by Emma Davies
‘How about that, Mum? That sounds like a good idea. You love the colour of conkers, don’t you?’ She smiled at Hattie gratefully. ‘We’ve been having a lovely walk this afternoon, but I think Mum’s beginning to get a bit tired now.’
‘I know the feeling. My legs are worn out from all that swinging. Would you like to come and sit down on the bench, Rose? We can watch Poppy swinging, if you like.’
As if to emphasise the point her daughter put on a turn of speed and went even higher. Hattie tried not to let her anxiety show.
Lia pointed. ‘Do you remember how we used to come here after school, Mum? I think I was still in the junior school then. There was a massive slide too, much bigger than the one there is now.’ She held her mum’s hand. ‘I went down so fast one day I shot off the bottom, do you remember?’
Her mum turned to her, bright blue eyes searching her face. ‘I do!’ she said. ‘You screamed the place down.’
Lia laughed. ‘I’m not surprised. Come on Mum, let’s go and sit, shall we?’
Hattie watched her friend closely but she seemed quite relaxed. Perhaps today was a good day; she hoped so. She wasn’t sure how long they would be able to stay on the bench but Rose seemed quite content at the moment just to sit and watch the world go by. It must be odd, she thought, for Lia to bring her mum here, back to the park she used to play in as a child, their roles reversed. Too much of today had made Hattie feel like a child again; seeking affection, fighting for her mother’s approval.
She looked across at her daughter playing so innocently on the swing. Perhaps it was simply that, in the years before Poppy was born, Hattie had been too preoccupied with her own life – her fiancé, her wedding, her busy social calendar – to notice that anything was amiss with her family. Or were the difficulties she perceived confined only to more recent times? She tried to remember back to the period before Poppy arrived, but her memories of that time eluded her.
She felt a gentle nudge to her arm. ‘Penny for them?’ said Lia.
Hattie’s attention snapped back to the present. ‘Oh, sorry. I was miles away.’
‘I can see that. You were staring at Poppy, though. Is everything all right?’
Hattie blushed, caught out. ‘I was just thinking about mother-and-daughter relationships,’ she said. ‘Bit complicated sometimes, aren’t they?’
Lia tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. ‘They’re certainly that. Although, why do I get the feeling you’re not talking about you and Poppy?’
Hattie pulled a face. ‘Sorry, I shouldn’t be talking like this. It’s just seeing you with your mum, and how things are for you… it’s hard, I can see that, and yet I know you’d do anything for her. Whatever she does, you still love her, you still care for her to the best of your ability. I feel the same way about Poppy. I get this ferocious wave of love for her sometimes – when I see her doing something she adores, when she’s happy and carefree – and I think I’d do anything to keep her that way. I can’t contemplate a time when that might be different, but I dunno…’
A sudden gust of wind blew a handful of leaves across the grass in front of them and Lia watched them wistfully for a moment. ‘Love is complex, isn’t it? Sometimes, when I’ve had a really bad day…’ She turned to look back at her mum, lowering her voice, ‘I could happily throttle her, and yet other times, I’d walk over hot coals if it would make her better. One minute she can be yelling abuse at me, and then the next she does something so gentle, so tender, that it wipes out all the bad things in an instant. I suppose, at the end of the day, she’s still my mum and I’m still her daughter, even if she can’t always remember that. There’s a bond there that ties us together, that weaves its way through everything that we do or say.’
Hattie nodded, thinking about Lia’s words for a moment, recognising that essentially she felt the same. And yet why could she not seem to regain that relationship with her own mother? Why had things changed so much? And perhaps more importantly, what had happened to change them? She let her gaze wander back towards Poppy; she would hate it if anything ever came between them. It was clear to her now that she owed it to herself and her mum to try and put things right; ignoring things wasn’t the answer after all. The easy way out, but cowardly too. She took a deep breath and turned back to Lia with a bright smile.
