by Londyn Skye
“I’m not so sure about that,” she said, forcing a smile and then turning back to scold her daughter with her eyes. “Go on upstairs to your room, Abigail! You know betta’ than to meddle in adult affairs!”
“Yes mama,” she replied, trotting off to do as she was told.
Her mother turned back to William when her daughter was gone and introduced herself. “I’m Evelyn Atkins. May I ask who you are?”
“William Werthington. Pleased to make your acquaintance, ma’am.”
“Yours as well,” Evelyn smiled. “Now, how may I help you?”
Just then, Griff returned with the picture of Lily and handed it William. “We’re here looking for this woman,” William explained as he handed it over to Evelyn.
The smile slightly faded from Evelyn’s face when Griff’s rough exterior made her slightly uncomfortable. She stared at him for a moment before finally glancing at the picture of Lily.
William noticed the change in her disposition but pressed on with politeness, hoping to maintain her cooperation. “You see, there’s been a mix-up,” he explained as Evelyn studied the picture. “This was a slave of mine that wasn’t supposed to be sold,” he lied, pointing to the picture. “And I was hoping to purchase her back from you if she’s here … or from the person who may have her, if you know who that would be. I’m willing to pay triple the price paid for the inconvenience.”
Evelyn suddenly rudely tossed the picture back at William. “There’s nobody here with that likeness,” she stated coldly.
William caught the picture. “Okay, well, your daughter said there were two recently acquired slaves here on your plantation that I could speak to. Bella and Olivia. I was wondering if I still might have a word with them. Perhaps they would know of Lily’s whereabouts.”
“No! Get off my property! All of our slaves are purchased legally!”
“I never accused you of purchasing them otherwise, ma’am,” William replied, looking confused.
“I said get off my property! If you have a problem with any slave purchases, then you need to contact the Negro auction that was responsible for your slave transactions. You have no right to trespass on people’s property and harass law abidin’ citizens about such issues!” Evelyn looked at Griff with disgust. “So, if you and your oddball friend trespass on this property again, I’ll be forced to report you to the authorities!”
“No need to involve the authorities. Have a wonderful day, Mrs. Atkins,” William calmly replied before walking away.
Rude treatment and scathing words of that sort were all James, Austin, Griff, William, and the twins left a plantation with as the months rolled by and the daunting search for Lily dragged on. On frustrating days, James continued to distract his aggravated mind with the journals of Levi Collins …
Chapter Sixteen
June 1, 1838
I’ve been blessed enough to have six strong sons to carry on my name. Like every man would be, I am incredibly proud of that fact. Despite the great fortune of my sons, I still always felt like my life wasn’t complete, as if there was always something missing. I never could quite figure out what that something was. I now realize that that something was actually a someone. Every day, I now see that little someone dashing around my farm at lightning speed with a smile on her precious face. Every morning, I watch her fearlessly playing with frogs and lizards. I stand at a distance in awe, proudly listening to her brilliance shine as she speaks and expresses herself like someone ten times her age. I smile at the way her eyes light up in amazement and curiosity over every new thing she encounters. As I stand here watching her run by me today, I think back to the way I bathed her in tears of love and pride the very first time I ever looked into those bright, beautiful curious eyes of hers. Because today is the third anniversary of that moment, the moment when my first and only little girl, Lily Collins, came into the world. At this very hour, she was laid in my arms and finally answered what it was that had always been missing from my life. God, how I wish I could pick my little flower up, squeeze her tight in my arms, and tell her how truly grateful I am to her for completing my life three years ago today. After witnessing the brilliance of her mind, I have no doubt she is intelligent enough to truly understand the magnitude of that sentiment.
