by Elena Aitken
She stood and quickly tugged her leggings on before speaking. “I get that, Cyrus.” Nat pulled her top aside to show him the still angry red mark where he’d mated her. “I understand completely that you’re my mate.”
“Then you understand that your place is by my side. And you said yourself, I have responsibilities I need to tend to in New York and then in Alaska.”
His words might as well have been a slap to her face. Her mouth twisted into a scowl of confusion and her eyes narrowed. “What are you saying exactly, Cyrus?”
He stepped toward her. “We’re getting on that plane in the morning.”
“No.”
“What?” Inside him, his bear rumbled again. Deep down, he knew he was being an asshole. An insensitive, uncaring caveman type of asshole, but he couldn’t do anything about it. Kodiaks were strong. They had a need for control. A need that ran deeper than he’d ever realized.
“You heard me.” She squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath. Her breasts heaved with every breath, her hands clenched into fists by her side. After a moment, her lids lifted and she looked deep into his eyes. “Get out.”
He reached for her, but something stopped him. “What?”
“You heard me,” she said. “Get out.”
What the actual—
“You can’t seriously be mad at me? You’re the one who agreed to be the alpha of your clan, Nat. Without even talking to me.” His tightly controlled emotions started to unravel. Cyrus had never been one for emotional displays. In fact, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d ever even raised his voice. But then again, he’d never had a mate before. He’d never been so tightly wrapped up with someone else that it wreaked havoc on every part of him. “We should have talked about it, Natalia. There’s no way it can happen. I know you felt like you didn’t have a choice, but—”
“No, Cyrus.” Her eyes flared. “I did have a choice.”
He took a breath and let her words settle into him. “You still do, Nat.” His heart was cracking, the pain in his chest growing more intense by the second. More than anything, he wanted to reach for her, to pull her into his arms and somehow make all of this go away. His responsibilities. Her grandfather. His clan. Hers. All of it. So there was nothing but the two of them left. Deep down, he knew none of that was possible. “You have to make a choice. Me or your clan?”
Her lower lip trembled and her eyes pooled with unshed tears. It felt like forever, but finally she spoke and his heartbreak was complete. “You should go, Cyrus.”
Chapter Thirteen
There were a million things she needed to do, but after she’d sent Cyrus away, Natalia couldn’t bring herself to do any of them.
The pain was too much. The loss of him too great. She couldn’t have imagined it would ever be so bad. Her heart ached in her chest and every breath she took caused her pain that radiated all the way through her.
He was gone.
She’d been able to sense him for a little while. But then she’d lost the connection and the only thing left was emptiness. An aching, throbbing emptiness.
He was really gone.
She spent hours in her bed crying. She’d allow herself the rest of the day to feel the loss, she told herself. And then she’d have to get up and deal with what accepting her role as the leader of the Jackson clan would really mean.
What did it mean?
She had no idea.
The worst part was, she didn’t even know whether she really wanted the job. She’d said yes almost out of spite in the heat of the moment because Liam was challenging her, and Cyrus was…Cyrus was going all alpha on her.
Was that really so bad?
Nothing made sense anymore. And the longer she stayed in bed, wallowing in her own misery, the more confusing it all got. So, after forcing herself out of bed and into the shower, she dressed and made her way down to the main room of the Den, where she was hit almost immediately with the scent of gingerbread baking.
Christmas.
“There you are!” Nina called up the stairs the moment she saw Nat. “Where have you two been hiding?”
“Duh, Nina! They’re brand new mates.” Chloe appeared, her arms laden with pine boughs. “They’ve been upstairs doing what new mates do.”
Natalia tried not to flinch, or cry, or really anything that would alert her friends to her new, sadly single status. Besides, the way Christmas had currently puked all over the place, she didn’t want to be a downer and bring the festive spirit down.
“I was napping, actually.” She walked down the stairs and grabbed a candy cane from a bowl. Maybe some sugar would improve her mood. It couldn’t hurt, anyway.
“Where is that handsome mate of yours?” Nina asked. “Ryker was hoping he could help out with the new cabin they’re building up in the woods.”
“They’re building a cabin in the middle of winter?” She unwrapped the candy and stuck the end of it in her mouth. Pepperminty sweetness filled her senses. But the ache was still there. “Isn’t that a spring job?”
“With the way this family is growing, we can’t afford to wait until spring.” Chloe laughed. “Can you give me a hand with this?” Without waiting for an answer, she handed Nat the end of a bough and ran up the stairs. “I’m going to attach it up here and then in the middle. It’s going to look great.”
“It is,” Nat agreed unenthusiastically.
“What’s the matter?” Nina eyed her carefully. “Are you not a Christmas person?”
Normally she was very much a Christmas person. It was her favorite holiday and she’d actually been looking forward to sharing the season with Cyrus. But that was before. She turned away from Nina before she could read anything in her eyes. “Hey, is Axel around anywhere?” She changed the subject. “I need to talk to him about something.” She probably should have found him right away and told him about their grandfather and the question he’d asked her. More importantly, the answer she’d given. It would be better to hear it first from her. “I actually need to talk to—”
“Natalia!” As if she’d summoned him, Axel’s booming voice filled the room. “What the actual fuck?”
