by S. C. Wilson
“A little,” he said, burning cheeks crowning his thick beard.
“Well, spare me the details. Are you two going to be ready soon? I want to get home.” She stifled another yawn.
“I’ll go get ready.” He put his arm around her. “Thank you.”
“Welcome. Now go,” she said, eyes already closing as she reclined. A little more rest wouldn’t hurt before the trip.
Toby returned to the teepee where he and Aponi had spent their wedding night. He found his new wife rolling up a hide, one of her few possessions. She didn’t hear him come up behind her. He pulled aside one long braid, exposing her neck. “Good m-morning,” he said, kissing the soft skin.
She put her hand on the back of his head, fixing his lips in place. “Mmm,” she murmured.
He slid the leather tunic from her shoulders, not rushing the moment. She took his strong hands and guided him back onto the deer hide, pulling his body down on top of hers.
Outside, as the rising sun tinted the horizon, birds called out to each other by name. Jesse stared at orange embers, kept by her own thoughts from returning to her dreams. The dying fire popped, the first sound breaking the stillness as the mountain came to life. She lay silently, though three names echoed through her head. She pictured what waited for her at the cabin, the image clearer than any daguerreotype photo she’d seen. Being separated from them was pure agony.
Soon, a new song broke the early silence, this time coming from the newlyweds’ teepee. Jesse buried her head under the blanket and hummed to herself. When that proved inadequate, she hummed louder.
It would be another hour before Aponi and Toby came out to join her.
The sun was sinking by the time the trio reached the cabin. Jesse’s heart fluttered at the sight of Abby, who sat on the front porch waiting on them.
With Gwen in her arms, Abby rushed down the steps, closing the distance. “Oh, it’s so good to see you. All of you. I take it things went well?”
Jesse took Gwen from her and lifted her playfully into the air. “Oh, look at those cheeks,” she said. “I think you grew another inch while I was gone.” She kissed her daughter’s cheek and then cradled her in her arms. “How’s Jim?” she asked, looking at Abby.
“He’s fine. He’s sleeping. So, how’d it go?”
Jesse grinned. “Let me introduce you to Mr. and Mrs—”
Abby grabbed hold of Aponi’s arm. “You two are married?”
Aponi and Toby smiled, their heads bobbing in unison.
Jesse, anxious to see Jim, put her free arm around Abby. “Well, let’s go inside and they can tell you all about it.”
Toby and Aponi sat at the table with Abby, filling her in on every detail of their ceremony. Jesse lay on the bed, entertaining the three-month-old twins.
Abby could barely stay focused on the conversation around the table. As much as she wanted to hear everything, every little detail, the sight of Jesse playing with the twins was too much. Her heart felt like it would burst.
Toby and Aponi barely finished their story before Abby excused herself. She wished them good night as she pulled the curtain closed behind her.
Jesse glanced over her shoulder. “Look, he’s trying to roll over,” she said, her voice shaking with excitement.
Abby sat on the bed and slipped her hand beneath Jesse’s shirt. “It won’t be long before he’s able to do it,” she said, running her fingers over the soft-fine hair on Jesse’s lower back. “I should probably feed them and get them to bed.”
Jesse put on a pair of long underwear, stretched out on the bed, and waited on the twins to finish.
Once they were fed, Abby lay Gwen in the cradle and returned for Jim. “I’m going to put him in with her,” she said, picking him up.
“You sure you want to put them together? Won’t get much sleep.”
Abby flashed a sheepish grin. “Who says I plan on sleeping tonight?”
Jesse got the hint. It had been months. Aching months, longer and more distant than most. Still, she whispered, “We can’t.”
Abby lay down beside her and put her mouth next to Jesse’s ear. “I’m fine. Really. Don’t be scared.”
“I’m not scared. It’s just…well, they’re right there,” Jesse whispered, tilting her head up toward the loft. “This is why I can’t wait to get a place with some privacy.”
“Mm-hmm, ” Abby murmured, nibbling on her earlobe.
