He leans down slowly and presses his lips to mine. It’s not a hot and heavy kiss, but one that is filled with love and longing.
It’s a promise-filled kiss.
“I’m going to go out for a few hours,” he whispers against my mouth.
My heart sinks.
“Please don’t go,” I beg.
I can’t bear the thought of him leaving me right now – I need him like I need to breathe.
“I have to,” he says. It looks like it pains him to say it, but I know he’s right. “You need some time and space to think – this has all come at you so heavy and so fast… I couldn’t live with myself if I rushed you into anything.”
He’s leaving, and I know I shouldn’t stop him – because the reality is, I could if I wanted to.
He’d do anything for me. Even stay when we both know he needs to go.
“I’ve made you so reliant on me, Mia, and I need you to decide that you want me here… whether that be as a couple or just as your friend. I’ll be whatever you need, sweetheart, you just have to decide.”
He places one more kiss to my lips and slides his big body out from next to me.
“Will you come back?” I ask, the desperation in my voice seeping out for us both to hear.
“Of course I will.”
“Tonight?”
He nods and smiles at me as though he appreciates my eagerness to have him back, and the knot in my gut eases a fraction. “I won’t leave you, Mia. I swear.”
He goes over to Joe and ruffles his hair as he says goodbye.
As I watch him walk away, I feel a pang of something I can’t place in my gut.
I know he’ll be back – he said he would be, and he never lies to me, but this isn’t fear that he’s leaving, this is something else.
I can’t figure out how it’s happened so quickly, but it’s almost as though these feelings have been lurking right there – hidden just below the surface and he’s given me the chance to let them break free.
This is falling in love, my brain tells me.
Forget falling in love, I’m already there I realise as he disappears from sight.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Luke
“Hey, man, thanks for coming.” I clap Dan on the shoulder as I come up behind him.
He was a friend of both Troy and mine in high school. He was Troy’s friend first, but we got on well instantly and have stayed in touch over the years – even more so since Troy’s been gone.
He’s the only person I could think of that might possibly understand the predicament I’ve found myself in. He’s also one of those few people I mentioned to Mia – the ones whose opinions I do actually care about.
“Anytime,” he replies as he looks me up and down. “Is everything all good?”
I sit down on the stool next to him and wave the bartender over with my hand. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
“It’s not every day you call me over to the pub in the middle of the afternoon.”
The bartender takes our order and disappears again.
I fiddle with the cardboard drink coaster on the counter in front of me as I debate how best to tackle this.
Having all those kids must have done wonders for Dan’s patience, because he just sits there waiting for me to come out with it.
Our beers get dropped in front of us and I still haven’t found the courage to speak about what I came here for.
He picks up his beer and takes a sip of it. “I’m not complaining, Kingy,” he drawls, referencing the nickname for me that he’s used since school, “it’s still more relaxing here than at home, but you’re starting to make me nervous.”
“It’s about Mia.” I huff out a breath.
“Is everything okay?”
Everything is too good. That’s the problem. She’s too good.
“She’s great, man. You should see her with Joe… she loves that kid; she’s such a good mum.” I know I’ve got a huge smile on my face as I talk about her, but I don’t care – I’m here to talk to Dan about her after all so I may as well get on with it.
“Have you ever noticed how beautiful she is?” I ask him.
He chuckles. “Shit yeah I have. But you tell my wife I said that, and I’ll knock you out.”
I smirk at him.
“She’s an incredible woman… she’s sweet and kind, funny and warm. She’s gorgeous and fun…”
“You sound like you’re in love with her.” He chuckles.
I meet his gaze with a sheepish look.
His eyes widen as he realises that he’s not at all wrong and he nearly chokes on the mouthful of beer he just took.
“No shit?” he splutters. “You’ve got a thing for Mia?”
‘A thing’ is one hell of an understatement, but I nod anyway and let my head fall into my hands. “I don’t know when it happened… just one day she wasn’t my best bud’s wife anymore. She was my best friend, and she was gorgeous and I just… felt it.”
“Well fuck,” he deadpans. “We should have ordered whiskey.”
He gets it. I don’t have to explain to him the implications of this. He already knows.
I know I’ve tried to make it clear to Mia that it doesn’t have to be complicated, but inside my head, it still is.
I can push it aside when she’s right there, but it’s when I’m not with her that the real guilt and concern creeps in.
I tear at the paper on the bottle. Someone told me once that doing that is a sign that you’re sexually frustrated, and right now I’d have to say they might have been right.
I haven’t been with a woman for close to a year, but even if I’d been with one yesterday, if she wasn’t Mia, I’d still be frustrated as hell.
There’s only one remedy for me now – mind and body.
I think I’m craving the balm for my mind even more than I am my body.
“Does she know?”
I nod. “She had someone try to break in the other night and called me over in the middle of the night… I got caught up in the moment and hung it all out to dry.”
“Did you sleep together?”
