by T Swanepoel
Chapter 6 – Ray of light
Alex found me, just sitting.
An overwhelming feeling of nothingness was growing infinitely big inside of me, when he appeared out of nowhere. He didn’t say one word, just sat down next to me.
I don’t know how long we were there, sitting in silence, side by side. I had no idea of the time or where we were and I didn’t care. It was only when the hailstorm broke out that I looked up at Alex. He was extremely pale, as if he had lost his tan overnight and he looked tired. I thought of finding shelter, not for myself but for him. I got up and so did he.
“We need to find shelter. Do you have any ideas?” I croaked in a rusty whisper.
He nodded. “Follow me.”
In spite of the hail, he walked very slowly. The hailstones stung my already freezing body. Each step was a new layer of bruises, but my legs were too shaky to ask him to go faster. After what felt like too many minutes, we reached the road and his car. He took out a towel from the backseat and gave it to me. I wrapped myself in it and climbed into the front seat; he didn’t have another one for himself.
We drove through an assault of hailstones against the car. It was dark outside and I didn’t recognise the area. I stared out the window at the whitening road speeding by. He didn’t take me home; instead he took me to an old log cabin somewhere in the bush.
By the time we stopped, the hailstorm had died down. Alex and I were actually no more than acquaintances and I belatedly realised that I didn’t know him at all. But I didn’t have any energy left to be suspicious about his intentions and wearily got out of the car and went into the cabin.
The inside was an open plan setup, with a few camping beds grouped in one corner, the kitchen area in another and some loose chairs making up a sitting area. He dragged two chairs closer to the fireplace and built a comforting fire.
In the heat of the fire my body felt frozen solid, my limbs hurt from the cold. I guess we both warmed up a little after a while, because he moved deeper into his chair and rested his head against the back.
I wanted to ask where Lisa was. I wanted to ask how he found me. And why. And whose place this was. And how he knew the area. But the silence was too peaceful to interrupt.
My legs went into shock later from not moving; they were screaming needles and pins. I looked at Alex and he was asleep, I was sure. So I slowly tried to move one foot up and down. The movement felt numb and clumsy. When I picked up the other foot, the chair made a squeaking noise.
Alex’s head popped up and he looked at me with a frown.
“Sorry,” I said.
He sighed and got up. He grubbed around in the fridge before returning with two frozen steaks and two cups. He gave me one of the cups, the steaks he placed in a pan next to the fire.
I took a sip of the liquid; it was sherry. I’ve never particularly liked alcohol, but the sherry was ambrosia. It slowly dispelled the cold and by the time the steaks were defrosted, I was as well.
“Are you all right?” he finally asked.
My brain was in remote control mode. I was on a different planet, safe and far away and nothing was real. Off course, the sherry could have been the reason why I felt that way.
I was tired of keeping all the secrets to myself, and my instinct told me to trust him. Something gave way inside me, under the pressure of me against me. So I told him. I told him everything, everything.
Alex didn’t move a muscle when I told him about what had happened with Duncan. He glanced up when I told him about the hospital and the jump from the window, but throughout the rest of my story, he kept himself busy with preparing the steaks.
I told him my whole story as if it were someone else’s, without any emotion. It came out slow and staggering at times, especially with the intoxicating effect of the sherry. But every word was a healing word. It tumbled mountains off my shoulders to have someone else know the truth.
When the steaks were done, he conjured up a can of baked beans from a cupboard somewhere. He filled both our cups again before handing me my dinner. It was the best steak ever, in spite of the fact that I didn’t even like medium-rare steaks.
“Thank you,” I said when I had finished. He flashed me half a smile before getting comfortable in his chair again.
I washed the dishes with a sponge and soap that I found in the little cupboard next to the fridge. It was cold being away from the fire, so I hurried with the silly chore to get back to my seat.
He refilled our cups again before he looked very seriously at me. “Valerie, I don’t mean to tell you what to do and what not to. But I really, really need you... to accept who you are.” He sounded short of breath and he still didn’t look very well, even in the half dark of the fire.
It was strange to hear him speak, startling the silence with something so unexpected and so personal. In the haze of the sherry, I didn’t grasp the full implication of his words.
