by Carmen Reid
‘How are you doing?’ she asked her daughter, full of sympathy.
‘Oh, I’m not too bad… Soph and Ellie have cheered me up so much. And being here is so relaxing…’ Natalie added. ‘I’ve just been sleeping and Dad has been making us all our favourite things.’
‘Has he, now? How nice of him!’
‘Your hair looks really good, Mum,’ Natalie added.
‘Yeah,’ Soph and Ellie chimed in.
‘I was wrong about you going blonde,’ Natalie admitted.
Tess smiled: ‘Thank you… yes, I love it and I’m sure the boys in this family will notice eventually… and talking of boys, where’s Alex?’
‘I think he’s in the garden, reading a book,’ Natalie said, already turning back to her friends, who were giggling at her reply. Because when the three of them got together, they giggled at everything.
Tess went down to the kitchen and then out of the sliding door to look for her son. There he was in the lovely decked corner, laid out across a lounger in the shade, book in hand.
‘Hello Alex, how are you doing?’
‘Oh hi, Mum…’ he sat up, put the book down and accepted the kiss and long hug she was desperate to give him. ‘I’m doing well,’ he told her.
She took in the smile and the pale face that had been out of the sun all summer. He was skinny too, with sharp cheekbones, thinner than he’d been when she’d seen him last, in London.
‘And what about you?’ he asked.
‘Jet-lagged to hell,’ was her honest answer. ‘I don’t know if I want booze, or breakfast, or to go and lie in a darkened room.’
‘Maybe all three,’ he suggested and she thought that maybe there was a hint of sparkiness in his voice that hadn’t been there for some time.
‘Yeah… so what are you reading?’ she began, because she’d decided it was important not to ask any hard questions… maybe for weeks. Alex could just be here… enjoying some peace and quiet, taking good professional advice, and making sure he got well, really properly well before even thinking about anything else.
She only cared about him finding a way to be happy in himself. And the mummy comparisons be damned. Nothing was worth the kind of distress Alex had been in. Absolutely nothing was worth that.
Then there was someone else to go and say hello to.
As she approached the summerhouse, Tess could hear the tapping of a laptop keyboard. She knocked on the door and the tapping carried on for another moment, before there was a loud. ‘Come in!’
‘Hi River!’ Tess began, opening the door to see the person she felt she already knew so much about.
‘Hi! Tess! Oh my God, it’s so good to finally meet you!’
River stood up and pulled Tess into a hug. Then they stood back and took each other in for a few moments.
Maybe because she was on a deadline, River was in saggy sweats and her hair looked a few days past a wash, but she was still so obviously, vibrantly good looking, Tess noted with something of a lurch. This was who had been hanging out with her husband.
‘I feel like I know so much about you,’ River began.
‘Me too!’ Tess agreed.
‘Oh my freaking God… I bet there’s a ton of stuff you wished you didn’t know about me… like the state of my balcony and my bathroom,’ she began in her husky, quick-fire way. ‘Can I just apologise, seriously, from the bottom of my heart? I have no idea what frame of mind I was in when I left that place, but it wasn’t a good one. I should never have let you deal with all that.’
‘Don’t worry, things are much better there now,’ Tess said with a smile.
‘I bet they are, you superwoman. And how are my doggies?’
‘They’re lovely! I really enjoyed hanging out with them. We went on some hikes and I took them to the beach…’ she decided she’d leave out the flag and the near-death experience. ‘I also met your neighbour, Larry, and did some dancing lessons with him.’
‘Oh my God, Larry is so cool. He’s like this legend who used to party at Studio 54, did he tell you all about that?’
‘No! But he taught me how to tango and we cleaned out the pool together.’
‘No way! You totally precious people… so we can go swimming again?’
‘Yes… it’s a lovely apartment.’
‘So,’ River wanted to know, ‘did you have a great time away? Did you have a holiday and spend some proper time on yourself?’
