by S. C. Wilson
Jesse scowled. “You don’t know that. Maybe some of them are hiding. I have to find out.”
“Please, please don’t go,” Abby said, falling into her arms. She knew she sounded pathetic begging, but she didn’t care. She didn’t want Jesse to leave or be killed in a fight they both knew she couldn’t win.
“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry.” She pried Abby’s arms from around her and turned to walk away.
“Then take Toby with you.”
Jesse shook her head. “No. Aponi’s due to have their baby any day now. He needs to be here with her. Besides, I’ll make better time if I go alone.” She bent down and picked the paper out of the pile of shavings. “Burn this rubbish,” she said, handing it to her. “I don’t want Aponi to see it.”
“Let me help you pack your things at least. And don’t you dare leave until I get back,” she said.
Abby rushed to the house. Her mind was jumbled. It had been so many years since they had done this sort of thing. Upstairs, she threw whatever provisions she could think of into one side of Jesse’s saddlebag: clothing, toiletries, and some cash they kept hidden in a sock. She paused when she went to hurry out of their bedroom and added a personal token before going downstairs. She snatched one of her scarfs and gave it a squirt of her favorite perfume. Then, she ran to the small smokehouse out back and retrieved a smoked ham. In the kitchen, she loaded the other saddlebag with a large hunk of the smoked meat, hard-boiled eggs, a wedge of cheddar cheese, three apples, and a loaf of bread.
As she hurried down the front steps, Jesse was leading Buck out of the barn. Toby was crossing the lawn, his fishing pole propped over his shoulder.
“Aren’t we goin’ fishin’?” he asked when he reached his sister.
Jesse shook her head. She handed the reins to him. “Where’s Aponi?”
“She’s sleeping, or tying to when sh-she can get comfortable. Why?”
“Abby will fill you in. I’ll be right back.” She rushed inside the house, oblivious to the twins sitting in the parlor, as she hurried down the hall to her office. She opened one of the drawers and pulled out her long blade. She attached the sheathed knife to her belt and then strapped on her holster. When she reached for her rifle hanging on the wall, she heard Gwen ask, “Where are you going?”
Jesse turned to face her. “I have to ride into San Francisco to see about a job. It can’t wait.”
Jim, standing next to his sister, said, “But you never take your rifle with you.”
Already tears were in their eyes and Jesse knew they had to be scared. Her breakdown in the barn was the last thing she wanted them to see. She placed the rifle on her desk, got down on her knees, and motioned them over. Both of them ran into her arms, nearly knocking her down with the impact. She held onto them as tightly as she could.
Wanting to look at them, she forced herself to break the embrace. “You know about my friends who live up on the mountain?” she asked. They nodded. “Well, they were hurt. I’m going to see if I can help them.”
“Can I go with you?” Jim asked.
“No, Son. But I need you both to do me a favor. You mustn’t tell your auntie where I’m going. If she gets wind of this, she would be very upset. So upset it could cause her to lose the baby. And we don’t want that to happen, do we?”
“But we aren’t supposed to lie,” Gwen said.
Jesse felt like the biggest hypocrite when it came to lying. “I know. But sometimes we have to lie to the ones we love in order to protect them. I hope one day you’ll understand that.” She hugged them as if would be the last time. “I’m going to miss you both so much.” She leaned back on her heels and looked at Jim. “You take care of them while I’m gone. Will you do that for me?”
Jim swallowed hard, trying to dislodge the lump in his throat. “I…I…I will,” he said, stammering.
Jesse placed her hand under Gwen’s chin and tilted her head. Her daughter had always been the ornerier of the two. “And, Little Miss, you behave yourself while I’m gone,” she said.
“I will,” Gwen said, sniffling. She wiped her nose on her sleeve.
Jesse stood and grabbed her rifle from the desk. “I love you both and I’ll see you soon.”
Jim and Gwen both said, “I love you, too,” before following her outside.
Toby, securing the saddlebags on top of Buck, asked, “You sure you don’t wa-want me to come with—”
Jesse, with the twins clinging to her waist, slid her rifle into the leather sheath. “No. You stay here. Aponi needs you. And please don’t tell her anything. No reason to upset her right now.”
“How are you going to cr-cross the river? Moon isn’t g-going to be full for days?”
“I should get there by tomorrow afternoon,” she said. “No reason to wait and cross at night anymore.” She glanced down at the twins who were clinging on to her. “You two remember what I told you,” she said, gently prying their hands free.
Tears rolled down their cheeks as their heads nodded in response.
Jesse stepped closer to Abby and she drew her into a hug. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
Abby, barely maintaining her composure, reluctantly let go, and watched Jesse quickly swing astride the saddle. “I love you,” she said, placing a hand on Jesse’s leg. “Please be safe. I—we need you to come home to us.”
“I love you too, and I will.”
Toby handed her the reins. “Take care of yourself out there, and d-don’t do anything foolish.”
“I won’t.” She took one last, long look at her family. “I’ll see you all soon.” She turned Buck. With the click of her tongue, she got him galloping down the grapevine-flanked lane, leaving behind plumes of dust kicked up by his hooves in their wake.
Jesse kept to the main roads, setting a punishing pace. She pushed Buck to his limit and beyond—never stopping—never pausing.
She wasn’t even halfway to Ely before the sun sank below the horizon, and with no moonlight to help guide her, she was forced to bed down for the night. After finding what seemed the safest, most secluded place she could, she practically fell from Buck’s back, fatigue pulling her from the saddle.
