“Call me Rowan. Bennett has told me so much about you and I’m sure we’ll work together in the future.” She gave him a sly smile. “I love asking for painfully large checks.”
He laughed. “Then it’s good I enjoy writing them. Ah, here’s my own slice of heaven. Monica darling, this is Rowan.”
The small and incredibly beautiful woman took Rowan’s hand in both of hers. “You are lovely. We’ve known Bennett since college and he’s never oozed pure happiness like he does now. Well done, you!”
The four of them had talked for several minutes when Mary-Margaret got Rowan’s attention from a few feet away.
Smiling at the couple, Rowan explained, “I’m going to steal my husband away. He needs to make a speech and has barely eaten all evening. Thank you so much for coming.” Glancing up at Bennett, she asked, “Are you ready to impress the crowd, you eloquent man?”
“I only wish to impress you.”
“You do with every breath you take.”
Bennett shook hands with Samuel and they seemed to share a silent conversation. He pressed his cheek to Monica’s and when he pulled back, Rowan could have sworn there were tears in the woman’s eyes.
Fear crawled up her spine. It felt like everyone was in on a painful secret except her.
* * *
Bennett took the stage with unbelievable energy and Rowan met James’ eyes in confusion.
The bodyguard had maintained a further distance than usual from the man he protected and hadn’t said a word to Rowan since she’d gone searching for her husband at the start of the evening.
James was deliberately avoiding her.
Crushing down the fear, the unknown, she focused on Bennett. He spoke animatedly with the DJ and stepped up to the mic as he turned to the guests who gathered closer.
“First, I want to thank everyone for coming. Some of you came a long way to celebrate with me and I appreciate it. The people here right now are the closest in my life. My friends, colleagues who became friends, trusted staff, my dear Mary-Margaret who’s kept things running for almost forty years, my bodyguard James who’s the closest thing to a son I’ve ever had - and I technically have a son.” There was laughter among the guests.
Meeting Rowan’s eyes, he held out his hand and said, “Come up here, darling.” Blushing, she went to his side. “Most of you know my incredible wife. For those of you who don’t, this is my Rowan. The week before I met her, I was told I had less than a year to live - if a heart attack didn’t snuff me out suddenly.”
There were gasps through the crowd.
“It’s not something I wanted known. Rowan and my staff have gone to great lengths to cover for me, to protect me, to keep me breathing.”
Wrapping his arm around her, he held her to his side. “The sacrifices this woman has made out of love for me would astound you.” He pressed a kiss to her temple and she couldn’t stop her tears. “If anyone doubts her motives, I dare you to say that to my bodyguard’s face. James and Mary-Margaret know the truth.”
“Bennett…” she whispered. He removed a handkerchief from his jacket and carefully wiped her tears.
“When Mary-Margaret told me about this party, Rowan’s love had already kept my heart beating more than double the time I was given. Not only did she keep me alive, she made these past years the best of my entire life. I mean that.”
He smiled at her and she tried to return it. Her body shook violently.
“From riding in a sleigh, to saying a prayer at a temple in Tibet, to seeing what all the fuss was about a glass-bottomed boat...I had a list and she gave me everything I’d never taken time to experience. All while running my company and endearing herself to the people in my orbit.”
Turning to look at his guests, he nodded. “I’ve always been a private man. I share Rowan’s love and devotion to me because I’ll expect each and every one of you to protect my wife when I’m gone.”
There was the soft sound of crying from several people.
“As a young, beautiful woman married to a man almost forty years older, people will try to hurt her when I die. They won’t care how much she loved me or the pain she’ll be in. James will protect her physically. Her friends will help her heal. I expect the rest of you to protect her reputation.”
Bennett looked around at the guests with a smile as he held Rowan’s face to his chest.
“Drink up, eat your fill, and enjoy the estate’s amenities. Make yourselves at home. For those who can, stay a few days. For those who can’t, know how grateful I am that you came. A lifetime of raising hell, making money, and helping as many as I could - it went by goddamn fast.”