‘I did miss everyone… but yes,’ Tess admitted with a smile, ‘I spent a lot of time on myself. And it was a really good thing to do.’
‘Seriously cute hair,’ River noticed.
‘Thanks.’
‘You don’t look like I was expecting,’ River added, tilting her head to the side as if she was studying Tess. ‘You look kind of cooler and more fun.’
Tess gave a little laugh. ‘That’s the LA effect,’ she said.
‘You look happy.’
‘Yeah,’ Tess agreed. ‘I am happier than I was when I left, you know… despite everything that’s happened.’
‘Try not to worry about your boy too much,’ River said, ‘You guys have got him.’
Because she was in danger of crying if she thought about that too much, Tess asked River a question. ‘So how about you? How’s the work going?’
‘It’s going great,’ River replied, ‘it’s been amazing to be here. It still is amazing and I don’t know what it is about this summerhouse. I love it. I’ve never worked anywhere so well as I work in this place. I may have to dismantle it and take it back to LA with me…’
But also, River knew, it was because she was loving what she was writing. Line by line it was at last working and coming out right. She didn’t know how much longer she’d be at it… a week… ten days… but she did know that by the end, she and Phillip and hopefully the rest of the production team were all going to be very happy.
‘Dave has really looked after me,’ River added. ‘That’s a really good guy you’ve got there. He’s super nice, but underneath that nice, there’s this, you know, mensch, as we’d say in my part of New York. But you know that, right?’
Tess nodded.
‘If you ever get fed up with him, you send him in my direction. Okay?’ River gave her a wink and then added: ‘we’ll talk more tonight, but right now, there’s this scene I’m in the middle of that I really need to get back to.’
When Tess went back into the kitchen, Dave was setting out treats onto two wooden boards and pouring three hefty glasses of white wine from what looked like a decent bottle.
‘Will River join us?’ Tess asked, but Dave shook his head. ‘No, she’s working… all the time. She says it’s always like this when you get to the end. It takes over. She even has a special Mozart playlist for the final days on a script, to help soothe her brain and let her concentrate, apparently.
‘When she starts a project, it’s pop. Then the middle bit is rock’n’roll and by the end it’s Mozart and all his precisely placed notes are needed to make the final thing hang together, apparently.’
‘That’s very interesting,’ Tess said, settling into one of the kitchen chairs. ‘Have you been having some very nice chats with the crazily glamorous writer who’s been staying in our house?’
Dave gave this comment a look that she couldn’t quite fathom.
‘Yes, I have… and she’s certainly de-glamourised the artistic life for me. It’s bloody hard work and she has suffered!’ he added. ‘So the deal is, she’s moved to the summerhouse during the day, but she’ll sleep in the spare room and she’s got a rent reduction, obviously, and I’ve said I will bring her booze and meals on wheels until she is done.’
‘That sounds like a pretty good deal…’
‘Yes, I’m keeping her sweet… you never know. She’s already told me her mom will get the invite to the Oscars, but maybe we can get to the after-party!’
This made Tess laugh. ‘You’d like LA…’ she told him, ‘people drive everywhere.’
‘How delightfu
l.’
‘And there is always somewhere to park.’
‘Living the dream.’
‘Now…’ Tess’s walk through the garden had raised quite a few questions: ‘What’s happened to the chimenea?’ she began, ‘and the rosebush that used to be at the corner is now a completely different one? And the grass…’
‘Woah… not on day one… not on day one,’ Dave insisted, ‘it’s all been taken care of, nothing to see. I will tell you all about that another time!’
So, once Dave had taken River her snack, he and Tess went to the sitting room together and, once the sweatshirt, trainers and popcorn had been removed, Tess lay flat out across the sofa, while Dave took up a seat at the end with Tess’s feet in his lap. It was a pose they’d not sat in together for years.
‘You look so well,’ he told her, ‘and I love your hair. I did say that when you first got it cut, but I love it even more in person.’
‘Thanks…’ she said. ‘Looks like you got to the barber’s too… and new jeans, was that party prep?’
