No doubt, as Miss de Bourgh’s wedding day approaches, you are now rehearsing in front of the looking glass – those great passages which I always knew would see the light of day and fall on appreciative ears.
You might kindly whisper in the ear of Mr Smock, if he is not too preoccupied with wedding preparations, that he has a great admirer in Hertfordshire who has himself identified, in woodlands hereabouts, the High Brown Fritillary and can take him there some day if he ever finds himself in these parts that we may see if they breed thereabouts.
You will have heard that both Kitty and Jane have brought forth two healthy girls – Anne and Eliza respectively. All are well and we will be hitching up the horses again before the week is out, that we may make ourselves known to these little creatures who neither know nor care for us yet.
My kindest regards to Charlotte and the boys.
Henry Bennet
Hunsford,
near Westerham,
Kent.
11th July, 1795
Dear Sir,
A quick message so very unlike my usual correspondence so please do not interpret it as rudeness on my part but, I am afraid to say, all is not well.
I am no longer to officiate at Miss Anne de Bourgh’s wedding as that privilege now lies with Reverend Smellie. He was asked by Lady Catherine and accepted, without any consultation with myself, and all seem to have forgot that it was I who was to perform this privileged duty. I have been informed this morning by the very man himself who is all delight and wished to know, as there is little time to prepare, if he might borrow my great passages for the occasion, for he is very sure that he will not have to add a great deal to them to raise them to his usual standard. He said that I may join him at the altar for the final blessing, if I so wished, but he would not encourage it, for the comparison between myself and himself in front of my usual congregation might be too great and injure their opinion of me.
And to hear this when only yesterday Charlotte, she who is frequently wiser and more discerning than her husband, brought something to my attention that worried us both greatly. At her last visit at Rosings, Lady Catherine asked of her when we felt I would inherit the Longbourn Estate and move back into Hertfordshire. Charlotte replied that you, cousin, are in great health and, although we enquire of your health frequently at Lucas Lodge, the response is always favourable. Later in their conversation, Lady Catherine complimented Charlotte on the improvements she has made at Hunsford, including the installation of a water pump at the side of the house, and said that she supposed it would be as comfortable for a single man who was accustomed to the conveniences of a large town as for a family of moderate means. And although I greatly respect the reputation and God-given gifts of Reverend Smellie, when I look at my two boys so happy at the parsonage, I feel it most keenly that we may be ousted soon and in this manner of degradation and betrayal.
“I have sinned,” he said, “for I have betrayed innocent blood.” Matthew 27:3-4
Please extend my congratulations to Mr and Mrs Bingley and Colonel and Mrs Fitzwilliam on being blessed with two of God’s children. I pray that they will never be crossed as I have been.
Your cousin,
William Collins
Longbourn,
near Meryton,
Hertfordshire.
7th September, 1795
Dear Sir,
We have just returned from our travels on Monday and are weary. We stayed first with the good-natured Bingleys, where we were joined by the bickering Wickhams (although George Junior is like neither his mother nor father) and next with the Fitzwilliams, who are delighting in parenthood, from whence we all travelled the short distance to Pemberley. And as fine and large as Pemberley is, Longbourn has never looked more charming nor my library more inviting as it did on our return, for I am tired of smiling at strangers and family alike. As the astute Thomas à Kempis once said, no doubt after a long pilgrimage himself, “Everywhere I have sought peace and not found it, except in a corner with a book.” I feel that he and I would have been the best of friends – his company would be no trouble to me whatsoever.
But, sir, I am confused, for I have only now on my return received your last correspondence dated July 11th which concerned me greatly. In the first instance, I was alarmed that Lady Catherine looks forward to my demise with such enthusiasm and secondly, that you, if I may put it to you directly, are being overthrown by Smellie. I confess that I feared as much from the start – that his intentions were self-serving and that he was possibly reacquainting himself with you in order to take advantage of your connection with Rosings. And the sheer audacity of the man to request your great passages! But just as this information was sinking into my cerebrum, Sir William Lucas appeared on my doorstep to announce that Miss Anne de Bourgh did get wed but it was you, cousin, who officiated at the service and in the same breath he said that Smellie had run off as there was some scandal afoot. Though I could tell he was on the verge of exploding with wishing to tell me all, for his lips they did quiver much, I knew at once that if I wished to get the true facts, I would have to appeal to yourself, for as much as I admire my neighbour, he has sent me off on many a wild goose chase with inaccuracies and exaggerations, bless his kind soul.
So please, cousin, write back when you get an opportunity and tell me if you have been reinstated as a favourite with Lady Catherine (so that I may sleep soundly at night, knowing that my departure from this world is not an event which will be celebrated far and wide) and tell me, in truth, what did become of this not-so-reverend Smellie.
In anticipation and with kind regards to Thomas, Richard and Charlotte (who I believe is with child again so the heartiest of congratulations from all the Bennets. You are fast catching up with us, sir, and if you continue at this speed shall soon be blessed with a dozen little Collinses’).
Yours sincerely,
Henry Bennet
Hunsford,
near Westerham,
Kent.
