It was for the best. He knew that.
But it hurt so bad he could barely stand it.
He knew now what that feeling was, in his chest.
It was his heart breaking.
***
Caleb got up the next day, feeling like he had run a marathon. His leg was throbbing so badly he could barely stand on it. He knew that he shouldn’t have run up those stairs at the hospital. But he hadn’t been able to help himself. The thought of seeing Allie had given him the extra strength that he had needed. He had felt that he could power through anything; that he was invincible.
Allie. At the thought of her, fresh pain tore through his heart. It had been hard enough seeing her in that hospital bed. But witnessing the pain of her parents, at the thought of losing their little girl, had been even worse. He knew that he had made the right decision. He would bow out of her life.
But he didn’t feel it, yet. It would take a long time, to truly let go of her. If he ever could.
He walked down the stairs to the open area at the bottom of the warehouse. Thad was sitting there, a newspaper in hand, and a coffee beside him.
The alpha leader glanced up as Caleb entered the room. “You look like death warmed over,” he said, raising his eyebrows. “Is the leg acting up?”
Caleb nodded but didn’t reply. He walked to the kitchen, grabbing himself a coffee.
“You’re going to find it hard,” said Thad, glancing at him, “out in the desert. You won’t be able to run as far as you normally do when you turn into your wolf.”
Caleb shrugged. He didn’t really care. None of it seemed important anymore.
“The papers have reported it,” said Thad, tossing him a newspaper. “Hot off the press.”
Caleb grabbed the paper, staring at the front page. Mystery amoeba to blame for outbreak, read the headline. He skimmed the article, but there wasn’t much information in it. He tossed it aside and sipped his coffee.
“What’s eating you?” asked Thad, glancing at him sharply. “I would have thought that you’d be doing a victory dance around the room, if your leg was up to it.”
“Nothing,” said Caleb, forcing himself to smile. “Just tired, after it all. But I’m glad that they are reporting it, and it’s finally going to end.” He sipped his coffee again. “Pity that Dr. Morgan seems to have walked away from this smelling like roses.”
Thad leaned back in his chair. “Yeah, that is disappointing. He’s still in the hospital and looks like the victim.” He frowned, thinking hard. “Do you have any hard evidence on him that we could send anonymously to the police? That would pin this on him without a doubt?”
Caleb thought about it. “There’s the mysterious money transfers, but they don’t prove a thing.” He frowned. “What about the letters that the woman Mariana sent to him? One of them mentions the discovery of the amoeba, entreating him to keep it quiet.”
“Maybe.” Thad tapped his fingers against his coffee cup. “That would prove that he knew about it, at least. But they could counter that it could be another amoeba, not the one that has caused this.”
Caleb tightened his lips in frustration. It seemed like the doctor would walk away from this scot free. He wasn’t even suspected of causing Allie’s injury. The thought filled him with rage. Where was justice?
Thad stood up, tossing his paper on the coffee table. “We’d better start packing,” he said. “Full moon is tomorrow night, and we need to get on the road. I’d prefer to set up camp tonight.”
Caleb sighed but stood up. He didn’t want to go on the trip anymore, but at least it would distract him. Give him something to do. “I’ll organise the tents, if you like.”
There was a sharp rap on the door. Thad opened it, letting Evan in.
“How did it go?” asked Thad, staring at him.
Evan shook his head, his face grim. “Not great,” he said, gazing at them both. “The fingerprint analysis is through, and Caleb is off the hook with that. But I’m afraid that they are still planning to charge him with attempted murder of the doctor.”
Caleb slammed his fist into the wall. “What? If they accept that the doctor held the gun, why can’t they accept that I hit him out of self-defence?”
Evan smiled grimly. “The detective at the precinct seems to have it in for you, brother. He wants your hide, no pun intended.”
Thad frowned, thinking deeply. “It’s probably good we are going away for a few days,” he said slowly. “And maybe once we are there, Caleb should stay away longer.”
