by LaJill Hunt
"I know you're always worried about what's appropriate and your role and responsibility, you always have been. I know that means that you've got this crazy idea that because now you're a big time principal, having someone like B. Wright in your life wouldn't be...well, right, for lack of a better term. You're so worried about what's appropriate. B. Wright is a nice guy. He's not his father."
"I never said he was," I sighed, knowing that Brandi had a point. I knew I was attracted to Bernard and part of the reason I didn't act on those feelings was because I was afraid of how I would be seen by not only my parents and staff members, but the school board. "I don't wanna talk about this. I'm hungry. Are you ready to go?"
"Fine," Brandi shook her head, "let's go, Ms. Appropriate."
We decided to leave and walked right into Milton on the way out.
"Merry Christmas, Principal Eaton," he smiled.
"Merry Christmas, Milton," I said. "Are you enjoying your Christmas vacation?"
"Well, I've actually been pulling a couple of night-duty shifts at the station so some of the guys could spend time with their families over the holidays," he replied. "I don't really have anyone of my own to share it with."
"That's really nice of you," I nodded.
"I see you ladies have been shopping," he pointed at the bags we were holding.
"Where are my manners? Brandi, this is Milton Gilbert, the school's head of security."
"Nice to meet you," Brandi shook Milton's hand, "Danni's told me all about the great job you're doing at the school."
"Thanks…" he said and then offered, "looks like you all did some damage. You ladies need any help with the bags? I can carry them to the car for you, if you'd like."
"Thanks, Milton," I said. "But, I think we got it."
"You think this is bad? You should see us when we got money," Brandi told him.
"Enjoy the rest of your vacation, Milton."
"See you next week, Ms. Eaton."
"So, that's Milton. He doesn't seem so bad. He is a nice guy," Brandi said once we got to the car. "As a matter of fact, Milton seems like the kind of guy you say you want. He's strong, ethical, law-abiding, and obviously, he's feeling you. What's wrong with him again?"
"I don't know," I shrugged. I really didn't have an answer. Milton was attractive and educated; there was no real reason for me not to like him.
"I can tell you this, Danni. If you weren't in love with Bernard, you'd probably be all over that man."
I looked over and stared at my best friend, knowing that she was absolutely right.
* * * * * * * * * *
"Danni! Get the door for me!" Brandi yelled from the kitchen. We decided that we would spend New Year's Eve at her place and have a quiet Girls Night In. We rented some movies, bought a couple of bottles of Miscato, and a brand new deck of Uno cards, and Brandi was making a smorgasbord of hors d'oeuvres for us to indulge in. We were well-prepared to be full, happy, and drunk by the time the clock struck midnight.
"Happy New Year!"
My jaw dropped when I opened the door and saw Doug smiling and holding what appeared to be a bottle of champagne. I did a quick peek behind him to see if Bernard was anywhere around, but he was all alone.
"Happy New Year, Doug," I said, giving him a quick hug as he walked inside. "What are you doing here?"
"I just dropped by. Brandi told me you were having a private party; I came to crash it for a little while," he grinned.
I was surprised, because Brandi hadn't even mentioned talking to Doug after that night we all hung out at the club, "Brandi, Doug's here!"
"What?" she yelled.
"She said 'Doug's here'!" Doug yelled.
"What the hell?" Brandi said, walking into the living room, "What are you doing here?"
"I told you I was gonna come and crash the party," he said, handing her the bottle of champagne.
"I thought you were joking," she said, taking the bottle from him and giving him a hug.
"I guess you see I was very serious," he whispered in her ear. "So, what time will the rest of the party people be getting here?"
"We are the party people," I told him.
"Wait, are you serious? It's just the two of you?" He looked from me to Brandi.
"I told you that," Brandi replied.
"I thought you were joking. You named all of this party food that you were cooking: meatballs, deviled eggs, dip, wings, lumpia…"
"Wow, you know the whole menu, Doug. She did cook all of that. So, tell me, just when did this conversation take place?" I asked, folding my arms and staring at Brandi. "We just decided on a menu last night."