Jesse let Abby explore her body, quivering silently each time Abby’s lips touched her already heated skin. She leaned forward and drew Abby’s face to her. “You drive me crazy,” she whispered, grazing her lips over Abby’s before guiding her onto her back. Jesse lay on top of her. “Let me show you how it—”
The wood above them squeaked rhythmically and Jesse and Abby traded knowing looks. Jesse rolled off of her and together they used a pillow to hide their muffled laughter. When the hilarity subsided enough for her to speak, Jesse pulled the pillow away. “See,” she whispered, staring at the plank floor of the loft above her, “not an ounce of privacy in this stupid cabin.”
Abby curled closer and placed her head on Jesse’s chest, lightly running her fingers on the soft skin of her neck. “Soon. We won’t have to worry about such things.”
Jesse forked her fingers through Abby’s hair, unfulfilled desire making her jumpy. “C’mon,” she said, unexpectedly log rolling out of the bed to glance in the cradle.
Abby sat up. “Where are we going?”
Jesse pulled off the blanket and tucked it under her arm. She bent over to blow out the candle on the bedside table. “Outside,” she said, in an evocative tone. Her eyes, the same deep shades of green as summer grass in the meadow near the cabin, sparkled with intention as she blew out the flame. Abby bit her lip as she slid from the bed and padded silently beside her.
On their last August morning on the mountain, Jesse woke early. Quietly, she dressed and went to the grave of her old companion. She sat on her heels next to a pile of moss-covered rocks. “Oh Frieda, I will always be grateful for all you did for me, and loving me like your own.” She released a long, slow breath. “I think this is the right decision for us. I wish you were here to meet them. I know you’d love them as much as I do.”
She used the back of her hand to wipe away the tears slipping from her eyes. She stared at the mound, ignoring the numbness in her legs, until Abby’s hand on her shoulder roused her from thought.
Abby knelt down beside her. “I wish I had the chance to get to know you. Thank you, Frieda, for taking such good care of her. Thank you for everything.”
Jesse laced her fingers through Abby’s. “We should probably get going.” She paused for one last look before leading the way back to the cabin.
Jesse hated to leave so many belongings behind. Frieda’s carvings were some of the hardest to part with but there were far too many to take. She did pack a few of her favorites, along with Frieda’s pipe. Caught up in collecting those most important to her, she failed to notice the lopsided deer missing from the center of the table.
When they went to leave, Jesse paused at the threshold, her eyes studying the cabin that had been her home for so many years.
Abby slipped her hand into Jesse’s. “I’m going to miss this place,” she said. “I know I wasn’t here long, but it felt like my home.”
“I know. It’s not easy to leave,” she said, still focused on the interior of the cabin.
A faraway look came into Jesse’s eyes. For a moment, she saw herself as a ten-year-old girl, lying in the bed as she caught her first glimpse of the woman who would have such an impact on her life. She could practically smell the stew as the scene unfolded in her minds eye, Frieda hunched before the fireplace stirring the contents of the large pot. The image shifted to the table where she sat with a book open in front of her, Frieda hovering close by to make sure she stayed focused on her schoolwork. Her eyes were drawn to the bed again. How hard it had been to sit there and hold Frieda’s fragile hand, watching as the li
fe drained out her.
Jesse was aware tears were streaming down her cheeks, but she made no move to wipe them. Her breathing came in hitches and her vision was blurred.
“Maybe you and I will come back someday,” Abby said, resting her head on her shoulder.
“Maybe we will.” She palmed her tears away and took a steadying breath. “You ready?”
“Mm-hmm.”
Jesse closed the door on her past, at peace knowing it was the right decision for her family’s future.
In the days leading up to their departure, Aponi had made cradleboards, native baby carriers, for the trip. With Abby toting Jim and Aponi carrying Gwen, Jesse and Toby led the way, each guiding a horse loaded with as many possessions as they could manage.