‘Sorry. I’m being rather maudlin, and it’s such a lovely day. Ignore me. I’ve been over to my mum’s this afternoon with my sister to do the final fittings on the bridesmaids’ dresses and… let’s just say it wasn’t a great afternoon. However, it is still a beautiful day and I’m determined to enjoy it now.’
‘I don’t mind talking about it, Hattie, if you want to.’
Hattie smiled back at her friend. ‘Another day perhaps. Besides which, I’ve just remembered that I owe you a huge apology.’
‘Whatever for?’
‘Ah… well I think I might have accidentally given Jasper your address. I didn’t mean to, but we’d had quite a bit to drink and he was so…’ She broke off at the sight of Lia’s face. ‘He’s been to see you, hasn’t he?’
Lia nodded, a rather stern expression on her face. ‘He has…’ she said, ominously, ‘and I’m afraid I pretty much threw him out. Not that I blame you at all, Hattie, please don’t think that. I can see that he’s very charming when he wants to be, but what a blinking nerve! Do you know why he wanted to see me?’
‘Well that’s why I gave him your address actually. I know it’s a bit unusual, but I thought it would be such a lovely thing to do. Nerve-wracking yes, but wonderful at the same time. Didn’t you think so?’
Lia stared at her, blinking. ‘Well I know I’m a bit old-fashioned and things have probably moved on a lot, but I still don’t think you can just waltz over to someone and tell them you need them to be your girlfriend. Not for real, but at a specific time on a specific date, like you’re booking an appointment to have your hair done. If I wanted a boyfriend – not that I do by the way, but if I did – I’d rather like to choose one myself, and at least be wooed, not commanded to take up the post.’
Hattie did a double-take. ‘He wanted what? He didn’t say anything about wanting a girlfriend. Jesus, that’s a bit forward.’
‘I know. I don’t know what he said to you, but he turned up with a bunch of roses, flattered my mum and got her wrapped around his little finger and then when I asked him what he had come around for he suddenly went all coy, saying that he thought I’d got the wrong idea. When I told him I didn’t want any kind of romantic entanglements right now, he said he didn’t either. He did, however, want a fake girlfriend, and he thought I could be it. Charming! That made me feel really good about myself, I can tell you.’
Hattie was just about to reply when a thought struck her. ‘Hang on a minute. Something’s not quite right here. Did he not mention the dance to you at all, and the whole family thing…?’
Lia frowned. ‘No… well, he said something about needing someone who was able to dance, but that was hardly a compliment; he could have loitered outside the dance class and picked anyone.’
Hattie shook her head. ‘But that was what we spent so long talking about that night – this big dance he’s got coming up; how his career depends on it, how he’s beholden to his family even though he hates being in that position… Ring any bells?’
Lia was shaking her head. ‘He didn’t mention anything like that.’
The two women stared at one another in confusion, until Lia gave a slight grimace. ‘Although, to be fair, I maybe didn’t give him the chance to say any of that… I sort of asked him to leave…’ She bit at her lip. ‘Did I jump to conclusions, do you think?’
‘Possibly…’ admitted Hattie. ‘Although it sounds like the idiot didn’t explain himself all that well.’
Lia sighed. ‘Tell me what you know,’ she said, with a glance at her mum.
Hattie sucked in a breath, trying hard to remember the details of that evening. ‘So, basically, his family are like mega-important business p
eople,’ she began, ‘and every year they have this big charity bash on the day before Christmas Eve, which raises thousands of pounds for the local community. Well, as Jasper put it, it helps to assuage their consciences for the other eleven months of the year when all they do is trample over other people. Anyway… this year he’s been charged with the task of organising this event, knowing that at the end of the evening there will be a big fuss made and he’ll be welcomed into the company’s arms as a new partner.’
There was a groan from beside her. ‘And this affects me how?’
‘Because at the start of the event, which is really posh – did I mention that? – there’s a formal dance, which is kicked off by whichever member of the family has organised the event and they do this solo thing that “opens” the evening and sets the tone, blah blah blah. Jasper’s other family members are all married, so when it was their turns, they already had partners.’