Then he guided a sobbing Rowan from the stage and into the house. Taking the elevator to their suite, James closed the door softly behind them.
She instantly threw herself into Bennett’s arms.
“You’re preparing me. I can feel it. What’s happened? Did the doctors say something?” He held her gaze and fear bubbled up. “Don’t leave me, Bennett. I can’t live without you.”
He held her face in his hands. “That’s not true, Rowan. You can live - you must live - without me.”
“Please! I’ll do anything to keep you with me.”
“Will you truly do anything, darling?” he asked softly.
Sobbing, she managed, “Of course. Tell me.”
“You can keep a piece of me with you always and give me something I never truly had.”
Scrubbing at her face, she didn’t understand.
“Have my baby, Rowan.”
She frowned. “Your...baby?” Tilting her head, realization hit her. Her entire world swayed and she gasped, “No, Bennett. No. It will kill you.”
“To have you once is worth the cost.”
Chapter Ten
“It’s not, Bennett!”
“Before I die, I want to make love to my wife. The only woman I’ve ever loved. The only woman to ever love me. It’s the last item on my bucket list, Rowan. It’s been there since the day I met you but I didn’t write it down.”
Everything inside her raged against losing him. “Bennett…”
“Since the day I met you, you’ve given me everything I wanted, needed, and didn’t know I was missing. There’s only one thing more that I need, Rowan. One thing.”
“Y-you’re asking me to kill you, Bennett.”
“No, darling. I’m asking you to love me as hard as you can. To give me something beautiful. One last perfect moment after so many we’ve shared together. I know it comes at great cost to you...but I have never wanted anything as much.”
Twisting her hands together, she whispered, “Your heart h-has been strong tonight. Maybe…”
“I took an experimental drug, Rowan. A synthetic compound that lets me be the man I used to be.”
For a long moment, she considered what he wasn’t telling her. “It’s...temporary?” He stared at her without blinking. “Wh-what’s the side effect? Why can’t you keep taking it?”
“The tissues of my heart are irreparably damaged.” She nodded slowly. “That it still functions at all is a medical miracle, Rowan. The drug fools my heart into thinking it’s healthy so it pumps normally.”
Placing her fingers over her lips, she whispered, “Breaking down the damaged tissue even faster? Stealing you from me for a night of dancing?”
Grabbing her shoulders, he shook her lightly. “No. Giving me one full night with a woman who deserves more of me than any person I’ve ever met. A night of kissing you, touching you, dancing with you...making love to you. All things I couldn’t experience without it.”
Tears flowed hot and heavy over her cheeks. “Please, Bennett. Stay with me.”
“I can’t, darling. If you knew how much I wish I could.” He dropped his mouth over hers and devoured her. Shaking, crying, she held him to her. As he lifted away to stare into her eyes, she saw that he cried, too. “I love you. From the first day I met you, I’ve loved you. I need you, Rowan.”
“I’m afraid.
”
“I know. I’m so fucking sorry I got you wrapped up in my fading life. I never should have taken these years from you but I couldn’t help myself.” He rested his forehead against hers. “I’m being selfish now, asking this of you.”
“I love you…”
“I feel your love with every breath, Rowan. I know it’s a lot to ask and I hope - in the aftermath - you’ll forgive my greed.” Kissing her forehead, he told her, “I can already sense your pending devastation. I need to know you have someone to pour all the love into that you’ve given me. With a baby, you won’t be alone and it will be easier to overcome your pain.”
The thought of Bennett’s child growing in her body filled her with deep longing. “Our child would never have the chance to know you, Bennett. I’d t-take that chance away...”
His green eyes sparkled with love. “You’ve taken thousands of pictures in our years together - kept a day by day documentation of our life.” He slipped his hands into her hair. “Just in case, the doctor extracted my sperm. You’re young and healthy so he’s positive about your chances of conception if our night together doesn’t result in pregnancy.”