She politely ignored me and said, "What, the only reason you can cook that much food is when a whole lot of people are coming over? You're crazy. My girl and I are secure, independent women, who don't need a crowd to enjoy good food and have a good time. We are more than enough entertainment for one another. And if you don't understand…"
"Brandi, shut up," I told her, knowing full well she was trying to deflect the fact that I now knew she'd been talking to Doug and hadn't mentioned it to me, " Doug, let's chat, what else has Brandi been telling you?"
"Not much," he shrugged. "Nothing other than the fact that you were really feeling my man, B. Wright, but too scared to tell him."
I shook my head and stared at Brandi, "Wow, really? Did she tell you that?"
"I didn't really say it like that," Brandi explained. "I merely mentioned that you weren't too keen on being the aggressor. And she shouldn't be. Precious jewels are to be sought, not to be seeking."
"Nice try, Brandi," I went back into the living room and sat down.
"See what you did," I heard Brandi whisper to Doug. "Now she's gonna have an attitude with me all night."
"My bad," he said. "I'll fix it."
"No, I don't want you to fix anything!" she hissed.
"Danni," she called out to me. "You want another margarita?"
"Sure, why not?" I yelled, thinking I should get drunk; obviously I was the third wheel. I couldn't believe how the night was turning out. Here I was, thinking I was going to enjoy a cozy night ringing in the New Year with my best friend, some great food, some strong drinks, and a lot of girl talk, but instead, I was going to be the pathetic best friend who couldn't get a date of her own.
"Here you go," Doug said a few minutes later, handing my Mango Margarita. I took a strong gulp and savored the sweetness, barely tasting the liquor. It was heavenly.
"Thanks," I told him.
"So, you didn't want to hit the town tonight?" He asked, sitting on the couch across from the one I was sitting on.
"Not really. We decided not to fight the crowds and save our hard earned money for shoes instead of spending it on overpriced, watered down drinks," I said, raising my glass and taking another sip.
"Don't even try it," he laughed. "You know damn well if y'all woulda went to the club, it wouldn't have been your money buying the drinks. It woulda been some dude, like myself, spending his hard earned money."
"You do have a point," I nodded. "Why aren't you at the club?"
"It's too early, and besides, I didn't really feel like fighting the crowd either, and the woman I wanted to buy drinks for isn't at the club," he winked.
"Really?"
"Really what?" Brandi asked, walking in carrying a margarita in one hand and a plate of chips and salsa in the other.
"Doug was just telling me how the woman he wanted to spend his New Years Eve with isn't going to be in the club, which is why he's not going," I told her. "She invited him to hang out at her house with her lonesome best friend."
"What?" They both looked at each other, then to me.
"Whatever," I snapped, "You both think I'm stupid? I'm not. And don't think I'm going to just sit here and be the damn chaperone for the evening."
"Danni, stop being ridiculous," Brandi laughed. "I didn't even know he was coming over here."
"Then why does he have a beer?" I pointed to the bottle of He
ineken Doug was drinking. "You don't drink beer and he didn't bring any beer when he came in. It had to have already been here. Again, I'm not stupid. As a matter of fact, I'm leaving."
I stood up and put my drink on Brandi's coffee table, purposely not using a coaster because I knew that was one of her pet peeves.
"Dannica Eaton, sit your ass down. No one thinks you're stupid. Now, we do think you're crazy, that's a whole other story," Brandi told me.
"Look, I brought the beer over here a couple of nights ago," Doug said. "It's no big deal."
"A couple of nights ago?" I said.
"Yeah," he said, "Brandi and I've been kinda hanging out. She didn't want you to know because she didn't know how it would make you feel, especially with the B. Wright situation."
"Wow, so you've been lying to me?" I said to Brandi.
"Danni, it's not like that," Brandi sighed.
