“Hey, look, bear claws,” Kinsley said. She didn’t seem fazed by the environment, going straight for the food, instead. The pastries looked store-bought. They were all dumped in a plastic mixing bowl, and they were individually wrapped. Beside them, there was a big vat of coffee with a push-top, and to complete the picture, there were Styrofoam cups to drink from.
“We’ll stop for second breakfast when we hit the road,” I told her.
“Sure.” She walked to a table looking miserable.
“You okay?”
“I’ll live. I’m just still having a bit of a... uh... I don’t know.” She stuffed half her bear claw into her mouth and chewed.
“An existential crisis?” I suggested. She nodded, but her mouth was clearly too full to speak. She focused on her breakfast and finished it in about ten minutes.
After we’d eaten, we checked out and got into the truck. Finally, Kinsley picked up the thread of what was bothering her.
“I feel like I’m abandoning my dream,” she confessed.
“I know, sweetheart. If you want to stay and try again, don’t feel you have to come back.” I started the engine and breathed a sigh as the cool air-conditioned breeze chased away the stale heat already gathering in the vehicle.
“I don’t want to.”
“That’s what I thought.” I wanted to set my phone to navigate us out of the city, but Kinsley clearly needed to talk, so I waited.
“I just feel so empty.”
“Empty how?” I thought I might know, but I wanted to hear her say it.
“What will I do? What can I do?” she asked.
“What do you want to do?” I wasn’t trying to be annoying, I really wanted to know.
She slumped against the passenger window and stared listlessly out.
“I wanted to be an actress. I was so fixated on it. I didn’t want to train, or to hear criticism. I didn’t want to start out small. I just wanted to go out and do it, and be incredible from the outset.”
“And now?” I sensed something had changed in her.
“I don’t know. I don’t think I want what I thought I did. But I have no idea what I do want.”
“Do you want a career? A corner office, is that what they call it?” I had no idea. I’d never worked in a corporate job.
“No. I want money. Actually, I just want enough to not worry about food or gas or phone bills, and to afford to do regular things. I don’t really care how I get it.” She sighed, and I heard the sadness in her breathing. “I feel so stupid. I thought going to Hollywood would be a quick and easy way to make money and make a name for myself. But I didn’t want to be famous, I just wanted someone to care that I exist. And I didn’t really want to be rich, either, just to get by. I feel so shallow.” She began to cry again. “And you shouldn’t take me to the ranch. I can’t do anything useful to help out. I have no skills, no prospects and no redeeming features.”
I switched the engine back off.
“You’re not shallow. Your mom died and you had the realization that you’ve been chasing the wrong things in life. You’ve matured. Some people never grow up enough to know that.” And it made me realize I’d been chasing the wrong things, too.
I’d been going to play parties and club events, playing with submissives and never committing to anyone, but I understood, now. What I really wanted was a girl of my own. A wife to come home to. Not just any woman. The one sitting next to me and looking so defeated right now that it hurt my heart.
“But what do I do?” she asked again, looking up at me with anguished eyes.
I sighed and decided to set her straight.
“You don’t have to do something to be loved. There’s no rule in life that says you must show up to a job you hate just to give your life some meaning. Not when you live on a ranch. You can find things that you’re good at, that benefit the business. Maybe you’ll learn cheesemaking. Or you’ll have an affinity for keeping poultry. Or maybe you’ll take up leatherworking or jam making, or go to college, or do a billion other things. Maybe you won’t. You’ll need to help out on the ranch where you can, but the thing I’ve learned from ranching is your job doesn’t define you.” I stopped to take a breath and let that sink in, since I’d been talking for a while. The more I got to know Kinsley, the more I thought she just needed to find her place in the universe, and once she did, she was going to be unstoppable.
“I’m scared,” she whispered.
“What are you scared of?”
“There’s this big, blank emptiness stretching out before me and I have no idea how to fill it.”
“Good.” I smiled.
“What?”
“That means you’ll be open to trying some things.” I started the engine and set off onto the road, moving us closer to our future together.
* * *
Kinsley
A lot had happened back at the ranch while I was gone. Alana had complications after her emergency c-section which kept her in the hospital longer than anyone wanted, and when Clay’s truck pulled into the driveway, Harper was outside straight away. We barely unloaded the truck before she came into the kitchen and sat down at the wooden dining table.
“Thank God you’re back!” she declared, sounding nothing like the bitchy woman who I’d met briefly at the barbecue. I was a little suspicious.
“Why?” I asked.
“It’s been a complete sausage-fest around here. Three dominant cowboys... one submissive... my ass has been in mortal danger on a daily basis.”
I laughed as I pulled out the coffee pot, ready to make a drink. “Wait, Barrett punishes you for real stuff?”
She nodded earnestly. “Oh, yeah, he wasn’t joking after the barbecue. He paddled my ass and I hated it. We have a consensual punishment dynamic where he can give me a thorough spanking whenever he thinks I’ve been bad. Which is often.”
So much made sense, now. “Do Alana and Lawson... too?” I asked.