Lia put her head in her hands. ‘Oh my God… And that’s what he wants me to do? Pretend to be his girlfriend and then dance in front of a whole crowd of people? He must be joking. What on earth would make him think I’d want to do anything of the sort…?’
Hattie made a small noise in her throat. ‘Erm, that might be my fault,’ she whispered. ‘I know how you love to dance, and you’re doing so well… Besides, it will be amazing. Think what it will look like. And so close to Christmas: thousands of sparkly lights, champagne, huge Christmas trees all covered in decorations… And oh, the dresses! Think about all the wonderful dresses…’ She stopped suddenly, looking up at Lia. ‘You’re not really buying this, are you?’
It was clear that Lia didn’t know quite what to say. ‘I can see why you thought of me and I’m not saying it wouldn’t be lovely… it’s just not my cup of tea, that’s all. I would love to be able to dance properly, but whenever I picture it there’s only ever two of us, just me and a mystery partner in a huge empty ballroom… and no-one else.’
Hattie leaned across and took Lia’s hand. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she said. ‘I think I’ve made a complete mess of this. It’s just that when Jasper told me about it he sounded so anxious, so desperate and helpless. I know he’s very good-looking and charming with it, but I honestly didn’t think he was trying anything funny. He genuinely seemed distressed. I would never have given him your address, otherwise.’
Lia squeezed her hand. ‘I know that, Hattie, and none of this is your fault. In fact, to be fair, I rather think I jumped to conclusions. I certainly didn’t give Jasper a fair hearing. Perhaps I owe him an apology, or at least the opportunity to explain properly.’
Beside her Rose was beginning to fidget. ‘I think I ought to get going, but…’ she paused for a moment, her head on one side, ‘did Jasper say he would be at the class this week?’ she asked. ‘Only, perhaps—’
‘Oh, yes, he’ll be there,’ replied Hattie, with a knowing smile.
Chapter Twenty
Lucy looked up from her notebook. ‘Sorry, Oscar, I was miles away. Is everything all right?’
She was standing behind the counter, the only staff member on duty while Rachel was at lunch, and using the time alone to surreptitiously fill a few more pages with her exuberant handwriting. After Callum had gone home the night before she had been suddenly struck by an idea, which now that it had come to her demanded to be acted upon; she couldn’t get the words down quickly enough.
Perhaps it had been listening to Clive and Callum chatting away about their businesses that had set her thinking – watching them revel in doing the thing they loved, day in day out. The two of them had been like small boys discussing their football heroes, talking nineteen to the dozen, and interrupting each other as their voices rose and fell in excitement. It was a long time since she had felt that way, but finally putting pencil to paper felt so good, she didn’t want to stop. To her amazement she hadn’t even noticed Oscar approach and had no idea how long he had been standing in front of her.
‘Oh, fine and dandy,’ he replied. ‘Same as always, although I’m not sure the same can be said for you, my dear.’
He’d been late today and looked a little jumpy, but Lucy had been so busy she hadn’t had the opportunity to talk to him properly. On the odd occasion when she had glanced in his direction she wasn’t absolutely convinced he was reading the book in front of him, even though he was pretending to. Standing in front of her now, she could feel the waves of anxiety radiating from him.
Lucy gave him a quizzical look. ‘And why wouldn’t everything be fine with me, Oscar?’ Surely he hadn’t been able to see what she’d been writing.
‘Only that you look a little tired. I’ve been watching you this morning; rushing around as usual, hardly stopping. In fact, I don’t think I’ve seen you have a cup of tea since I’ve been here. It must surely be time for you to have a break?’ He looked pointedly at his watch. ‘We can’t have the captain of the ship going down, you know.’
‘Well, that’s very kind of you,’ replied Lucy, somewhat perplexed. ‘But I’m honestly okay. I’m taking my lunch a little later today, that’s all. Rachel has a dental check-up and so is having a bit longer than usual, but she’ll be back in a few minutes.’ She smiled. ‘At least, she should be. If she isn’t there’ll be hell to pay.’
