by Penny Reid
But I couldn’t stop cussing. I wanted to, but instead of saying, “That was fantastic and I love you and please take me now,” I said, “Holy fucking fuck.”
Drew chuckled against me, then licked and nipped my inner thigh; his thumbs tickled my stomach just below my belly button with their delicate circles. I jerked and twisted, the sensations too acute; but he held me down, lifting to his knees and stalking up my body, kissing and biting my hip, my stomach, ribs, then the underside of my breast.
Meanwhile, I was laboring for breath and clumsily searching to make sure he’d removed his pants.
“Drew . . . ” I gasped. “Your dick. My vagina. Now. Make that happen.”
He laughed outright then, his grinning face hovering over mine, his chest making a lovely rumbling sound in perfect tune and pitch with his voice.
“Your body haunts me.” He dipped his middle finger between my teeth; I sucked on it, then bit him. “You are my—”
“Drew . . . ” I gasped again, louder, forcing him to remove his finger and interrupting him. “Please, less diction, more friction.”
He barked another laugh, his eyes merry, his smile enormous. But then he gasped as I tilted my hips to cradle his length. Drew sucked in a dangerous-sounding breath through his teeth when I rubbed against him, rocking my hips with purpose.
“Now, Drew. Now. I need you now.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said in a low growl, then filled me with one thrust. Whether it was the desperation in my voice that made him indulge me or his own raging desire, I didn’t know.
I started to cuss again. I also clawed him and bit his neck and shoulder. My need felt violent, ferocious. My mind was already planning a second seduction, like I was preparing to negotiate another helping of dessert before I’d finished my first slice of pie.
Drew grabbed my hands, maybe to keep me from drawing blood, and held them above my head. He pinned me to the carpet and administered a punishing kiss. I still wanted to bite him, consume him, but he left me breathless and disoriented.
“I have loved you,” he said, hovering far above me, distancing himself, and added, “I love you.”
“Drew . . . ” I tried to grab him, but he still held my hands hostage, his movements controlled and purposeful, steadily claiming. His gaze moved between mine, searching.
“I will love you.” His voice was soft, like he was trying to reach me, calm me.
I stopped struggling and allowed myself to look at him, really and truly look.
His gray eyes studied me with reverence and longing. His newly trimmed beard allowed me to see his full lips and the set of his jaw; both were earnest, verging on stern. He wanted something from me, something more—but not necessarily different—from our physical act.
I relaxed beneath him and sighed, even as he continued to move within me—languid, measured thrusts meant to hold us in place, because we weren’t in a race. There was no finish line, no end, no goal, no urgency. I needed him, and he was here. I was finally here. We were finally together.
I felt tears sting behind my eyes, and I didn’t try to blink them away.
“Drew,” I said, my voice watery. “I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you so much. I need you.”
His mouth hitched to the side, his gaze softening. “There you are, Sugar . . .” His voice held traces of satisfaction and relief, as though he were finally seeing me, as though I’d just arrived.
He kissed the side of my mouth and whispered, “I’ve missed you, too.”
“I love you,” I said, though my chin wobbled, because I did love him. I understood what he meant when he’d said it earlier and why he’d said it three times.
He loved me, he was loving me now, and he would love me in the future.
I allowed myself to actually feel our joining, focus on it, on him. With every stroke I felt the anxiety and tension evaporate. I was present in the moment, still greedy for him, but finding peace and fulfillment in the knowledge that we now had nothing but time.
And time was finally on my side.
Deleted Scene: Truth or Beard (Duane and Jess)
Author’s Note: This was one of the first scenes I wrote, and subsequently the first big scene I cut while writing Truth or Beard. I didn’t like all the “dramatics” of this confrontation between Duane and Jess, what they left unsaid, and felt they’d be more mature than how they’re portrayed here. And so, it had to go…
I jogged over to where Jess and Claire were standing, the fear becoming both better and worse the closer I got.
Better because she seemed completely unharmed. Worse because she was glaring at me something fierce.