Not wanting to hear any more, I turned around and stormed out of her house. I had just gotten into my car and was about to back out of the driveway when a truck pulled behind me, blocking me in. I blew the horn, but they didn't move. I looked out of my rearview mirror and groaned as I watched Bernard get out and walk toward me.
"Where are you going?" He smiled.
"What the hell are you doing here?" I said after I rolled down my window. "And why is it every time I try to leave, you block me in. You're gonna get hit one of these days."
"I'm coming over here to the party," he said, holding up a bottle of Ciroc.
"What party?" I asked.
I turned and saw Brandi and Doug standing in the doorway, watching.
"Doug said Brandi was having a get-together, so I told him I'd come through. Is it a problem?" He looked confused.
Brandi walked over to the side of the car, "Hey, B. Wright, you can go on inside."
"What's going on?" He asked me.
"Nothing," I said.
"We'll be inside in a minute," Brandi told him. She waited until he made it to the front door and then said, "Danni, why are you tripping?"
"I'm not tripping. I tell you everything, and here you are, sneaking around with Doug like it's gotta be done behind my back. I thought we were better than that."
"It's not like that. I've only seen him a couple of times, and it kinda just happened."
"That's why you've been so busy these days, I guess," I said. "I still don't understand why you felt like you couldn't say anything to me about it. Wait, I bet I know. Did you think I was gonna be jealous? Is that what it is? Is that why you were trying to push me off on Milton the other day at the mall? You think because now, all of a sudden you got a man, that I gotta have one too? I get it, Brandi. You were always the popular one with all the boys, and I was the geek who didn't get a prom date until the last minute. I've lived with that fact for most of my life. But, I never thought you believed that I was so petty and pathetic that you would have to sneak behind my back because you thought I couldn't handle it. First Doug shows up and now, I guess y'all called Bernard to make me feel better? I don't need this shit!"
"What? Wow, Danni, is that how you've felt all these years? Because I damn sure didn't know that. What the fuck? I can't believe you, you know that? Because, if I recall, there have been just as many times that you've had a man and I didn't. I don't know what the hell is going on with you. I don't know where this is all coming from but I don't need this shit either. I'll go tell Bernard to come move his truck so you can leave."
She turned and damn near jogged back to the house. A few moments later, the door opened and Bernard came out.
"Why are you leaving?" he asked. "I don't understand what's going on. Doug said you got upset and wanted to leave. Now, Brandi is in there crying."
Hearing that Brandi was crying sent me over the edge, and tears started falling from my eyes. I could count on one hand the number of times I'd seen Brandi cry, and two of those were when each of her grandfathers died. Once was when she got suspended in tenth grade for beating up a girl who tried to jack her for her gold rope chain, and the last time was when she decided that although she loved him, she knew that deep down, she couldn't marry her college sweetheart and broke off her engagement, returning the ring that had been his mother's. I didn't know if her tears now were from heartbreak or anger, but either way, I knew that I was the cause.
"Move your truck," I said, now fighting tears of my own.
Bernard opened the door of my car and reached for me. I got out and he held me tightly against his body. I relaxed in his arms and released the tears that I had been holding. His strong hands stroked my back, and he comforted me.
"Danni, it's okay," he whispered. "Stop crying."
"I wanna leave," I sniffed.
"You're not leaving. I don't know what the hell is going on, but we're going inside to figure all of this out," he looked down at me.
I hadn't even realized how cold it was until I saw the smoke coming out of his mouth as he talked. All of a sudden, I was freezing and started to shudder.
"Where's your coat?"
"I left it inside," I sighed.
"Come on," he took my hand and led me back into the house. Doug was sitting in the living area, looking just as confused as Bernard.
"Where's Brandi?" Bernard asked him.
"Still upstairs," he shook his head, then asked me. "Did I do something wrong? I mean, I thought me coming through was cool. I'm sorry, I woulda..."
"No, it's not that," I said. "It's cool, really it is."
"Why don't you go upstairs and talk to her?" Bernard suggested.
