by Emma Knight
All Rachel could think about was Benji. From the moment she woke up, getting ready for school and now, on her way to her first period class, she couldn’t stop thinking of him and their mysterious night together at Rye Playland.
She was kicking herself for not agreeing to a second date as he dropped her off, but at the time, she was too freaked out to realize how much she wanted to be with him. Now, she was even more upset because Benji hadn’t answered her text. It had been almost twelve hours since she sent it, and all Rachel could think about is why he hadn’t responded. She was analyzing and overanalyzing the situation. She also couldn’t stop thinking about her dream: it was all so real, and she couldn’t figure out what it meant.
As she walked down the hallway to her classroom, she made an extra loop around the hallways looking for Benji, but he was nowhere to be found. Rachel walked up and down the halls where the senior classrooms were, but couldn’t find him anywhere. She asked a few people if they knew where his homeroom class was, but nobody knew. Benji was illusive, and nobody could pinpoint his whereabouts.
Feeling like she had lost Benji for good, Rachel walked into Mr. Allen’s class right before the first bell rang. She sat down quietly next to Emily who had saved her a seat towards the back. Rachel didn’t even notice Rob in her class because she was too focused on her magical night with Benji.
She sank into her chair and began to doodle in her notebook. She drew a picture of Benji and her on the ferris wheel and then drew a picture of him on his motorcycle in his leather jacket.
As Rachel put the finishing touches on her drawings, something caught her eye outside the window. As Rachel looked up, she saw Benji standing outside behind to a pine tree that stood outside the classroom window. He was staring right at her, motioning for her to come outside.
Rachel didn’t know what to do. She knew there was a big exam in Mr. Allen’s class on Friday and if she missed this class, she wouldn’t be prepared. But she couldn’t stop herself from wanting to be with Benji, she had to meet him. Rachel raised her hand and waited.
“Yes, Rachel,” Mr. Allen said.
“I’m not feeling well, I need to go to the nurse,” Rachel said.
“Can you wait until after class? This is an important lecture. You really shouldn’t miss,”
“I can’t, I’m sorry,” said Rachel.
“You better get the notes from someone then,” Mr. Allen said, “your grade relies on it,.”
Rachel looked over at Emily who was staring at her in confusion. “You ok?” Emily whispered.
Rachel shook her head and immediately grabbed her books and her bag and left the classroom. She felt drawn to Benji like a magnet, and knew she had to be with him wherever he was -- even if that meant leaving class early and missing what could arguably be the most important class of the quarter.
As Rachel got outside, she couldn’t find Benji. She looked by the pine tree, but he wasn’t there.
She began to wonder if it was an illusion or if she had really seen someone. All of a sudden, Benji came around the backside of the school, holding a single black rose. He handed it to Rachel and said, “I had to see you.”
“I feel the same way, I can’t stop thinking about what happened last night.”
“Let’s go somewhere,” Benji said.
“But what about school?”
“I want to talk to you,” Benji said, “Let’s cut school for the rest of the day, I bet nobody will even notice,” Benji said.
Against her better judgment she said, “OK, let’s do it.”
Rachel felt like a Rebel. She had never cut school before, but felt drawn to Benji and felt safe with him. She felt that no matter where he was, she wanted to be with him and that nothing bad would ever happen. Benji made the repercussions of cutting school worth it.
They began walking. He led her down a windy, dirt trail behind their school. She had never seen this trail, or even knew it existed. As they walked together, silently, Rachel knew this felt right, and she knew she was falling in love.
They approached the end of a path they came to a wide-open field, with tall beautiful trees surrounding it. Benji took off his leather jacket and put it on the ground for her to sit on.
As they sat there, Rachel on the jacket, and Benji sitting on the tall, wild grass, they looked into each other’s eyes. Rachel wasn’t sure what was going to happen next. She didn’t know if Benji was going to kiss her, but she felt like his stares were burning a hole through her heart. She so desperately wanted to know more about him. But she didn’t feel as if she could get close to him, truly close, until she knew more about him.
She finally broke their silence and said, “Who are you? I need to know more about you.”
He paused, longing to share. “I’m different than you?” Benji replied.
“What do you mean, different?” she asked.