I reached for her arm and ignored her glare; the momentum of my fear causing my words to be more demanding than intended. “What are you doing here?”
“Don’t touch me.” She twisted away; I saw her throat was working like she was trying to swallow but couldn’t.
“Fine. Fine.” I removed my hand, though what I really wanted to do was toss her over my shoulder, carry her back to Beau’s car, and speed away. “I’m not touching you. Now tell me why you’re here.”
“None of your business,” she spat. Her glare was narrowed and mean.
“I think the lady wants you to leave her alone.” Repo squinted at me, his tone held an unmistakable threat.
But Jessica turned her angry glare to the older biker. “I think you can shut your mouth, Mr. Repo, and allow the lady to talk for herself. Despite what you’re accustomed to, there are women in the world who are quite capable of speaking their own mind, no assistance from an ignorant caveman biker required.”
His eyebrows lifted about two inches on his forehead and, to my amazement, he smiled. He smiled at her like he was proud.
She spun back to me, her beautiful face twisted with rage; but I also saw the hurt she tried to hide, and the hurt made my teeth ache and my neck stiff, like when someone scratches their nails on a chalkboard. I heard my brothers’ footsteps behind me slow, then come to a stop.
“I’m guessing you’re here because of Tina?” she asked, and something about the way she asked reminded me of a rattlesnake about to strike.
I shook my head, hungrily cataloging her features, unable to help myself. “No. We’re not here for Tina.”
“Lies.” This statement was matter-of-fact, like she considered me a liar. She was now looking at me with disgust.
I’d expected her to be upset, but I didn’t expect her to this upset. I didn’t expect her to hate me. I stared at her, dumbfounded and not able to draw a proper breath. Her contempt was akin to being repeatedly pummeled in the chest.
Beau must’ve recognized I was unable to form words, because he stepped forward and said, “No, Jess. It’s true. We came to speak with Razor about…well, about something.”
Her eyes sliced to Beau and she gave him a hard look. “Whatever. I don’t care. I’m just looking for my cousin so I can leave.”
“Now wait a minute. You boys have business to discuss, you talk to me.” Repo stepped forward to insert himself between me and me.
In my peripheral vision I saw Cletus take his place at my shoulder. “I don’t know if that’s going to be sufficient, Repo. Things might have escalated beyond your ability to negotiate.”
Movement at the corner of the building caught my attention, then it caught everyone’s attention because Tina was making a giant fuss. She was screaming. Two massive bikers held each of her arms impassively as she tried to claw and kick them. She wasn’t successful.
“Here’s Tina now. We’d be happy for you to take her off our hands.” Repo gestured to Jess’s cousin as the two men pulled her along.
Claire tsked. “She better not be black and blue under those clothes.”
“She’s not. But let’s just say she should be grateful you arrived when you did.”
Tina’s fussing muted abruptly as her eyes connected with mine and widened with surprise. Some of my guilt eased as I surveyed her. Other than black trails of makeup running
down her face, she appeared to be unharmed.
“What did she do?” asked Cletus, sounding mildly curious. I studied my brother, confused by his manufactured ignorance.
“She pissed off the wrong person too many times.” Repo’s eyes flickered to Claire then away. “Let’s just say some old ladies don’t know their place…and are indulged.”
“She pissed off Momma?” Claire asked. She didn’t sound surprised.
“Scarlet, your momma ain’t hard to piss off,” Repo answered just as Tina and her captors were within ear shot.
“She’s an old bitch!” Tina screeched. “She’s just jealous.”
Beau sighed and muttered, “Drama, drama, drama.”
I was relieved Tina’s woes with the Order had nothing to do with my request. She’d always been good at finding trouble, no help required.
“Duane, baby.” Tina’s eyes moved between Jess and me in a way that made my stomach turn cold. As soon as the bikers released her, she rushed to me and threw her arms around my chest. Then she lifted on her toes like she was going to kiss me. I stopped her, placing my hands on her shoulders and setting her away.
