“Th-thank you,” I whisper, wanting to laugh and cry, and wishing I could appreciate his words more.
I start off.
“By the fuckin’ way, if the ambulance already gone, Mort’ll take you to the hospital to be with Kiln.”
“Are police on the scene?”
He nods.
“I have to give a statement? Will I go to jail?”
“Nope. You goin’ to Kiln. Don’t ask no questions. I got shit covered.”
“Th-thank you,” I say, not quite believing him, until his words come to fruition.
Police are there, but not as many as one would expect for such a large crime scene. Mortician stands in the foyer with Johnnie and Digger, laughing with them.
Two EMTs wheel Alexia on a gurney. She’s staring at the ceiling. Josh follows behind.
“I’m going with them,” he says. When Cash appears, I realize that’s who he’s talking to. “Kiln will probably still want this kept quiet. Grandmother is going to help.”
Cash grunts. “Better you deal with Helen than me.”
Josh laughs, then goes outside.
“You okay, sweetness?” Cash asks me.
“Um…I…is Kiln okay?”
“Not right now. He shot up like a motherfucker,” Digger tells me, earning a slap from Mortician.
“The woman know he shot, fool. Say it better than that.” Mortician smiles at me. “Ready to roll? Ambulance already fucking gone.”
“Yes, I’d appreciate a ride. I’d like to be at his side.”
“Then, let’s blaze out,” Mortician says, breaking away from the others and indicating the door.
My insides start to settle back in place. I know I saved Meggie’s life, but, if Outlaw is right, and I also protected Kiln, then I’ll come to terms with that I did to Gloria.
Right now, I’m grateful Kiln is alive.
Chapter Thirty-Five
I awaken on a grunt, pain traveling through my body. I hear the steady beat of monitors and my own breathing. For a moment, I’m unsure of how I ended up in the hospital, then I’m flooded with memories.
Sloane, bleeding from his head. Sean, aiming to shoot. Jaeger, wounded. My mother, proud of her actions. My want of Raine. Cash, Josh, Adam, Quint, and Maitland were missing, as was Megan Caldwell…my last ditch effort to save Sloane’s life after I was the one who jeopardized it in the first place.
Did he survive? I’ll never forgive myself if he didn’t. What about the other guys? Megan?
Most of all, where’s Raine?
So many thoughts. So many unanswered questions.
I blink at the ceiling, feeling more alone than ever. I always had a chip on my shoulder, convinced myself I had no one in my corner. That I was an island, drifting on a sea of loneliness. I knew it all and excused all my bad behavior by blaming everyone else, refusing to take accountability for anything.
Then, I met Raine and she insisted I look at my own actions. If only I had been ready. Maybe, she left. Not that I could blame her. I couldn’t even allow her to have any feelings for me, without berating her. Mistrusting her.
My door opens, but I don’t look in its direction. I want to do over the last four weeks. I’d never agree to my mother’s lunacy. I’d know better than to believe Joe Groveston.
And I’d definitely treat Raine differently.
“Kiln?” Dietrech calls in a voice that once tempted me, but now does nothing except remind me of a different time in my life.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, hoarse. Weary. “Why aren’t you in jail after you helped my mother retain Sean’s services?”
She sighs. “I peeped in twenty minutes ago and you were still asleep. You haven’t been awake long and you’re already grouchy.”
I sidle a glare at her.
“The last three days have been awful,” she says. “It’s a tossup between you and Jaeger who was the most grievously injured.”
“What about Sloane?” I ask, almost afraid to hear the answer.
She smiles. “The knife didn’t go deep. Head wounds bleed profusely. He needed stitches and does have a fractured skull from where he was hit in the head with the butt of a gun. But he’s home.”
Relief swarms me and I can barely contain myself. I want to laugh and cry and shout.
“I didn’t help Alexia,” she says softly. “It is a long story, but I was tied up and put facedown in the bathtub. She called me into her room to help her with her hair. While I was in her room, her friends struck.”
“Struck?”
“Disabled me. Tied me up. Put a hood over my head.”