15th September, 1795
Dear Sir,
Please pardon my absent-mindedness for it had never dawned on me that my last letter would not reach you before your departure to the Bingleys’. I did find it strange that you had not responded to comfort me in my hour of need and feared that the comments therein referring to your own estate may have angered you against us, for Charlotte and I are in no hurry to take over the Longbourn Estate, just yet.
Although we are due to visit Lucas Lodge next month, I am content to put information your way to satisfy your impatience and curiosity, with regard to the irregular circumstances leading up to the wedding of July 18th, as I know you to be a man of indisputable discretion and integrity. I implore you however, sir, to keep the contents of this letter absolutely secret and would go so far as to encourage you to destroy it upon reading, that its contents should never be generally known to any but you and certainly not made public.
Such a furore as descended upon us in the week of the wedding, I shall never forget. During their stay, I had met Lord and Lady Smock and Mr Harold Smock several times, for when they were not at Rosings they very generously condescended to call on us at the parsonage, the honour of which alarmed and delighted us, for we had been very much cast into the shadows up to this point which troubled me greatly. Charlotte declared Mr Smock to be a very pleasant young man and felt he was too superior of personality and mind for Miss Anne de Bourgh. This surprised me greatly and caused me to repudiate, for he spoke of Miss de Bourgh with fondness and looked forward with great enthusiasm to his wedding day and I doubted not but that his passion was reciprocated. And how Charlotte could forget that she too was once all infatuation and zealousness with regards a certain union, I know not how she failed to see it in others, for who could hear Mr Smock’s declaration that his betrothed was as beautiful as the Atrophaneura Hector and as light as the Polygonia Comma and be unmoved? Though he be a peculiar looking gentleman, his superior breeding and impeccable dress more than make up for any lack in his appe
arance and cannot have gone unnoticed by his bride-to-be. But as I was to have no intimate involvement in the wedding preparations, everything to do with it and every mention of it pained me greatly and I returned each afternoon with a heavy heart to my troublesome vegetable patch that I might lose myself in its therapeutic gifts.
On the morning before the wedding day, there came such a knock and thundering bang on my door at dawn that woke the entire household. It was one of the servants from Rosings, shouting out my name: “Mr Collins, come at once. You are needed at Rosings.” It did not require a second airing; within minutes I was attired and departing for Rosings with the boy who knew not the nature of the business, and I feared that some terrible affliction had fallen upon Lady Catherine. On reaching Rosings, I was ushered into the breakfast room where Lady Catherine sat, quite pale, in the company of Mrs Jenkinson who stood up and rushed from the room crying as I entered. I fell to my knees beside her ladyship and begged to know that she was quite well. “Arise at once, Mr Collins, from that hideous position and pull yourself together that you can be of some assistance to me,” she ordered and proceeded to tell me that she had just been informed by Mrs Jenkinson that Miss Anne de Bourgh was planning to elope with the Reverend Smellie that very afternoon.
I had to sit immediately, without waiting for permission from my hostess, for my legs did shake with the shock of the news I had just received. Fortunately, Lady Catherine was not consulting me for advice, for she has wisdom enough for both of us, but looking for me to conspire with her as follows: Mrs Jenkinson, whom Lady Catherine dismissed the moment she came to raise the alarm, was to be sent off immediately to town to visit her sister and receive a handsome payment in return for her silence, including a generous annuity. Miss Anne de Bourgh was locked into her room where Lady Catherine would deal with her later and where she was to remain imprisoned until the wedding service on the morrow. I was assigned the post of accompanying Lord, Lady and Mr Smock on a trip to Maidstone for the supposed purpose of collecting the ancestral jewels from Lady Catherine’s banker, a job I was to convince Mr Smock would win him great favour with his bride-to-be. Meanwhile, as I kept the visitors out of her way, her ladyship would descend upon the inn at which Miss de Bourgh was to meet Reverend Smellie at the appointed time and deal with him there.
This last point horrified me and I begged Lady Catherine to allow me to accompany her on this crusade that I might protect her in the event that some ugly business might transpire. I made reference to my boxing skills (for I did study with Daniel Mendoza, boxing champion and author of The Art of Boxing 1789 before he became serious in the sport) at which she snorted and told me not to be ridiculous. There was no need for witnesses, she said, and she was well capable of dealing with Smellie in her own manner, for she had been the recipient of the greatest betrayal and he would feel the full force of her vengeance. All this alarmed me greatly and made any disapproval I had received from her in the past pale in comparison to what I now witnessed, but as I was swept up in the weight and urgency of my assignment I had not time to lose. Calling upon St. Michael, Archangel, the great warrior and protector, who did cast Satan down to the fires of Hell, I took one last fleeting look at her ladyship and began immediately about my mission.
We returned late from Maidstone and I could hardly recall how the day was spent for my mind was elsewhere, though I believe I must have displayed unusual behaviour for Lord Smock did enquire, on several occasions, if I felt quite well. I returned to dress at the parsonage before moving at speed to Rosings to join the other guests for dinner but in particular to ensure she, whose safety and life I had feared for, was well.
