by Londyn Skye
James nodded.
“I know how hard it might be to let go of your fears and strange sorrow-driven beliefs. Your mind will use every dark trick durin’ your most vulnerable moments to convince you that your fears and beliefs are warranted. I’ll neva’ forget how my vulnerable mind convinced me that you had abandoned me as a punishment for losin’ our baby…”
James quickly locked eyes with her. “Lily, I would neva’…”
“I know betta’ now,” she interrupted, gently touching his face. “I know you would neva’ do such a thing for somethin’ that was beyond my control.”
“Neva’,” James emphasized, a tear rolling down his cheek as he touched her face in return.
“I know.” Lily’s eyes closed as the warmth of his touch penetrated her. “It’s just that I’s feelin the way you may be feelin’ right now. My mind was broken afta’ losin’ you and Rose … not to mention all the things I’s forced to deal with afta’wards. But when I…”
“Things? Wh-what things?” James asked hesitantly, preparing himself for the worst.
Fresh tears began to well in Lily’s eyes. She looked down and exhaled.
“No secrets, Lily. Tell me … please.”
“This may be hard to hear … and even harda’ for me to say, but…” Lily exhaled again. “Ryla and the otha’ ladies you met, we were personal slaves for a rich politician. We were handpicked by him to…” She momentarily lowered her head in embarrassment.
“To what?”
“To … to submit to him in whateva’ way he wanted,” she said, thinking of the least graphic way to explain.
James lowered his head as anger swelled his chest and pushed tears from his eyes. “I tried so hard to find you before anything like that could happen to you … I swear I did!”
“I know. I believe you,” Lily replied, caressing his leg to calm him.
James angrily wiped the tears from his eyes. “Did he hurt you?! I swear to God, I’ll kill ’em!” he said, his sudden rage seeping into his tone.
Lily shook her head. “He ain’t worth killin’, James,” she said, touching his face to help his anger subside. “You and I have dealt with the sort ‘a demons worthy of sendin’ to hell before their time. But I can promise ya’, Atticus Atkins doesn’t remotely compare. Don’t get me wrong, he was a disgustin’ pig, and a disgrace to the institution of marriage … and to mankind for that matta’. He was extraordinarily peculiar with bizarre fetishes. But, ironically, it was those very same peculiarities that I have to thank for the reason I’m still breathin’.”
“What do you mean?”
“Before Atticus bought me, I don’t think I had much life left in me. Doubt I would ‘a made it anotha’ few days. In fact, a few of the stolen slave women with me didn’t make it. And I’m certain I wasn’t far behind ’em. Couldn’t rememba’ the last time those backwoods slave trada’s bothered to feed us or give us anything to drink. The world was fadin’ away from me so fast, I doubt I’d’ve had the strength to chew if they did. I’s in just that bad ‘a shape. The fact that Atticus bought me when he did actually saved my life. I truly believe that. He was the first person to give me any food and wata’ in days. He then took me doctors and nurses, who put weight on me and mended my wounds. I know his motives were selfishly driven by his peculiar ways, but I’s definitely gettin’ the kinda care that my body desperately needed.
“I know for a fact my fate could’ve been far worse. Those slave trada’s could’ve easily sold me off to live in squalor, to a place where I’s treated like an animal, while bein’ used and abused as a grand bonus. But Atticus actually took care of all us slaves like we were his collection of expensive porcelain dolls, dressin’ us and primpin’ us no different. It was the most bizarre thing I’ve eva’ witnessed. His twisted mind is one I’ll neva’ unda’stand. I don’t care to try eitha’. I’m absolutely and utterly disgusted by the fact that he used us women like his toys. But I can’t deny that his twisted ways kept me alive. So as much as I loathe ’em for the evil acts he committed, I think we should let God … or the devil, determine his fate. All I wanna focus on is the fact that I’m still here to look my husband in the eyes,” she whispered, gently touching James’s face again. “And I hope that’s all you’ll focus on too.”
James nodded and his tears rolled onto Lily’s hand. Her strength was like an instant anesthetic for his rage. He kissed the inside of her hand and then held it close to his heart. “Did you have any children?” he asked, gently caressing her face. “If you did, in my heart and my soul, they’re mine. I’ll find ’em, and love ’em and raise ’em like they’re my own flesh and blood.”