He nodded and then told her: ‘I’ve made some resolutions, serious ones, so you’re not allowed to laugh…’
‘I won’t…’
‘I’ve bought twenty lessons with a personal trainer…’
‘No!’ Tess had not expected this.
‘I’ve signed up for an online course in healthy cooking and I’ve ordered an exercise bike… and a sauna bag – the bag is for stress relief, not weight loss. And,’ he went on, before Tess could interrupt him, ‘if you think we should do marriage counselling, or family therapy, then… let’s do it.’
This was a lot to take on board all at once. A personal trainer, healthy eating, a bike and what the heck even was a sauna bag? A sauna, in a bag? Marriage counselling… family therapy… this was a lot to unpack.
‘Wow…’ she said simply. As she was the one who had learned how to tango and dyed her hair pink, she could hardly laugh. She had a suspicion that their friends might think they were both steering deep into midlife crisis territory… but no matter.
There was no need for her to ask what had brought all this on… it was obvious, and it looked like Dave was about to tell her anyway.
‘That morning when I went to London,’ he began, ‘to find Alex… well, let’s say it… to potentially stop Alex from killing himself… which, by the way, I did not do, the ungrateful little swine has informed me!’ Dave could see that Tess was about to cry, so he put his hand over hers and began to tell her about the funny part too.
‘Apparently at the crucial moment, this girl crashed her bike into him. Right there on that bridge, and they had a little chat… and she took his picture, gave him her number, and told him she was moving to Edinburgh.’
‘Edinburgh?’ Tess was trying to take all this craziness in.
‘Yes… so he’s planning to go and see her, sometime in the future, when he’s feeling better… and Tess, he does need some help, of course he does. But he really does believe that the danger is over. We don’t need to hover and hide the razor blades or anything…’ Tess’s eyes were spilling over now. ‘Because he’s promised, absolutely promised, to let us know if it ever gets even anywhere near as bad as that again. So we can trust him about this. It’s in the open now. He’s going forward and he really wants to be… alive.’
Dave gave her hands a reassuring squeeze.
‘Life is so complicated…’ she said, wiping at her eyes, ‘they will both still need us for quite some time, won’t they?’
‘Oh, for goodness’ sake,’ Dave rolled his eyes. ‘I would still love to have a heart-to-heart with my mum.’
‘That’s nice,’ she said, feeling very comforted.
‘So,’ Dave went on, ‘when I was rushing around London trying to find him…’
‘It’s amazing you found him,’ Tess told him, ‘no matter what he says about the girl with the bike…’
‘I made a whole series of promises to the powers above…’
Tess smiled.
‘That I would shape up in every direction of my life. I would get out of every single one of my ruts and bad habits and be grateful for everything I have, just as long as I could find him and he would be okay. So now… I’ve got to keep my side of the bargain.’
45
Three months later
There was a time in her life when Tess might have felt nervous approaching the podium on a stage in front of the whole 6,000-strong UK and global workforce of her accountancy firm. But not today.
Today, she felt incredibly well prepared, ready for this, and really quite excited. It wasn’t just that she’d rehearsed her talk until she knew it off by heart, checking each and every anecdote and joke with her harshest critics – Natalie and Alex – and it wasn’t the Rodeo Drive outfit either, although as the lovely girl in the Ralph Lauren shop had told her: ‘In that navy pencil skirt and silk blouse, you will slay, lady, wherever you go.’ And it wasn’t the blonde hair, with a now permanent pink dip at the bottom, expertly curled by her own fair hand. No, well, it was all of these, but it was also deeper. It was about the way she moved towards the podium; the way Larry had taught her, shoulders loose and down, head lightly balanced, relaxed, breathing well and taking up your space… taking your place in the world. And it was about the stable, new-found confidence inside.
At home, she saw that she was still central to her family, even if it was in a different way. At work, she had found that she could do things in a way that worked for her. She didn’t have to fit in with anyone else’s plan. And she wanted to inspire everyone here to feel the same way.
