I walk slowly to sit next to her, not wanting to spook her. I want to put my arm around her, but the gesture seems forbidden somehow.
“Hey, I was just kidding...what’s up? Did something happen?”
Willow throws her hands up in exasperation. I can tell she’s irritated at herself for crying, but tears still trickle down her cheeks. “Everything was fine...and then I overheard someone saying that I shouldn’t have been invited...that I don’t belong here...that I was a pity invite. God, I don’t normally let things like that get to me, but...well, it’s not the first time I’ve heard someone say those things tonight.”
“Willow...you know that’s not true, right?”
Willow glances at me, wiping her face. “It’s not?”
“It’s definitely not. I’ve wanted you here all along, Willow...I thought you knew that.”
She shrugs. “Well...it just seems like you might be the only person who feels that way.”
“You can never please everyone…”
“You can. You do.”
I laugh. “Trust me, I’ve pissed a few people off in my time. And Violet...well, she’s pissed at me right now.”
“Why?”
“I’m not here to talk about her...I want to know you’re okay.”
Willow sighs and wipes her eyes. “I’m fine. I’m a big girl, I can handle it. But I think I’ll go home...coming here was a mistake.”
“Willow...stay a while. We can sit here...just you and me.”
Willow looks at me with her big sad eyes. “Why?”
“Because I want to.”
“But why? I’m completely unapproachable to everyone else at this party...what makes you want to stay here with me?”
I can’t help myself. One look at her lips and I know what I want more than anything in the world.
I lean in and kiss her.
Willow
His lips taste like strawberry gin. They’re warm and inviting. I can barely believe he’s kissing me, but I close my eyes and allow it to happen.
I want it to happen.
His hand slides to my waist and he pulls me in closer to him. It feels like a long time since someone actually touched me. There’s electricity dancing on my skin. I cup his cheek and feel his stubble brush against my hand. Everything I’m feeling seems so new and exciting and I never want it to end.
But then I remember Violet.
I pull away harshly and stand up. Oliver looks completely confused. I’ll bet he’s not used to women yanking away from him mid-kiss. But I can’t do this. I can’t be the reason their relationship turns to tatters. And more importantly, I don’t want to be Oliver’s escapism project from Violet. I want him to want me...not just because I’m here and vulnerable and more available than his girlfriend.
“Willow?”
I don’t look back as I head out of the bedroom and shove my way through my classmates. I hear them sniggering as I leave, but I know now that none of them are worth my time. Not one of them. None of them wanted me there in the first place. Not even Oliver. Yes, I see it now. I was a pitiable distraction from the girl he loves. A way to make her jealous. That’s why he picked my story. That’s why he gave me special treatment all night. That’s why he was so damn interested in what Violet and I were talking about, and the reason he was reluctant to say why she was angry at him.
I’m such a fool.
I can still taste him on my lips. I can still feel the tingle on my spine. I know it was childish of me to walk out of there without an explanation, but it was childish of him to drag me into his relationship issues. We’re both idiots. But I won’t fall for it again.
Once again, tears fill my eyes and I laugh at myself, wiping them away as I storm down the street. The evening was a nightmare from start to finish. I thought it would be worth it for him. But he’s just like the rest of them.
So why am I aching to be with him right now?
I feel lonelier now than I have in a long time. I thought I was finally getting somewhere. I thought I’d found someone to relate to, someone with a softer side to them than appears on the surface...someone like me. Oliver could’ve been someone special in my life, even if he’d never decided to kiss me. I could’ve used a friend. And now I know that I can’t trust him. Because any man that goes behind his woman’s back is a man to be avoided. He was probably just messing around, seeing how far he could make me fall for him. But whatever his game is, he’s the one person who’ll come away unscathed.
I reach my flat. There are people smoking on the stairs beneath the beat up fire alarm. I’m firmly back in my own world, but even this is preferable to Oliver’s fancy flat right now. I let myself into my flat and tell myself I’m lucky. Lucky that I don’t have to rely on anyone else. Lucky to have a place of my own to keep away from the cruelty of the world. But with my door shut and the windows shut, the flat is horribly quiet for once. A reminder of how alone I am.