Jesse fought the temptation to turn back for one last look as the forest rose up around them. Instead, she decided to focus on the path underfoot: the path leading to the new life waiting for her and her family.
Chapter Fifteen
Jesse, Abby, Toby, and Aponi all traveled with heavy burdens as they descended the mountain. The weight of their physical possessions did not encumber them nearly as much as the mental burdens they carried, which only grew heavier with each step they took.
Jesse had made the trip numerous times, the route as familiar as her own hand, but now she saw the forest as if for the first time. The trees seemed to mock her, concealing danger in the thick underbrush flanking the trail. She kept alert, always listening and scanning the dense foliage for anything which could harm her family.
Every shadow morphed into a predatory animal, crouching, waiting to pounce on its prey. A black stump, rotten and crumbling, transformed into a bear, ready to attack. Even a timid brook, with a couple inches of water babbling over its rocky bottom, was enough to slam her heart against her ribs. How in the world did she think she could guide them all safely across the Devil’s Fork?
At night, Jesse sat by the fire watching the twins, her twins, consumed with worries for their future. Even though she had removed Frieda’s gold from under the floorboards, and had all of it tucked safely in her saddlebags, she had no intentions of using it. Up until now she had been living by her own merits and she intended to keep going the same way. She needed to find a way to support everyone. When she cuddled under the blanket with Abby, too exhausted to keep her eyes open, the fear crawled around in her mind, keeping sleep at bay. She woke in the mornings fatigued, mentally and physically. Still, she forced a smile, not wanting to reveal all the uncertainties overwhelming her.
Toby had never been much of a talker, so his silence was not unexpected. Although he had come out of his shell since being reunited with his sister, no one could blame him for being unnerved. He was returning to a world that had been unkind to him and knew all to well what folks thought about him. He recalled the nights he had spent curled up alone in the back of the barn, a cut or bruise from some recent attack stinging on his cheek. His only comfort had been the sounds of the horses sharing the space with him. He had wished time and time again that he had died with his family on that horrific day.
As he grew, the physical beatings became less frequent. Instead, those who wanted to hurt him used words to attack. He learned to hide his pain, finding solace among the horses. With a hand on their withers, he’d rest his face against their necks, speaking softly, until he felt the stinging insults slip away. Even after all the years, some of the words never lost their power.
Toby glanced ahead on the trail at his wife. He never wanted her to experience the kind of torment he’d had to endure all those years and silently vowed to do whatever he had to do to protect her. He was a man now, not some wounded boy crying amongst the horses. If he had to, he would give his life for her.
Abby had heard women say you couldn’t know love until you looked into the eyes of your child. She had always thought the words silly, the ramblings of women whose minds were as narrow as the confines of the homes their overbearing husbands kept them in. Now, each time she heard Jim fuss, or turned to see Gwen’s small head bobbing behind Aponi’s, the words finally made sense. Even her love for Jesse, as powerful as it was, couldn’t match the love she had for her children. With it came a burden she had never felt before: the need to protect and provide for them at all costs. The weight of it bore down on her so heavily she felt she couldn’t breathe.
Not only did Abby have to worry about her babies, she knew Jesse, Toby, and Aponi were counting on her as well. She was the only one of them with any real-world experience. Abby worried especially for Aponi, about how she would be received. She knew there would be discrimination because of the color of her skin. With these extra burdens, it took all of her will to put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. Her driving force was her family. They needed her.
Aponi was terrified. She knew what white men were capable of. She had been hearing the stories for as long as she could remember. Her people had always been either fighting against those men or trying to avoid them. Now, she was giving up her way of life to be with one of them. Her husband was a good man. She loved him. Still, if a white man like Toby was reluctant to go back, how could she not be scared? The others said they understood how she felt, but could they really?
One person truly understood Aponi’s fear: Black Turtle, the man who had been like a father for so many years. A single tear welled in the corner of his eye when they had said their goodbyes. Aponi pretended not to notice. She released his hands and turned to go, her own tears burning. She looked back one final time as she crested a hill, setting to memory an image of the chief waving to her, surrounded by a sea of teepees scattered across the grassy field. She wanted to run back to him and that life. Bravely, she turned and walked away without another look back.