Plus, today was her fiftieth birthday… and there was a new necklace with three interlocking circles hanging at her neck, each one engraved on the back with a name: Alexander, Natalie and David… because on a day like this, everyone needed a lucky charm.
The CEO, John Lloyd, smiled generously at her and then began his introduction: ‘I’d like to welcome our newest partner, Tess Simpson, to the stage. As well as the usual responsibilities of partnership, I’m delighted to say that Tess is bringing some new elements to the role. She’s going to take on the additional title of Director of Midlife Wellbeing. If, like me, you’re entering the second half of your life, then we want to look after, and in fact nurture, you here in a different way. I’ll let Tess tell you all about it.’
So then she was on.
She smiled, took a breath and made eye contact with the crowd. ‘Hello everyone… it’s great to be here,’ she began. ‘I took a sabbatical over the summer and I did something I’d not planned to do… I didn’t even want to do… and I’m still not very good at, but in all kinds of surprising ways, it has changed my life.’ She paused, as she’d practised, for effect. ‘I learned to dance the Argentinian tango. And it’s okay to laugh,’ she added, releasing a burst from the crowd, ‘I know I would have. But that’s why taking time out, shaking yourself up and letting completely new things happen is so important.
‘It makes room for the unexpected,’ she told them. ‘It takes you out of your comfort zone, to uncomfortable places even, and it lets all kinds of interesting things happen here,’ she pointed to her head.
‘So our midlife wellbeing project is starting up with some really interesting ideas…’ and she went on to outline the first offerings: sabbaticals with purpose, tech classes – so everyone of any age could feel completely confident about using their work apps and software – new skills training, public speaking training, and the chance to give guest lectures and intern training both in the UK and in the US. Oh yes, Nathan had opened his contacts book and helped her to put some amazing opportunities together.
Much later that evening, the lights were dimmed, the music was turned up and the crowd of friends they’d invited to Ambleside for food, drinks and birthday cake sat down in a makeshift circle to see Tess and Dave, as promised, take to the kitchen dance floor.
Both were a little giggly with champagne, but they were confident enough about their moves not to n
eed much Dutch courage.
Just before they began, Tess’s eyes swept past the mantelpiece loaded with flowers and birthday cards. Right at the front was a special one with a photograph of a very familiar balcony, even more beautiful now because the plant pot collection had grown to include pink and purple bougainvillea and an enormous cactus. There was a more substantial cast iron table out there now and on top, a laptop, a white coffee cup, and the chunky glass ashtray from Ambleside they’d insisted she keep.
Inside, River had written:
Have a wonderful birthday, Tess. I will be raising a glass to you.
I know your family will spoil and cherish you.
Life is going so great over here. I’ve just inked the deal for my Hamlet/High School mash-up! A huuuuge cheque and another visit to Ambleside next summer! And I’m so excited that you guys are going to come and stay here. Dave can keep fit in the pool and Larry is so dying to meet him!
Thank you so much, guys. Last summer gave me everything I needed to get back on track… hey, I can even listen to ‘Perfect Day’ again and feel pretty okay about it. (Dave will know what that’s about.)
Don’t you dare get sad about turning fifty, Tess. It’s the start of your third act. And the third act is always the best one.
Loads of love to you all,
River
A hush descended and Tess and Dave began the dance just like the couple on the video Larry had showed Tess all those months ago.
They stood opposite one another and they locked eyes.
Physically, Dave had changed in the past three months. He had kept his bargain with the powers above… he’d given up booze, changed his diet, and now took exercise every single day. He’d had to buy a new, slimmer suit for this party. He was off the high blood pressure pills and he’d even started running. And, of course, dancing… with his wife.
Helping his son, Alex, realising he loved painting and could turn to it at any time, remembering what a pair of monumental a-holes Van Saint and Vincent were, taking charge of his weight and de-stressing with exercise, not wine… these were all things that had served to give Dave a much greater sense of peace and of confidence in himself.