After writing that entry, Levi closed his journal and watched Lily dashing across the field. “Daddy! Daddy!” she screamed as she then ran and jumped into his arms … at least that was what Levi wished Lily was about to do. Instead, she kept on running past him like he was a stranger. As sad he was about that, Levi managed a smile at the fact that Lily never seemed to walk anywhere. She seemed to have twice the energy of a normal three-year-old. That was all Levi seemed to know about her these days, things he could see and hear from a distance. His smile began to fade as he tried to recall the last time he had any meaningful interaction with his only daughter. His stomach turned when he realized that it had been two years to the day…
While Emily was on her daily trek into town, Levi had snuck over to Maya’s cottage to spend time with Lily, just as he always would whenever his wife was gone. Nearly every day during the first year of Lily’s life, Levi would make time to sit her on his lap and read her a story. He always hurried over, eager to see the way Lily now toddled toward him with a four-toothed, vibrant smile on her face the instant she saw him. She had learned how to wave, but the backward hand motion looked more like she was signaling him to come closer. Her greeting proved she was just as eager to spend time with her father as he was with her. “Wead” was one of her very first words, one she said repeatedly with enthusiasm as she climbed onto Levi’s lap, begging him to “wead” her a story. Lily undoubtedly owed her explosion in vocabulary to her father’s daily reading sessions. Levi loved how genuinely amused and receptive she was throughout every story, laughing hysterically at his funny voices, and even turning the page when prompted. During his daily time with Lily, he had also taught her how to blow him a kiss goodbye. Upon his departure, he would pretend to drop the kisses she blew and make her blow him another one, again and again, until he finally caught one. Lily never ceased to erupt in a fit of endless baby giggles over his playful routine. Her laughter and enthusiasm easily made Levi’s daily visits with her the highlight of his day. So, as he knocked on Maya’s bedroom door on this particular day, he was looking forward to those short-lived treasured moments with his daughter. “Hello Maya,” he greeted when she opened the door.
“Hello,” she replied flatly.
Levi eagerly looked over Maya’s shoulder in search of Lily, itching to scoop her up in his arms, kiss her on the cheek, and tickle her until she was laughing non-stop, just as he always did. Today, however, Lily was not toddling toward him; she was trapped in her crib. She was excitedly bouncing up and down, a smile on her face as she waved backward at him. Levi smiled back as he took a step toward her. Before he could take another, though, Maya blocked his path. Surprised by her bold action, Levi looked at her oddly. The expression on her face instantly caused his heart to plummet into his stomach. “What’s wrong?” he asked, concern heavy in his tone.
“No more Levi.”
Levi genuinely looked baffled. “No more what?” he replied, slightly shaking his head in confusion.
“No more sneakin’ in here to see Lily.”
“Maya, why not?”
“I have my reasons.”
“Well, I wanna know what they are!” Levi demanded, his heart suddenly galloping.
“I don’t want Lily to know you’re her fatha’!” Maya blurted.
Her words hit Levi in the gut with such force, he did not have the breath to conjure a reply at first. As he fought to fill his lungs, he glanced over Maya’s shoulder at Lily. She was still joyously bouncing up and down, her face still lit up in a four-toothed smile, as she waved backward. The thought of never again being greeted with that excitement immediately began to stir Levi’s emotions. He then solemnly glanced into Maya’s eyes. “What did I eva’ do to deserve such a thing?
” he asked, his quivering voice sounding just as shattered as the sight of him.
Upon seeing the tears suddenly forming in Levi’s eyes, Maya became emotional as well. She lowered her head before the heart-wrenching sight made her change her mind. “Please just … just pretend like Lily don’t exist,” she said, refusing to explain herself any further. She closed the door and Lily immediately erupted into tears.
Too numb to react, Levi stood speechless on the other side of the door, the lump in his throat swelling as he listened to the sound of Lily hysterically crying. In his hand was The Little Mermaid, the new book he had purchased for Lily’s first birthday gift. He glanced down at it and his waiting tears rolled down his cheeks.
For three days after that moment, Levi refused to utter a word or to even look at Maya. He worked as far away from her in the barn as he could manage. His silence and distance spoke volumes about how angry he was. Maya had tried to prepare herself for how heartbroken Levi would be over her decision, but the devastating way that it seemed to have broken him far superseded what she had anticipated.
