by Alice Carina
It was a slightly cold day for the beach, so there were only a few people around. Chad kept my hand in his as we walked over the sand, kicking it into the wind as we kicked the stress and nervousness away with it and fell into easy chatter. We talked about the past and he told me of all the times he'd almost asked me out again, but decided against it when he thought I was rejecting his hints which I hadn't even noticed. I wondered what would've happened had we dated before, would we have fallen in love by then? Would I have been more secure in myself? Would I have gotten pregnant by him? I quickly kicked that thought away.
We talked about us, how long we'd liked each other but were both too stupid to notice the other's feelings and too scared to voice our own. We talked about everything and nothing, things we'd already talked about countless times before and things I never thought we would.
We kept walking and talking for a very long time, our pace slow and steady so I didn't feel tired or rushed. At one point though, I did get a bit drowsy and tried to slow down, but Chad kept pulling me forward unknowingly and I didn't want to say anything that would remind him of my pregnancy – as if my protruding stomach wasn't reminder enough. But, for one day, I didn't want to be the pregnant girl. I wanted to be a normal girl out on a date with a guy she really liked, so I let the conversation and his laughter distract me from my aching feet.
He eventually stopped, took a look at his watch, and decided that we should wait there. Wait for what exactly, he wouldn't say. I looked around and realized that we were completely on our own. We were so far away from any other person that the people we'd walked past looked like dots, I would've easily mistaken them for pebbles had they not been moving.
I couldn't understand why we couldn't have gone out on any other day since our kiss, a warmer one preferably, but I didn't question it.
He helped me down to the sand before sitting down beside me, really beside me – our-thighs-were-touching beside me.
I tried to distract myself from his proximity by staring ahead at the sea. The sun was round and easy to look at in the darkening sky as it slowly neared the surface of the water, hesitant, not quite sure what it was getting into.
I looked back at him, but he seemed to always be looking at me.
"What?" I questioned his gaze.
"Nothing," he smiled, "I'm just wondering if it's wrong to kiss you on the first date."
I got pregnant without even going on a date. I almost rolled my eyes, but his own widened as he stared at me. "Please, tell me I didn't just say that out loud." His shocked face confirmed my suspicions. "I-"
Just then, my stomach decided to call out to the whales in the sea.
We both stared down at my stomach, then he burst into laughter while my face nearly burst with the heat.
He reached into his backpack and pulled out a tupperware and held it towards me. I quickly took it just for the sake of doing something that would hopefully draw the attention away from what I'd said or the noise my stomach had just made.
I lifted the lid and the smell reached me before my eyes could make out the shape. Too many fish fingers were squeezed into the tupperware next to a small container. I opened it to reveal creamy whiteness which I couldn't identify until I smelled it; Vanilla. Fish fingers and vanilla. He remembered.
My eyes watered and I nearly cried, but a normal girl out on a date with a boy she liked wouldn't have, so I tried to satiate at least one of my emotions by eating.
I grabbed a fish finger, my lips pulled into a wide smile, and dipped it in the vanilla and brought it to my lips excitedly.
"Wait," I pulled it back as soon as the vanilla touched my lips. "Is this safe?"
"What?"
"Are fish and vanilla a good combo or would they make me sick?"
"You've never tried this before?" He stared at me with utter shock. "How could you crave something you've never even tried?"
"Pregnancy," I shrugged in explanation then brought the food back to my mouth before my stomach could embarrass me again.
"Wait!" He tried to stop me, but I'd already bitten the vanilla-covered portion of the fish.
I chewed it slowly, trying to decide from the first try whether it was going to become a regular for me or a terrible experience.
"Just spit it out," he said as I was swallowing. "I can't believe I just poisoned my girlfriend on our first date."
I choked.
"Katie?" He got up to his knees with panic. "Here, here," he reached inside his backpack and pulled out a bottle of water. "Drink slowly."
I gulped the water down quickly, hoping that it would wash away the heat in my face as well as the one in my throat.
"Better?" He asked when I calmed down, his face still panicked.
"Yeah," I nodded and looked away from him embarrassedly. "Girlfriend?" I questioned in a voice that came out so squeaky it had me blushing all over again.
"Yeah, well, yeah, I just figured we've known each other for a long time..." He trailed off. "But if you don't..." he quickly added.
"No, no, it's..." I had no idea what to say. I 'went out' with Emmet for a couple of months and he never called me or introduced me as his girlfriend. "Good... Girlfriend's good." I suddenly wished he had indeed poisoned me. I looked around for something to change the topic quickly, but there was nothing but sea, sand, and food. "This is actually pretty good." I nodded at the tupperware.
"Really?" He sounded doubtful.
I nodded as I lifted it towards him to try.
"I guess we're getting poisoned together," he shrugged as he dipped a fish finger in the vanilla. "Good thing people are coming otherwise we won't be able to go to the hospital."
"What people?"
He didn't answer. Instead he brought the vanilla-tipped fish to his mouth, his eyes already closed in a wince as he bit it.
I watched his jaw move one, twice.