“Exactly what I was thinking,” said Even, gazing at him.
Caleb ran his hands through his hair. This was getting worse.
He didn’t want to be exiled, camping in the desert. How long would it be for? And even though he knew that he could no longer go near Allie, he still wanted to be physically close to her—in the same city, at least. Able to monitor her recovery at a distance. Assure himself that she was, indeed, recovering. If he was in the desert, he would have no way of knowing.
“Do I get a say in this?” he growled, staring at the others.
Thad shook his head. “No. And before you start whining, it’s for your own good.” He stared at Caleb, almost gently. “It won’t be forever. Just until we can figure this mess out, and you can return safely.”
“They don’t even have my real name,” said Caleb, a bit desperately. “They’re looking for Caleb Stone, research scientist.”
“Yes,” said Thad, patiently, nodding his head. “But they also fingerprinted you and took your mug shot. So, if you are here, and they see you, they will take you in. Caleb, I don’t like it any more than you do. But you must see that it’s the only way forward, for now.”
Caleb walked off without replying. He didn’t see the look that Thad and Evan exchanged.
“He’s on the edge,” Evan slowly said. “Any idea why?”
Thad shook his head. “No. He should be happy about solving the case, although I can see his frustration with this new development.”
Thad kept staring in the direction Caleb had gone. There was something else going on here. He just couldn’t put his finger on it, yet.
***
The road was wide and vast. Caleb could see the perfect blue of the sky filling the horizon. It contrasted vividly with the red of the desert sands.
They had been travelling for hours and hit the desert probably half an hour ago. Soon, Thad would veer off the main road, trying to find the perfect camp site. They always tried to get as far away from civilisation as possible. It just made it easier to relax, knowing that they could transform without fear of discovery.
They set up camp near an overhanging ledge, which jutted out of the earth dramatically. It would provide a bit of shade against the intense heat of the desert sun.
That night, they built a large fire, watching the sparks flying like a million fireflies into the air. Caleb leaned back in his camp chair, trying to relax. There was nothing more that he could do now. He had to try to let it all go. Allie’s parents were with her, holding her hand. They would take care of her as she recovered. She would go back to her hometown and leave it all behind her.
Just like he had to.
He stared up at the moon. It was the colour of wax and almost completely full. But not quite. It would take another turning of the planet before it would be in its zenith.
The moon. It controlled his whole life, really. If it wasn’t so beautiful, he would almost resent it.
“It’s looking good,” said Zach, following his gaze. “I can’t wait until tomorrow night. It always gets my blood pumping, the thought of turning.”
Caleb smiled. He remembered when he had felt that way. Had it been so very long ago?
Now he just felt old, and tired. His leg still throbbed. He knew that after the turning, when he had resumed his human form again, it would hurt even more. The wolf would probably run through these desert sands with no memory of the injury and cause further damage. Because that’s what animals did. They
had no concept of taking care of themselves, beyond the rudimentary basics of eating, drinking and cleaning.
He smiled, a bit ruefully. What was he thinking? He had hardly been taking care of his leg, and he had a human brain. He shouldn’t be too harsh on the poor wolf.
“I have an announcement,” said Thad, suddenly. They all stared questioningly at the leader.
“As you all know,” he said, staring at them, “Caleb has been caught up in some complications from the case that he’s just solved. The police are hellbent on taking him in, and we can’t let that happen to one of our brothers.” He paused. “So, Caleb is going to stay on here, after we leave.”
Shay frowned. “For how long?”
Thad sighed, turning to him. “It’s hard to say, Shay. We just want him out of the city, and somewhere that he won’t be picked up. Once we are back in Covenester, I will put someone on the case of clearing him, so that he can come back.”
“That’s tough luck,” said Zach, staring at Caleb sympathetically. “Although it’s not a bad place to hang out for a while, I guess. Wide open spaces, and all that.”