After tending to Buck, she spread out her bedroll and dropped down on the ground. No breeze stirred. Howls of coyotes, chirps of tree frogs, and songs of crickets broke the lonesome silence as she leaned her back against the saddle.
Not wanting to go through the effort of starting a fire, she opted to put on a pair of socks over the ones she was wearing in an attempt to stay warm throughout the night. She opened the flap of her saddlebag and noticed Abby’s silk scarf lying on top. She held it under her nose, breathing deeply of the familiar honeysuckle fragrance. An image of Abby came to mind, warming her insides, and she had to squeeze her eyes against the welling tears.
She sank down, resting her head on the saddle. Even though she was exhausted, adrenaline still coursed through her veins and sleep eluded her. Blanketed in darkness, she lay there struggling to slow her racing thoughts. Not only was the unknown outcome of events on Mount Perish weighing on her, but also her conversation with Gwen from earlier in the day.
The twins, her twins, were growing up way too fast. With each passing day their perception and understanding of things around them was growing as well. She couldn’t help but wonder if it was time to reveal to them the truth about her, a truth that had been gnawing at her for eight years.
She had faced many dangers in her life. None of them scared her half as much as telling her children her shocking secret. Knowing she could potentially devastate two people who meant more to her than her own life overwhelmed her. Even if she managed to get the words out, it was the outcome that terrified her most of all. What if they rejected her? It was a possibility she knew for certain she wasn’t strong enough to withstand.
She’d had the people she loved most taken from her before. She could still feel not only the lingering pain of their absence, but the cold, icy shock of their loss, even decades later. Now,
she imagined a new terror—not one of lives stolen from her but of love rejected outright. She wondered which was worse and hated herself for it.
All around her in the darkness, insects whirred, mocking her, binding her already jumbled thoughts. A tear rolled from the corner of her eye, but she made no effort to wipe it away. “I need your help, Frieda. I sure got myself in a mess this time. I desperately need your guidance,” she said, staring at one twinkling star up in the night sky.
Another coyote yip was the only answer she got. She shook her head side to side, and let out a sigh.
What did you expect? She’s been gone for twelve years. Maybe I made the wrong choice that day. Maybe I should have chosen to go through the door. Maybe there was something else, some other option I missed.
She closed her eyes and put her palm to her forehead.
What the hell do I even know?
She took a deep breath. When she exhaled, she tried to blow the manic thoughts out of her head. Like ash from a spent fire, they blew right back in her face.
Feels like they would’ve been better off if I died that day.
The leaves rustled all around her from the gust of wind shuttering through the branches, and a cold breeze blew across her face. An icy shiver raced down her spine.
I’d rather die than—
She bolted up from her bedroll, eyes wide, new energy filling her body. Her fingers worried at the wool blanket, unsure what to do with the sudden inertia.
It’s so simple, she thought. She couldn’t believe she hadn’t thought of it sooner. The whole thing was so obvious now. Her burden had been lifted, her dilemma resolved. Things were, in fact, going to be all right.
I’ll just disappear.
Financially, she knew her family would be taken care of for the rest of their lives. The vineyard was beginning to flourish. Everything they owned was paid for. They had thousands of dollars in the bank account—not to mention all the gold still in the safe deposit box.
They’ll be fine without me. The twins will never have to know the awful truth.
Whether it was from fatigue, stress, or a sign from up above, whatever the reason, Jesse’s decision was made right then. She knew in her gut that not returning home would be the best thing for Jim and Gwen. Recovering from her assumed death would be much easier for them to cope with than finding out she was never their father to begin with and they had been deceived their whole lives—that she was really a fake, a fraud, a phony.
For the first time in years she let herself cry. She cried from the depths of her soul, her heart breaking as the reality of a life without Abby, her children, and her brother sank in.
Walking away from everyone she loved would be the hardest thing she had ever done, but she knew she could start her life all over again. She had done it before.
Jesse clutched Abby’s scarf in her balled fist and wrapped her own lonely arms around herself. Tears burst from her eyes, spilled down her cheeks and drenched her shirt until there was nothing left to shed. She was spent, physically, mentally and emotionally. As the last tethers of wakefulness snapped, before the restless sleep, she had one final thought.
Why does walking away from your life and starting over seem easier when you’re ten?
A note from the author
Dear Reader,
Thank you for reading The Devil Behind Us. I truly hope you enjoyed the story as much as I enjoyed writing it. If you’re inclined, please leave a review on Amazon, Goodreads, or your favorite book website. Even if it’s only a few words, I’d greatly appreciate your feedback. Thank you again for your continued interest in the incredible life story of Jessica Pratt.
You can leave a review for The Devil Behind Us HERE.
You can leave a review for The Devil Between Us HERE.
I would also like to let you know the third book in the Devil Series, The Devil That Broke Us, is in the works.
Please follow me on Facebook HERE or on Twitter HERE to find out the to be released date.
S.C. Wilson
Acknowledgments
I would like to give a heartfelt thank you to some wonderful people who had a hand in making this novel with me: Erica Alexander, Andrew Donaldson, Sue Hurst, Amy Mullen, Jodi Myers, Paul Saylor, Judith Silberfeld, and Linda Wilson. Without any of you, this novel would not have been possible. I am forever grateful to each and every one of you.