"Oh, God," he spat it out. "How can you crave this?" He reached out for his water bottle and gulped half of it to get rid of the taste.
"I like it," I insisted and proceeded to eat another one while he made a disgusted face.
I was happily eating and he pulled his phone out in case he needed to call for an ambulance quickly when I saw something moving to the right.
It was a massive truck, driving down the sand and towards the sea, closer and closer to us.
"Shall we?" Chad smiled as he got up to his feet and extended his hands out for me.
I let him help me up while asking him so many questions that he smiled at but refused to answer.
He took my hand in his again as he led the way towards the truck.
"I know I'm pregnant and big, but you didn't need a truck to kidnap me." I tried to humor my way into an answer, but he just laughed at me and refused to utter another sound.
"Hey, boy," an old man with a thick white beard and a stomach just as protruding as mine nodded at Chad as he heavily hopped down from the driver's seat. Three other men and a woman and two little kids followed him out.
"You're late," Chad remarked.
"Kids insisted on coming," he pointed a thumb in the direction of the little boy and girl who immediately ran into the water. "They wouldn't come here without their dolphin shirts so we had to make a stop."
"What's going on?" I whispered to Chad.
"You must be Katie," the woman smiled. "Chad must really like you." She winked at him. "We usually do this early in the morning but he insisted that we come at sunset because it would be more romantic." She spoke in an overly high voice while batting her eyelashes at him.
I looked over at Chad and found him glaring at her while a blush spread through his cheeks. I'd never seen him blush before.
"Do what?" I asked her, hoping that somebody would tell me what was going on.
She motioned for me to follow her as she moved to the back of the truck which had been reversed so that the back wheels were already in the water.
I followed her slowly, Chad's hand still holding onto mine as he matched his pace t
o mine.
One of the men opened the back of the truck and inside were three large metallic tubs.
"Come on," the woman hopped up into the truck. Chad went in first, then he and the woman pulled me up.
I walked over to the tubs and found the dolphins. The mother dolphin squealed when I did, and I chose to believe that she recognized me.
"The baby dolphin's all better now, so they're sending them back to the sea." Chad explained from behind me.
"We need to get this done before it gets dark," one of the men said.
There was what looked like a rag or a blanked beneath each dolphin in its tub, the ends of which were draped over the sides with metallic rods attached to it.
Chad helped me out of the truck and we watched as the men and woman grabbed the metal poles and hoisted the biggest dolphin out of its tub and quickly walked down the truck and well into the sea until the water covered their waists before letting it go.
The dolphin swam around in large circles, making up for its previous confinement.
The team ran back into the truck and, just as swiftly, hoisted up the mother dolphin into her freedom. Unlike her partner, she didn't go swimming around, but remained where they had dropped her, waiting for her baby.
The kids – who'd been running back and forth with the group and tagging along until the water reached their shoulders – laughed and cheered when she didn't swim away from them.
The team didn't keep her waiting long as they went in and gathered the baby dolphin in less time than it had taken them to get her, but one of the men stopped when they were just exiting the truck.
"You wanna take my place?" He offered me.
"Go on," Chad nudged me from behind when I remained motionless with disbelief.
I carefully replaced his hands with mine and looked down at my baby dolphin, already wiggling its tail excitedly.
I had never seen a dolphin that closely before. Dolphins were on my screensaver, my bed sheets, and had I known I would've insisted on wearing my dolphin T-shirt too. I could watch pictures and videos of them, but was probably never going to get the chance to touch one again.
The other people were already carrying much of the weight, so I let one hand slip into the blanket and caress the healed dolphin.
The skin felt smooth and rubbery, almost slippery, just like I had read and expected, but so much more satisfying.
The kids – who'd been flanking me – had clearly been holding that same desire in and squealed with the dolphin as they patted it a little roughly.
We walked into the water and released the dolphin to its parents. They snuggled closer together in a picture of perfect family then did a few laps around us, saying thanks, or goodbye, or just showing off.
Chad came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me as he rested his chin on my neck. The water had tightened my shirt around my stomach and there were too many strangers around us for my usual comfort, but I didn't care. The sun had sunk deeper into the ocean, and I stood there in the glittering, freeing water, feeling warmer than I had all day as I leaned back into his arms.
An orange, half-circle with birds on top, dolphins at the bottom, and dazed people in the middle. Everything seemed to be drawn to the half-sun; the dolphins were swimming towards it, the birds were flying towards it, everyone's eyes were focused on it, except for Chad whose eyes I could feel on me.
I leaned my head back to confirm my thoughts and his eyes instantly lowered to my smile. He didn't ask or hesitate that time as he kissed me.
It was perfect.
*
Are you home? Chelsea texted me the next day.
Of course. Where else would I be?
That's what I'd like to know. I'm coming over.
Mom had warned me that Chelsea had shown up the previous day while I was out with Chad and she had to rudely send her away quickly before dad could see her, but I didn't expect her to show up the next day angry that I hadn't told her that I was going out when she hadn't bothered to visit in so long.
"It's not like you tell me every time you go out," I pointed out.
