by Jessie G
Didn’t envy her and didn’t blame any of them for making the hard choice. It allowed him to make the easy one. With three incomes, they could afford for him to take time off and be the full-time parent. “My job was the most flexible.”
“But not expendable.”
“No, not forever.” Unwilling to let strangers raise their kids, Liam was fully prepared to quit. Maybe, down the road, he could pick up part-time hours when the kids went to pre-school, then expand from there, but he didn’t expect them to hold his job indefinitely. That was crazy.
Then Saul offered an alternative that was not only generous; it was unheard of. With Dillon going off to college in the fall, the office would need help once again, and they were willing to make it a safe place for him to bring Ashley and Drake. It was a chance to have everything he already loved about his life, plus the babies that made it better. It was also impossible to pass up and Liam was certain Bull knew about it, if not engineered it.
“You’re always going above and beyond for us.” He was just a mechanic and nothing special at that. It wouldn’t take more than a phone call to replace him, yet Liam knew they wouldn’t. The garage would run with one less set of hands until he was ready to pick up the wrench. Until then, they were ready to make special accommodations just so he could be back where he belonged—even if it was in the office. “Why?”
Bull considered him for a long moment before he smiled. “You don’t need me to tell you what this family is willing to do for each other. You were there with us every step of the way. And if you think about it, setting up a nursery in the office is pretty tame in comparison.”
Liam had to laugh at that. They certainly had gotten into some interesting and dangerous situations to help each other. “I love you. Did I ever tell you that?”
“In so many ways,” Bull assured, finally opening those big arms and welcoming him inside. Again, he tried to think about the last time they hugged and hated that he was coming up blank. He had been hiding right there among them. Even when he was Chris’s voice, he was standing behind that big body. His shield might have changed with Billy, but Liam was still using it to keep himself apart.
It was something to discuss in therapy, but he didn’t need to wait that long to change it. Instead, he held onto Bull and tried to squeeze five years of missing affection into one hug.
“Well, this is awkward,” Ty quipped from somewhere beyond Bull. “Looks like the big guy got stuck in the door and Liam’s trying to pull him through. Here, Chase, hold this. I’m gonna give them a push.”
Releasing him carefully, Bull nudged him to the side, then turned to glare at what was sure to be a grinning Ty. “You just had to ruin the moment.”
“Ava’s been waiting all day to see Ashley and Drake, and you’re blocking the door.” Ty patted the little girl on the head and her bottom lip popped out in a perfect little pout. “What kind of monster does that?”
Bull opened his mouth, but Liam jumped forward, cutting him off. “Remember, there’s a swear jar now, Uncle Bull.”
Green eyes narrowed for a second before Bull gave up with a defeated grin. Stepping aside to let the Malone’s in, Bull pulled a twenty out of his wallet and handed it to Chase. “Put that in the jar on my account.”
Chase laughed and tucked the money in his pocket. “You guys are horrible. The jar was supposed to deter you all from cursing in front of the kids.”
Liam couldn’t stop the snort of disbelief if he tried. “Good luck with that.”
“Oh, good, you’re here!” Cam came out of the kitchen with Dillon in tow. “We were just heading up to the nursery to stare at the babies. Can Ava and Luc come?”
The twins barely waited for Ty’s nod before racing inside and Liam couldn’t resist reminding, “Corey said to let them sleep.”
“Uh huh.” Cam waved at him over her shoulder, clearly uncaring what he or her wife said. Liam couldn’t blame her. He couldn’t imagine having to leave them so soon.
“Why is everyone standing in the doorway?” Liam laughed when Saul’s face appeared between Bull and Ty’s. “Can we move this along? There’s a line out here.”
Liam could only stand there as the parade continued. Javier and Kyle followed Saul, Alaric and Davin, Colin and Arnaud…even Micah and Garrison had driven up from Key West. They had become great friends since Owen’s holiday project and introducing them to Cam and Corey solidified their status as family.
There were more people expected, but with nearly everyone they really cared about already inside, the one noticeable absence was glaring. “Where’s Jacky?”