Lily suddenly froze and looked at James with the same awe as when he had confessed to praying for her to see her mother again when they were children. “Just when I thought there was no otha’ magnificently selfless way for you to prove how unconditionally you love me.”
“Your children are a part ‘a you, so I couldn’t help but love ’em like we created ’em togetha’.”
Lily got up, sat next to James on the bed, and kissed his hand in return. “It’s so comfortin’ to know that. But fortunately, I didn’t have any of his children. He was careful as far as that was concerned.”
James nodded. “You’re sure he didn’t hurt you?”
“Physically, no. Emotionally, though, I think it’s impossible not to be affected in some ways. But in those unwanted moments, I’d drift away in my mind to all my memories of you. It was like I stepped outside my body and into the warmth of your lovin’ arms. I’d stay wrapped up there ’til it was ova’ with.” She squeezed James’s hand. “I’s willin’ to suffa’ a hundred years of abuse if it meant bein’ here with you for just anotha’ minute.”
James raised her hand to his lips and let a kiss linger there, moistening her skin with his tears again.
“Until then, I’s doin’ all I could to maintain my sanity. I put a wall up in my mind to hold it all togetha’. It wasn’t until William walked in and embraced me that I felt safe enough to let my protective wall crumble. Once he wrapped his arms around me, I felt all the pent-up emotional pain rush in and crush me all at once. He finally freed me from playin’ a role. But I’d played that role so long, I felt like I didn’t know who I truly was anymore. I wondered if it was eva’ possible to be Lily again. The bond I had with music. The bond I had with you. All the things that made me who I was. I questioned whetha’ or not it was all gone. I think I’s afraid to return to bein’ Lily, and finally have those questions answered. I began to doubt whetha’ I could have music in my life again … but mostly you. Did I deserve to have you afta’ all the things I’s forced to do, afta’ losin’ our baby, afta’ so much time had passed … would you even want me anymore?”
James touched Lily’s face and gently turned her toward him. “There was neva’ one second, in all these years, that I stopped wantin’ to be with you again,” he assured her as he wiped away her tears. “Not one.”
“The answa’ to that seems so clear now. But I had allowed the sorrow demons to whispa’ the worst things in my ears again. Their horrible loopin’ words started to ravage my mind. I allowed it to break me inside. Not in the awful ways that war could break a man, of course. But I’s certainly broken in my own way. But when we got here Austin, Emerson, and Wilson began tellin’ me one heroic tale afta’ the otha’ about their lieutenant,” Lily expressed, tearing up over the memories. “I’s inconsolable through every story, knowin’ you were out there literally puttin’ your life on the line for me, James Adams … just like you always have. I ain’t neva’ been so scared for you in all my life. I cried and prayed, damn near every minute of every day, that you’d make it through alive and come back home safe. With all the incredible tales they shared with me, my mind began to fight back against all the demons that were whisperin’ doubt in my ears about you and me. I finally gained the strength to slay every last one ‘a those damn monsta’s, the day William walked in here with a box full ‘a letta’
s from one Lieutenant Michael Adams,” Lily said, breaking down into tears just as she had that day. “Like clockwork, William said he’d find your letta’s for me in the mail on the first Monday of every month,” Lily smiled. “Despite not knowin’ where, when, or even if you’d eva’ find me, he said you neva’ missed a beat writin’ to me.
“For days, I sat here cryin’, smilin’, and laughin’ while readin’ years of letta’s from you. There’s not a single piece ‘a paper that ain’t been stained with my tears, be it tears of laughta’, or tears full of the love your words filled me with. Those letta’s reminded me that the man who wrote ’em is kind, compassionate, understandin’, and forgivin’ … and pretty damn funny!” she smiled.
James laughed lightly.
Lily looked James in the eyes. “Every sentimental word in those letta’s was visual proof that my husband would neva’ give up on me … and especially not on us.”
“Neva’,” James whispered, bringing Lily’s hand to his lips again.
“Your letta’s instantly mended everything that was broken inside ‘a me.” Lily got up and walked over to the nightstand, retrieved an envelope out of the drawer, and sat down next to James again. “When I finally finished readin’ all your letta’s, I started writin’ replies. There’s still so many for me to respond to, but this is my reply to the very first one you eva’ sent me,” she explained, handing the envelope to James. “I had planned on mailin’ it to you the day afta’ we happened to meet again in church.” She touched his face. “There’s obviously no need for that now.”