Oscar nodded his approval. ‘Well, in that case I shall stop fussing,’ he said. ‘But you make sure you take your full time, won’t you?’
He smiled again – a little awkwardly, thought Lucy – before raising a hand as if to wave and ambling back to his seat. She watched him go, deep in thought. It was an innocent enough conversation, and not totally unusual, as Oscar was a kindly soul. But why did she get the feeling he was trying to get her out of the way?
True to her word, Rachel returned shortly afterwards, and it only took Lucy a matter of moments to grab her coat and bag before heading for the door. She deliberately looked in Oscar’s direction to give him a thumbs-up that she was leaving, but his head was bent resolutely to the paper. She smiled to herself and walked out the door.
She had only just reached the edge of the car park when she realised that she had left her letter behind and, tutting, retraced her steps to the library. It was tempting just to leave posting it until the next day, but she didn’t want to run the risk of it arriving a day late for her friend’s birthday. With any luck, she could sneak back in and out without anyone stopping her to ask something. She glanced into the IT room as she passed down the hallway and, as she did so, became aware of familiar voices – one of which she expected, but the other taking her completely by surprise.
Callum and Oscar were huddled around a computer screen deep in conversation. Surprising as it was, Lucy thought it was rather nice to know that the members of the book club met each other outside of their meetings, though she remembered that Oscar had been rather scathing about Callum’s family. Lucy had no desire to eavesdrop but she hesitated just for a moment; something was different here. All morning Oscar had seemed uneasy, preoccupied, and, she noted, even though he had answered her when she had asked him how he was, he had immediately deflected the question back to her. And now, he was listening to Callum with an eagerness that she found all the more intriguing; his shoulders were still a little hunched, but to her eyes he looked excited, rather than anxious. And something else too – something in the way that he looked at Callum, drinking in his words and leaning in. Lucy thought for a moment how best to describe the emotion she saw there, and then she realised what it was: fleeting and uncertain, but very definitely hope.
She retrieved her letter from her locker in the staffroom and headed back outside once more, resolutely staring down the hallway as she did so. She had grown used to the change in Callum over the last few weeks as their friendship had developed, but now here was Oscar, also looking much happier about things. Whatever had caused this change was obviously Callum’s doing, and that made her more pleased than she could say.
Since she had first invited Callum around for tea, the invitation had been exten
ded several times over, and he was now a more or less permanent fixture at the Picklescott dining table. He and Clive got on like a house on fire, and in return for help with his business plan, Callum was building Earl Grey’s a brilliant website.
Sometimes Lucy sat with them, but not always. She much preferred to sit back and watch them, her pencil dancing over the page of her notebook from time to time. It was not the fact that Callum’s confidence was soaring that most fascinated her, or the pleasure she gained from seeing him step closer to realising his dreams for running his own business – it was the fact that although whenever he arrived he brought a little of the burden of his home life with him, he always left looking so much lighter and taller. It was her family that Callum came for, of that she was certain. It was the feelings of warmth they gave him that he lapped up, like a cat basking in the heat of a fire, its limbs stretched out to luxuriate in the feeling. Callum was learning what the word ‘home’ really meant.
* * *
‘How can she still live in the same county? That doesn’t seem possible, after all this time.’
Callum smiled at Oscar. ‘But you’ve lived here all of your life. Why shouldn’t she? Not everyone moves around incessantly, you know.’
The old man shook his head in wonder. ‘But I expected her to live in the Outer Hebrides, at least. I never dreamed for one minute that she would be close to me.’ He scratched the end of his chin. ‘Do you think she’s been here all the while? That I might even have seen her one day, and never known? That Mary and I might have bumped into her in the supermarket and glanced into her basket idly wondering what she was having for her tea…?’
Callum took in a breath. He laid a hand gently on Oscar’s arm, part in sympathy, part in warning.
Oscar turned to look at him full on. ‘I know; I’m getting ahead of myself here.’
‘I just don’t want you to get hurt, Oscar. There are no guarantees, and it’s still very early days.’