“No. At least, I don’t think so. She seems to only get tied up or spanked during sexy times.”
“I had no idea there were so many different ways to do BDSM within a relationship,” I mused. “Clay spanked me before we’d even thought about sleeping together.”
“What?” Harper looked shocked.
“He apologized afterwards.”
She rolled her eyes. “Good thing he didn’t make you run away screaming.”
“Why?” I still wasn’t quite sure why she was being nice to me all of a sudden. I put the coffee on and sat down opposite her.
“College football just started and if I have to sit in the living room with three rowdy cowboys eating all the potato chips one more time, I swear I’m going to kill someone.”
“Maybe they should hang out at Jake’s place,” I pointed out, trying to remember the horse guy I’d only briefly met. “I mean, he’s single, right?”
“Yeah. I thought he’d find a girl before Clay did, but he doesn’t seem interested in anyone. My bet is, he’s stuck on someone he can’t have.”
“It can’t be one of us three, right? I mean, we’d... we’d know, wouldn’t we?” I doubted I’d been around long enough to be of interest, anyway.
“Who knows?” Harper shrugged.
“I guess we’ll find out. More importantly, is Alana okay?”
Harper sighed. “I think so. I don’t really know much about all that baby stuff. Apparently, the baby’s fine. Lawson’s over there as much as they’ll allow, and when he’s here... I guess the guys are trying to keep him occupied with all the sports on TV, but it’s driving me crazy.”
“Did they pick a name, yet?” I asked.
“They did, but Lawson won’t tell anyone, because he wants Alana to be here when we all find out.”
“That’s really lovely.”
“It’s super annoying. Lawson’s most distant relatives keep calling the ranch office and asking because they want to send cards.”
“I thought the baby wasn’t his?” I frowned in confusion
.
“It’s not. But it is. They both decided to put him down as the father on the birth certificate.”
My heart clenched. That was the sweetest thing I’d heard all day. I didn’t really know the circumstances, but I knew the real father was out of the picture and that everyone thought it was for the best.
* * *
Clay
I awoke to someone hammering on the front door.
“What?” I murmured, but obviously they couldn’t hear me. I got up and opened the bedroom window. Lawson stood at the door.
“What?” I repeated more loudly.
“She’s coming home today. I need everyone’s help,” Lawson said.
I sighed. This was one of those mornings when I wasn’t going to get any more sleep and I just had to suck it up. I looked over at Kinsley. She’d had a late night, too. Now we were together, I couldn’t keep my hands off her and last night we’d spent some quality time in the attic getting reacquainted. I wanted to let her rest, but I knew she’d be upset if she wasn’t included in Alana’s welcoming committee.
“C’mon, sweetheart, time to get up,” I said, shaking her.
A couple of hours later, we’d decorated Lawson’s living room with a big banner saying, “welcome, baby” and filled the room with silver balloons.
A small mountain of wrapped gifts waited on a table and Harper and Barrett had made a buffet of chicken wings, mac and cheese, mini-sliders, fries, and a ton of other party food. There was grape juice for Alana and Kinsley, and bottles of beer for the rest of us. Jake had hastily driven to the supermarket and bought a cake.
Lawson had set off for the hospital shortly after he woke Kinsley and me up. When we finished we all sat on various pieces of furniture, trying not to eat the food while we waited for him to get back.
“There!” Barrett said, holding a hand up to silence the small conversations that had filled the room. We all looked out of the window together, and saw Lawson’s truck.
“Are we hiding?” Kinsley asked. “We could jump out and yell ‘surprise’.”
“That’s not the best plan. We don’t want to startle her after major surgery,” I explained.
The door opened and they came in. Alana was walking, albeit carefully, and Lawson carried a small bundle of blankets.
My entire world narrowed down to one tiny point. I crossed the room while everyone else was greeting the new parents, and I just stared at the tiny baby.
“She’s the most perfect thing I ever saw,” I breathed, while my throat constricted.
“Isn’t she just the prettiest princess in all of creation?” Lawson held her out to me. “You can hold her.”
I shook my head, suddenly unsure of myself. “What if I break her?”
“You’ll be fine. Hold her like a newborn puppy. And support the head.”
Carefully, feeling like this was a lot of responsibility, I took the baby. And my heart melted.
Looking around, I found Kinsley standing with Harper as Alana sat down. The three of them were talking non-stop and Harper had apparently gotten over whatever issues she’d had with Kinsley, who looked radiant as she laughed at something. She looked over and met my eyes. In her expression, I saw a reflection of exactly how I felt.
For the first time in my life, I knew I wanted this, too. I didn’t just want a submissive to fuck, or a girlfriend to hang out with. I wanted Kinsley to be the mother of my babies, and the realization choked me up.
Epilogue
“It’s never too late to start over; never too late to be happy.” — Jane Fonda
Three months later
Kinsley
“This is so heavy!” Harper complained as she heaved a cooler of cheese into the back of her ancient truck.
“Maybe it’s that giant mountain stuck to your finger,” I teased, looking at the engagement ring Barrett had gotten her.
