by J. L. Beck
I give him a sad smile. “I owe you Seb. I owe you lots.”
He grins, walking over to where I’m lying on the couch. Without warning, he’s pulling me to his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around me.
“Never do that to me again, never. I understand why you did it, that you were hurting, but I was afraid, Jules, so damn afraid.”
Hurting Sebastian was never my intention, but I can see now that I had.
“I’m sorry,” I admit, feeling his arms tighten around me.
“Don’t be. The only person that needs to be sorry is that fucker for hurting you, and I swear, Jules…the police better find him before I do, because if I find him first, he’s a dead man. He is never going to pull this shit again.”
His words reassure me further that I made the right choice when it came to telling them what I knew. Not only did it clear Remmy’s name but also point the police in the right direction to find the real criminal. I couldn’t stand by and let them accuse Remington of doing something I know in my heart he wouldn’t do.
“What do you think happens now?” I ask, feeling a coldness sweep through me as he releases me.
His eyes twinkle with darkness. “Now we find the bastard.”
Now that everything is on the table, I need to come to terms with what happened. First, I need to digest what Cole did to me. Then I need to work through what Remmy’s done and either I find a way to forgive him or find a way to move on with my life.
Neither way will be easy, but then again, life never is.
23
Remington
I almost slam the door in Detective Garcia’s face when I see him standing on the other side of it. The only thing that stops me from doing so is that he’s actually showing some emotion on his face today. His dark eyes hold an apology, and I grasp onto that look.
“You better be here to apologize or tell me that there has been a change in the case.” My fingers bite into the wooden door frame as I speak.
“Do you mind if I come in, Mr. Miller?”
Do I mind…?
“By all means, come in,” I mutter and take a step back so that he can come in. He walks through the door and into the foyer and I slam the door closed behind him. I stroll past him and into the living room. He looks around the room, at the kitchen that opens up into the living room. The place is pretty clean for a frat house, if I do say so myself.
“Do you want to sit down?”
“Sure, thank you.” He takes a seat on the couch and I take one on the loveseat waiting for him to spill. “First of all, even though it turns out that you didn’t rape Layla Hart nor took the pictures of Miss Peterson, I will not apologize to you. For one, you did take the recording and showed it to your friends, which may not be illegal in this state, but is still an asshole thing to do. Furthermore, I was just doing my job and all evidence did point to you, so that is why I will not apologize.”
“Fair enough.” He does have a point, even if I don’t like it. “So why are you here then?”
“Why didn’t you tell us about what really happened that night of the party?”
“Jules asked me not to tell anyone. I knew if I told you, you would go question her and she didn’t want to talk about it.”
Garcia gives me a somber nod. “Jules told us everything herself. We let her know that someone else accused you of rape and she told us that you would never do that. Then she told us about Cole and the threat he made. We also questioned Miss Hart again, and she admitted that it wasn’t you who raped her, but Cole. He threatened her and convinced her to place the blame on you.”
“That piece of fucking shit.” I might have been on the rocks with Layla, but fuck I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. She was just trying to protect herself, like I was just trying to protect Jules by not saying shit. Detective Garcia’s face hardens as he opens his mouth to speak again.
“Do you know where Cole is? We’ve looked everywhere that we’re told he frequents, but no one has seen him, not since the recording was released.”
“Trust me, if I had a single clue where he was, I would be there in a heartbeat to smash in his face.”
Garcia gave me a small smile. “As a father of two girls, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but as a detective, I advise you against doing that. Let the law do its job. If you can think of anything that could help us find him, please call us right away before doing something on your own.”
If I find him first, then he’ll be praying that the police get there before I’m finished with him. Against the law or not, there isn’t anyone that’s going to stop me from smashing that fucker’s face in. For Jules, for Layla, he will pay for preying on innocent women.
“I can’t promise you that I won’t do anything, Detective, and I’m sure you understand why. As for more information on him, you are more than welcome to check out his old room and ask any of my other roommates if they know about his whereabouts. As far as I know, none of them have heard or seen him.”
“Let’s start with his bedroom, and I’ll see about contacting your roommates.” He gives me a look of relief as if he didn’t expect me to help him in any way, but that’s not me. I’m angry for being wrongfully accused, but I’m angrier that, that sick son of a bitch is out there somewhere doing God knows what.
Getting up, I show him to Cole’s old room, most all of Cole’s stuff is still inside it. Garcia spends close to twenty minutes going through the room before he walks out of the bedroom shaking his head.
He leaves shortly after that, handing me his card, all while leaving me to wallow in my own sorrows once more. I want to thank Jules for talking about what happened, but it seems like such a stupid thing to do. It’s not like she did it to save my ass. All she did is to tell the truth…a truth that probably hurt like hell to tell.
Fuck, she’s so strong, so perfect.
I’m seconds away from going back upstairs and into my room to take a shower and head to bed when a loud knock resonates through the room. Who the hell could that be? I walk back over to the door, pulling it open, half expecting it to be Garcia again, maybe with some more questions, but instead, I find Seb standing there, his hands shoved into his pockets.