I hesitated, then went up the stairs and knocked on Brandi's door, "Brandi."
"I thought you were gone," she whined.
Opening the door, I walked into her large bedroom, "Bernard wouldn't move his truck, I'm stuck."
Brandi was sprawled across the foot of her California King-sized bed, along with a pile of clothes, most of which still had the tags on them. Unlike me, my best friend was a slob. Shoes and boots were all over the floor, and the dresser was covered with various accessories and beauty products. It was a wonder that she even knew what she had.
"Take my car, it's not blocked," she snapped, "The keys are on the kitchen counter."
"You want me to leave?" I frowned, picking up the grey, cashmere, three-hundred dollar Marc Jacobs dress that I had just given her for Christmas a week before and shook my head.
"No, you said you wanted to go," she snatched the dress from me, "You can leave."
All of a sudden, I started laughing. It was déjà vu and we were in seventh grade all over again. I remember having this same argument with Brandi at her slumber party because I didn't want to watch Cujo. I was too scared, but she insisted that we watch it; so I threatened to leave, and she offered to ask her mom to take me home. We went back and forth until we fell asleep. I didn't leave, and she didn't watch the movie; it was a total waste of a perfectly good Friday night.
"Cujo," I giggled.
Brandi sat up and stared at me, then started laughing herself. I sat on the bed beside her, "So, how long have you been seeing him? And don't lie."
"Not long at all," she shrugged.
"You're lying. It has to have been at least a month. He's been to your house before, enough to have beer in the fridge. You don't even let a guy know where you live until you've been on three dates."
"You know me so well," Brandi confessed. "It really hasn't been that long."
I gave her a knowing look.
"Okay," she told me, "a little over a month. We met one night at the WaWa, and I really didn't think it was that serious until the night we all hung out at the club; which, by the way, was a coincidence. He told me he was a barber, but I didn't know he worked at B. Wright's until that night. I was gonna mention it, but then, I just didn't. It wasn't like I was hiding it on purpose, but I didn't know how to tell you."
"Well, at least now I know why you've been so busy," I shrugged. "But, you could've told me."
"I know I could've, but it jus
t never seemed like the right time. It was the holidays and then, when you started seeing B…"
"I never started seeing him," I corrected her. "We hung out for a few days, that's it, nothing more."
"Because you didn't want it to be more, Danni," she responded. "That was your choice. You can't be mad at me because you turned him down, even though you know you are in love with him."
"In love with him?"
"Yes, in love. You've been in love with him for years, and call me crazy, Danni, but I think he feels the same way."
I shook my head, "Bernard isn't ready for what I want."
"Danni, I don't think you even know what you want," Brandi told me.
"I want a man who loves me and is ready to build a life with me. Someone to share my dreams with and who appreciates me…"
"And you don't think that's B. Wright? Let me ask you a question."
"What?"
"Have you ever asked him? Have you ever taken the time to ask him what he's looking for in a relationship?"
"No," I told her. Every time we were together, I made sure that the conversation was light and pleasant. I was afraid for it to get too intense; afraid that although I knew he was attracted to me, that he really wasn't interested in anything serious. For me, it was all or nothing, and the fear of being rejected and having nothing, just wasn't worth the heartache.
"Maybe you should," she suggested. "After you leave, of course."
I threw the dress I was holding at her, "Shut up, you slob. I ain't going nowhere. It's New Years Eve, maybe one of your resolutions should be to clean your room."
"Maybe one of your resolutions should be to put your big girl drawers on and talk to B. Wright," Brandi stood up and hugged me. "You're my best friend, and I love you, but this has gone on long enough."
"You're right," I nodded, "but…"
"But nothing. I'm not even saying you gotta talk to him tonight. But, stop living in misery because you're concerned about how things would look to other people, or because you're too scared to put yourself out there and B. Wright rejects you."
"Hey, can we have some of these egg rolls?" Doug yelled up the stairs, "We're starving!"
"I guess we should go down there and at least feed them," I suggested.
