by Lea Coll
I laughed with her. It was good to have a friend. “Thanks for asking me out tonight.”
I needed someone else in my corner. If things with Clay didn’t work out, I didn’t want to be without a support system. Clay had his team.
We walked to a bar inside one of the hotels with dark wood paneling, plush chairs, and a large mirror behind the bar. We talked and laughed about what it was like working with a professional football team. It was easy and fun, but I was dying to ask her how she handled her relationship with Gavin. She must have worried others would find out and it wouldn’t reflect nicely on her. I picked the label off my beer wondering if I could trust her.
“Is something bothering you?” Lexie tilted her head.
“When you and Gavin started dating were you worried about the fallout, what your boss would think?”
“Oh, definitely. That was a big sticking point.” Then she sat up, moving to the edge of her chair. “Why? Are you seeing someone?”
I studied her. She didn’t seem like someone who’d reveal anything but she was a reporter. “Kind of.”
She held up her hand. “I’m a vault. I’m not going to tell anyone, I promise. I’ll tell you my story first, so we’ll be even. There isn’t a no fraternization policy. I didn’t want the relationship to take away from the job I was doing. I didn’t want people to think I’d slept my way into the position. I wanted to be known for the job I was doing.”
My shoulders slumped. “Me too.”
“We were both rookies. It wasn’t like he would have been able to advance my career anyway. In the end, it wasn’t worth keeping quiet anymore.”
“Did Gavin want to keep it a secret?”
“No. That was me. It’s easier for men. They aren’t judged harshly if they’re dating one of the staff members.”
“I’m trying to think of all the possible scenarios.” Trying to find one that didn’t end badly.
“Sometimes fans will say a particular girlfriend is bad luck or something but that’s rare and only if the team starts losing.”
I remembered the news story she was referencing. The Dallas quarterback was dating a celebrity and the commentators and fans blamed his poor performance on her. She was a distraction. In the end, he broke up with her. I tried not to let that dull my mood yet I couldn’t help it.
“You’re nothing like her. You aren’t a silly celebrity in the tabloids. This is your job. You take it seriously and you wouldn’t let your relationship hurt his game.”
If I couldn’t help him with his anxiety, wasn’t that what I was doing? If Clay refused to work through his performance anxiety with me, then I’d need to go to Coach Ruxton. I couldn’t allow what I felt for him or let fear of our relationship being revealed stop me from making sure he played the best game he could.
“If you love each other, you’ll work it out, whatever it is.”
I smiled, not so sure she was right. I thought I was in love with him or there was potential for him to love me, but was it enough to withstand everything? Things were only going to get more intense if Seattle won the first playoff game. The pressure would increase. If Clay was feeling it now, it would only worsen. The dread that was in my stomach traveled up my throat, feeling as if it would choke me. I placed a hand on my neck as if trying to hold it at bay. I didn’t want it to consume me.
Lexie’s phone buzzed. “Gavin wants to know where I am. I’m supposed to pick him up.”
We stood, gathering our coats and purses.
“Thanks for inviting me out. It was fun.” I stopped on the sidewalk outside the hotel.
“Anytime. I know I’ve said it before, it’s so nice to have a female who understands what’s at stake. The other reporter in my office only cares about being promoted. She’s angry I got the sideline reporter job over her.”
“I’m not like that. There’s no females to compete with.” Lexie’s problem was different than mine yet her relationship with Gavin posed the same issues. I hoped that I was able to work things out like she had with Gavin.
Earlier this week, when I reviewed Clay’s videos, I saw the end of the game when Gavin publicly declared his love for Lexie on the sidelines. I remember thinking how rare a love like that was, one you wanted to declare to the world.
A few short weeks after running into Clay again, I was in a position to love someone just as deeply. If the end zone was our relationship, should I hold back, waiting for the right time or push forward, gaining every yard I could?
In my career, I never held back. This was different. Our relationship had the potential to affect both of our jobs. I’d take things one day, one game at a time. If it began to affect Clay’s performance, I’d have to do something. I’d step back and get my boss involved. The last thing I wanted to do was jeopardize the season.
Chapter 10
Clay
I saw Payton in the evenings for dinner. She almost always stayed overnight. I loved the way we easily slid into a relationship. Other than gentle reminders that she was here for me, she hadn’t pressed me to talk about my anxiety. I’d practiced pushing out any negative thoughts or expectations during practice. I told myself it was no different than a regular season game. If I focused on that, the pressure didn’t build to an uncomfortable level inside my chest.
In the locker room before the big game, Will approached. “You ready for today?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be.”
“You got your head on straight?”
I nodded, unable to acknowledge I was fighting something. Will had to have confidence in me or it would mess with his game too.
“Good. Coach said you went to Payton for help?”
I hesitated, wondering if I should tell him what was really going on. I hated admitting it to Will, who was a superstar in his own right. He had no issues dealing with the pressures that came with his position. At the same time, I wanted to give Payton credit. “I did. She knew exactly what the problem was. I was doubting myself.”