Caleb grinned. “Thanks Zach. I’ll think of you when I’m barbecuing my last sausage.”
Shay stared at him, not blinking. Caleb knew what was going through his mind. He was wondering how he was going to cope with being out of the city and away from Allie. But Shay knew better than to say anything. Especially in front of Thad.
Zach smiled. “So that’s why we picked up so much extra food and drink,” he said, staring around. “I was thinking that it was enough to feed an army, but I didn’t want to question your rationing system, Thad.” His eyes slid sideways, staring at the alpha leader. “So, that means that I can’t eat all those extra steaks?”
They all laughed, but then quietened quickly. None of them were happy about Caleb staying on in the desert, but they were trying to put a brave face on it.
The Wild Keepers were a pack of five. If one of them was missing, the others felt it keenly. The order of the pack was disrupted, and the hierarchy thrown out of whack. That was why Thad had formally made an announcement to the group. They all needed to know, and they needed to ask questions if they wanted. It affected all of them.
“We’ll miss you, brother,” Evan roughly said.
The others nodded, staring down at the sand. Caleb felt their collective sorrow filling the air like the sparks from the fire. He turned away, blinking back tears. It felt good to belong in this way, and their support also eased his soul, which was aching over Allie.
“Hopefully it won’t be for too long,” he said.
He gazed into the distance, but beyond the perimeter of the camp and the light the campfire shed, he couldn’t see much. Endless darkness, as vast as the desert itself. This was to be his home, for a little while at least. He was an exile from the mean city streets of Covenester.
Whatever happened in the city now was no longer his concern. His brothers were going to deal with it. And Allie…well, she was slipping further beyond his reach. He knew that he was doing the right thing, but it also pained him beyond measure that when she awoke from her injury and started her long road to recovery, she would believe that he had abandoned her. That he was everything that she had suspected, and that he had never cared for her.
How wrong she would be. It was because he loved her so much that he was doing this. He was setting her free, so that she didn’t have to be burdened with him. So that she would never be in danger again.
He thought of her in his arms, that night in the lab. Bleeding and as white as chalk. She had told him that she knew he was the wolf. He had not thought about it much since—he had barely had time, with everything else that was going on—but he thought deeply about it now.
Was it something that her mind had just stumbled upon, as she was drifting into unconsciousness? A random thought magnified by a mind in extremis? Or had she suspected for a while, and it had suddenly crystallised into knowledge? But how could she have known?
He kept gazing into the darkness, as if there might be an answer within it. But the desert was almost completely silent. He could occasionally hear the howls of coyotes from far away; their mournful cries pierced his soul. They seemed to capture exactly how he was feeling.
No, the desert would not give him the answer he sought. And perhaps, it was better that way.
***
The next night, they prepared carefully. The moon was full and low, hanging like an overripe peach on a branch. It looked like it might suddenly fall onto the earth, crashing onto the sand.
They gathered, waiting for the moment. They all wore old clothes that they didn’t care about. Tomorrow night, they would feed the shredded remains of them onto the camp fire. It had become a ritual of sorts with them.
They never knew the exact moment that it would happen. It was different for each of them, and every time was different, too. They made small talk as they waited. An air of expectancy hovered around them like fine mist.
Zach was the first this time. They all watched as he started growling, low in his throat. Suddenly, they could see his frame twisting, writhing frantically, as if in pain. And then, the sudden tearing of his clothes, signalling that the wolf was about to emerge.
Zach’s wolf was young, like him. Sinewy, with a dangerous glint in his eye. His growl grew louder, and suddenly, he was howling at the moon. Caleb watched, waiting for his moment.
It was happening. He could feel it, like a low, steady vibration throughout his body. Now, underneath this desert moon, he needn’t worry about anything. He was free to turn, and roam, at will. He was safe with his brother wolves. Not like in the city streets, and especially not like when it happened spontaneously.