I want to be angry at him, and yet I’m not. I’m angry at myself. Angry for letting myself get my hopes up. Furious at my own naivety. I hate that I crave him. I crave the life he has, even though being a part of it tonight was awful. All it did was introduce me to rich people with a lifestyle of partying and bitching about one another. Maybe that’s all money has to offer our world...it creates a bunch of people who think they can treat others like dirt just because they can pay their way to the top.
But I thought despite his money, he was different. I saw other things in him...his humour, his talent, his likability...his flirtatiousness. I curl up in a ball, feeling sorry for myself.
My phone buzzes on my desk. Part of me is hoping it’s a message from Oliver, but it’s not. It’s some guy on a dating app asking me out for dinner tomorrow. It’s his opening line. We haven’t even had a conversation yet. Looking at his photographs, I’m not even sure why I swiped for him. But before I know what I’m doing, I’m replying to him to make plans. I don’t see why I shouldn’t. If he sucks, then it won’t be any worse than tonight was. Maybe I’ll get to know the guy and really like him.
Maybe it’ll be a quick fix for getting over Oliver Bachelor.
Chapter Five
Oliver
I wake with the worst hangover in the world and a sense that something is very wrong. When I turn over, I find Violet lying in bed next to me, wearing nothing, but one of my t-shirts. My conversation with Tammy comes flooding back...and then my kiss with Willow.
Willow...I’m still trying to figure that girl out. I know I picked a bad time to kiss her. I really did. She was vulnerable and upset and I should’ve waited. But I still don’t know why she got up and left. I tried to call her, but there was no response. And now I’ve got Violet in my bed and I have no recollection of what we said to each other.
This is a mess. I get up out of bed slowly, praying that the world will stop spinning, but I guess it’s a punishment for my behaviour. I should’ve done things in a better way. I should’ve sat Violet down and explained to her that I don’t want to continue our sexual relationship. I should’ve spent some more time getting to know Willow before diving on her like that. But I barely ever let logic stand in the way of my emotions. I’m used to acting on impulse. Now, for the first time, I’m truly seeing the results of that.
I stumble into my kitchen to make myself a coffee. There’s mess everywhere; beer cans strewn on the floor, the remains of a Chinese takeout meal in my sink, and a pile of smashed glass in the corner of the room. I vaguely remember sweeping it up now, but not much else. After Willow left, I hit the drink pretty hard. Not one of my finer decisions.
And now I have to face up to everything. I have to tell Violet that I’m done, even after sharing a bed with her last night. I have to try and get to the bottom of what happened with Willow. And last of all, I have to do it all with a horrific hangover.
I wish my sister was here to talk this over with. Or better still, I wish Willow was here so we could talk. I’d go over to her place, but I don’t know where she lives. Plus
, if she’s ignoring my calls, I’m sure she’s got a good reason for doing so.
Before I can give it too much thought, I message my Bachelor Brother’s chat. My siblings are the first people I always turn to for advice, even though they’re scattered across the globe and completely out of reach.
I might be shouting into the void here...but I’ve got a problem. I kissed a girl I like last night, Willow...and she left straight after. I think I’ve upset her somehow...but I don’t know how. And this morning, I woke up with Violet...I’m trying to break things off with her and...well, it’s not going well. Advice is much needed.
It’s bad timing; it’s 2am in California so Tammy will be asleep, and she’s the one who usually offers up the most sensible advice. But when I see that Ezra’s replying to my message, I feel relieved.
Hey bro...sounds like a dilemma you’ve got yourself into. But give Willow some time and space...she’ll come around. I wish I’d done that with Leo...pestering gets you nowhere. Women need to be able to breathe when they’re angry and upset.
Says who? Tammy says, joining in the conversation. If it were me, I’d want you to keep trying. A little effort goes a long way.
