by C. Lymari
Lunch was the highlight of my day, since all of my other classes were more of the same: more people gawking at me, zero classes with Gigi, more with Becca, but just one with Gavin.
As I drove home, I told myself I could handle it. When I walked into the condo my brother and I shared, he was already home, eating spaghetti. I smiled at my big brother, put my stuff on the couch.
After Mom and Dad died, neither one of us wanted to live in our house anymore. It was too much just for us two, but we couldn’t let go of it. For now, we were renting it out; it helped pay for this condo without us having to use our parents’ life insurance money.
Some people said we were lucky that we didn’t become homeless because our parents had a backup plan. Yeah, sure, we were lucky. Fucking lucky that Mom and Dad had crashed on a dark as shit road. No one deserved to go out like that.
Nick was twenty, and he took me in, no hesitation. Our parents’ money allowed him to keep taking care of me, and once I went to school, he could finish too.
“You’re home early.” My tone was a little defensive.
“I just wanted to be here, just in case…” My brother wasn’t one to shy away from the truth.
“I’m fine, Nick, and guess what? I didn’t get a detention.” My voice was mocking, but I didn’t need my brother hovering.
He sighed, and his shoulders dropped a little. He cocked his head to the side and stared at me. Nick and I didn’t look much alike. His hair was a little darker than mine and straight, but he kept it cut short.
“You’re my baby sister, Scarlett. I’m always going to worry about you. Besides, I don’t see you complaining when I cook.”
I grinned at him. “You are such a neat freak that you clean as you cook. It saves time.”
Nick couldn’t stand my cooking, not that I was much good at it, but I used everything in the cupboards to cook, and I meant everything. It drove Nick nuts.
Nick reached across the table and grabbed my hand. “You good?”
“Yeah,” I replied softly.
It didn’t matter that Nick and I got on each other’s nerves. At the end of the day, he was all I had.
Five
“Scarlett!” My mother’s screams echoed through the walls of the car.
I wondered what was so important that she needed to yell at me. I was tired; I just wanted to sleep. Okay, I wasn’t just tired; I was also drunk.
I don’t even know why I went out tonight. If I wasn’t feeling up to it, I knew my parents would lecture me tomorrow. When I sat up straight, I couldn’t see a thing. The bright lights blinded me.
“Scarlett.”
I felt the pressure of my brother’s hands on my shoulders. He kept shaking me, but I was too scared to open my eyes or say anything. This was it, the part I was stuck on, the part I couldn’t move past no matter how hard I closed my eyes. I tried lying in bed and willing myself to continue, but it never worked.
My nightmare wasn’t a nightmare, but a memory. To be precise, the memory of the last time my parents were alive, and I couldn’t even remember all of it.
“Scarlett!”
My eyes snapped to my brother’s face. I blinked a couple of times, taking myself out of my daze and remembering that I was with him and he needed me.
“Nick.” I cupped his scruffy cheek. “I’m awake.”
There was no point in saying I was okay when my brother knew that was total bullshit.
“They’re back.” He was referring to my nightmares.
It was one of the reasons I stayed with my grandparents in summer break: to be away from it all. And once I managed them, I assured him I was okay.
I lied.
Truth be told, I didn’t want my nightmares to be gone. Even though they were painful, they served as a reminder of that night, and eventually, the whole memory had to come back.
“Only sometimes,” I said.
That was true; with therapy, I’d learned to forget and make peace with that night, even though I still asked myself all those questions.
How did I get out of the car? Did I talk to my parents before they passed? Why the fuck couldn’t I remember?
Therapy didn’t make the questions go away; it just helped me manage the urge to drive myself crazy with wonder.
It helped keep me sane. To me, the nightmares weren’t nightmares, but answers.
Mr. Reeves’s class was getting easier to manage. By Friday, I had it down to fight my urges to crane my neck so that I could look at Gavin. Let me just say it wasn’t easy. I’d tried to drop the class, but my counselor wouldn’t let me
I was stuck here for the rest of the year. When the bell rang, I did what I always did: pretend like Gavin wasn’t behind me. Keep my head down and do my work.
“Every Friday we’re going to do projects. Your partner for the semester is the person behind or in front of you.”
Collective groans went around the room. People started turning their desks around so they could face their partners. I was still processing the fact that Gavin was going to be my partner for the semester.
I shivered when I felt the tip of a pencil run down my nape. My back arched, and goose bumps appeared on my arms.
I heard a manly chuckle. “Turn around, Scar.”
I got up from my desk and turned it around so it was in front of Gavin’s. He was sprawled behind his desk, both long legs straight on each side, a black notebook in front of him, and that freaking pencil back behind his ear. Since football hadn’t started yet, he wasn’t wearing his number three jersey. I sat down, aware he was watching me.
“Are we going to be playing this game?”
Huh?
“What game?”
Gavin leaned forward on his elbows, close enough that I could smell the mint on his breath. “The one where we kiss, we pretend it never happened, you cry in my arms, and then you run scared. You like me one day, and the next day, it’s like you don’t fucking know me.”