“Fuck,” I whisper.
She gives me a gentle look. “I’m surprised you don’t think I deserved it.”
Without commenting, I lower my gaze and study the IV line running from the back of my hand.
“Maybe, I did,” she continues sadly. “I caused a lot of hurt. Harm.”
“You did,” I agree. “But I finally get it. You shouldn’t have seduced Sloane, but I should’ve recognized your unhappiness.”
“I did love you,” she confesses. “A part of me always will. That’s why my second marriage fell apart. Your shadow stood between us.”
“I’m sorry,” I say honestly. “Days ago, I might’ve said something different. Not now. So much has happened in a matter of a few days that helped me to readjust my thinking.” Outlaw comes to mind. I hope like fuck he’s gone.
She swallows. “Does it have anything to do with Raine?”
“Is she here?” I ask, forgetting everything else the moment I hear her name.
Dietrech nods. “In the cafeteria with Josh, Sloane and Georgie. She’s been here round the clock. At your side.” She shifts her weight. “It was Sloane who said I could see you after he found out you hired me to take care of your mother.”
It takes effort to focus on her words. All I concentrate on is knowing Raine has been at my side and hearing that Sloane and Georgie are with her. Then, her words dawn on me and I frown.
“Did Raine protest Sloane’s decree?”
“You bet your ass. Georgie wasn’t too keen on the idea, either. They blame me for the bad blood between you and Sloane. And Raine detests me. She had a few choice words to tell me. Amongst which is that I almost ruined you, a good, kind, loving man.” She wrinkles her nose. “Do you have a twin I’ve never met?”
I glare at her and she shrugs.
“Sloane went over Raine’s head and allowed you to see me anyway?” I feel no anger, as I usually would. I’m just surprised that he’d do such a thing, especially on Dietrech’s behalf.
“Not at all. Even if he thought to do it, Georgie would’ve had something to say about it. Sloane merely pointed out that, if you put everything past you to watch over Alexia, then, maybe, Raine should consider allowing me a short visit.”
That makes sense, and something I agree with.
“Raine consented, then shocked us all by saying it might be good because you need closure to move on and achieve personal peace.” Dietrech snaps her brows together. “She told me if I upset you in any way, she’d knock my fucking teeth out.”
I grin at her. “That’s my Raine,” I rumble with pride.
A sad smile comes over her face. “I stayed in the waiting room a few minutes after I found you asleep,” she goes on in a subdued voice. “I got lucky.”
I glance at Dietrech. She was once a big part of my life. I thought we had a lifetime to spend together, but I’m not blame-free in the dissolution of our marriage. I was on the road for days at a time. When I was home, I strategized on how best to destroy Sloane.
What I did reveal to Dietrech was only enough to keep her off my back. Despite what I’ve always believed, I never allowed her to have me completely. Most of me was too consumed with bitterness and hatred.
I hold open my hand and she places her own in it.
“I’m so sorry, Dietrech,” I whisper. “For all my vileness. In many ways, I drove you to Sloane.”
“He w
ouldn’t have betrayed you if I hadn’t caught him during his weakest moments.”
“I know.”
“He’s a good man. You’re lucky to have him in your corner.”
“I know that now, too.”
She squeezes my hand then releases me. Tears glisten in her eyes. “I’m so, so sorry I hurt you so deeply. I was young and foolish. I wanted to hurt you the way you hurt me.”
“I never cheated on you,” I’m compelled to say.
“I know. One of my biggest regrets is my infidelity.”
“It’s over,” I tell her. “Time for a new start. Don’t live your life stuck in the past.”
“Did you ever love me?” she asks in a small voice.
I nod. “Yes. Very much. I just didn’t know how to show it.”
A tear slips down her cheek. “I guess this is it. Unless you still need me to look after your mother.”
“Where is my mother?”
“Georgie’s brother, Josh, escorted her to a facility in California. I don’t know how long she’ll be there.”
“It needs to be for quite some time,” I say with a sigh, finally admitting the truth to myself.