“What the hell are you doing?”
Her eyes darted to Jessica again and her neck flushed hot and red. “Just saying hello to my guy.”
“Tina, I told you on Friday, we’re never getting back together. That’s never going to happen.”
Tina flinched like I’d slapped her, but then her chin lifted in defiance. “Yeah right, Duane. That’s why you kept texting and calling me for weeks.”
I glanced at Jess, found her watching us with wide, watchful eyes. The cold lump in my stomach became cold certainty, and I returned my attention back to the viper in front of me.
Before I could interrogate Tina, Beau spoke. “So did I. I texted and called you twice daily, but that didn’t mean I wanted in your crabby panties. Tina Patterson, have you been telling Jessica James tall tales?”
Tina’s mouth fell open, like she was truly outraged, and she snorted. “Shut up, Beau Winston. You always did hate me.”
“Because you’d do anything to make drama, and your kind of drama is boring,” he shot back. “Now answer the question: did you twist Duane’s friendly request into something untoward? Did you do that to your cousin? And here she is, coming here trying to rescue you. She’s got your back, meanwhile you’re stabbing hers with lies.”
I saw the exact moment Tina decided betray my trust. Her act of innocence dissolved, leaving a sort of cruel determination. “You want to talk about lies? Then let’s talk about lies, Beau Winston.” She spun on her heel and faced Repo, pointing to me. “Duane and Beau came to me on Friday at the Pink Pony. They came to me and wanted me to spy on the Order. But I told them no. I would never do that. My loyalty has to count for something.”
Repo frowned at her hollering and shook his head, slowly at first then with more conviction. “Girl, you are crazy. Let your cousin take you home, and don’t come back here. You leave us alone, we’ll leave you alone.”
My eyes were drawn to Jessica. She was staring at Tina, looking shell-shocked and confused. I watched as comprehension dawned behind her pretty eyes. Then her stare shifted to me. Gone was the anger and spite and contempt, leaving only hurt and sadness. Jessica James’s hurt and sadness was also akin to being pummeled in the chest.
I took a step toward her. “Jess—”
She held her hand up and shook her head. “No. I’m done. I’m so done. I’ll leave you all to your business.”
Instinct told me to go to her, wrap her in my arms, and take her away from all this craziness. Take her back to our cabin and keep her there until things between us were sorted. I wanted her to look at me with certainty again, not disgust. Not anger. Never hurt.
Instead I clenched my jaw and balled my hands into fists. She didn’t want me to touch her and I didn’t want to do this with an audience.
“Come on, Tina,” Jessica said softly, her stare unfocused and introspective. “We’ll take you home.”
Cletus stepped forward and offered her his arm. “May I escort you and Mrs. McClure to your car? I’ve no doubt you’d be able to manage on your own, but I would like to ask you about the radius of convergence and the test is on Tuesday.” She glanced at him like he was something new, something good and recognizable, then gave him a soft smile.
“That’d be fine, Cletus.” Jessica slipped her hand into the corner of his elbow.
Cletus offered his other elbow to Claire and she took it. Her smile was a good deal larger, easier.
“Come now, Tina. Try to keep up.” Cletus turned from where we were gathered and escorted Jessica and Claire from this clusterfuck, his voice trailing off. “Now then, what I want to know is, if half the width of the interval inside which a power series converges absolutely…”
Tina hesitated for a moment, her teeth grinding as she sent hateful glances to all who remained. “I don’t care. I don’t care and you can all go to hell!” she screeched.
Lifting her chin, she spun and walked away with her head held high. We all silently watched as Cletus opened Claire’s door first, made a little bow, then walked Jessica around to the passenger side. I noted that Tina slipped into the cab behind the driver’s seat, sitting on the back bench. But my eyes were fixed on Jess.
A hand closed over my shoulder and shook me gently. “You’re just going to let Jess go?”