I grimaced. I wasn’t expecting him to put it all out there. Gavin Dunn wasn’t one for sugarcoating. Instead of being brave and saying something that was going to lead to more questions, I took the easy way out.
A coward’s way out.
“I’m still trying to adjust.” My tone was low because even though it was an easy way out, that didn’t make the statement any less true.
His face morphed entirely, his eyes going soft.
I didn’t need his pity.
“You know I’m here for you, Scarlett. You need me, doesn’t matter what time or place, and I’ll be there.”
I believed him. I knew his words rang true, but if I needed help, he would be the last person I would ever call.
I was his girlfriend’s best friend. Gavin was a good guy. He watched out for me because of Gigi.
And because of Gigi, I vowed I would never again take comfort in his arms.
“So.” I cleared my throat instead of answering him. “Now that we’re friends and all, can we start on our work? I need an A in this class, and that means you better not slack off.”
Gavin scoffed and put his hand over his chest. “You wound me.”
He grinned. It was the type of grin that made girls swoon—a little teeth showing, a dash of mischief in those gray eyes, and a whole lot of swagger.
Shit, I was in trouble.
“I’ve been known to be a great partner.” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, his voice dropping to a low timbre. “I’m attentive, caring, thoughtful, accommodating, open to new ideas.”
My cheeks started to burn. I shifted uncomfortably in my chair, making him smile.
“And I always help my partner finish.”
Jesus.
“Okay, that’s enough. Stop,” I said.
He threw his head back laughing.
“What?” he asked with fake innocence.
“Stop being nasty.” I rolled my eyes.
It sucked that talking to him was so freaking easy. It wasn’t hard. I didn’t get nervous around him, not like most
girls would. My nerves were because of Gigi.
“Scar.” He slid his pencil from behind his ear and tapped my nose with the eraser. “That was me being a good boy.”
Jesus, what would be him being a bad boy? I wondered.
“You would melt, Davis.”
My eyes widened with terror when I realized I said that out loud.
Inner freaking voice, Scarlett, I had to scold myself.
I was relieved when I felt a pat on my shoulder. It was another class sheet; it gave me an excuse to compose myself.
I handed Gavin a sheet while I pretended to read mine, but I was actually looking at him. God, it was unfair for him to have eyelashes that pretty. Mine were curly only after I tortured them for fifteen minutes with an eyelash curler. His jaw was filled with scruff. When did he start rocking facial hair? I never allowed myself to look at him too closely. My palm itched with need to run it over his cheeks.
“Scarlett Dunn.” My head snapped up with horror at Gavin.
I hoped I heard him wrong. He hadn’t said, Dunn, right? There was no way he could have read that anywhere. I had never written it down. Ever.
“Has a nice ring. I like it.”
“W-what?” I asked.
Before he could answer, Dwayne shouted, “Jordan’s married to me.”
“Naw, you’re my wife,” Jordan replied.
The class broke out in laughter.
Mr. Reeves put his hands up, motioning for everyone to be quiet. “It’s just an assignment. The point of this project is to budget yours and your partner’s wages, as you would in a marriage. I’m talking about house loans, auto loans, bills, groceries. That’s your final project due at the end of the semester. As the weeks go along, we’ll have other projects due.”
I could do this. I could be married to Gavin for a project.
Easy.
“Just so we’re clear, Rogers, I’m the head of household,” Dwayne told Jordan.
“Aw, look at you trying to take care of me,” Jordan replied.
I couldn’t help but burst out laughing with the rest of the class. When I turned back around to face Gavin, he was staring at my mouth.
“You should smile more often, Davis.”
My smile died, but I gave him a slow nod.
The rest of the class, we worked together on researching what career we were going to have. When the bell finally rang, I let myself relax. I got up to turn my desk around. Gavin, impatient to leave, bumped into me, and I froze.
My back was to his front. How easy would it be to lean back and stop holding it together for a few seconds and let someone else carry my burdens? I had no doubt Gavin would gladly shoulder them; that’s the type of guy he was.
“Scarlett,” he croaked.
I shivered.
His hand came around my hip, grazing the bare skin between where my shirt and jeans met. I gasped, and I swore I heard his exhale. His arm wrapped around my desk and finished fixing it in place. I had two choices: move so I could pick up my bag from the floor or bend over while he was behind me. Gavin went for option number three. He leaned into me, his chest to my back, while he grabbed my backpack from the floor.
“Thanks.” My voice was scratchy as I looped my hands through the straps.
“Anytime,” he responded in a smoky tone I had never heard him use before, but I found I liked a little too much.
It was official—I was the worst best friend in the world.
Six
“Fuck.” I slammed my hand against my locker.
I wasn’t thinking straight, evident by the pain radiating from my hand. Coach was going to kill me if it bruised.
Shit, school had barely started, and I had a stiffy all because Scarlett leaned into me. Fuck me, her ass didn’t even make contact with my cock, and I was in pain. Instead of moving out of the way, I was a dumbass and pressed against her back.
The way she smelled made my mouth water. The fragrance was light but sweet. It was the kind of smell that made you want to press your mouth against her neck so that you could inhale it better.
