by Poppy Adams
"An accurate summary."
She was right, he loathed how little his father gave a shit about his own child.
Who knows, if he'd been a better Dad, if he'd cared about him at all, Fredrick might judge his father's business dealings more sympathetically.
"Even if we hate them, seems we love our parents and we want them to love us back. It's human nature, but for some, it's asking way too much."
"That's so right," she shook her head and frowned at the same time. "My sixteenth birthday party, everyone was there. My school friends, my boyfriend, my mother, and even one of my teachers showed up. We waited for him so long to show up, as he'd promised, for two hours. I refused to cut the cake or light the candles. My boyfriend and I argued over how he wanted to teach him a lesson, so he left. It wasn't until the following day when Dad finally turned up with a homemade card with the wise quote. I never made up with my boyfriend after that. Figured, what's the point?"
"You still feel that way?"
"What way?"
"Like what's the point?"
Lilly shrugged, "Sometimes, if I'm being brutally honest. Um, not the best thing to admit on a first date, ha?"
"No. But this is our second date,” he smiled. “And I understand. I just hope you'll give us time, that's all. You might even be surprised."
"Might be," Lilly smiled as she sipped more Sake. "Besides, I try to remind myself it wasn't my father I had the biggest issue with. The casino owners however—they're money grabbing, soulless creatures. I'd like to outlaw all forms of gambling, or at least offer onsite addiction services to add some balance to it all. We should also be able to take at least half of all revenue earned in casinos and other gambling resources, and plough them back into supporting the victims. That would turn a great many people away from opening casinos in the first place, but it would also give underfunded institutions and charities the funds to actually help addicts fight back."
Her passion was always clear and intoxicating, and he loved how the more passionate she got the more the crease between her eyes deepened.
"All good ideas. All ideas I would rush to endorse."
She blushed again, and bit her lips like a bashful schoolgirl, "Why, thank you." A soft snort left her mouth and her radiance made him lick his lips.
"How did you get the foundation started?"
"Fortunately, my father was heavily insured so when he died, I used most of the pay-out to begin the foundation . . . and well, it grew from there."
"He paid insurance premiums?"
"I know. Whenever he won big, he'd pile cash into it. The policy could only be paid out on his death. Crucially, he couldn't get his hands on the money."
"Good for him. Shows he was always thinking about you, even when he perhaps couldn't put you first."
"I thought so too, so thanks for saying so."
Her face beamed.
This one last act of her father's was how she could forgive him.
He understood, now.
He asked, because not to would seem strange. "What's the name of your foundation?"
"The Benjamin Swift Against Gambling Foundation, named after my father, naturally." She tried not to smile. "It's pretty big."
"Wow."
Fredrick donated to her charity annually, for years, because he admired how they supported the same people his father, and now he, damaged for profit.
Call it a guilt cleanser, but the donations went some way to helping him sleep at night, to rebalancing his karma.
"It's a huge charity, I am impressed."
"Thanks," Lilly grinned and moved higher in her seat. "I'm proud of the reputation it has, of all the charity offers to gambling addicts. Whether I built the charity or not, it's the volunteers who do the hardest work. You know, the hands-on work. They're the one's who turn lives around."
He remembered how she once wrote about helping someone with such compassion, that he wept.
"If you say so, but you look like the type to get her hands dirty." Fredrick held her gaze. She held his, and her breath. He wanted to tell her who he was, about his father, but she might never see him again. "Let's be honest here. Without you, the foundation wouldn't even be around for the volunteers or the gamblers. You could have done anything with his money, but you chose to give instead of take. It's incredibly . . . humbling."
"Me, humbling?" The question mark hung above her head like a huge sign. "When you save lives for a living? When you saved my life?"
"This isn't a competition, remember?" If she realized his post at the fire station was voluntary, if she knew the truth, she'd soon take back that statement, and any affection developing for him.
"Fine. But without donors, my foundation wouldn't be going strong. My financial input only lasted so long. Donors keep us going, not me."
"Oh yeah?" He couldn't help himself. "So, are there any regular donors or do you need to keep knocking on doors?"
Lilly blushed, "Doors continue to be knocked, believe me, but I'm proud to say there is one regular donor who is incredibly generous." She picked up her phone, checked the screen and set it down on the table. Fredrick guessed she was looking for Anon to get in touch, unconsciously. "In fact, I'm in regular contact with him too but he wishes to remain anonymous – even to me. I mean, who does that, right?"
"Does what?"
"Who gives literally millions every year to charity but doesn't want a soul to know about it. Now that's selfless compassion right there, don't you think?"
Part of him was aroused by her opinion of him, but another part was strangely jealous.
Would he ever be able to reveal himself to be Anon and soak up the admiration she clearly felt about him?
"Ah, huh."
"His donations make such a massive difference to what we can and can't do for the service users. I'm not sure how we would have managed all these years without his generosity. Or her generosity, as Abbey keeps telling me."
He saw something in her eyes, "You want it to be a he, don't you? Do you secretly wish to meet him, to know the man behind the donations?"