I looked at my twin, not registering his words at first. When I did, I shook my head at his questioning. “She doesn’t want to talk to me.”
“So you’re going to stand there like a dickless asshole.” This statement came from Repo, who was now glaring at me like I was a moron.
I returned his glare, though I’m sure a certain measure of surprise registered on my face, but I said nothing. He was a meddling old man—first angry I was associating with Jessica, now inexplicably giving me horse shit for not running after her like a fool.
Don’t get me wrong, I was a fool for her. But I wasn’t going to air any more of our dirty laundry in public. I would wait until she’d cooled off, approach her when she was feeling more inclined to listen. Plus, we had a plan to follow. We needed to sort this mess out with the Order.
But then Repo read my thoughts with uncanny accuracy. “You love that woman, you go get her, son. You don’t wait ’til the time is right.”
My temper slipped. “Are you fucking serious? A few weeks ago you were warning me away from Jess, like you have a say. And now you’re telling me to go after her?”
“That’s right. I am. That woman loves you. She loves you something fierce. You don’t wait for that kind of love to cool off. You strike while the iron is hot.”
I stared at him for a beat, then waved him off. “What do you know about it?”
“I know a hell of a lot more than you. I know waiting for the right time means it’ll never come.”
“What is going on?” I muttered under my breath, glancing at the cold sky.
Repo took a step closer and dropped his voice. “The past is in the past. Best thing you can do is forget about your mistakes, the secrets you’ve kept, and go after what you want. I see you and I see myself, a fool for a girl I’ll never deserve. But the difference between you and me is, you’re a good man. You deserve her more than you think, more than you know.”
“I agree with Repo.” Jethro tipped his head toward the older biker. “You are such a dummy. I can’t believe we’re related.”
“Now you’re agreeing with Repo?”
“When he’s right.” Jethro nodded.
“Do you want to sort this shit out with the Order now? Or do you want me to go after Jess?”
My oldest brother shrugged. “Go take care of your business. We’ll handle this.”
“What happened to me being the only one Razor will listen to?”
Beau pushed my shoulder. “We’ll figure it out. Maybe we’ll just sort through the mess with Repo, not involve the big guy at all.”
I s
tared at Beau, then Repo, then Jethro. For good measure I glanced at the two, silent biker giants who’d escorted Tina from the premises. Everyone wore similar expressions of what the hell are you waiting for?
“How am I supposed to get there? Hitchhike?”
“Take one of my bikes.” Repo offered, digging in his pocket then withdrawing a set of keys and tossing them at my chest. I feel like I am in an alternate universe. “The Harley, third one along.”
Beau nodded at the older biker, his smile of gratitude was genuine.
Repo waved off Beau’s thanks. “I’ll pick the bike up from the shop on Monday. Now let’s go inside and talk business.”
“Y’all still have Hap and Harry’s on draft?” Jethro and Beau turned away from me to follow older biker into the bar. The two lackeys followed.
The next thing I knew, I was left standing outside the Dragon Biker bar by myself in the freezing cold, holding the keys to Repo’s Harley in my hands, not exactly sure what had just transpired.
Cletus’s voice awoke me from my stupor; he didn’t pause as he walked passed, just called over his shoulder. “What are you waiting for? An invitation?”
Deleted Scene: Grin and Beard It (Jethro and Sienna)
Author’s note: I’m going to be honest. I have no idea why I removed this scene from Grin and Beard It (Maybe because it slowed the book down? Maybe because it was repetitive? I don’t know). But I’m sure I had a good reason!
I basked in the full weight of his striking smile for a full three seconds before he turned back to the road and made a left.
I said on a sigh, “I’m being chauffeured by the world’s most intriguing Wildlife Ranger.”
“Oh? Now I’m intriguing?”
I nodded. “Yes. The most intriguing.” I worried my bottom lip as I studied his profile. I knew a lot about him, his past, his family. Though I had no desire to tell him who I was and lose our easy interaction, not informing him about my conversation with Hank last week felt wrong.