He could hear his clothes ripping, as the wolf fought to emerge.
And then, he was running. Speeding over the desert sands, feeling the cold air on his coat. He was chasing the moon, as if he could perhaps catch it and drag it down to earth between his teeth. Beside him, he could see two wolves straining to keep up with him. His brothers.
The air felt so good in his lungs. Fresh, and pure. Unlike the polluted air of the city. The wolf never liked running through those city streets. Too many lights. Too many sounds. It was sensory overload, but out here in the desert wilderness all was calm.
He ran for hours. Occasionally he would feel a nagging pain in one leg, but he ignored it. How could he stop? There were too many wonderful scents to explore. They tempted him to follow trails, but the largest wolf would bark at him, and he would know to stop. He must listen to his alpha leader and follow the pack.
Once, he stopped. He could see two coyotes in the distance. He knew they were mates by the way that they sat side by side, on the edge of the hill.
The male coyote turned to his companion and gently licked her face. She submitted, seeming to enjoy it. He pushed her gently to the sand, nipping at her. She growled, but rolled over onto her back. They played for a while, before they got to their feet and melted into the darkness.
The wolf watched them go, his head on his side, panting. Something was making him sad. He whimpered, clawing at the sand beneath his paws. He didn’t understand. One minute he had been sprinting through the desert, overcome with exhilaration, and now he was confused. He wanted to follow the coyote mates and watch them together.
He yearned for something that he didn’t understand. He knew that he had lost something, but had no idea what it was. For a moment, he sniffed the air, tempted to run after them. To stay close to them and capture whatever it was they had together.
But then his leader nipped at him, staring at him with his large yellow eyes. He turned, and knew that he must follow his pack. Further and further into the desert. Following the trail of the moon, wherever it may lead.
He sprinted off, looking back one last time at the path of the coyotes.
Chapter Twenty
One month later
Allie slowly walked around the flat, frowning. There were boxes everywhere;
so many that she was tripping over them.
She sighed, sitting on the arm of the sofa. There was so much to do. She barely had the energy to tackle it. Her mother had gone to the shops to get them some lunch and coffee. She didn’t know what she would have done without her help. The task seemed so overwhelming.
She sighed again. She remembered the day when she had moved in here. She had been so excited; so eager to start her new career and her new life in the city. It was hard to believe that it hadn’t been that long ago. She frowned, trying hard to remember that woman. She felt as if she had aged immeasurably with everything that had happened.
That woman didn’t exist anymore. There was a new Allie in her place. Older and wiser. Bitter? She put her head to the side, thinking. No, she never wanted to be that. Yes, a lot had happened, and most of it hadn’t been good. But she never wanted it to change her so much that she would lose her joy in life. It was going to be a long process to get that joy back, though.
She looked down, pulling up her sweater. She tentatively touched the scar on her left side. It was almost completely healed now; a thin line of purple. The doctors had assured her that it would fade to white, eventually. They had told her that in years to come it would barely be noticeable. She had smiled and nodded but not replied. She didn’t know how to tell them that the physical scar hardly bothered her.
There were other scars that would take longer to fade. They were the ones that she worried about.
The door opened and her mother walked in, carrying a bag from a local bakery. She also balanced two coffees in her hands.
“Having a rest, dear?” her mother said, placing the food and drinks on the table. “Come and eat. You’ve been overdoing it.” Her mother took out pies from the bag, placing them on plates. “I told you that I could do all this by myself.”
Allie walked to the table, sitting down. “It’s okay, Mom. Really. I don’t feel tired.” She stared at the pie on the plate. “I wanted to be here and do this. It’s my stuff, after all.”
Her mother gazed at her, sipping her coffee. “I know you want to, which is why I didn’t object too much. But if you do start feeling tired, just say so. I can do the rest.” She gazed around the room. “We’re three quarters done anyway. Your dad will be here bright and early tomorrow morning with the moving truck.”
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