one of Evelyn's friend who was dedicated to her cocker spaniel, Peaches.
"So, how are you doing?" Anna asked.
"I'm okay. I've been staying busy," I shrugged.
"I can see that. I know that's what you've been doing, but how are you?"
"I'm starting to have a new life here now. It's nice."
"Leah, going through the motions day after day is not a life. Have you met any new friends? Gone anywhere other than work and home? You have a new life, but you're not living. Let me ask you this, how are you feeling?"
"I'm feeling…" I didn't really know how I was feeling. There were days where I was content and things couldn't have been better for me. Then, there were the days where I felt as if my entire life had been ripped from under me, and I wondered if I had made a mistake. After all, life with Kellen wasn't that bad when he wasn't putting his hands on me. Maybe my leaving had been impulsive. I had even thought about calling Kellen and talking things out; maybe he'd even get some help for his behavior, something I didn't give him the chance to do. I had never even suggested that he talk to someone about his aggression, so in a sense, this could have been all my fault and I had been negligent in my duties as a wife. Confused was truly how I felt, but I didn't dare say that to Anna.
"Let's go somewhere and talk," Anna suggested.
I put my supplies away, and we went to the Starbucks down the street, opting to enjoy our coffee on the outside patio.
"I talked to your mother the other day, Leah," Anna said.
"You didn't tell her where I was, did you?"
"No, I would never do that. When you're ready for her to know, then you'll tell her yourself," Anna assured. "But, she's worried, and so is the rest of your family. I've told them over and over again that you're fine, but I got a feeling that until she can confirm that fact for herself, she won't be satisfied. And I guess, I kind of don't blame her."
"I emailed her last week," I said. Thinking about my mother worrying about whether or not I was okay made me feel even worse. Guilt weighed heavy on my heart.
"I know, but that's your mama. You think she's satisfied with an email?" Anna laughed, then reached into her purse and pulled out her cell phone, handing it to me, "Call her."
My hands trembled as I took the phone and dialed my mother's number. It had been months since I had talked to her. Even before I left, we only spoke maybe once a week. My focus had been on making sure that she, my aunts, and my grandmother were taken care of financially--as long as that was being handled, we really didn't need to talk.
"Hello," my mother's voice answered.
"Ma, it's me," my voice was barely above a whisper.
"Leah, baby….oh my God, it's so good to hear your voice," and suddenly she broke down, sobbing.
"Mama, please don't cry. I'm sorry...please...please don't be mad at me," it was my turn to cry now.
"I'm not mad, Leah, you didn't do anything for me to be mad at," she said.
"I left, and I didn't say anything...to you...to anyone. But, I couldn't stay there...I couldn't…I thought..."
"Baby, I know. I understand. You did what you had to do. Everything here is fine. Grandma is back at home, and we are all pitching in to take care of her. Things are good, especially now that I've at least heard your voice."
I wanted to make it up to my mother and I knew I had to do something. "Mama, I'm gonna fix this. I'm gonna come home. I can call Kellen and…"
"You WILL NOT!" she yelled. "You will stay as far away from that maniac as you can. I won't allow you to. Now, you want your mama to be mad, you call him, and then I will be mad."
"But, Mama, we need him...grandma's care...the nursing home…"
"Grandma came home because she wanted to come home. You know she didn't like that place anyway, and we had put the plans in motion to bring her here before you even left. As a matter of fact, Kellen is probably still paying the bill because he doesn't know she's gone from there. When he called me the other day, I didn't mention it, and neither did he," she laughed.
"You talked to him? What did he say?" I became nervous at the thought of Kellen calling my mother, demanding to know where I was.
"He said that the doctors at the facility you were being treated at said you were doing fine and needed a little more time and therapy and that he was just calling to give me an update."
"Facility? Treatment?" I asked.
"Girl, yes, that fool has told everyone that you suffered a mental breakdown after your fall and losing the baby and that you were being treated at a center in Nevada who specializes in things of this nature. Had the nerve to say it was even featured on Dr. Phil."
"You're kidding," I said, stunned. Here I was thinking that Kellen was looking for me, and he was lying to everyone to cover up the fact that I had left. He wasn't even thinking about me.
"He calls every other week to give me an update and make sure we're taken care of, and I play along. The funny thing is, Leah, the way he talks, he really thinks you're somewhere being treated. He deserves an Oscar, really, he does. If Anna hadn't called the day after you left and told us what was going on, I might just believe him," she laughed.
"Mama, please don't say anything to him," I pleaded, still not wanting to take the chance of his finding out where I was.
"Baby, you don't have to worry about that. Right now, you just get some peace in your life and get yourself together. You know if you need anything, I'm right here for you, and I love you," she told me.
"I love you too, Mama."
"And Leah, don't you dare be mad or regret walking away from that craziness. I'm proud of you. It allowed me to see, if nothing else, I taught you that you don't have to put up with nonsense just for the sake of having a man in your life. My grandma didn't do it, my mama didn't do it, I didn't do it. It's not worth losing your mind or your life over."
I couldn't help but smile, "Yeah, I guess I thought I was breaking the cycle, but I was wrong. I'm fine with being alone."
"You're not alone, Leah, you have so many wonderful people in your life; you always have, including your family. And I truly believe that you will break the cycle because you will have the right man in your life who truly deserves you."
"Trust me, Mama, that's the last thing I want in my life right now," I laughed.
"That's just for right now. And that's a good thing; you should be focusing on Leah. Create the life you want and follow those dreams you use to have."
We said our goodbyes. I passed the phone back to Anna, grateful to have spoken to my mother, "Thanks, Anna."
"So, now what?" She asked.
"Now, I start living," I smiled.
"That sounds like a plan," Anna got up and gave me a big hug.
Later that evening, I surprised myself by doing something that I hadn't even thought about doing before. Which was probably a good thing, because had I thought about it; I would have talked myself out of it. I went home; took a shower; changed into a t-shirt, some leggings, and a pair of sneakers; and walked outside to my driveway at the perfect moment.
"Hi," I said.
Om
ari looked up at me from where he was stretching and said, "Hey, how are you?"
"I'm good," I said, then my nerves started to get the best of me. I told myself to get it together and act casual. Anna had mentioned that I hadn't met any friends, which was true. I figured that becoming friends with Omari would be a good place to start; after all, he was my neighbor. We really didn't say anything to one another other than the polite hello and goodbye outside our home. I did, however, know that Omari ran each and every morning and evening.
"Is something wrong?" he asked. I realized that I had just been standing there and not saying anything for a while.
"Um, I was just wondering if I could...I mean...would you mind if I went running with you?" I blurted the words before I chickened out.
At first he kinda frowned and then, he just nodded and said, "Sure, if you want to."
"I do," I said. "Let me just run in and grab my iPod."
"You don't need it," he said.
"Why not?"
"Because it's a distraction. Running is a time for you to think, and endure, and if you're listening to music, you can't think and won't be able to endure as much," he sat on the ground and began stretching, something I had secretly watched him do a couple of times.
For some reason, I had pictured myself jogging alongside him, listening to Janet Jackson, making small talk, and I suddenly felt as if that was not what was going to happen. "You make it sound like psychotherapy."
"In a way, it is. Running is just as much a mental activity as it is a physical one," he put his left leg behind his body and grabbed his right foot at the same time. "You probably wanna stretch before we get started."
I mimicked his actions, stretching my arms and legs. This routine reminded me of how I used to enjoy running on campus in college.
"Ready?" he asked.
"I'm following your lead," I said. Just as we took off, I paused and said, "Wait, how far are we going?"
"It's your first day, so we can take it easy. We'll just do five miles."
Good Behavior
