by Poppy Adams
"Well, I bet he has a reasonable explanation. I mean, he's the son, not the actual tycoon, and he sounded like a keeper the way you gushed about him to me. No matter how his father built his empire, Fredrick saved your life."
"Didn't you warn me against hero worship?" Lilly wanted to hang-up, overwhelmed with emotion. How could she be so blind? "Abbey, shouldn't you be on my side?" Her chest tightened, "I hoped you, more than anyone, would understand what this means to me."
"This isn't about taking sides. It's about your inability to see the shit for the trees. Calm down." Abbey said, "You're hyperventilating. Breathe."
She was right.
Her breathing had become erratic.
Lilly tried to slow it down, to breathe air deeply, slowly, to exhale completely, steadily.
But it wasn't working.
She put Abbey on speakerphone so she didn't need to hold the handset in her sweaty hands.
"I'm always in your corner," Abbey assured her. "All I'm saying is he's earned your consideration. He's earned a moment of your time and your ears to listen. Think for a moment: Would you like to be judged by the actions of your father? Do you think you'd be trusted with all those donations if people did that—Anon trusts you with millions of dollars a year for fuck-sake."
Lilly's stomach flipped at the idea of Anon finding out who she'd been sleeping with, finally pushing her to dash to the bathroom and spew down the toilet, "Ugh." She gasped, her phone discarded a few feet away in the hallway, "Fuck!"
"Are you actually being sick?" asked Abbey, barely audible to Lilly.
"Yes," she shouted, "you know how my stomach gets."
Abbey shouted, "Which is why you need to calm the fuck down."
"Don't change the subject." Lilly staggered to retrieve the cell and back to the bathroom. "Dad was driven by a sickness, not by greed. You're out of order comparing him with a gambling tycoon."
"I'm not comparing those two, I'm comparing the situation you found yourself in and the one Fredrick finds himself in. And I know your father was sick but many don't view addiction so compassionately. Most people see them as people who indulge their whims, and who end up taking what isn't theirs so they can continue to indulge them. You see Fredrick as the Devil because of his association to his father; prejudice is prejudgment in ignorance, remember? You've preached it in your speeches all over the world, yet you're treating him as ignorant people once treated your father."
Lilly leaned back against the bathtub, eyes wide and watery.
"He's taking his dates to posh restaurants using gambling money, so as far as I'm concerned he's enjoying the spoils of his father's evil. Ergo, he's evil. Look, if you're going to preach to me, I'm hanging up. I feel lousy enough without you adding to my misery. I shouldn't have called. This is my mess, I'll deal with it."
"You should always call me when you feel lousy, I'm your best friend, and I love you. I'm not preaching because you disagree with me, I'm just trying to help you see past your own stubbornness. As for this being a mess? Really? He's just a guy, Lilly."
"Like I said, my donors won't trust me when they find out I consorted with the enemy. It's about more than some guy."
"How will they find out? You met him a few times, while unaware of his association. Like I said, if your donors were so judgmental, would they be donating to an anti-gambling foundation? Wouldn't they write checks to safer organizations like Save The Children or Red Cross?"
"He's the reason I need those donations, yet because of him I might lose them. His casinos—because they're his now, whatever you say—allow addiction to cripple thousands of people. If people find out I dated him, it doesn't bear thinking about. I mean, what was I thinking, listening to you in the first place?" Lilly paused, her mind whirling with regret, "What if I'm right?" She considered it, but now she actually feared the possibility. "What if he is trying to undermine my reputation? What if he was trying to close down my foundation and I walked straight into his plot."
Abbey sighed. "What I think is, you're getting all this way out of proportion, honey."
"No, it makes sense now." So much sense it's alarming. "Because if I can't help the gamblers fight their addiction, they spend more money in his casinos."
Lilly stood on shaky legs and splashed her face with water.
"Yesterday he was a good guy, a gorgeous compassionate fire fighter who saved your life. Today he's the Devil incarnate because of something he couldn't do a damn thing about. I wish you would allow him to explain rather than letting your imagination run away with you like this."
Her stomach rolled.
Stooping over the toilet, she vomited again.
"Lilly? Are you okay? Please try not to get so worked up over this. Listen, I'm finished in an hour. I'll come over. We can talk."
Lilly spat and used tissue from the roll to wipe her mouth.
"I will be fine, but I need to be alone a while . . . work this out in my head, yeah? Talk soon."
She hung up, feeling anything but okay.
Chapter 21
Lilly had a week to make sure no one learned about her brief liaison with Mr. Casino Tycoon before the auction.
And she had less time than that to erase the absurd idea of Fredrick becoming her long-term partner clear from her head, if not her heart.
Dreaming of what might have been was impossible to control however, and meant every morning she woke frustrated, glum, and heavy with the loss of hope.
Much of her belongings from the first floor were saved, or repaired thanks to Anon.
The investigation into the fire said faulty wiring caused it.
This baffled her, as the wiring had never failed a routine inspection.
Still, at least it had nothing to do with death threats.
Plus, because she didn't cause it, the insurance paid out.
The structure of the house was too damaged downstairs to repair, so she hired a realtor to find something she could afford to buy on the outskirts of town.