He heard respect in the way she spoke of him. She might even think about him in bed at night, as he imagined her.
How long must he keep up this charade?
If only he could come clean.
She fiddled with her cell. "As long as the donations continue, who cares about the donor's gender?"
He had his answer and wanted to divert the conversation away from Anon and back to him.
Chapter 14
Once they had filled their stomachs with Sake and sushi, Fredrick sent for the check.
He tipped the server almost as much as the bill and gave the concierge a firm handshake, "Thank you, we've enjoyed every minute."
Lilly was proud to be with such a gracious man, and nodded at the server as she passed him on the way out of the restaurant.
When Fredrick glanced down at her, she smiled back and placed her hand in his welcome grip.
"Thank you. For an excellent date."
His eyebrows flickered, as though her intimate action surprised him. It was easy being in his company, but also super exciting—a combination she couldn't recall having with anyone else.
Fredrick turned to her outside the restaurant, his stare intense and passionate as he played with a loose strand of hair about her face. "Thanks for coming tonight."
"I've had fun. You're easy to talk to. Hope I didn't moan on about things too much?"
"We both did a little of that. It's called sharing I believe." He winked and she desperately hoped he'd kiss her before shipping her off in a cab. "It's far too early to end our date, though. Don't you think?"
Lilly felt the same and exhaled before the corners of her mouth reached for her ears. "Well, I'm not tired yet, and I'm enjoying myself. So . . ." The last thing she wanted was for the night to end too prematurely again. Not now she'd spent time with him. "What do you have in mind?" she threaded her fingers through his and stood closer, their toes touching.
> He pulled their linked hands up to their chest, as if to show how he appreciated the intimacy or, at the very least, to acknowledge it. "Fancy a little Jazz, Ms. Swift?"
"Jazz?" As someone who delegated little time to a social life, she knew of few places to go. But she was thrilled to be able to recommend a Jazz club. "Oh, if you're a Jazz fan, chances are you already heard about the Village Vanguard?"
He grinned, "You know, not too much."
She suspected he was saying this for her benefit, being the gent he seemed to be.
"Is that where you'd like to go?" he asked with raised eyebrows, hailing a cab.
"Yeah. It's been some time since I went. Just hope we can get in. Did you know, for eight decades the Vanguard has remained relevant by consistently hosting the hippest exponents of the music. The list of performers who played there over the years is an encyclopedia of the top names in jazz."
"You don't say?" he said, eyes wide, grin in place.
She wondered if she was telling him details he knew already as he ushered her into the cab and jumped in beside her.
But she said nothing, enjoying his need to make her think she was more knowledgeable.
Even though this behavior might be perceived as patronizing by some, Lilly saw it as chivalrous, though she felt slightly intoxicated once the cab started moving.
"You're a big Jazz fan, then?" he asked.
"Aren't you? Oh, you didn't want to go there for me, did you?"
"Hey, of course I'm a fan." He offered her such a sinful grin and linked her arm, "Well, if I'm being honest, I just want to dance with you without techno and neon banging and flashing at us."
"You old romantic, you." Lilly snuggled up against him, loving the idea of smooching on a dance floor with a man again. Last time she danced in a man's arms was with her ex at her aunt's wedding, around six years ago. "We'll probably need classic Jazz for a slow dance, so here's hoping they take requests. If it's modern, there's no chance."
"What's your preference?"
"Classic. One of my all time faves is 'Feelin' Good' by Nina Simone. You?"
"Oh, I love that one. Although, wasn't she a little crazy?"
"Bipolar disorder, they say. So I'm not sure crazy is politically correct."
"Okay, sick then. Not crazy at all."
"Better." She smiled. "So, do you have a favorite?"
"Um, my choice would be Armstrong's 'Wonderful World.'" Fredrick gazed at her lazily, and she breathed in his spice. "Who doesn't love waking up to that reminder?"
She imagined what a wonderful world it would be to wake up next to him, listening to Armstrong singing in the background, and gave an unconscious squeeze to his arm.
The cab took them to Seventh Avenue, where they lumbered out of the cab at the Vanguard.
She remembered how packed it was the last time she went there. "What if they won't let us in? We haven't booked."
Fredrick frowned, "Of course they'll let us in."
Moving straight to the front of the queue, he whispered to the door attendant and offered him a bundle of cash.
The big guy tipped his hat and waved them through the double doors, loud groans at their backs from annoyed people left to wait in line.
Lilly tried not to enjoy the VIP treatment, but she did.
Just a little.
The door attendant clicked his fingers for the hostess to take them to a booth near the stage.
Once seated, a waiter came over and took their drinks order. Fredrick smiled at her and said, "Haven't been here in years. Great choice, Lilly."
After Lilly settled for a few minutes, enjoying the sexy ambience and moody music, something bothered her.
How does a fire fighter afford all this?
He must have tipped the door attendant a few hundred dollars outside, and the bill he picked up at Sushi Nakazawa in Greenwich Village was another few hundred dollars.
Where does he get his cash?
Not a fire fighter's salary, that's for sure.
Is he a criminal on the side?