“Then…”
“I want to make love to you more than I want to continue living, Rowan.” She whimpered in pain. “I know it’s hard for you to understand.” He shook his head. “Married all this time and you’re still a virgin.”
“I don’t care.”
“I do, Rowan.” His hands moved up her back and started taking down her hair. She didn’t move while he did. As it tumbled down her back, he raked his fingers through it. Vibrant green eyes settled on her face. “Such simple things I’ve never been able to do because just being close to you made my heart race.”
Unclasping the halter of her gown, he held her gaze as his fingers moved to the zipper at the base of her spine. Lowering it, the weight of the dress pulled it to the floor.
Naked except for her panties, stockings, and heels, she blushed brightly as he stepped back to take her in. He took his time moving his gaze down the length of her and back again. The look in his eyes made her nipples pebble tightly.
“You are...my god, Rowan.” When he extended his hand, she placed hers in it. “You’re trembling and I know much of it is from fear.” He tugged her and she stepped out of the puddle of her gown. “Let’s work to change that, darling.”
Another kiss as his hands roamed over her skin, slowly exploring her for the first time.
Inhaling deeply, she whispered, “I don’t want you to leave me. I want to keep you with me.”
“I know.” He pulled her close. “You’re going to deliver me from one adventure to the next. I’ve left official documents stating that I can no longer live without consummating our marriage and that I intended to insist until you agreed.”
His palms coasted over her shoulders and down to cup her breasts. She moaned as his thumbs skimmed over her nipples.
“As we drove away from your dorm after hitting you with the car, I told James you would be my third wife. I knew I could trust you and you’ve proved me right a thousand times since. You are intelligent, clever, and fascinating. You’ve lived for me, fought for me, and cherished me as no one else ever has.”
“I feel the same about you, Bennett.”
“I’m getting weaker by the day - struggling more and more. I’m tired of being trapped in a frail body I don’t recognize, Rowan. Before I die, I need to feel your naked body against mine, to know what it’s like to be inside you. I know it’s cruel of me but...I need one more sacrifice from you.”
“Bennett.” She tried to get her breathing under control. “Making love to you isn’t a sacrifice. I’ve ached to kiss you, touch you, from the start.”
Reaching out with shaking hands, she pushed his jacket off his shoulders. It took forever to remove his tie and dress shirt. It was easy to see that Bennett had taken care of his body for decades before his deteriorating heart made exertion of any kind impossible.
She stroked her hand over his bare chest and rested her palm over the scars there from the surgeries that didn’t work; the procedures that failed him again and again. His chest had a light scattering of hair and she brushed her fingertips through it.
In a barely audible whisper, she admitted, “I masturbate thinking about you touching me. I-I dream about you.”
“I know.” She lifted her eyes to his. “Do you know how many nights you’ve slept beside me that I’ve woken with your fingers wrapped around my cock, Rowan? My need to come so great, my heart pounding, and having to pull you away...always choosing frustration over release.”
“I-I didn’t mean…”
“I’ve watched you touch yourself in your sleep, stroking your clit as you rock your hips against your own hand, and listened to you sigh my name when you come.”
Her blush was nuclear, hot tears slid over her cheeks, and the painful lump in her throat made her voice hoarse. “It’s my fault. I’ve driven you to this.”
She didn’t expect him to laugh.
“Darling, no man could lie beside you and not want to possess you. You’re a sexual creature, as I was once, and you need release. It’s physical, Rowan. You’ve taken no other lovers - not that I would have blamed you for it.”
She whispered angrily, “That would be a slap in the face of my love for you, of yours for me. I can go without it as long as I have you. I don’t need sex, Bennett.”
“I do need it.” Her eyes felt huge as he confessed a truth he’d hidden from her. “I can’t sleep anymore for wanting you. I can’t focus when you’re near me. The scent of you, the softness of your skin, how your dark hair shimmers in the sunlight…all of it has me crazy with need. I’m dying for want of you as surely as my heart is taking me by inches.”