“Right before that Sean guy grabbed me, Alexia apologized to me. Said she was sorry but she didn’t know any other way to complete her mission.”
That sounds like my mom.
“If Alexia hadn’t told Josh I was there, I probably would’ve died from lack of water. No one would’ve thought to go to her place for anything.”
“That would’ve been a tragedy.”
She smiles, shifts her weight, then leans down and kisses my lips. It’s a sweet, soft kiss with not a hint of passion. It’s just a healing balm we both need.
A voice clears and Dietrech moves away, revealing Raine. She looks between the two of us and lifts a brow.
“I can’t even be angry that you’re kissing another woman,” she tells me. “I’m just so happy that you’re awake. Alive.”
“It isn’t what you think,” Dietrech starts.
Raine rubs her eyes. Dark circles ring them. Fatigue pulls down her face and dulls her eyes. “Okay.”
I frown. “Where’s Raine and what have you done with her?”
Shrugging, she forces a smile. “I’m here, Kiln, waiting to tell you how grateful I am to see you alive and…and…and…Oh! Kiln.”
“I think I’m going to leave,” Dietrech tells me, and starts to turn away.
“Dietrech,” I call as Raine advances to my bed.
“Yes?”
Raine caresses my cheek and I thumb away a tear from hers. She kisses my stubbled jaw, and slides into the comfortable chair next to my bed.
I refocus on Dietrech. “When I discovered you were still using the name Mason, I intended to chew your head off. For now, I’ll let it slide.”
She glances at Raine. “Only until the next Mrs. Mason comes along, yes?”
I wink at her and she laughs, then throws me a kiss. “Be happy, Kiln.”
“You, too, Dietrech,” I respond softly.
Once she leaves, I turn to Raine. She’s curled up in the chair, asleep.
I smile at her. I want to waken her, but I decide against it. The old me wouldn’t be so selfless.
I have a new lease on life, however. That comes with a new perspective, new outlook, and new behavior.
Just having her here means everything to me.
Soft whispers awaken me from a dreamless sleep. I recognize Kiln’s voice immediately. I’ve waited three excruciating days to hear it again. When I arrived at the hospital the night of the shooting, he was already in surgery. Georgie had rode in the ambulance with Sloane, so, together we waited for word on the three brothers, sharing stories about them. I didn’t have much to contribute—only the time I’d spent with Kiln—but to me, it was significant. I wasn’t sure what I’d do if he didn’t make it.
Wanting him to live wasn’t about us. It was about him. He deserved to live because he deserved a second chance at happiness. With or without me.
He was in surgery for six, long hours and in recovery another two. When he was finally wheeled to ICU, he was bandaged, hooked to a ventilator, and drugged. Georgie allowed me to see him first on my own. Ten minutes later, she joined me. Sloane was already stitched up and resting in a room, by then, and the doctors were just wrapping up Jaeger’s surgery.
It was left to Georgie to make the decisions for all three of them. Their aunt was in Europe, their father was in jail, and Kiln and Jaeger’s mother had been admitted to a mental institution.
In the end, it worked out well. She had no life-or-death decisions to make and all three men were expected to make full recoveries. Within half a day, the ventilator had been removed and Kiln was breathing on his own. He was in and out of consciousness, though, and that concerned me. I couldn’t bear to leave his side.
Then, bitch-ass Dietrech arrived. Josh had called Outlaw after Alexia cried to him about Dietrech being hog-tied, and the club president sent Johnnie to see to the situation. Not long after her rescue, the Death Dwellers rode out, headed back to Hortensia with my brother. My former brother. And Meggie, my new friend.
All of the activity helped me to forget that I’d killed someone. In turns, I told myself I had no choice and something else could’ve been done. Had it been the other way around, I knew she wouldn’t have hesitated to shoot the fuck out of me. It wasn’t exactly Gloria I was mourning, but life. Which made no sense. I’d take my life—Meggie’s, Kiln’s, the rest of the guys’—any day over that bitch’s.
Sloane and Kiln continue talking, so I stay silent, taking the opportunity to rest a moment more.