“It’s one carat,” she retorted, sticking her tongue out. When Barratt had proposed to her, by the lemon tree, I’d felt a twinge of jealousy but I’d tried to push it down. It wasn’t that I begrudged her this happiness, it was more that I was impatient for Clay to propose to me, too. And he seemed to be taking his time.
“We’d been together for five months,” Harper said. “You need to give it time.”
Ugh, was I really so transparent? How did she do that?
“I just want to skip to the good stuff,” I replied.
“I’m pretty sure he’ll want to wait until you can drink champagne at your own wedding,” she added. I rolled my eyes.
“What if I never drink champagne? He could waste all that time waiting and I might decide to be a teetotaler,” I replied tartly, pretending to be offended but not really bothered.
“As for the weight, I’m pretty sure the problem was that honking great box,” she added.
“It’s packed full of healthy artisan cheese,” I replied, putting down a similar container. “Clay says that cooler is worth about three hundred bucks.”
“Who pays that much for cheese?” Harper snorted.
“People who like the good stuff,” Clay butted in with a wink, as he put a third cooler down. “I packed in a lot of ice to keep them cool but if you get a stall in the sun, be sure to—”
“Keep the lid closed and put the unopened containers under the table,” I recited. “Yes, sir.”
“I love it when you call me sir,” he smirked, kissing me chastely on the cheek. I giggled and put my hand to the place where his lips had touched my face.
“I know. So, you spanking me when I get back?” I asked.
“What do the words Lexan cane mean to you?” he asked.
“Yikes!” Harper squeaked, hurrying away to get more cheese.
I stared at him blankly. “The bad guy out of Superman?” I hazarded.
Clay chuckled. “No. It’s a special type of cane and tonight, your ass is going to redefine the word ‘caning’.”
“But I haven’t been bad,” I protested, pretending like that was ever our main reason to play in the attic.
“I know. Bad girls get caned before they go to the farmer’s market to sell their fine cheeses. Good girls get caned when the day’s over and they can climb into a cozy bed after.”
I blushed and shivered as a wave of heat rushed through me. “You promise? You promise you’ll cane me?”
“I promise.”
He kissed me again, on the lips this time, and I melted into him, savoring this moment before we’d spend the day apart. I wanted to show him I could do this, and I was a little nervous in case no one wanted my cheese, after all. I was still a little mystified about why anyone would buy it, since I could only make soft cheese, so far. While it was delicious, I had no idea why everyone didn’t just make their own. It wasn’t as difficult as I’d expected.
“I love you,” he told me.
My heart flooded with happiness every time I heard it. “I love you too.”
“And remember,” he murmured, “if you make enough profit, you get to—”
“Buy my own cow, and have fresher milk to work with,” I finished.
He frowned. “You gotta stop interrupting me, young lady, or I’ll have to put a gag in your mouth for a day.”
I giggled, because I knew he would.
“Yes, sir,” I said, teasing him a little by being overly formal.
“And have a great day at the market. I’ll want to hear all about it when you and Harper get back.”
I grinned. He swatted me on the ass before I skipped off to help Harper bring Alana’s wares—drawings of ranch life, in pretty, handmade frames. Alana was spending most of her time at home with her new baby, or creating more art, so Harper had reluctantly agreed to sell the pictures for her.
“We ready?” I asked as we closed up the tailgate.
“Let’s see... cheese, pictures, email confirmation for our stall... I think that’s it,” she said.
Barrett and Clay stood side-by-side and we waved to them before getting into Harper’s truc
k.
“Drive safe!” Barrett said. Harper swore under her breath at the reminder of a near-fatal accident she’d had earlier in the year.
“He’s never going to let me forget,” she grumbled, starting the engine and putting the truck into gear.
“Maybe once you’re through with physical therapy,” I countered.
She sighed. “Yeah, perhaps. I doubt it though. That man’s got a protective streak a mile long.”
“I think they all have. Maybe it shouldn’t be called Lemon Tree Ranch, but Dom Ranch,” I suggested, with a straight face.
Harper laughed so hard she took her foot off the clutch and the truck stalled. Then we were both laughing, as she re-started the engine.
They were protective, but we loved them for it, and neither of us would change a thing about our dominant cowboys.
The End.
Thank you!
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Tie Me Down
Maybe it’s just pregnancy hormones but I really want to lick him.
I've ended up in a huge mess... my ex-boyfriend Jimbo wasn’t the dark soul with a heart of gold I thought he was. He knocked me up and then knocked me about. And when he tells me that I can’t keep the baby, it’s time to get out of Seattle.
A fainting episode in a gas station in the Arizona desert leads me to Lawson. A real life cowboy who runs his own ranch, Lawson is easy on the eyes. Muscles... everywhere. Huge package. Those little diagonal indentations that make a big arrow straight to his... toolbox.
But I'm not safe... it seems that Jimbo is still looking for me. Is Lawson the one who can protect me? And more importantly, can he convince me that he’s the man to tie me down?
Take Me Hard: Arizona Heat 3 Page 12