Too late.
“Hey.” She dropped the end of the pine bough and walked toward her cousin. “I take it you heard about—”
“You being the clan leader? Yup.” He nodded and pressed his lips together as he crossed his arms over his chest. Nat ignored the sounds of shock from the women behind her and focused on Axel. “I heard all right,” he continued. “From Bree Brooks in town. How the hell does Bree know before me?”
Nat shrugged. “I have no idea. I barely even know Bree.”
“Bree knows everyone,” Chloe chimed in. “And everything.”
Natalia glanced at her briefly before looking back to her cousin.
“Is it true?” he asked.
“It is.” She nodded. “He asked and…I said yes.”
She waited, trying to gauge Axel’s reaction. Would he want to be clan leader? Would he challenge her for it?
After what felt like forever, he shook his head and glanced down at his feet before looking up again. “I don’t know why you’d want it,” he said. “But if it’s what you want, you’ve got my support.”
She still couldn’t be sure it was what she wanted. Especially considering it had cost her Cyrus. But then again, if he could walk away so easily without looking back, without even considering what it was that she wanted, was he the right mate for her after all? Maybe she’d made a mistake. Maybe she’d let her instincts cloud her judgment. Maybe—
“What does Cyrus think about all of this?” Axel’s questions interrupted her thoughts. “After all, isn’t he the alpha of his Kodiak clan? What’s this going to mean for you guys? I mean, it’s not completely—”
“He left,” she blurted. Nat hadn’t intended on telling them so abruptly, but what was the point of keeping it in? They were going to find out eventually.
“Will he be back for dinner?” Axel walked past he
r toward the pile of Christmas lights that were in a tangle on the floor. “Because I think we should all talk about what this looks like for—”
“He won’t be back for dinner.” Natalia felt the tears prick at the back of her eyes, but she willed them away. She would not cry. She would not break down about this. She needed to be strong. She had to be strong. She didn’t have another choice. She was going to be the leader of the Jackson clan, and that meant she no longer had the luxury of an emotional breakdown. “He won’t be back at all.”
Saying the words out loud almost broke her, but she took a deep breath and straightened her shoulders as her cousin turned around slowly to look at her.
“What do you mean? Where did he go?”
She shook her head, willing herself not to cry because if she let herself feel even a little bit, the dam would open and she wasn’t sure she’d be able to close it again. “It doesn’t matter. He’s gone and no longer a factor in this conversation.”
Chloe stepped up and put her hand on Natalia’s arm. “Nat? Are you okay? Maybe we should have a cup of tea and—”
“I don’t need a cup of tea.” She shook her off a little more aggressively than she meant to, and instantly felt bad. She knew her cousin’s mate had her best interests at heart, but if she let herself, she’d never be able to put the pieces back together. “What I need to do,” she spoke through gritted teeth, “is get back to Jackson Valley and make some arrangements. And you’re coming with me.”
Leaving Natalia behind at Grizzly Ridge was the single hardest thing he’d ever done. But Cyrus wasn’t a stupid man. He knew an angry alpha bear when he saw one and as much as he loved her, as much as he needed her, he also knew she needed space.
Space he absolutely didn’t want to give her.
But what was his choice? He could stay at the ridge and fight with her, or put a little bit of distance between them so they could think logically and hopefully cool down enough to be able to have a logical discussion about how things were going to go.
But what if they couldn’t?
She’d been so adamant that she was to be the new alpha of the Jackson clan. What if she couldn’t—or wouldn’t—see things his way? That her place was by his side. Not the other way around. After all, he had obligations, too. He couldn’t just ignore his entire business—as much as he’d like to at times—and stay there with her.
Leaving her behind was supposed to clear his head, but the farther away he got from her, it only had the opposite effect. By the time Cyrus landed in New York, he was a complete mess, his bear only barely controlled just under the surface.
Phillip was waiting for him on the edge of the tarmac as he disembarked from the private jet. Not only was Phillip Cyrus’s business manager, he was also his oldest friend, and knew him better than anyone, which was no doubt why Phillip’s face was a mixture of concern and relief as Cyrus stalked across the tarmac toward him. “I need to go for a run,” Cyrus said to him without even slowing down.
Two steps later, Phillip had caught up to him. A Kodiak shifter himself, Phillip knew exactly what Cyrus needed. He also knew it was impossible. “Not until after the meeting.”
A low growl rumbled in the back of Cyrus’s throat. “Now.”
“Not possible.”
Cyrus spun on him, and grabbed his friend by the shirt, but the other man wasn’t fazed. “Now.”
Phillip exhaled slowly before reaching up for Cyrus’s hand. “Are you done? Because we have a meeting to get to. And when all the signatures have been made on all the dotted lines, then and only then will we get out of town and go for a run. Until then, you’re shit out of luck. So pull yourself together. Because if you walk into that boardroom looking like the feral animal you’re currently behaving like, this deal will be dead before it even has a chance.”
Phillip waited a beat for Cyrus to release him, which he did, because Phillip was right. He needed to pull himself together.