After days of seeing how hurt Levi was over the matter, Maya finally approached him in the barn, hoping that an explanation for her decision would ease his sorrow. She gently touched him on the shoulder.
“Don’t touch me!” he said, snatching away from her grip. He turned around and looked at Maya, still wearing the forlorn look on his face that had been there for days.
Finally seeing him up-close caused an immediate lump to form in Maya’s throat. His eyes were stained a deep red and swollen from a lack of sleep and tears. She cleared her throat, trying not to cry over the disheartening sight of him. “Levi, I just wanted to…”
“In all the years that my wife has spent insultin’ me, her words have neva’ crushed me the way that yours did the otha’ day,” he interrupted, his voice quivering with raw emotion. “I love my little girl with everything in me! She means more to me than anything in this whole damn world! And you want me to pretend she doesn’t exist?” he said, angrily furrowing his eyebrows. “You may as well rip my lungs outta my chest and demand that I keep breathin’!”
“Levi, please, I…”
“Please tell me that what you’re about to say has to do with you changin’ your mind about lettin’ Lily know that I’m her fatha’ … or at least about me spendin’ time with ’er again,” Levi interrupted.
Maya was paralyzed by the sight of his lip quivering as tears trailed down his cheeks.
“Does it?” Levi pleaded softly, a hint of hope in his tone.
With tears now in her own eyes, Maya sighed and slightly shook her head. “No.”
“Then I don’t wanna hear it!” Levi suddenly tossed his rake across the barn. “Whetha’ you like it or not, she’s my baby too!” he erupted, piercing Maya with tear-filled eyes before breezing past her.
Tears were jolted from Maya’s eyes when she heard him kick an empty pail against the barn wall as he stormed out. “Please God, give me the strength,” she whispered as she began to weep uncontrollably.
Strength was indeed what Maya needed while dealing with Levi’s coldness. For nearly a month, he remained silent and distant. He could not even bring himself to look in Maya’s direction whenever Lily was strapped to her back as she worked in the field. It caused the pain of being denied that sort of closeness with Lily to multiply tenfold. It was the one time in Levi’s life that he contemplated using his authoritative powers as Maya’s master to force her to let him spend time with Lily. But he knew that it was nothing more than his anger conjuring up his dictator-like thoughts. But still, he remained too stubborn to listen to her reasoning, feeling as though no excuse would be good enough for his own child not to know who he truly was, or to at least be allowed to spend quality time with her.
Maya missed the warmth Levi exuded toward her and their silent camaraderie, but she was equally as stubborn. Though it hurt her to see Levi on the verge of tears whenever he glanced at Lily, Maya remained strong in her convictions. She felt as though the reason for her decision trumped everything … including Levi’s shattered heart.
But even Maya’s heart-shattering words and stubbornness did nothing to destroy what Levi felt for her. In the months that followed, his love for her prevailed and he eventually calmed enough to resume speaking to her. Still though, he could not bring himself to accept or forgive her decision about Lily.
… I don’t want Lily to know you’re her fatha’! Just pretend like Lily don’t exist. Even two years later, those insulting phrases felt like a knife in Levi’s heart whenever he thought of them. The knife twisted during moments like now as he watched Lily run past him like a stranger, instead of running to jump into his loving embrace. The hurt over being left to learn about his daughter from a distance just refused to subside.
It did not help that Emily did all she could to further push Levi toward the edge of insanity. After learning of Lily’s paternity, the insults and complaints from Emily about Levi’s failures as a man were at unprecedented levels. Her anger led her to show up at random moments in the barn on a daily basis. Without saying a word, she often paced back and forth, her inebriated eyes scrutinizing every move Levi and Maya made as they worked. Emily got as much of a rush from making them uncomfortable as she did after polishing off a bottle of whiskey. Her presence was far more of a nuisance to Levi than the horse flies and gnats that relentlessly buzzed around him. Desperate to end her unwanted visits and their tumultuous feuds, Levi tried to give Emily the daughter she wanted. He was willing to do anything to create a diversion and restore some sense of peace in his life. But his plan was an abysmal failure. Disappointment loomed in the room when the child referred to as Delila in utero turned out to be their sixth son, Dallas. Dallas’s birth further added to Emily’s fury. With her new baby on her hip, Emily resumed her random visits to the barn, pacing like an overzealous foreman overseeing the demolition of the relationship between Maya, Levi, and Lily, content to remain until destruction was complete.