When I arrived at Rosings, not only did I find no fright or confusion but, with the exception of Miss Anne de Bourgh being absent under the pretence of resting for her ‘big day’, I discovered Lady Catherine to be in the best spirits I had seen in many years. She made no reference to her meeting with Smellie with the exception of announcing during dinner that the Reverend Smellie had left Rosings that morning due to business of the most urgent nature that could not be delayed. She informed all that he sent his sincere apologies to the wedding party but felt extremely confident that Mr Collins would officiate wonderfully for he had such great passages written for the occasion that could not be compared with. This appeared to satisfy the guests who at first appeared shocked and concerned but then on being reassured that I would step in at their hour of need, were completely at ease and never ceased expressing their gratitude all evening. In their eyes, a calamity had been averted (little did they know that they were fortunate not to be missing a bride as well as a celebrant).
The wedding itself went particularly well and without interruption – if there were anyone present displeased with it (or with my wonderful passages) it entirely escaped me for I was quite in my element. The happy couple are to reside at Rosings in the company of Lady Catherine, that she may watch over them and assist them in the early days of wedded bliss.
We have heard nothing of the whereabouts of Reverend Smellie save that there is a rumour afoot, in ecumenical circles, that he has moved to Scotland, but I cannot confirm this as true.
So there, cousin, you find the delicate particulars which I know you will not share with your beloved; though I know she would be most discreet, I would prefer if temptation to talk on this matter (with her sister Philips in Meryton or others) would not be presented to Mrs Bennet, that she should not have to battle with her conscience, and again, I ask you, sir, to please destroy this letter on reading.
We look forward to meeting you all mid-October and introducin you to Richard.
In confidence and trust, your cousin,
William Collins
Longbourn,
near Meryton,
Hertfordshire.
27th September, 1795
Dear Sir,
I wish to thank you most heartily for your thorough explanation of the events leading to my confusion of late regarding nuptials and disappearing reverends. It now stands as one of my favourite correspondences from Kent and I will be sure to destroy it, I am sure, when I think of it but not before I commit its contents to my memory.
I am reassured on three points – firstly that you have been reappointed the resident ecumenical master of Rosings, thereby reducing my need to move onto my heavenly home just yet. Secondly, that the Reverend Smellie has disappeared, we are to assume, into the Highlands where we know he will get a few swift and hard belts of a highland targe across the back of the head if he attempts any of his trickery in their company. Thirdly, that the former Miss Anne de Bourgh is every bit as silly as Miss Lydia Bennet had once been, proving yet again, that in matters of the heart, the rich, as well as the poor, can make insipidly stupid mistakes. It would appear that Lady Catherine and I have more parental scrapes in common than we either of us had ever appreciated, all the more to foster empathy and understanding between us.
I am most troubled on behalf of our noble Mr Smock (and I ne’er get distressed on behalf of another person, rarely doing so for myself) that such a double-crossing were hatched against him by that rascal Smellie who, it would appear, was not satisfied with setting his sights on a humble parsonage but on Rosings Park itself. Lady Catherine must be on her guard in future about whom she invites into her home, for had Smellie not become accustomed to her fine port and carving meats at the head of her Louis XIV dining table, I am convinced he would have been less tempted to elevate himself so greatly in his own opinion and make come-hither eyes at her daughter. Evidently, he acquired a taste for upper gentry living and found that it was quite to his liking.
Praise the Lord it has all ended well but I cannot help but wonder if the new Mrs Smock is quite satisfied that her plans were foiled. I do hope she learns to appreciate the very great man she has married and that they may have a delightful life together.
We very much look forward to seeing you all in the coming weeks. Mrs Bennet is quite lonesome and loves the noise of children running about, a most unus
ual trait for a sufferer of headaches. I myself am looking forward to meeting young Thomas again and introducing him to the piglets.
Your cousin,
Henry Bennet
Hunsford,
near Westerham,
Kent.
9th November, 1795
Dear Sir,
On behalf of Charlotte, Thomas, Richard and my good self, may I thank you most heartily for the kindness which we were in receipt of on our many visits to Longbourn over the last number of weeks and that we met with the Darcys several times at your home was most fortuitous. Charlotte was overjoyed to spend so much time with Elizabeth and the children and Thomas, asks for you every day since our return.
I have just arrived now from Rosings where all is joy and happiness and pass on the regards of all within who listened with the utmost interest to my retelling of our delightful days spent in Hertfordshire. You will be relieved to hear that Lady Catherine did not once enquire after your health but was most persistent in learning who the current tenants of Netherfield Hall might be. She said she was making enquiries on behalf of an acquaintance and that she would contact the agent directly herself that she may be informed as soon as the lease became available. I am also delighted to report that, according to her ladyship, the married couple are very attached to each other although Mrs Smock likes to keep very separate arrangements from her husband and naturally, due to her ill-health (as well as his) and a reluctance to leave the stuff of youth behind, a period of transition is to be expected.
Due to the tumultuous year I have had to endure, my poor vegetable patch did suffer much and provided us with merely a handful of turnips, carrots and fennel but thankfully, as we are now regular visitors at Rosings, our crop was surplus to requirements.
The Longbourn Letters Page 7