Don’t get me started on her hair. When I was a little boy, her hair reminded me of a lion’s mane, something majestic. When I was twelve, her curly hair reminded me of sunshine. Scarlett used to brighten my day just by showing up to class.
When I turned sixteen and saw her again, her hair brought on a new way to make me happy. She was standing in my dad’s driveway, in short-ass shorts and a tank top. Her hair was all over the place, beads of sweat formed around her head, and all I could think about was Scarlett laid under me, sweaty, her hair sprawled all over my pillow while she looked at me with those jade eyes full of want.
Then she kissed me, and damn, what a fucking kiss it was. It wasn’t anything wet or sloppy. All three times we’d kissed had been innocent. Tame. But for some insane reason, those three kisses were the ones I’d always remember. Not the first kiss from my first girlfriend, not the first kiss I got the night I lost my virginity, not the last kiss I gave my previous girlfriend before I moved in with Dad. And to finish off sounding like a jerk, not the first kiss I gave Gigi. None of them compared to the times my lips had been on Scarlett’s.
Now that I was older, I wanted to kiss her all over her body to see if she was sweet in other places.
That would never happen. I gave her the option three times, and all three times she’d turned me down. I got the message; there was no way I was pining for a girl who wanted nothing to do with me. But fuck, sometimes she would give me this look full of want, and it made me wonder.
“Hey, man, you going to the lake after school?” Jordan asked as he came by my locker.
The lake was behind Dwayne’s property. His parents were one of eight people who had a private lake behind their houses. The rest of his neighbors were older or with kids young enough that they didn’t mind when we hung out since we only used the jet skis during the day.
“Yeah, I’ll swing by.”
“Damn, Scarlett looks fine. Do you think she’s done being a psycho? Hell, I’ll put up with her crazy ass if she’ll let me hit—”
I slammed my locker shut and pulled Jordan by the collar of his shirt.
“I don’t care what the fuck you do, but leave Scarlett alone. She’s been through enough.”
“Am I interrupting something? Leave Jordy alone. You know he didn’t mean it when he touched my ass.” Gigi slithered her way between us, pushing Jordan back and kissing me on my jaw, then my lips.
Nothing.
I felt nothing when my girlfriend kissed me, but to hear Jordan talk about fucking Scarlett, that made me lose it.
“Fuck, Gigi, I said it was an accident. He already wants to kick my ass for calling your girl a psycho.”
“Is that true?” Gigi put her arm around my waist, pulling me closer to her.
“I know you don’t want her to be messed around.” I said what she wanted to hear.
Gigi beamed up at me. “You’re the best boyfriend ever, and I love you for it…but Scar needs to learn to stand up for herself. We have to stop babying her.”
I didn’t agree with her, but what could I say? Instead, I started to walk Gigi to our next class since we had it together.
“Besides, I think it’s cool if she hooked up with Jordy,” Gigi said.
I missed a step even though the floor was flat when she said those words.
“That’s cool.” I dreaded those words.
Truth was, I’d always thought of Scarlett as mine. She’d never dated anyone else. Sure, I knew she used to make out with guys at parties, but never anything more. And a part of me was glad, because it meant she didn’t care about anyone like that.
And when she was at her lowest, she came to me. It was me who made her feel better. It was me who made her world all right, even if it was only for three seconds.
What the fuck was I going to do when she found someone who was real?
Seven
When my cell phone started ringing, I stared at it, contemplati
ng ways to get out of tonight’s party. It was always the same thing, always the same people, because God forbid they invited someone who wasn’t part of our crowd. I was so tired of it. Sure, the talking had died down, but it wasn’t like I didn’t know they were all just waiting for me to snap.
I didn’t blame them. They didn’t understand, and the ones that did acted like they didn’t. After my parents died, I wanted to stay home and mourn them on my own. Just because I cut everyone off, it didn’t mean I was depressed; it just meant I was dealing with their deaths on my own.
It just sucked that around that time was when Gigi started partying more. She was the only person I didn’t mind being by my side, but I understood she had her life.
I couldn’t blame her for that. I just wished she’d stop trying to make my life like hers.
Putting on some cutoff shorts and one of my brother’s old football t-shirts, I left my room. I didn’t feel like going in the water, so no swimsuit for me.
“Hey, I’m going out with some friends to the lake,” I told my brother, who was in the kitchen trying to make some food.
“Who’s picking you up?”
“Dylan,” I replied immediately.
My brother made a face. “Why can’t Gigi pick you up?”
“She’s with Gavin.”
“Why can’t you ride with them?”
My brother wasn’t oblivious, but since we both got our world ripped apart, we understood there were more important things to life.
“Because they are together. Chill, you have nothing to worry about with Dylan.”
“Call me if you need me, and be home by midnight.” Nick pointed a finger at me.
I meant it when I said I’d told no one about Dylan, and that included Nick.
“Okay…and Nick.” I stopped before I left the condo, making sure I had my brother’s full attention. “You should go out with your friends.”
Nick made a puzzled face as I closed the door. Even though my brother was older by five years, he was still very young. I knew he had the world on his shoulders, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t still go out there and try. Because the thing about burdens is, they don’t go anywhere; they’ll always be waiting for you. So might as well take the escapes as they come.