Shit, he's not a gambler too, is he?
I can't go through that again.
Fredrick offered her his hand in a silent request to dance when the singer belted out Nina Simone's version of Just Like a Woman, "Shall we? It isn't quite your first choice, but it's Nina's take on a perfect song."
"Love this version and this song, so sure," she said, her suspicions over his finances threatening to ruin a heavenly evening.
But she wouldn't allow it, for once.
She needed this night and never realized quite how much she'd missed being with a man until now.
On the dance floor, somehow transported to another time, way before her time, she rested her cheek against his robust chest and moved with him between the other dancers.
His hands held her hips and his fingers spread out over the top of her bottom.
The heat beneath his touch and the erotic electricity building under her dress as their bodies moved against each other made her pull him in closer against her.
"Can I ask you something?" said Fredrick.
Lilly peered up at him, smirking, feeling a little cheeky and relaxed, "You know you're already asking something by asking if you can ask me something, right?"
He kissed her nose, "Hey, get you, you little minx."
Lilly watched the dazzling display of teeth and tongue in front of her. "Sorry, what did you want to ask?"
The lights were dim, but she swore she saw his cheeks blush. "Are you glad you gave me another chance?"
His huge, hard body stopped moving against hers, awaiting her answer.
Her breath hitched, and her fingers gripped the back of his wavy hair.
Looking deep into his eyes, she replied, "The night's not over yet, but so far I'm so . . . glad."
"So glad you say?" Fredrick pulled her in tight and resumed their dance. His gaze now fixed on Lilly's mouth, "So, would it be too soon to steal a kiss?"
"There's no theft if it's freely given," she breathed, buzzing with excitement.
A smile played around his lips before his mouth delicately brushed against hers and his hot breath coated the tip of her tongue.
She closed her eyes, absorbing his taste and the surrender involved in any first kiss, and held him tightly against her.
When his mouth left hers a moment later, she missed the connection and opened her eyes.
He smiled softly down at her, "Such soft lips."
"I use balm," Lilly said, then cringed, feeling ridiculous.
He sniggered, "Well, it works." The song they danced to ended and he took her hand, leading her to the table. "Fancy another drink?"
Ensconced within his embrace, she never wanted to leave it.
"I'd much rather stay right here."
She pulled his mouth on hers and ignored that the next song was not for a romantic slow dance, and that she was kissing a guy in the middle of an empty dance floor.
His tongue slowly explored hers, and the feeling of glorious swelling in his pants against body made her panties damp.
His hands moved to her cheeks to cup them and he pulled his glorious mouth away.
She wished they were alone, especially when she found his pupils enlarged and his breathing deepen.
He asked, "Hey, is this leading to something?"
"Oh, I sure hope so," Lilly grabbed his hand, leading him out of the club and into a cab.
"Where to?" Fredrick asked, "You should choose. Where would you feel safest?"
Lilly hadn't even considered her safety might be compromised with Fredrick, "Your place near here? Mine’s way across town."
He gave the driver his address and the journey was lost in a glorious haze of heavy petting on the back seat.
Chapter 15
The elevator wouldn't come down to the ground floor quick enough for them, so Fredrick lifted Lilly and carried her up two flights of stairs to his apartment.
Lilly giggled, "I'm quite able to climb these stairs on my own
you know."
He didn't even break a sweat, and smirked, "Maybe I just couldn't wait to get my arms around you, huh?"
His eyes glistened with mischief.
Lilly sighed.
When he set her down to unlock his apartment door, she became more aware of the dampness between her legs and a throbbing sensation deep inside.
I want this man in the worst way.
Her fingertips tingled with the need to touch him, and her flesh awakened, as though charged by electricity, yearning to be touched.
Watching him struggle to unlock the door, seemingly in slow motion, was torture.
But this did show his excitement, which only aroused her more.
Finally inside, their gaze met and locked, and the intensity swept her further away from reality on a tidal wave of emotion.
Fredrick kicked the door shut behind them a fraction before he slammed her against the adjacent wall and kissed her hard, his hands gripping her hair at each temple.
Lilly busied herself unzipping his pants as their tongues entwined, and his hands moved lower to massage her breasts over her dress.
Desperate to remove all obstacles between them, to experience his flesh against her palm, she pushed his pants out of her way until her hand was able to move unobstructed behind his trousers and underwear.
When she wrapped her fingers around his generous, smooth cock, he broke away from their passionate kiss to groan at her touch, "Wow, Lilly. You move fast."
His kisses moved to her throat and his hot breath sent shivers over her back.
She groaned, "Problem?"
With a more vigorous motion she rotated her hand, enjoying how hard, how hot, he was against her palm.
"Depends? You want this night to end before it's begun?"
Lilly wanted a quick fuck and long slow sex all at once.
More than anything, she wanted it now.
"Where's your bedroom?" His hand slipped behind her panties and Lilly threw her head back in anticipation. "Oh my . . . "
Fredrick smirked down at her.
His fingers made their way inside—one, two, then three.
She squirmed at the slowness of his touch and he said, "Yes… you're beautiful, Lilly."