They made most of the journey in silence, each one consumed by their own thoughts. Only their footsteps, the call of birds, and the occasional baby’s cry broke the lingering hush.
“Whoa, Buck.” Jesse pulled on the reins and brought the horse to a stop beside her. Jim’s crying wouldn’t stop and his cheeks were soaked with tears. He’d been cutting teeth, making him fussy. She took out her knife and cut a small piece of rawhide from the cradleboard. She pulled Jim from his carrier and returned to her place at the head of the line. Reins in hand and Jim cradled in her arm, somewhat pacified as he gnawed the leather thong, they continued down the mountain.
Four days later, Jesse stood staring at the Devil’s Fork, moonlight glancing off the water as it rushed past. She could barely hear Abby humming softly to Jim as she nursed him beside her, the familiar melody broken by the thundering river. A fine bead of sweat broke out on Jesse’s upper lip. She had been nervous when she brought Abby across the first time. What she felt now was terror. She had to take them all across. She forced herself to take a calming breath, took hold of Titan’s reins and stepped into the water. The chill as it engulfed first her feet then her legs shocked less than she’d expected, owing either to her focus or her fear.
Slowly and cautiously, she led the horse across. The river pushed and pulled, a living thing with grasping tendrils that did not want her to pass, but it was no match for her resolve. Once safely on the other side, she wrapped Titan’s reins around a tree branch before returning across the river. Buck went next. After unloading the supplies, she made the trip back.
The lives of her loved ones depended on her. This had to go right. The thought of a horse falling into the river was horrific, but what of the most precious cargo—her family? She pushed back against the fear before it could choke her. Her jaw clenched so tightly she thought it might shatter. The water roared in cacophony with her own heartbeat and the ringing in her ears.
On horseback, one meticulous step at a time, she ferried Abby and Jim across first. Then all together, she ferried Gwen, Aponi, and Toby. Not until everyone was across did her breathing return to normal, her legs feeling as bendable as willow branches.
When they bedded down for the night, Jesse fell asleep almost i
nstantly. The stress of four long, tiring days, the stress she’d been walling in so she could take care of her family, finally caught up to her. She slept like a rock.
Jesse woke before dawn, listening to everyone’s soft breathing punctuated by her brother’s loud snores. Though calmer than she had been in days, she still felt on pins and needles. She analyzed everything that had taken place over the last few months, hoping she hadn’t overlooked anything. Not wanting to hide she had a brother, she convinced Toby to go by the last name of McGinnis. And, in an effort to keep anyone from questioning the twins’ paternity, she thought it wise to change their birthday.
Hidden in the trees on the outskirts of Ely, Jesse and Toby dismantled the cradleboards. They scattered the wood pieces in the dense underbrush, making sure not to leave any visible trace of native handiwork. The rest of the material they stowed in the saddlebags as Abby and Aponi slipped behind the trees and changed into dresses.
Finally, with horses in tow and babies on their hips, the foursome headed toward the Nicholas’ house.
The door flung wide open, seemingly as soon as Jesse knocked on it.
“I’m so happy to see you,” Edith said, beaming, looking from one person to the next. “All of you please come in.” Once they entered, she asked excitedly, “Abby, which one is yours?”
“Both of them,” Abby said, smiling.
Edith’s hand went to her mouth. “You had twins?”
Abby nodded.
Edith turned and faced Jesse. “I wish I could’ve seen your face when you found out you had two,” she said with a chuckle.
Abby lifted the brim of Jesse’s hat, brushed her bangs aside, and put her finger on the pale scar on her forehead. “This was the reaction. Passed out cold,” Abby said, grinning.
“Yeah. Ha, ha.” Jesse pulled her hat back in place. “Edith, this is Jim,” she said, indicating the baby in her arms. “And that’s Gwen.”