“Hey,” he murmurs.
“Hey.” He doesn’t wait for me to invite him in. He just brushes past me, strolling into the living room like he owns the damn place. I close the door behind us and follow him like a lost puppy. When he shoves down onto one of the couches, I do the same.
“I’m sorry I didn't believe you. It’s not like I didn't want to believe you, but the evidence against you was pretty staggering, and without Jules talking, it just made everything that much more difficult to figure out.”
I understand...and I don’t blame him at all. He’s my brother, and at the end of the day, nothing could ever change that.
“I’m not mad at you. I gave you plenty of reasons to doubt me and honestly, in some way I was glad you didn't believe me. I fucked up big time when it came to Jules. I let her down, let my emotions rule my actions.” I pause briefly, wanting to ask if she is okay, how she is feeling, but I don’t.
“I’m just glad she was able to tell them what happened, and that no one else had to do it for her. That was her story to tell and no one else’s.”
Sebastian grins. “She still loves you. Even through all the stupid bullshit that you did, through the mistakes you made, that girl still fucking loves you.” He shakes his head in disbelief, and my pulse quickens at the thought of her being mine again.
“Is she...is she okay?”
“She’s doing okay, smiling and talking, which is much better than how she was before.” That makes me smile, knowing she’s getting back to being her old self. One month. One whole fucking month I’ve gone without her. In the big scheme of things, it’s not long, not when I went three years without her, but it was long enough, after just having got her back.
“I want to go to her, to talk to her, to apologize, to fucking plead, and beg,” I admit.
“I wo
uld wait, at least until tomorrow. Give her tonight to breathe, to think about everything that happened today.”
I nod, agreeing. As much as I don’t want to wait, I know Sebastian is right.
“Now we just need to find Cole, make him pay for what he did.”
Seb nods, a darkness flickering in his eyes. “I want him to pay as much as you do. For hurting her, for putting the blame on you. I mean that recording was a dick move, but Cole coming after Jules, trying to…” His jaw flexes, and I know he doesn’t want to say it. Neither of us do, neither of us wants to think about what he almost did.
“He will pay, Sebastian. I might go to prison, but he will pay.”
“Don’t do something that’s going to get you put behind bars. You have Jules, if something happens to you, then who does she have?”
I grin. “You know she said the same thing to me before.”
He rolls his eyes. “I believe it. She’s the smart one out of all of us, how she ended up with you, I’ll never understand.”
I slug him in the arm. “Dude, seriously?”
“What? Even you admitted you don’t deserve her.”
“So, that doesn’t mean I’ll give her up. She’s mine and as long as she’ll have me, then I’ll be hers.” I was going to marry her, put babies inside her, and make her mine for as long as we both shall live, but first I had to prove myself to her, gain her trust back.
I need to show that I’m worthy of her love.
“Alright, enough. I don’t want to hear about your epic love story anymore. I need to get back to the house to check on Jules, and then get to bed. I’ve been pulling all-nighters lately, and they’re seriously starting to wear on me.”
I nod. “Same, between the investigation, looking for Cole, and trying to stop myself from going to her, I’ve been losing my mind. Maybe I’ll be able to get some sleep tonight.” I grin. One can only hope, right?
As Seb and I get up off the couches and he starts to head toward the door, his phone chimes in his pocket.
He pulls it out and glances down at the screen. I don’t even have to get a full look at his face to see the ashen fear in his eyes.
“What’s going on?”
“We need to go. I just got a notification that someone broke in through the sliding glass door at the house.”
I don’t even think. I just start moving. If something happens to her again, if he touches her again, I’ll kill him.
24
Jules
I take a long hot shower, and then make myself some hot chocolate. It’s not as good as the one I typically get down on the corner next to campus but it still tastes good, and plus it’s chocolate. Who passes up on chocolate?
It’s not until the cup is half empty that I realize my taste has returned to normal. Sebastian left about thirty minutes ago, letting me know he would be back soon. He didn’t tell me where he was going or what he was doing, and though it’s none of my business, I feel a little guilty for scaring him the way I did over the last month.
I crawl into bed with a book and try to enjoy the story while I sip on my hot chocolate and skim the pages of the paperback in my hands. It’s the first time I’ve picked up a book in weeks, the first time I could focus on something besides my thoughts.
I had lost complete interest in any kind of entertainment but opening up to that therapist earlier this morning, lifted a huge weight off my chest and now when I take a breath, I can actually breathe. I can actually feel the air filling my lungs.
I know I’m far from being back to my former cheery self, but at least I’ve taken steps toward it. At least now I can see the light at the end of the tunnel when this morning I was still in complete darkness. Hearing them talk about Remmy like they did, accusing him of such horrible things just cracked the walls holding back my emotions and talking about what happened broke them down even more.