You’re up late, little sister, Caleb says.
Sorry, Mom.
Well, I happen to agree with Ezra. If you leave her to her own devices, she’ll come back to you. You’ve probably rubbed her up the wrong way…Caleb adds wisely.
By kissing her?
Hey...maybe you did it wrong?
Very funny, Tammy.
Don’t listen to her, bro. We’ve got your back, Caleb adds.
Spoken by two single men, Oliver. May I remind you that as the only woman in this chat, I have insider knowledge on the matter. I know what it’s like to get in an argument with a man and to receive radio silence...it sucks. So if you don’t want to lose her forever, you’ll find a way to speak to her.
I can’t argue with that. As usual, Tammy’s come to the rescue.
Now, considering I’m sure you’re hungover, get yourself some bacon and eggs, a glass of OJ and prepare yourself to talk to Violet. You have to call it off. Today.
I will. Thanks guys. I feel much better.
I tidy up the flat while my siblings continue chatting among themselves. The boys appear to be ganging up on Tammy for staying out after midnight with her friends, but hard as it is, I have to remind myself that she’s eighteen now. Our youngest sibling is all grown up. And actually, when it comes to emotions, she’s the smartest of us all. No doubt she’ll be checking up on me later to see if I follow through with my plans to talk to Violet, but she doesn’t need to worry. I’m going to cut right to the chase the second I see her.
She emerges just after I finish my breakfast. She looks good, even with her tousled hair and my baggy t-shirt hanging off her body. She seems much happier than she did last night as she leans against the doorway.
“You didn’t make me any?”
“Not today...Violet, I want to talk.”
Her smile slips a little. I think she knows what I want to say, but she’s not going to make it easy for me to get the words out. I’m about to speak, to just blurt it all out, but she interrupts me.
“Well, we’re not doing anything today...let’s go out for dinner. We can talk then.”
“Violet, come on...don’t drag this out.”
“Drag what out?” she asks innocently. “What, I’m not allowed to ask you out for dinner anymore?”
“We’ve never done that…”
“So let’s change that. Liverpool has loads of great food places. We barely ever eat out.”
“Vi…”
“I’ll make a reservation, shall I? I’ll pick somewhere cool, I swear…”
“Violet!”
She leaves the room before I can speak again and I groan in frustration. She won’t let me get a word in edgeways. But maybe it’s better if we speak in public. That way, if she’s angry at me, she can’t cause a scene. Besides, it might be okay. Maybe Tammy was wrong. Maybe she doesn't care about me, at least not in that way. After all, we made an agreement to call things off if feelings ever got involved. I’m the one who wants to end it, not her...surely she would’ve said something by now if she was secretly crushing on me?
At least that’s what I tell myself.
It’s nearly seven o’clock when I show up for my reservation at an Indian restaurant with Violet. She’s clearly made an effort for the occasion, her slim figure hugged by a short black dress. She’s even wearing heels and it puts us at equal height. It’s unlike Violet to dress up so much, so I wonder if she’s sensed that there’s a lot riding on this dinner. I just hope she doesn’t think this is a date.
We get seated at a table and we’re handed some menus, but I’m too anxious to look properly. I keep glancing up at Violet, who seems far too calm for my liking. She’s smiling as she looks at her options and I suddenly get the sense that this was a terrible idea. I should’ve forced out the truth when we were back at the flat, even if it upset her. But now we’re here I’m just going to have to make the best of it.
We order and Violet immediately leans in, looking pleased. Our knees nudge underneath the table.
“I can’t remember the last time we did something like this…”
I shift uncomfortably. “We hang out a lot, Violet...it’s nice to eat out for once, but it’s not really a habit we should get into…”
Violet shrugs dreamily. “Let’s just enjoy it for tonight, okay? You, me, good food, good conversation...I’m not asking too much, am I?”
My heart seizes. She looks so happy right now. How am I supposed to tell her that I don’t want to continue the way we’re going?