Will shook his head. “Your brain is stronger than any defensive lineman in the league. If you don’t believe you can do it then you can’t.”
His easy understanding and acceptance swept through me, making me feel like I’d made the right decision to power through. I could do this without revealing all of my innermost thoughts and insecurities to Payton. “Thanks, man.”
“I believe in you. Your teammates believe in you.” There was no greater praise.
He walked away before I could respond. His words gave me the confidence to push out my dad’s criticisms and doubts, and my own. I focused on each play call, each snap of the ball, and subsequent block. One play at a time. One game at a time. My stress and anxiety would be manageable.
I pushed out my dad’s words replacing them with Payton’s, I could do this. I’d gotten here on talent, and I’d continue to be successful for the same reason. I felt strong on our first possession, creating holes for Eric and the other running backs. We easily drove down the field with our run game, Eric running into the endzone for the first touchdown of the game. The rest of the half, was back and forth, both defenses looking strong.
At the beginning of the second half, high on Coach Phillips’ halftime speech, I snapped the ball, blocking North Carolina’s linemen, giving Will time in the pocket to throw down the field. Gavin caught an eighty-yard pass running it in for the touchdown. Our defense continued to hold North Carolina’s offense as we alternated between running and passing, eating up the clock to hold on for a win.
After the game, Will and Eric stopped to talk to Lexie. I kept walking. Reporters never wanted to talk to centers. If something went wrong, the commentators would go nuts, blaming us. If things went right no one acknowledged us. If Will or the coaches slapped me on the back for a job well done, that’s all I could expect. It was also all I wanted. I didn’t play for the attention.
After I’d showered, Coach Ruxton stopped me in the hallway. “You worked through whatever was going on with you?”
“Yeah. I felt great out there.”
“Good. Next week’s game will be bigger. We need you.”
The pressure I’d blown to bits before the game, began to build again inside my chest. “Of course.”
I shouldered my bag, lowering my head, so I wouldn’t have to hear anyone else’s opinion on how much bigger the next game would be.
I made it to the parking lot before a female voice called my name. “Clay, wait up.”
I turned to find Payton running up to me in leggings and a team polo. She stopped in front of me, her cheeks flushed. “You played amazing out there today. It was so exciting to see the game from the sidelines. I’ve watched college games, but it was nothing like a playoff game.”
I glanced around to make sure no one was looking. “Are you sure it’s a good idea for us to talk here?”
Her smile dimmed. “Yeah, probably not. Should I meet you at home?”
I nodded. Something about her innocent question burned a hole through the pressure filling my chest. I liked knowing I had her to come home to. Being with her eased my anxieties as long as I didn’t think about upcoming games or what was going to happen if someone found out about us.
“I’ll see you there then.” She smiled before turning toward her car.
I needed to make sure she knew that she was important to me even if we couldn’t declare ourselves in front of my coaches and teammates. We weren’t Gavin and Lexie. The fans wouldn’t rush to embrace us as a sweetheart couple because technically, she was my coach.
After I parked in my designated spot in the parking garage, I waited for her to park in the visitor’s area. I let her into the elevator. Once the doors closed, the leftover adrenaline from the game had me backing her against the wall. I braced one hand above her head. “I’m so glad you enjoyed the game. That you were there to watch me.”
“Me too. It was amazing.” She looked up at me, her lips slightly parted, her eyes wide with lust, admiration, and something else I couldn’t quite put my finger on.
I wanted to ask what she was thinking, if she’d changed her mind about working with professional athletes but I wanted to kiss her more. I tilted her chin up, exploring her mouth until we heard the ding indicating we’d arrived on my floor. I grabbed her hand, pulling her out of the elevator. Unlocking my door, I kicked it open, dropping my bag on the floor. “I need you.”
Her eyes sparked as she turned to face me. Shutting the door, I stalked toward her, lifting her in my arms. She wrapped her arms around my neck, her long legs around my waist, kissing me as I walked her to my room. I never wanted to play a game and not come home to her.
Payton was home. A tingle ran down my spine. I tightened my arms around her as we fell onto the bed.
She laughed, her fingers tangled in my hair. “You’re intense tonight.”
“This is me after a game.” I pushed her shirt up, pulling down her cup, sucking her nipple into my mouth while I palmed her other breast.
Her fingers tightened in my hair as she held me to her. “I think I like it.”
When she was writhing underneath me, I helped her out of her shoes and leggings before making quick work of my clothes.
When I was naked, she crooked a finger at me. “Come here.”
I grabbed a condom from my nightstand, covering myself. Then I settled between her legs.
She pulled me down for a kiss as I slid my cock between her folds, teasing her, heightening the anticipation before entering her. I couldn’t get enough.
Pulling out, I helped her turn over, wrapping an arm around her to pull her onto her knees. I gripped her hips, entering her in one single thrust. This position was deeper and somehow more intimate.
If I focused on the physical sensations, the emotions wouldn’t have a chance to sink in. If I didn’t give into what I felt for her, she couldn’t hurt me if she decided she wasn’t ready for more.