Eager to read her letter, James quickly tore open the envelope:
Dear my beloved Lieutenant Adams,
Well, now that I know where you’ve been all these years, I guess I can’t yell at you the way I wanted to…
James read that first line and it immediately made him laugh. As he read through the rest of it, his reaction bounced back and forth between laughter and tears, just the way Lily’s had while reading his letters.
… You have my love for a lifetime and beyond.
Praying for your safe return,
Your loving Wife,
Lily Adams
When James finished reading, his finger slowly coasted down the page, like he was touching the most precious artifact he had ever seen. “Every mail call, I’s prayin’, by some miracle, that I’d receive a letta’ from you one day. I can’t even put into words what it would’ve meant for me to receive this on the battlefield,” James stated, his voice quivering as tears trickled from his eyes.
“And I’m hopin’ that my letta’s will still mean just as much to you now. I know the sorrow demons are whisperin’ doubt into your mind about whetha’ or not I’ll stand steadfast by your side in your time ‘a need. Your letta’s helped destroy the demons of doubt in my mind … and now I’m hopin’ my letta’s will help destroy yours. So, I’m gonna write a reply to each and every one ‘a your letta’s, and put ’em right here in this drawer, envelope and all, until it’s spillin’ ova’ with paper. So wheneva’ your broken mind is torturin’ you, or makin’ you fear that you’re gonna lose me, I hope you’ll open this drawer, pull out one ‘a my letta’s, read through it, and let it remind you of how desperately I love you. One letta’ at a time, let it heal you from the inside out, the way your letta’s did for me. Let my words slay your inner demons and remind you that I ain’t neva’ givin’ up on you, James Adams … not eva’!”
James nodded, trying desperately to swallow back the raging emotions that were on the verge of breaking through the dam in his chest.
Lily then got down on her knees in front of him again and held both of his hands. “Since I’s a little girl, you’ve been fightin’ for me, James. Fightin’ for me to get ova’ losin’ my motha’, fightin’ to let me live out my musical dreams, fightin’ to rebuild our friendship … fightin’ to prove how much you love me. And now, ova’ the last few years, you were willin’ to lose your life, and fight to give me my freedom. You’ve been my soldier nearly my whole life.” She gently touched his face and made him look her in the eyes. “Now let me be yours. Now it’s my turn to fight for you. No matta’ what mistakes you feel you’ve made, no matta’ how broken and battered you may feel, no matta’ how long it takes, or how gruelin’ things may be, I’ll always be your soldier, fightin’ to help you feel whole again … mentally and physically,” she said, softly touching his temple and his damaged leg. “I’ll fight for you with all my might … until the bitta’ end.”
Her words instantly obliterated the dam in James’s chest. Tears that he had held back, the day his troops made the same vow, now came surging forward like a tsunami. His tears came in tidal waves, soaking the first of Lily’s reassuring love letters. Lily slid her arms around James’s waist and quietly held him as he wept with body-shuddering force. After his tears washed away his fear of abandonment, James lifted his head and gazed at the strong woman before him with an immense amount of love emanating from his tear-filled eyes. “Thank you,” he whispered, now feeling rock-solid confidence that she would always be by his side.
Lily nodded, tears coursing down her cheeks as well. “I’m happy to do whateva’ it takes to heal you. I’ll comfort you in every possible way a man needs comfortin’ from his woman,” she said, lightly kissing his lips. “Wheneva’, whereva’, and howeva’ you need it,” she whispered, her lips grazing his.
James gently held the sides of Lily’s face and just gazed at her for a moment, the loving look in his eyes having intensified tenfold. He pulled her lips to his and tenderly made love to her mouth. The same pressure he had felt in his lungs earlier had now traveled to an organ further south; it, too, was ready to rupture and cleanse him, in a much more pleasurable way. Lily ran her hand slowly up his thigh, slid it into his pajama pants, and let it come to rest on the hardened flesh hidden beneath. The stimulation of her slow strokes sent a rush of heat through James’s body that emanated to his lips and ignited a more fiery passion in the way he moved his mouth. He pulled Lily closer and moaned as he deepened their kiss. The juices Lily began pumping from his pulsating organ seeped onto her hand, making her eager to taste. She suddenly tore her mouth from his and gently pushed him down onto the bed. Hungrily, she began kissing her way southward. Her lips moistened the side of his neck. She grazed her teeth along his skin as she moved her mouth from place to place. She snaked her tongue into his ear and bit his lobe, drawing another growl from James. His beastly noises further turned on Lily’s animalistic nature. She bit and kissed her way down to his nipple and forcefully sucked it into her mouth, her teeth clamping down until she heard James roar with delight again. She released him quickly after the sound made her even more eager to reach her hardened destination.