“I didn’t know, Bennett.”
He hugged her to him. “Before my heart essentially castrated me, the longest I’d ever waited to have sex with a woman was two weeks and I could barely tolerate any of them. I worship you, Rowan. I’ve slept beside you for years. The need to touch you is driving me insane.”
“I-I’m sorry. Maybe I could have…”
“No, darling. This isn’t about anything you did or didn’t do. It’s purely my love - and lust - for you.”
Roughly wiping her face, she stared at the carpet between their feet. She’d never had sex with a man but...she certainly understood aching for another person, longing for their touch, wanting to get as close to them as you could get.
Softly, she admitted, “I-I feel it, too. The desperation.”
He exhaled roughly. “I need you to love me, Rowan. Finally, let me love you. Then you have to let me go.”
The pain was excruciating and there was nothing she could do about the tears that fell endlessly.
She loved him.
He loved her.
When the medication he’d taken wore off, she was going to lose him within days, possibly hours. There was no way his damaged heart would be able to sustain itself after pumping normally for so long.
“You should have talked to me about the drug, Bennett.”
“You never would have agreed to such a risk.”
She pressed her lips together. “You still should have talked to me. I deserved a chance to change your mind.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
Gasping through her tears, she said, “No matter what, I’m about to lose you.”
“Forgive me, Rowan.”
“I’m sure there’s no virgin in history who’s felt as much fear as I do right now, Bennett. It’s...a lot and I’m lost.”
“Trust me, darling.” He kissed her and she couldn’t help falling into the sensation of his lips on hers. It was truly a new experience despite their time together. “Just trust me.”
“I trust you with my life, Bennett. Clearly...I can’t trust you with yours and I’m struggling with so many emotions right now that I can’t think clearly.”
“Let’s narrow them down.”
Benne
tt lowered to one knee in front of her and held her hips. He kissed her belly and Rowan held his head. After removing her heels, he rolled down her stockings and took off the garter and panties she wore.
“Look at you.” Pressing his face to the center of her, he inhaled deeply. “This is where I’ve ached to be.”
Dragging his tongue through her folds almost made Rowan’s knees buckle. She held herself up with her hands on his shoulders.
“That’s it, darling. Lean on me for a change. Let me savor my first taste of your perfect pussy.” A moan strangled in her throat and he gripped the cheeks of her ass in his hands.
Fear and grief warred violently with want.
Her heart raced as he swirled his tongue around her clit. Holding a fistful of his hair, Rowan didn’t pull him away.
She held him closer.
The pleasure was unlike anything she’d imagined. The seconds ticked by as his lips, teeth, and tongue explored her. Then she fell over the edge of a climax and cried his name into the quiet room.
Her muscles spasmed as he stood and claimed her lips aggressively. One hand continued to stroke lazily through her folds as the first orgasm from someone else’s hand worked its way through what felt like every cell.
She leaned heavily against Bennett and he didn’t let her fall while they shared the flavor of her body.
When he broke the kiss, he stared into her eyes. “I want to lay you down. Let me show you more, Rowan.”
Nodding, her mind in chaos, she let him lead her to the bed. He gently lowered her to the edge and stripped away the rest of his clothes.
He started to join her on the bed but she put her palm on his hip. “Wait, I-I want to see you.” Wrapping her fingers around the length of his cock, she soaked up the sound he made. She was surprised at the silken skin over firm flesh. He throbbed in her palm. “I thought…”
“The drug had an interesting chaser - a sexual stimulant. I needed to know I’d stay hard for as long as possible.”
Another reason the medication would take him from her.
As if she was in a dream, she stroked her hand up and down the shaft and watched a small bead of pearlescent liquid form on the tip. Leaning forward, she licked it away with a small whimper. She stared up into his face and waited.
Coming Home: The Damaged Series - Book Three Page 9