She shifted to her forearms, pulling me further inside her slick heat. I leaned over her, pushing her hair to one side, kissing her back, before reaching around to tweak her nipples. She pushed back on me, meeting me thrust for thrust, her whimpers increasing in volume. When I touched her clit, she exploded around me, collapsing onto the bed. I carefully positioned myself over her back, continuing to thrust into her as she spasmed around me.
She wasn’t facing me. I wasn’t looking into her eyes. We were skin to skin with nothing between us. It was more intimate than anything I’d ever done. The emotions and implications of our actions were bigger. Being with her was like seeing the world in Technicolor. Everything was brighter, more real.
Words of love and admiration were on the tip of my tongue. Instead of saying them, I pushed up onto one hand, kissing her spine.
“That was amazing,” she murmured into her forearm.
“You’re amazing.” Despite my efforts to ignore them, emotions threatened to spill out of me, so I got up to dispose of the condom. I threw cold water on my face to give myself a second to process, to shut down the overwhelming feelings coursing through me.
I was only a couple years older than her but I was settled in my job, my life. I was ready for the next step. A girlfriend, marriage, maybe kids. I wanted that with her. At the same time, I didn’t want to push her away with my intensity.
She didn’t know where her next job was going to be and I was ready to settle down.
When I came out of the bathroom, she was curled up on her side, her hands under her face. “Is everything okay?”
I slide behind her, pulling her against my body. “It’s more than okay. It’s perfect.”
I kissed her shoulder as she snuggled against me.
Looking back at me, her expression was uncertain. “I’m feeling a little overwhelmed, like I shouldn’t feel this much so soon.”
I paused, my lips hovering above her skin. “I don’t think feelings are wrong. They just are.”
“Yeah?” She rolled so she was on her back.
“I don’t want to question this. I just want to roll with it.” I just want to be with you, now and forever. The words were stuck in my throat.
She smiled tremulously, worry lingered in her eyes. “Nothing has ever felt more right.”
I kissed her. “That’s what I was thinking.”
We were skirting around our feelings, but we had time. I had a few more games to play. We both had to prove ourselves. After the season, we’d be able to explore whatever this was.
Chapter 11
Payton
Something was going on with Clay. He’d played amazingly during the last game, and the sex afterward was nothing short of explosive. Even with his intensity, I felt like he was holding back or not telling me something. I could see it looming in his eyes. I could be patient and wait him out.
During the week, he was focused on practice, working out, and watching endless videos of himself and his opponents. It was something Noah did, but this was more. It bordered on obsession. It was almost like he felt he could control the outcome with enough preparation. It was technically true, but he was staying up late into the night staring at the screen. It affected his sleep, his mental health. He was short with me.
I’d never dated anyone else in a high-pressured job. Noah was normally calm and collected before games. He would take a few days off mentally, hanging out with friends, getting dinner.
I wasn’t sure how I could help Clay professionally or personally. It was a fine line I was walking. I worried I’d need to tell Coach Ruxton if he didn’t play well during the game. I wasn’t sure what I could say without revealing how I knew him so intimately.
I stood in the doorway to his room while he packed, knowing it would be the last time we could be alone before the game. “Are you okay?”
He barely glanced up at me while he stuffed shirts into his suitcase. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”
“You’re tense.”
He shook his head as if my statement annoyed him. “It’s the playoffs, Payton. There’s nothing more important.”
His reaction was a little extreme even though I believed the pressure was real. “I’ve been around a lot of football players and this seems more.”
“What do you mean?” He paused his packing, looking at me.
I shifted on my feet, wringing my fingers. “I don’t know. You’re going to bed late. I’m not sure you’re eating.”
He snapped the suitcase close causing me to jump. “I’m eating. I wouldn’t jeopardize my career like that.”
He brushed past me out of his bedroom.
Following him, I asked, “What about sleep? You’re up late at night watching video.”
“I have to be prepared.” He placed his suitcase by the door, his shoulders tense, face tight.
I took a deep breath, questioning whether my probing was a good idea. “We talked about the fact that it’s not physical.”
“You said that.” His words were clipped.
I paused, confused as to his reaction. “I get that you don’t want to talk about it.”
“Talk about what, Payton?” His hands settled on his hips.
“Your worries about the upcoming game, your fear that you’ll screw up.” Saying his greatest fear out loud was a risk, yet I couldn’t ignore what was going on.
A muscle ticced in his jaw. “I don’t need someone else questioning my abilities. I have my father for that.”
“I didn’t realize you were still in contact with your father?” I wished he would sit down, that he would let me in for a minute before we got on that plane and had to act like we were strangers.
“He left a voice mail after the last regular season game.”
“And?” I relaxed slightly now that he was opening up to me.
“He told me not to choke.” He started pacing in front of me.
“Why do you care what he says? I thought you weren’t close with him. He’s never supported you,” I said the words softly, carefully, worried he’d explode.