No matter how angry, hurt, and devastated I am over what he did to me, I can’t live in a world where Remmy is in jail for something he didn't do and all because I didn’t speak up. Thinking about him now feels different. Before talking to Susan, I felt almost nothing for him and the slithers of feeling that came through were not pleasant.
Now that I’ve allowed myself to feel again, I remember all the good times we shared and I wonder if maybe I can forgive him, eventually. I try to imagine my life going forward, I try to think of a life that would make me happy, a future that I would like to live in.
I put the book down beside me, unable to concentrate on it any longer. My head starts to throb as I rack my brain running through a hand full of scenarios in my head.
I think about my friends, school, what I want to study, and where I want to live. After a few minutes, I realize that every single scenario has Remmy in it. There is not a single future I can imagine without him and that scares me a little.
I don't know if we can go back to being together again, still, I know I need him in my life somehow. Even if it’s just as a friend. I love him and I can’t deny myself that. I’ve always loved him even though it wasn’t always the same kinds of love, it was love nevertheless.
I rub at my temples. I doubt that I will ever be whole without him close to me. I feel like he holds parts of my soul inside him and that without him, I will always be missing a part of myself. I could never be fully happy without him by my side. Now the question is, can we find a way back to each other? I mean, does he even want to find a way back to me?
A loud noise from the living room pulls me from my wallowing. I kick the blanket off of my legs and leave the confines of my bedroom, tiptoeing out into the living room. In all the time I had lived here with Sebastian, he has never brought anyone home.
Surely he would tell me if he was going to, right? I tell myself that I’m overreacting and being skittish after the whole Cole thing. I know it’s normal to feel the way I do, even more so after all I’ve experienced since moving back here.
However, I realize that is not the case as soon as I step out into the foyer. My eyes take a moment to adjust to the darkness, but when they do, I see a figure standing in the living room, the sliding glass door behind them broken, glass peppering the floor. A scream catches in my throat and for one single second, the entire world freezes around me.
Cole.
My body screams for me to run, but my muscles refuse to move, my feet cemented into the floor. The organ inside my chest beats furiously and all I can hear is the swooshing of blood in my ears. This is it, this is when he gets me.
“I didn’t think it would be this easy to get to you, to find you.” His voice feels like razor blades slicing through my skin. There is no one to save me this time, no one to protect me from him. I swallow around the lump of fear that’s formed in my throat in the last second. My entire body shakes with fear and without thought, I start back the way I came, my bare feet slipping against the floor as I put all my strength into putting as much distance between us as possible. In the process, my body collides with the wall, my chest heaving, spots forming in my vision.
He’s come for me.
“Oh no you don’t,” he hisses loudly.
I hear his heavy footfalls directly behind me, and as soon as his hand grips onto my arm, I scream. I scream so loudly the sound rings in my ears. His grip on me tightens and his hand feels like fire against my flesh.
“No,” I scream, thrashing my body against the wall in an effort to get him to release me.
“Yes, so much fucking yes. I waited an entire fucking month to get to you. Over thirty days, Jules, we have some making up to do.”
This can’t be happening again.
Grabbing me by both arms, he shakes me harshly, my head slams against the wall, my brain rattling inside it as stars appear before my eyes. My knees buckle, and I almost slump down to the floor, but the feeling of Cole tugging on my clothes, trying to get my shirt off sends a surge of anger through me.
No. I won’t let him hurt me.
With that anger comes clarity and strength. I
still my flailing arms and just let them hang down at my sides. I stop fighting him and instead play possum, the tactic works almost instantly, confusing him, and just long enough for him to not see my knee flying up toward his groin, not until it’s too late that is.
A painful grunt rips from his throat as he doubles over, pressing his hand to his balls.
“I’m going to kill you,” he snarls, hate like I’ve never seen before in his dark eyes. As soon as he loses his hold on me, I run back up the stairs, making it into my bedroom just as he reaches the bottom stair.
I close the door and lock it behind me, but I’m not dumb, I know that flimsy little door isn’t going to stop him and there isn’t any way in hell I’m letting him get in here with me. I look around the room, thinking of what I could put in front of that door to hinder his entry.
When my eyes connect on the dresser across the room, I know there is no way he’ll make it through that thing. I jog over to it and start moving the heavy six drawer dresser toward the door. I grunt, my movements slow at first. I’m pretty sure this thing weighs more than me, and it shows as my muscles scream at the sudden exercise. With adrenaline coursing through my veins, I find I’m able to move it as if I’m a weightlifter who does this daily.
I don’t hear anything from the hallway and hope that maybe he just left. He might have, right? It’s merely wishful thinking, I tell myself. He wouldn’t come all this way just to attack and leave. I stare at the door, dread coating my insides. I run to the nightstand and grab my phone, it’s slippery in my sweaty hands and I almost drop the damn thing several times. The icon on the screen shows five missed calls. I unlock it and dial the first number that comes to my mind.
Remington answers after the first ring. “Jules?”