“It’s hard to explain,” answered Benji. “And, I don’t think you would understand.”
“Well try,” she said. She was determined to know. She couldn’t let this go.
He looked away and sighed. Several seconds of silence followed.
“You and I…we come from different places, different backgrounds. We see the world differently. My world…is not the same as your world.”
“What does that all mean exactly? I still don’t understand you.”
Benji turned and looked at Rachel with a new expression.
“Nothing. It doesn’t mean anything. Let’s not talk about this anymore, OK? I just want to be here with you, right now, in this moment.”
“How can I just be with you when I feel like I don’t even know you? Why won’t you tell me? What is it you’re hiding?”
Benji looked down at the tall grass below them. He refused to answer.
“I know what I saw,” Rachel said. “What you did at Rye Playland wasn’t normal. You saved my life. I would be dead right now if it weren’t for you. So I really need to know.”
“Anyone could have done that,” Benji said.
“IT’S NOT TRUE! STOP LYING TO ME!” Rachel yelled.
Rachel couldn’t help herself, she didn’t want to get into an argument with him and ruin their time together, but she felt such a burning desire to know, that she felt as if she couldn’t sit with him until he told her the truth.
Benji looked at her with sad eyes and spoke in a soft voice.
“I wish I could tell you,” Benji said. “I wish I could tell you everything. But I can’t. Can’t we just leave it at that?”
“No,” Rachel said getting more and more frustrated with their conversation. “I’m sorry. I really want to be with you. But I can’t, unless I know. I feel like there is just too much at stake for me, and it breaks my heart that you won’t trust me enough to tell me.”
Rachel stood up and smoothed out her skirt. She felt as if she were about to cry, and quickly turned away.
“Rachel, please. Can’t we just be happy with things as they are right now?” Benji said.
“I’m really sorry,” Rachel said, as she burst into tears and started running away.
Rachel ran back through the winding trail that led to school and saw kids pouring out of school. It was the end of the school day. Wiping away her tears, she looked for her Mom’s car in the sea of cars waiting to pick up. Rachel spotted it about fifteen cars back and waited for her mom to reach the front of the school. Rachel kept checking over her shoulder to see if Benji had followed her up. But he hadn’t.
Rachel sat quietly in the car on the way home reflecting on her day in the field with Benji. She didn’t know why Benji was so secretive, and couldn’t understand what was so different about him. Rachel was confused and upset. She would not talk to Benji or continue their relationship until she knew the truth about him.
That night, Rachel couldn’t do anything but wonder about Benji. She wondered what he was up to and she wondered how he felt as she ran away from him today. She wondered if maybe she had been too dramatic and emotional.
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As she sat on her bed and ran their conversation over and over in her head, she heard her phone buzz.
1 New Message:
Emily: What happened to you today? You were MIA.
Rachel didn’t know how to respond. She didn’t want to tell Emily where she was and that she had cut school to be with Benji but she didn’t want to lie either.
Rachel: Yeah, sorry about that, what’s up?
Emily: You’re coming to the homecoming dance tomorrow right? Everyone’s going.
Rachel: I wasn’t planning on it. I don’t have a date.
Emily: Neither do I, let’s just go stag, it’ll be fun.
Rachel: Um, I don’t know.
Emily: You have to go. If you don’t go, I won’t go either.
Rachel didn’t want to hold Emily back so she told Emily she would join her. She figured that she would just stay for a little bit. She didn’t want to leave herself out of an all school event; she would never make friends that way.
Rachel: Ok, I’m in. See you tomorrow.
All of a sudden, Rob entered her mind. She wondered who Rob was going to the dance with, and wondered why he had totally fallen off the face of the earth. She then thought of Arielle, and wondered if Rob was taking her. Rachel convinced herself that she didn’t care though; she was over him and had moved on to Benji.
Rachel sat there, feeling upset. She wondered if Benji was going to go to the homecoming dance. Part of Rachel hoped that Benji would be at the dance but another part of felt that dances weren’t his thing and that he wasn’t big on hanging out with large groups of people.
Feeling mentally and emotionally drained, Rachel took out her journal, drew a picture of her and Benji in the field together, and then, fell asleep.
Chapter Eleven