“Only in the literal sense.” The corner of my mouth twitches into a small smile at the thought of crawling into bed with a half-asleep Mia. “I’ve kissed her, Dan. Nothing more. We’ve talked, but as I’m sure you’re aware, this isn’t your typical situation.”
He doesn’t reply. He’s just sitting there with a thoughtful expression on his face.
“What are you thinking?” I question him.
“I’m just trying to think what I’d want for Leah and the girls if I died.”
I wince. “I bet it’s not for your best mate to shack up with them, is it?”
He takes a pull of his beer. “You know, I don’t know. I’m not sure which idea makes me feel more uncomfortable, the thought of you with her, or the idea of a stranger playing daddy to my kids.”
“The devil you know, or the devil you don’t,” I muse. “I’ve tried to put myself in his shoes, ya know? But I can’t. I don’t have a family.”
We’re doing that man thing right now, where you sit side by side and both stare forward, not looking at one another. I’m not great with sharing emotions in general – I’m fine with Mia – but as far as my male mates are concerned, it’s a hell of a lot easier with no direct eye contact.
“But you do,” he says after a moment of silence. “You have Mia and Joe. They’re your family.”
I feel like they’re mine, I do. But they’re Troy’s first and foremost, and they always will be.
“You’re the father figure in Joe’s life, Luke. You’re the one who helped Mia through the night feeds and the vomiting bugs…” He shrugs. “You’re the one who Mia calls in the middle of the night.”
I did do those things. I am that person for Mia, but it’s not that simple.
“It feels like I’m stealing his family – like I’m benefitting from his death, as fucked up as that sounds.”
He nudges my elbow and lo
oks right at me. “I think he’d want you to be there for Joe. You were his best friend for a reason.”
“So you think I shouldn’t feel guilty?”
“I think you’ll feel guilty no matter what I say. You’ve just got to decide if she’s worth living with that guilt.”
“She’s worth it. Undoubtedly. They both are,” I reply quickly. “I just don’t want her to lose anyone else because of this. She’s already lost Troy. She needs the ones she’s got left.”
“You seem pretty confident that she wants you the same way you want her?”
“I’m not confident at all… but sometimes I see the way she looks at me, you know? And I know we could make something of it. Something good.”
“I can see you two together. You’re strong where she’s weak and I think she’d be good for you too – give you that sense of purpose you’ve been lacking.”
She gives my whole existence a purpose.
“So the thought of it doesn’t make you want to smack me out for shitting all over Troy’s memory?”
He chuckles. “You’re cutting his lunch, not shitting on his memory, man, and I just want you happy. Mia too. You both deserve a break, and if that’s with each other then maybe that’s the way it was meant to be. It’ll take some time to get my head around it… but if that’s what you both want, then I’ll support you. Always. You know that. I’m certainly not going to be throwing any punches over it.”
I can picture my whole life with Mia. I’m not stupid enough to believe that everyone will have as much of an open mind as Dan does, but it’s maybe like that saying goes, ‘those who matter won’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter’, and it’s like he said – if she’s worth it, then I’ll live with it.
“I appreciate that,” I tell him gruffly, trying to disguise the emotion in my voice.
I sit the now-empty beer bottle down and shrug. “She might decide she just wants to be friends and this whole thing will be a moot point.”
“I don’t think so.” He waves his hand to the bartender to bring us a couple more beers. “Mia adores you, bro, I’ve never looked at it as anything more than gratitude and friendship, but I think she’ll get there, if she’s not already. It’s not a big leap to make from what the two of you have already.”
I know what he’s saying. That must be what happened to me. I slipped into love with her so naturally, I didn’t even notice until it was done.
Two more beers appear in front of us.
“Game of pool?” Dan asks, and I grin.
I can’t take much more of this deep and meaningful, I just need to hang out with a mate for a bit before going back to Mia.
“You’re on.”
***
I’ve been sitting on my third beer for an hour, and I’ve never been more ready to go home from a pub than I am now.
Dan is kicking my ass in our fourth game of pool, but at this point I think he’s just killing time, making sure that his kids will all be ready for bed by the time he gets home so he doesn’t have to do it himself.
“Just sink the eight already, we both know this game is over.”
“Maybe you should spend less time playing house, and more time sharpening your pool skills,” he taunts as he lines up the shot.
He hits the white ball with perfect precision and knocks the eight ball clean into the pocket, finishing the game.
“Hallelujah,” I drawl.
I take his cue from him and slide them both back into the rack on the other side of the table.
“Your phone’s ringing,” Dan calls out to me.
I jog over but I’ve missed the call.
My screen shows a missed call from Mia.
I pick it up and I’m about to call her back when it beeps with a voicemail notification.
I dial through and block my other ear to try and hear what she’s saying. The pub has started to fill up and it’s fairly noisy in here.
“Luke, it’s me… I’m sorry, I wanted to give you some space, but Joe is awake, and I can’t settle him. He only wants you. I’m so sorry, but if you get this, please come home when you can.”