I never expected this to be so complicated. I’ve been naive to think she sees this the way I do. And now, we’re in a pickle because of it.
“Violet…we need to discuss something.”
She doesn’t seem to sense my tone and continues smiling brightly. “What is it?”
I’m about to open my mouth to speak when I see something that makes my heart drop to my stomach. Or rather, someone. I can do nothing but stare until the moment her eyes meet mine.
Willow…
Willow
Oliver...what the hell is he doing here?
“Are you listening to me?”
I blink twice and my date comes back into focus. The man sitting opposite me is all kinds of attractive...at least to look at. He’s got a strong jaw, curls to die for and piercing blue eyes that had me captivated for a split second when I first saw him.
But of course, he has the personality of a wet flannel. And now that I can see Oliver staring at me from across the room, his mouth gaping in surprise, I can’t even remember my date’s name.
“What are you staring at?” he asks, turning in his seat to see what’s captured my attention. “Are you looking at some other guy?”
“No, no...I know him, we go to uni together,” I say hastily. I can feel my cheeks heating up at this whole ordeal. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to be rude...tell me more about...um…your sports science degree.”
He doesn’t need to be told twice. Mr. Boring continues to talk as I try my hardest not to look in Oliver’s direction. Our food arrives, but I’m suddenly not hungry. As my date continues to talk, I feel anger rising inside me. Why is it that Oliver seems to turn up wherever I am? Why is it that he had to come here and flaunt his relationship with Violet to the world? Especially after the kiss we shared…
I can’t think about that right now. I’m supposed to be in the moment. This was meant to be an enjoyable night off. I was hoping to end the night with some meaningless sex and then delete this guy from my dating app. I’m not searching for the one. And yet, one particular person just keeps appearing, as though reminding me of some destiny I never wanted. If he’s my fate, my future, the one I’m meant to be with, then this isn’t going the way I imagined love to manifest itself.
“Sorry, I feel like I’ve been hogging the lime
light,” my date tells me with a laugh. I think I’ve been zoned out of his talking for at least fifteen minutes, trying not to look in Oliver’s direction. “Tell me more about you…”
I consider myself at least a mildly interesting person, but for once, there’s not a thing I want to say about myself. I don’t want to sell myself to this guy with funny stories about my past or a list of my achievements. At the end of the day, I couldn’t care less about what he thinks of me. The only person I want to share that kind of information with is sitting in this room, breathing my air, but seemingly a million miles away. He already has someone to talk about these things with. The last thing he needs is me complicating things further.
“I just need to nip to the bathroom,” I tell my date, and he’s already returned to his food in seconds. He won’t miss me when I go. I grab my bag and walk off towards the toilets, half tempted to try and leave. I don’t want to be here. I don’t care about how this date goes, but I care about being forced to watch Oliver so happy with Violet.
I hate the way he’s captured my attention all of a sudden. I’ve always been able to suppress my feelings for someone if I know they’re not interested, but I guess I feel a spark of hope with Oliver, even if I shouldn’t. Or maybe it’s just that I care more this time if things don’t go right. Even if my heart gets messed around, I’ll still have to see his face every day and know that I’m not good enough for him. I’ll still have to accept that he chose someone else over me. And that’s a hard pill to swallow when I’ve never felt this much for any person before him.
I head into the bathroom and take some calming breaths. I splash my face with water. I tell myself to get a grip. And then, with my stomach full of knots, I tell myself it’s time to go back to the table. I open the door to the ladies bathroom and walk straight into someone.
Oliver.
He’s breathing hard as though he’s just been for a long run. Was he waiting for me here? Is the look in his eyes fear or desperation? Maybe both?
Before I can say a word, his lips crash into mine, his hands tangling into my hair. I’m so shocked that I barely register it for a moment, but for once, my heart decides to rule my head. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him out of sight into the women’s bathroom.
Better Than Heaven (The Bachelor Brothers Book 1) Page 5