Lily’s lips carried on southward. The exquisite taste of James’s skin had her mouth watering and refusing to let too much time lapse between every kiss. The specific scent of his pheromones reawakened every intimate moment of their past. As the memories of their pleasurable rendezvouses flooded Lily’s mind, her heart rate increased and rapidly flooded every tissue in her body with blood. It caused her senses to become extremely hypersensitive. James’s natural musk was now an even more glorious scent as it breezed through her nasal passages. Her tongue was now easily able to savor his manly flavor. The sound of his moaning was massaging her ears like a sensual melody. Lily’s overloaded senses then began driving the intense way she sought to physically express her love for her man. Ravenously, she sucked, kissed, and licked his body, desperate to hear and taste all of him.
James could indeed feel the warmth of Lily’s love in the way she fervently perused his skin, feasting like she could not get enough of him. Her expression of love emanated through his body, increased his heartbeat, and quickly pumped blood to his core. It had his erection rock solid before Lily’s lips were anywhere near it. His manhood was far too impatient to wait for her to unleash it. It had escaped and rose out of the hole in his pajama pants on its own, eagerly anticipating the wa
rmth of her soft tongue. The quickness with which Lily slid her lips around it proved she was just as eager to taste. The heat of explosive pleasure shot straight through James’s vocal cords. The manly roar instinctively caused Lily to reciprocate the moan and increase the power of her suction. Had she not immediately gained control of herself and eased the tension, James would have quickly erupted in her mouth.
Knowing that years of trauma had ravaged James’s mind and body made Lily suddenly want to take her time. She wanted to meticulously massage away the pent-up torment that resided within him. Therefore, the gentle movement of her lips, up and down his shaft, was not only to caress his flesh but the agony of his invisible war wounds as well. The slowness of her motions was so that pleasure had more time to permanently disable his mind’s access to horrific memories and apprehension. With the soft glide of her tongue, she was attempting to tickle every nerve in his body and flood it with the sort of euphoric sensations that had the power to completely anesthetize his anguish. The drawn-out sensual moans escaping James proved that pleasure was certainly dominating every facet of his being. Agony was quickly being purged through the tears flooding his eyes, as he gently thrust his hips toward the blissful sensations. Lily’s loving massage was indeed healing James’s fractured mind and body in a way that music and medicine combined could not remotely rival.
After her long exotic mouth massage, Lily slowly slid her lips to the tip of James’s shaft. Seeing how blue it now was, easily proved how immensely he had enjoyed it. The erotic sight caused Lily’s heavenly abyss to begin pulsating with a need to be filled with the rock-solid appendage in her view. While hungrily kissing the interior of James’s thighs, she slid his pajama pants all the way off. She then stood up at the end of the bed, gazed down at the ruggedly handsome man before her, and locked eyes with him. While intently watching him, she then slithered her lingerie over her head and slowly slid her panties off in a sensual manner. James’s refusal to blink as he watched her seductive show caused wetness to begin dripping down Lily’s inner thighs. She, too, refused to blink as she gazed at her man while climbing back into bed. The closer she got the more jagged James’s breaths became. As she mounted him, more tears began to sparkle in his eyes. Emotional tears were present in Lily’s as well when she took hold of her man’s hands. “Touch me,” she whispered sensually, guiding his hands onto her buttocks. The strength with which he gripped her cheeks caused her core to pulsate with want again. It pumped wetness from her insides, the heat of her juices running down onto James’s erection, as it waited for entry into the warmth of her kingdom. Pleasurable heat then began creeping through his body, just as slowly as the way Lily lowered herself onto his rock-hard flesh. A drawn-out deep moan erotically rumbled through James’s vocal cords during her entire slow descent. Once buried completely inside her, his tears overflowed down the sides of his face.