“I’m crying buckets that I didn’t get to tell him goodbye.”
Though my eyes are closed, I smile at the hint of sarcasm in Kiln’s voice.
Sloane snickers. “Outlaw said he’d catch you next time.”
“No the fuck he won’t. I won’t do anything for him to catch me.”
“Georgie told me what Alexia said,” Sloane starts, sobering. “That she was taking up where you left off. You intended to kill me.”
“That isn’t true.”
To me, Kiln’s voice sounds faints, but, maybe, I’m imagining things.
“I know, Kiln. Meggie made Georgie realize the same thing. Besides, all the years we were at odds, you never tried to kill me, so I know you wouldn’t do it now.”
Kiln’s quiet. I think it’s time I open my eyes. Their personal conversation isn’t my business.
“You have a lot of faith in me,” Kiln says.
“If I didn’t, you wouldn’t be on my payroll.”
“About that. I know you’re cutting back, but if I have to take a pay cut for you to keep Raine on, I’ll do that. If you’re still cutting back on staff, that is.”
“Cuts are officially over,” Sloane announces. “And I can’t keep Raine on, since I’m not the one who pays her. That’s Georgie.”
“You usually pay the staff.”
“There’s something called girl power at play here. Georgie has it in her head that I’ll let Raine go if you ask me to, therefore, she’s taken it out of my hands. Raine works for her.” I hear movement, so I pop one eye open and see Sloane standing.
His head’s all bandaged up. He really should be in bed, but he’s too stubborn to do as his doctor orders.
“They made it back to Hortensia just fine,” Georgie announces as she walks in. “Montana rode back with Val. Meggie says Outlaw has him on a tight leash. She said he really wants to kill him, but he promised Raine he won’t do him anything unless he fucks up. But Outlaw has absolutely no respect for the ass, after what he did to Raine. The guys should’ve let her cut his dick off.”
“You’re a bloodthirsty little thing, Georgiana,” Sloane says with feigned disapproval.
“You just found this out?” Kiln chortles.
“Fuck off, you two,” Georgie sniffs.
A thought makes my eyes pop open and I sit up abruptly. “Where are Chan
ce and Bryn?”
A moment of silence follows my question, then Georgie gives me a small wave.
“Welcome back from the land of Nod,” she tells me.
“Thank you,” I say around a yawn, very aware of Kiln’s gaze on me.
“Josh went home to relieve Maitland of babysitting duties,” Georgie answers.
Standing, I stretch. “I’m so sorry. I must be the worst nanny in history.”
“Nah, you’re just a good girlfriend,” she says.
“Girlfriend,” I echo, heat creeping into my cheeks. For some reason, the announcement makes me blush. Maybe, because Kiln isn’t the one to say it and I’m too nervous to be hopeful that those words are true. “I’ve never been anyone’s girlfriend.”
That’s an easier explanation.
“There’s a first for everything,” Georgie reminds me, though Kiln stays silent. She nods to Sloane. “I have to get him to bed. Tend to his head.”
He leers at her. “I love it when you take care of my head.”
She smirks at him, and they share a laugh, before he stands. He holds out his hand. Without hesitation, she places her hand in his. They share a kiss before Sloane pulls her toward the door.
“We’ll be by tomorrow,” he throws over his shoulder. “Later.”
“Later,” Kiln calls as Georgie and Sloane rush out, laughing between themselves like two little kids.
I waste no time in going to Kiln’s side, bending over, and kissing his cheek.
“Hey,” I whisper, so grateful that he’s here. I straighten and smile down at him, curling my fingers around the bed railing.
“Hey, sweetheart,” he says gruffly, settling his hand over mine. “You’ve slept all day. Missed lunch and dinner. Are you hungry?”
I shake my head.
“I heard about Montana,” he starts.
“Fuck him,” I grumble.
He studies me, then pries my hand from the railing and brings it to his lips. “Do you mean that?”
“Yes. His words crushed me. For a moment. Then, I wanted his blood.”
Kiln grins. “I’m sure. You’re a fighter from the heart.”
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