“Good?”
Cyrus nodded.
“Let’s go.”
Cyrus got in the waiting limousine and somehow managed to listen while Phillip filled him in on all of the details he would need to know. He resisted the urge to check his phone, but he knew Natalia wouldn’t have called. She’d told him to leave. No, she’d insisted that he leave. She wasn’t going to change her mind and call him only hours later, begging him to come back to her. That wasn’t her style.
The meetings were like a certain kind of hell, but not because they didn’t go well. Quite the opposite. Everything went off even better than they could have hoped for, and it only took a few hours for all of the details to be ironed out, the contracts to be signed, and the wheels to really start to move on this project that Cyrus had been working on for years. It was going to happen. Because of him, and his foundation, clean drinking water would be available in only a few short months for thousands of people in need. And with any luck, they’d be able to expand the program even further after this initial pilot project went off smoothly.
He should have been thrilled.
But all Cyrus could think of the entire time he was stuck in the glass skyscraper talking business was his mate. While prices were being negotiated, his mind went to her luscious curves and how it felt to run a hand over her hip and pull her in close to him.
While timelines were being discussed, Cyrus was thinking instead of how her lips felt on his, how perfect she felt in his arms. How from the moment he laid eyes on her, he finally felt completely and totally at peace.
Finally, hands were shook and they could leave.
True to his word, Phillip hustled a now completely dazed Cyrus back into the limousine and directed it to drive out of town. It took another few hours, but finally the car pulled up to a small clearing.
“Where are we?”
“Somewhere you can run.” Phillip offered him a weak smile. “It’s private and quiet and hopefully it will help you clear your head.”
Cyrus nodded and slipped from the car. They were surrounded by the thick trees of Upstate New York. It seemed a world away from the business of New York City. Cyrus inhaled the clean air, and immediately felt a little better. But not as good as he’d feel after stretching out his muscles and going for a hard run. Even then, he knew it wouldn’t be enough.
Phillip sent the car and driver away. “We have this cabin for the night.”
Cyrus spun around. He hadn’t even noticed the little log cabin tucked into the trees.
“But only one night, Cyrus. We still have more…”
His friend was still talking, but Cyrus didn’t hear a word. Instead, he was already shucking his clothes, leaving them in a pile on the ground before a moment later, breaking into a run. He vaguely heard Phillip mutter a curse under his breath before he took off running, his muscles and bones shifting around him as he moved until finally his bear took over.
Chapter Fourteen
“Put your hand right here.” Kira reached for Nat’s hand and pushed it to her massive stomach.
“What am I—oh!” She snatched her hand back when a baby kicked up against it, and almost as quickly as she’d withdrawn it, she put it back. “That’s so cool! Which one is it?”
Kira laughed. “I have no idea.” She leaned her head back against her pillow and closed her eyes for a moment, as if the effort of just talking to Nat exhausted her. It probably did. Kira looked weaker and weaker every day, as if the babies she was carrying were sucking all of the life out of her.
After Thanksgiving dinner, she’d gone back to her bed and as far as Natalia knew, hadn’t gotten up again. Her stomach had grown even more in those few days as well. She tried not to stare, but it seemed almost physically impossible that the human body could stretch the way her cousin’s had.
“How are you doing?” Nat moved her hand and sat next to her favorite cousin. “You look exhausted.”
“I am.” She opened her eyes and looked at Nat. “Apparently making babies is hard work. I don’t do anything but lay here an
d read and watch movies and I can barely keep my eyes open most days. I honestly don’t know how much longer I can do this.”
“You’ll do it as long as you need to for those babies.” Nat stared at her, but immediately felt bad for being stern with her. “I know you can do this,” she added a little more softly. “You can do this, Kira.”
“I know.” Her cousin shifted up in the bed. “I can do it. But sometimes…” She shook her head. “Sometimes I feel a little bit sorry for myself is all. But I’ll be okay. Besides, the doctor said that my blood pressure is more or less stabilized and as long as I keep off my feet, these babies should be fully cooked in about a month.”
“Just in time for Christmas.”
“Exactly. And Ella’s baby is due around then too. It’s going to be crazy around here.”
Nat smiled, but she didn’t have to look in a mirror to know it didn’t reach all the way to her eyes.
She and Cyrus could have cubs. Would she have the chance now?
“Hey.” Kira grabbed her hand and squeezed. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on, or what?”
Nat shook her head. She had not gone to Kira’s room to trouble her with her own problems with her mate. That wouldn’t solve anything. She’d come to check on her, keep her company, and…convince her to see their grandfather.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” she said quickly. “But I do want to ask you a question.”
Kira gave her a look that let Natalia know she wasn’t going to completely drop the issue. “What’s that?”
“Will you see Grandfather?”
Kira’s hands went automatically to her stomach, her eyes grew wide, and she shook her head vehemently. “Are you kidding?”
“I’m not.” Nat jumped up and fetched her cousin a glass of water from the table. “Drink this.” The last thing she needed was for Kira to get worked up or to raise her blood pressure in any way. “I wasn’t trying to upset you.”