"Yeah, but you know where I go and how to find me," she placed her hands on her hips. "And I always tell you if I'm using you as an excuse."
"I didn't think you'd come over without telling me."
"That's precisely why I came here, Katie." She sighed. "We used to hang out together all the time. I know things got a bit weird with your pregnancy and all," she nodded at my stomach as she sat next to me on the bed, "but I thought that we were going back to normal. I mean, we're back to sitting with each other during Lunch, we talk again, and I thought that we could really talk again. I mean I told you about this guy I'm crushing on and my fight with Bernetta, and I just thought we were back to that, to us."
"We are,"
"That's what I thought," she glared at me. "But you've been acting weird all week, since your birthday. You're more distant, always distracted, kind of like when you first found out you're pregnant and I couldn't know what was wrong because you wouldn't talk."
"I'm sorry," I wasn't sure what I was apologizing for, but the longing in her voice for the closeness we'd once had made me feel like I was the one who broke it.
"Don't be," she shook her head, "I just want you to talk to me."
"About what?"
"I don't know, anything. Why are you so absentminded lately? Where were you yesterday? Why did you have to use me as an excuse? What's going on with you and Chad? Why a-?"
"Chad?" She couldn't have already known about us, could she?
"Yes, Chad, you two can't stop looking at each other like you have this big secret, but you never look at each other at the same time, which is sort of weird."
"N-no, there's nothing going on." I refused to admit that he was the answer to all of her questions.
Chelsea just looked at me. She didn't say anything or do anything, she just stared at me while I kept trying to come up with a lie and changing it under her disappointed gaze.
She'd been sitting in the cafeteria with me and next to me in our shared classes, she'd come to see me over the weekend because she felt something was troubling me during the week, and she was sitting next to me on my bed, trying to salvage our friendship, I couldn't just dismiss the efforts of the person who'd often been closer to me than my sister.
So, I told her.
I told her about my feelings for Chad – which she already knew, and I told her about his – which she'd always been certain of, and I told her that he'd come over on my birthday and kissed me – she made me pause while she squealed. Then I told her how he didn't say anything because he wanted our date to be perfect and the dolphins couldn't be freed until the day before, but I hadn't known that which was why I'd been so upset – and then she made me rewind and explain the whole dolphin ordeal.
"Oh, my God," she squealed again, "wait tell Bernetta hears about this."
"No!" I almost screamed. "You can't tell anyone."
"Why not?" She raised an eyebrow. "You've wanted this for years,"
"Exactly, which is why I don't want to ruin it." She kept her eyebrow raised, so I continued; "If people find out we're dating, they'll start spreading rumors about him too, they might think he's the father and bully him for not standing up sooner, and I can't imagine what the girls who like him – Bernetta included – would do to me."
"So what if they think he's the father? Chad can handle whatever they say, and it'll make them feel pretty stupid for all the rumors they've said about you."
"I don't want him to have to handle anything because of me." I explained. "He didn't do anything wrong and shouldn't have to handle anything. I know I shouldn't even be with him, but I can't seem to stop."
"Is he worried about the same things?"
"Of course, not," I rolled my eyes. "He said it wouldn't be a big deal if everyone thought he was the father and said that any friends he lost for being with the girl they all always knew he liked weren't real anyway."
"Ho
w'd you convince him to keep it a secret, then?"
"The truth," I shrugged, "he's not blind as not to see how many girls at our school like him. If they thought we were together, they would go back to bullying me more than ever. I'm just now getting from under the light, it would be so easy to blast it on me in full force at any moment. I don't want to go back to walking against the lockers so I won't get pushed to the floor and I don't want to read mean things about myself in the restroom where I would have to go hide again from them. Things are starting to feel normal again, you know? He makes me feel normal; normal enough to eat with everyone and walk next to everyone and have a boyfriend who actually likes me. Any hint at us being more than just friends would take all of that away."
"So, I can't drive Bernetta crazy with this?"
"No," I rolled my eyes. Their fight was just so ridiculous.
A guy at school asked Chelsea out and she'd said yes, but he later turned out to be one of Bernetta's boyfriends. Of course, Bernetta would not acknowledge that a guy she was with would want to be with somebody else, so she accused Chelsea of trying to steal him and things have been really ugly between them.
Chelsea stayed over the entire afternoon and we just talked like we used to, about boys – it was the first time I'd ever partaken in that conversation and it felt so satisfying not to just listen, about school, about our families, about my baby, about a movie that was coming out in a couple of days, and just random things.
"Chelsea," I stopped her when she was leaving, needing to make sure she understood something.
"Yeah?" She turned around, halfway out the door.
"He's really not the father."
"I know," she smiled, and I knew that she really did. "If he was the father, you never would've run away."
For a while, everything went by smoothly, normally.
Chelsea wanted to stop sitting with us during Lunch to give us some kind of 'couples' privacy', but I insisted that she ate with us every day so that nobody would get suspicious at our privacy. Chad did sit a bit closer to me though, and nothing I said convinced him to move away. He held my hand whenever we were in hallways alone, and we stayed together every day after school, Chelsea covering me by telling Josslyn that we were studying together.