On her way into work on the morning of the auction, she received yet another text message from Anon.
He'd been getting more and more in touch over the past few weeks and although she was always pleased to hear from him, her head was so full of Fredrick lately she'd taken little notice.
That was until today.
He texted:
‘I have decided to come to the benefit this year, Lilly. I hope this pleases you. This means we finally get to meet. No more Mr. Anon.’
Lilly gasped, a smile lifting the droop at the corners of her mouth.
‘Well, whatever your reason I am more than pleased. It's a fabulous idea. Now I'm looking forward to the whole affair instead of dreading it.’
‘Good, I'm happy to hear it. Don't worry about your speech. Keep it short and sweet and it'll go well as always.’
‘Thanks. Seriously though, what made you change your mind? For years, you protected your identity with such passion?’
‘I'll need to explain all that when we meet. I just hope you understand.’
Understand what?
She was really in no mood for more disastrous revelations about men she admired…
Chapter 22
The time for her speech arrived and Lilly had been throwing up for half an hour on the lead up, as usual.
She always suffered with performance anxiety prior to events like these, but they were a necessary evil to fund her projects.
She was also nervous about finally meeting Anon, nagged by a sneaky feeling she couldn't place and a worry he wouldn't live up to expectations.
Especially because he said he hoped she would understand.
"Are you ready to get up there, Ms. Swift?" asked a timid female voice. "They're waiting."
"Yes, thanks, Jane."
Jane was Lilly's fabulous PA whom Anon had insisted on funding after the fire.
Because of her, Lilly was able to focus on the more important aspects of fund raising instead of admin, and she became indispensable.
<
br /> She was a large girl with a surprisingly small waist, big lips and a calm temperament.
"Is everyone here?"
"Everyone who received an invite, yes."
"What about Anon?" her voice shook.
Lilly still couldn't believe she would actually meet him.
Jane smiled slightly, "Still anonymous I'm afraid, but don't worry about him. Get out there and do your thing."
"And Abbey? Where's she?"
"She's on the front row waiting to see her friend work her magic. Stop procrastinating, they're waiting for you."
"Good, yes, you're right of course." Lilly stared at the red velvet curtain she would walk through when she gave the signal, and listened to the crowd beyond it waiting for her. "Okay, raise the curtain. Let's do this."
The curtain raised and Lilly stepped forward to a round of applause and a few wolf-whistles.
She gulped, but wearing a wide smile, she said, "Thank you ladies and gentlemen. Please take your seats."
They did as she asked and she began.
"Don't worry, like all my speeches, this will be short and a little sweet." The crowd sniggered and Abbey clapped proudly from the front row, which eased Lilly's stomach a bit. "Every year I bring you all here to celebrate your generosity, and this year is no exception. Your contributions helped us to build on former successes, helped us to hire more professionals to work with our service users, to secure premises for those services, and send educators out to schools and colleges in a twenty mile radius, who have explained the hidden dangers of spinning the Roulette wheel or playing the lottery. So please, give yourselves a huge round of applause." Lilly clapped her hands and everyone in the crowd cheered and clapped too. She let them calm down before she continued, "More is needed to continue with these projects, and to set up more places where support can be found. I want to place onsite support centers in each of the casinos next. Will you help me? There are envelopes on each table. Please give generously and, of course, bid generously on the items up for auction. I think you'll be stunned by the value of some of them. Oh, and enjoy your evening."
Relieved to be finished, Lilly painted a grin on her face for the crowd but stepped back from the podium.
When everyone stood to clap, she could have sworn she saw Fredrick's face beaming up at her from the back of the room.
Who invited him?
He wouldn't come here would he . . .
Why?
To ruin me?
Lilly spun around and left the stage, allowing everyone else to return to the party while she ran into the crowd, searching for Fredrick.
Is he actually here, or am I going mad?
Chapter 23
Fredrick studied Lilly while she nervously addressed the crowd.
Sure that she saw him in the crowd and nervous about his next step, he wondered what she would make of him turning up.
Would she work it out?
The PA he sent to work for Lilly put his name at the top of the guest list so security let him in.
Now he was there, his chest tightened and pulse drummed louder in his ears than the voices of the wealthy patrons surrounding him.
He refused to answer questions from those who recognized him and tried to ignore the whispers spreading like water through the crowd.
Their accusations could wait.
Only Lilly's opinion mattered to him tonight.
What will she say when we meet?
Will she be disappointed when she finds out the truth, or will she understand and forgive me?
Passing tables and chairs on either side, he walked through the crowd, palms sweating and mouth dry.
Where is she?
Should he go backstage, would she be hiding?
And there she was.
Her eyes widened the closer he got to her, until she recognized him and mouthed, "Fredrick?"
When they reached each other, he could only look at her.
How he missed her face.
"Hello Lilly."
"What do you think you're doing here?" She grabbed his elbow and pulled his face close to hers, to whisper, "Do you want to discredit me?"
"No. Course not. I'm here to donate, to support your cause."
"You can shove your donations. If it wasn't for your casinos we wouldn't need donations."