I hang up the phone and grab my jacket from the back of the chair. “Mia called,” I tell Dan. “Joe is upset and he’s asking for me. I gotta go.”
He shoots me a knowing smile. “Daddy duty calls.”
“Something like that,” I mutter.
I throw a wave back over my shoulder as I jog out the door.
All I can think about now is getting back to Joe and his mumma.
“Please come home when you can.” Her voice replays over and over in my head as I drive down the darkened streets.
She asked me to come home and nothing has ever sounded so right.
I know I told her that I’d be whatever she wanted, but I don’t want to just be friends. I don’t want things to go back to how they were.
I want all of her. Forever.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Mia
He didn’t knock. That’s the first thought to cross my mind as he comes barrelling through the door, all six foot two of him.
I’ve been telling him forever that he doesn’t need to knock, but this is the first time he’s walked into my home like it’s his own.
“We’re in here,” I call as he heads for the stairs.
I’ve got a whimpering Joe in my arms and no matter what I’ve tried, I just can’t settle him.
Luke’s eyes find mine before quickly moving onto the little boy in my lap.
He’s in front of us in a second and stroking Joe’s hair.
“Hey, buddy,” he says softly. “What’s the matter?”
“Wuke?” Joe asks, peeking out from under my arm.
“I’m here, bud.”
“Wuke,” he repeats as he holds his arms out for him.
My heart melts as Luke reaches for him and hugs him in his strong embrace. Joe will always be safe when he’s protected by those big, broad shoulders.
“Do you feel sick?” Luke asks him.
Joe shakes his head.
“Did you have a bad dream?”
He shakes his head again.
“What’s got you so upset then, bud?”
He’s walking around the room, just holding him. He’s so patient and caring – Joe is so lucky to have him in his life. I am too.
“I mwissed you,” Joe says.
I can feel tears welling in my eyes as I watch the love between the two most important men in my life.
“I missed you too, bud,” Luke tells him. “I don’t want you to be sad though, okay? You don’t need to cry, I’ll always come back to see you.”
Joe’s not sobbing anymore – he’s perfectly calm now; Luke’s presence has given him the security he needs to relax.
I don’t know how I can possibly repay him for that. He gives me that same security. He’s the glue holding mine and Joe’s lives together.
He’s our rock – our safe place.
“Mia,” Luke whispers and my head flicks up to look at him.
“Not you too,” he whispers with a smile as he notices the tears that are now rolling down my cheeks.
I shrug helplessly.
“He’s gone back to sleep,” Luke whispers again.
He turns so I can see my son’s sleeping face resting on his shoulder. He looks so precious and peaceful.
“Let’s take him back up,” I reply quietly.
We walk silently up the stairs to Joe’s room and Luke lays him down in his bed and tucks him in under the covers.
“I’ll never leave you, Joe,” he whispers before kissing him on the head.
If I wasn’t already falling in love with Luke, I would be after seeing that. It’s the sweetest, most genuine gesture I’ve ever seen.
He creeps out of the room and grabs my hand as he reaches me by the door, tugging me along next to him and into the next room – my bedroom.
“I thought you’d want to stay close for Joe,” he explains with a shrug.
He k
nows me so well.
He pushes the door so it’s almost shut and I wander over to my still-unmade bed.
I can picture the two of us lying in here together. It’s hard to think that it was only just this morning. It feels like a lifetime ago. So much has happened in the past twelve hours.
“Are you okay?” he asks as he sits down on the foot of the bed next to me. “I know you hate seeing him upset.”
“I’m fine now.” I smile up at him. “Thank you.”
He takes my hand in his and brings it up to his mouth to kiss my knuckles. “You don’t have to thank me.”
I do have to thank him. I have so much to thank him for.
“He loves you so much, Luke. He trusts you with his life.”
“I know,” he replies simply. “I don’t take that for granted.”
“I trust you with my life too,” I whisper.
He smiles at me like he’s just won the lottery. “I don’t take that for granted either.”
“I feel like all you do is give, Luke, and all we do is take.”
“You give, Mia,” he answers gruffly. “Trust me, I get so much more from you and Joe than what I’m giving.”
I huff out a disbelieving breath.
“Just because you don’t mow my lawns, doesn’t mean you don’t give. You give me Joe… you give me you.”
He’s looking at me with a gaze so intense I can hardly stand it. He’s too much again, but the last thing I want him to do is stop.
“I’m sorry.” He shakes his head, seemingly disappointed with himself. “I told myself I wasn’t going to pressure you any further one way or the other, but here I am, looking at you like you’re the answer to all my problems.”
“You’re not pressuring me… you’re just being yourself. Please don’t stop,” I almost beg.
The last thing I want is for him to stop being the person that I’ve grown to love.
He’s something special, Luke Kingsford; he’s smart, confident, travelled, and wise beyond his years.
Mr. March: A Friends to Lovers Romance (Calendar Boys Book 3) Page 7