“I like who I am!” I defended.
“Valerie!” he scolded.
The topic was getting too personal. I didn’t want to dwell on me any further, not in a conversation with Alex. There were other things that I wanted to know.
“Where is Lisa? Does she know you’re here?”
“Lisa is back at varsity, and yes, she knows that I’m here.”
“Oh. You don’t look so good. Lisa said you were ill. What’s the matter? Is it because of Duncan?”
“Yes, I am ill. If only this weather....” He stopped abruptly and then cleared his throat before he continued. “I doubt that it’s because of some person like... like Duncan,” he said disgusted. “I only saw him twice recently. The first time was the day that you arrived, the second time was the night at the party. And he’s not strong enough to do anything to me.”
I knew it. It was Alex out there with Duncan on the night of the party.
“I knew it was you!” I yelled.
“Yes, we discovered that you were watching a little too late,” he answered in a regretful tone.
“What were you doing out there?”
“It’s a long story. I’ll tell you one day, not now. I don’t want to make it more difficult for you.”
I thought about his words and believed him. Although I was finally getting a few answers, I didn’t want to go against Alex’s judgement. So I jumped to the next question.
“Why are you saving me?”
“Well, partially because your dad sent me.”
“Oh. So you know my dad?”
“Yes, I’ve known your father for a long time. You have wonderful parents, you really should appreciate them.”
“I do, actually. How do you know them?”
He huffed, out of breath, but then continued at a tangent.
“Don’t you love being outside in the bush?”
“I’ve always loved it,” I answered, too inebriated to notice that he had made a sharp u-turn.
We ended up talking: well, he talking and I slurring, about nature. I told him about my memories of being out in the wild and how I’d always felt more alive when I was outside, told him every little detail of each image that I still had in my head.
He occasionally smiled or nodded, as if acknowledging or maybe recognising a particular part that I was describing, getting up every now and then to refill my glass.
By the time that the fire was cold, I was completely smashed.
When I woke up the next morning, I had a pounding headache and Alex was gone. His car stood outside, but he was gone. The last thing that I remembered was him carrying me to a bed and throwing a blanket over me.
He hadn’t said anything about his plans the night before. I eventually found a note in the kitchen on the table next to the kettle.
Had to leave. Clean clothes in the bathroom. Take my car and go home. GPS inside.
I made myself a cup of coffee and went outside to sit on the porch. The first rays of the morning sun were peeking through a bank of clouds above the mountain silhouette below.
The view that stretc
hed out in front of me was breathtaking. The cabin was built close to the top of a hummock that looked down upon waving, dense bushveld. The smell and sense of the bush have always been especially beguiling to me, And with the marvellous landscape in front of me, I made a decision.
I decided to take control of my life.
I’ve always believed in an internal locus of control, and in recent months I had not been living up to my own beliefs. It was high time that I stopped being a victim. And stopped dwelling on past events that I’d never be able to change.
There were a few things that I simply had to face.
I was born this way, whatever this way was. My parents confirmed that. According to my knowledge, the people who knew about it, besides my parents, were Alex and Duncan and most probably Lisa. And Bridget. The fact that they knew about all the abnormal activity was actually a blessing. It meant that I wasn’t crazy, I wasn’t alone, and there were people who clearly cared deeply for me on my side.
It also meant that there were people who weren’t on my side.
I finished my coffee and hit the shower. It felt absolutely wonderful to wash off the past day or so. Then I jumped into the oversized pants and shirt that looked like Alex’s. Not that I minded, I was only too thankful.
Before I closed the door of the cabin, the two empty seats in front of the fireplace caught my eye. A feeling of tenderness came over me as I thought about Alex. This cabin would always be special to me. Not only because of the surroundings, but because it was where I had found a few rays of light in the dark.
It was strange to climb into the driver’s seat of Alex’s car. I wasn’t used to all the luxuries on the inside and took a moment to figure out what was what. Eventually, with the seat and mirrors adjusted, I slowly took off. It was nerve-testing driving Alex’s fancy car to my parents using a GPS on an unfamiliar road. I held my breath for most of the way. Luckily the road wasn’t busy; I guess it was too early.
***