Between Maya’s baffling refusal to allow Levi near Lily, and Emily’s silent objection to such a thing, they had indeed succeeded in destroying the father daughter bond he had hoped for with his only little girl. That fact was evident as Lily ran past him like a stranger as usual. But with his wife and sons out of town attending another family event, Levi could not resist the chance to close the distance between him and Lily, especially since it was her birthday.
While Maya was distracted with work in the barn, Levi approached Lily as she stood gazing up at an apple tree. “Hey there, little flowa’. Would you like an apple?” Levi asked her.
Lily turned around and gazed at the towering man behind her. The moment those little eyes beamed up at him, Levi’s face lit up in a brilliant smile. “Yessa’, I would really love to have one! But I’m just not tall enough to reach up there.” Lily perched her hands on her tiny hips. “Hmm, I think I’m definitely gonna need a ladder, but I’m just not strong enough to carry one quite yet!”
Levi laughed at his precocious child’s ability to problem solve and verbalize the solution with such clarity at such a young age. He knelt to Lily’s level. “You’re right, a ladder would definitely work, but I think I have an even betta’ way.”
“Whoooaaa!” Lily exclaimed as Levi suddenly lifted her up. “This will definitely work!” she giggled.
“Pick the biggest one you can find,” Levi told her as he held her up.
“Okay!” she said as she scanned the array of apples now easily within her reach. “I got one!”
“Alright!” Levi said as he lowered her back down. “A little teamwork, huh?”
“Yup! We did it!” Lily said excitedly as she held her apple high above her head. “Thank you masta’ Lee!”
“You’re very welcome, little flowa’.” Levi could not resist reaching over and running the back of his fingers down her soft little cheeks, the way he had when she was just a baby.
“LILLYYY!” Maya yelled in the distanc
e. Startled, Lily turned around and saw her mother trotting toward her. She approached nearly out of breath. “I’m so sorry,” Maya said, picking Lily up. “Seems every time I blink my eyes these days, she done run off and got into somethin’,” she said to Levi, giving a laugh of embarrassment.
“It’s quite alright. She’s just curious,” Levi replied, still smiling at Lily.
“Yes, mama, I’m just very curious.” She shrugged her shoulders. “That’s all.”
Levi and Maya both laughed.
“You two teamin’ up against me, huh?” Maya remarked.
“Yes! We! Are!” Lily replied.
“We make a great team, don’t we?” Levi tickled Lily’s neck until she broke out in laughter and dropped her apple.
“What you done gone and took now, girl?” Maya asked, reaching down to pick up the apple. She tried to hand it back to Levi.
“But Masta’ Lee helped me get it,” Lily replied, looking over at Levi.
Maya looked at Levi for confirmation.
“Maya, you know she’s welcome to play with or eat anything she can get her little hands on on this farm … anything at all. You know that.”
Maya nodded sheepishly.
“As a matta’ ‘a fact, I’ll tell you what, Lily. Do you see that basket ova’ yonda’?” Levi asked, pointing to it.
Lily turned to look at the wicker basket with a handle near the base of the apple tree. “Yessa’,” Lily nodded.
Levi took Lily from Maya’s arms and set her back down on the ground. He squatted down again. “Well, now that basket is all yours. So anytime you find any apples layin’ out here, you can pick ‘em up and fill up your basket with as many as you can carry, okay?”
Lily smiled. “Okay! Thank you!”
“Same with that ol’ orange tree ova’ yonda’. Those oranges’ll be nice and ripe and sweet in a few weeks, and soon there’ll be more on the ground than hangin’ on the branches. So, you be sure to pick up just as many ‘a those as you want too, alright?”