"You can't believe that. Online gambling sites are big now, too. And there are other casino owners too. Anyway, like I said before, they're my father's casinos, not mine. I can't sell them."
"Why can't you sell them? Makes no sense to me."
Fredrick went to answer her, but she raised her hand.
"Actually, I don't care. Please leave. There's nothing left to say and you shouldn't be here. How did you even get in?"
"Stop," he grabbed her arms. "For once, listen to me instead of assuming you know everything about everything."
Lilly's eyebrows shot up. She snatched her arms out of his grasp. "Leave me alone."
Damn, she's impossible.
"Fine!"
She never lets me explain.
Why do I need this stubborn woman so much?
"Sir? Sir?" said Jane, arriving on the scene.
"Ah," Lilly said to Jane, clearly pleased she was there to help her deal with him. "Please make sure this… this man is shown out immediately." Scowling at Jane, she added, "Then you can explain how the hell he got on the guest list."
Focusing on Fredrick, Jane bit her lip and said nothing.
"He won't bite," said Lilly, clearly frustrated with her. "Why aren't you doing anything, saying anything?"
Jane stared at the floor, "Sorry, Ms. Swift, but as it is Mr. Walters who employs me, I . . . "
Lilly glared at Jane, her frown so deep her eyes receded.
Until they widened, "No . . . Anon employs you for my foundation.”
“Yes…” Jane replied.
“What are you saying?"
Jane looked at Fredrick hopefully, making it the time for more confessions.
"What's going on between you too?" asked Lilly. "I don't understand."
Fredrick wondered if he'd made the right choice, showing up like he had.
But it was too late to turn back now.
He said, "I think you do understand. You're refusing to listen to reason, as usual."
"Wait?" she protested, pointing at Fredrick with a shaky finger. "You? You can't be . . . "
"The wonderful, saintly Anon? Yes, I'm afraid we are one and the same, though not so saintly where it counts, if you recall."
Fredrick sighed, hoping she'd finally be able to see the truth of his heart, instead of insisting he was like his father.
"No," she said, shaking her head and grabbing the hair at her temples. "I don't believe it. I won't."
People observed the situation unfold and Fredrick glanced at Jane, "It's time I put the record straight. Is the microphone still on up there?"
Jane said, "Ready when you are, Mr. Walters."
"What?" Lilly grabbed Jane's wrist. "What's going on?" Jane refused to answer so Lilly turned to him, "Fredrick?"
Large green jewels in a small pale face, Fredrick hitched his breath at the beauty of Lilly's desperate stare.
But her tears nearly broke his heart.
"Don't worry, Lilly. I don't mean to cause you or your foundation harm. Thought it was time to 'come out.'"
Lilly closed the gap between them and gripped his arm, "By 'come out' you mean reveal the truth about your identity, or our . . . relationship?"
"Both."
"No, you'll ruin my reputation. They'll think you paid me off all these years. That I'm conspiring with gambling organizations for my own gain. That I'm doing all this for the money . . . "
"Anyone who knows what car you drive knows you don't do this for the money, Lilly. Allow me to say my piece, then I'll leave if you still want me to." He placed a finger beneath her chin, "Seem fair?"
She allowed his touch for a moment, and their eye contact was as electrically charged as ever
, until she appeared to remember they were arguing and moved away. "Yes, it would be fair . . . to say I want you to leave before you ruin everything for me."
Fredrick had no choice but to tell everyone who he was.
To take the hate and scorn which always came with it.
He hoped that once they realized what he had given to the foundation over the past five years, they would understand and forgive his association to his father.
Mostly, he hoped he would then be able to have an honest relationship with this impossibly stubborn woman.
"Sorry, I have to do this so step aside, Lilly. I will have my say this time, whether you wish to hear it or not."
Lilly stood in front of him with her arms crossed and her chin jutted out.
Stubborn as a damn mule . . . but beautiful with it.
Chapter 24
Fredrick walked to the stage with a straight spine looking like a confident professional in his black tuxedo and shiny shoes.
When he reached the podium, he flashed his best gleaming-white-teeth smile at the crowd.
No one would guess he'd just been arguing with the founder of this benefit.
Lilly watched him, fisting her palms at her sides, allowing her nails to dig into the flesh as a distraction.
This could be the end of all her years of effort and hard work, but in the depths of her heart, she wanted his speech to restore her trust in him, too.
Fighting the instinct to flee to the ladies-room and cover her ears, she grabbed a glass of Champagne from one of the servers and finished the vile bubbly drink in one gulp.
When he stepped up on the stage and addressed her audience, her legs wavered and she had to lean back against the bar.
"For five years now, I've seen this foundation grow into something astounding. For those who suffer from addiction, especially gambling addiction, this foundation offers a lifeline, a route out from the darkness and into the light, if you will. It now spreads the good word further afield by expanding into schools, colleges, and offering leaflet education everywhere in our community. This is because it's founder understands that the best hope is to drag those in the dark into the light, but also to reach people before the darkness takes hold." He focused on Lilly, "So, I'd like to hear your support for the incredible lady responsible for this charity. She started it with funds from her own father—a gambling addict with the forethought to invest in life-insurance."