If it were anyone else, Liam wouldn’t have been worried, but it was unheard of for Jacky to miss one of their events and unbelievable that he would decide not to come with Saul or Colin. Those two men were his safe place, and their partners were happy to have him. So much so that when Colin and Arnaud decided to take their relationship to the next level, the once famous dancer agreed to communal living rather than move away.
“Is he okay?”
“Yeah.” Kyle looked at Saul and groaned. “Yes. He’s, uh, he’s in Vegas.”
“Vegas,” Liam repeated stupidly. “Alone?”
“No, uh, no, he’s with Ryder.” Liam must have looked confused because Kyle added, “You remember Ryder? He’s been here a…”
“I remember your friend.”
How could anyone forget Kyle’s friend showing up on Saul’s doorstep looking beat to shit? It had taken two weeks for Ryder to admit what happened, and no one was surprised when Saul and Ty took a little road trip. A month later, despite Kyle’s very adamant objections, Ryder went back to work. Said he couldn’t live off their charity anymore.
He now visited regularly since, mostly because Saul threatened to hunt him down if he didn’t show his face and prove that he was all right. Still, Liam didn’t know that he and Jacky had become friendly, much less friendly enough for Jacky to travel so far out of his safety zone.
“I didn’t know they were a thing.” Was he neglecting his friendships that badly?
“Hey, no, don’t beat yourself up. Between the house and the babies, we know how crazy busy you’ve been lately.” Kyle patted him on the shoulder. “Becoming a father is a big deal, yeah?”
Kyle might have been trying to get him to smile but, the truth was, this was a huge deal and one of their closest friends chose to go to Vegas rather than celebrate it with them. In what world did that make sense?
“Is it serious?” Liam couldn’t help feeling slighted, but he wanted all his friends to be happy—especially Jacky. If going to Vegas was a step in that direction, who was he to be angry?
“I think so. Maybe.” Kyle shrugged a little helplessly and looked over at Saul again. “He hasn’t stopped it yet.”
That ‘yet’ hung in the air as they made their way into the house and Liam wondered what Saul was waiting for.
“Everything okay?” Billy found him still standing in the now-empty foyer, and Liam could only laugh. There were some relationships he needed to tend to, but his life was wonderful.
And he had a juicy bit of gossip to share. “Did you know Jacky was in Vegas with Kyle’s friend Ryder?”
Billy gaped. “And Saul hasn’t lost his mind?”
“Apparently, not yet.”
They knew Saul would feel it was his responsibility to step in for Jacky’s sake and he would have to find a way to do that without hurting Kyle’s friend. That friendship and knowing what Ryder had suffered, at least recently, made him someone Saul would want to protect too. Liam didn’t envy his position at all.
“There’s a perk of living next door that I hadn’t expected.” When Liam looked at him in confusion, Billy added, “Ringside seat without the risk of getting caught in the crossfire.”
Yeah, it was probably going to be that bad.
Chapter Nine
Chris
“Chris?” Liam called out. “Billy said you were up here.”
Chris was silent as Liam emerged
from the stairwell and spotted him across the roof. Though it wasn’t technically their anniversary for another six months, Chris thought it way past time to resurrect that tradition. As chosen brothers, they had survived more than either of them could have ever imagined. They hadn’t done it alone, but they had done it together, and that deserved to be celebrated.
Especially now.
Unlike most brothers, they had no interest in living separate lives, building separate homes, and becoming visitors in each other’s lives. They needed each other to be strong and their growing family counted on the strength of their relationship to hold them together. Even Cam and Corey benefited from it, and Chris fully intended to extend that to Ashley, Drake, and any other children that graced their lives.
But while their bond might seem impenetrable from the outside, it still required attention, and that was seriously lacking in recent months. Chris tried to be understanding and yet, he couldn’t help being frustrated that they were still dealing with issues from the past. For him, it had been as easy and as complicated as Ty’s advice to just let it go. He had no illusions that it would be as simple for Liam, but then their reactions had always been the polar opposite.
After the worst night of their lives, they were both broken, and that manifested itself in different ways. He went silent, preferring to focus all his energy on survival and protection rather than words. Liam became their voice, channeling Chris’ thoughts in a way that defied understanding, which made it easy for him to hide his suffering.
It would be years before Liam admitted something switched off in his brain that night and that he had just been going through the motions ever since. Mired in his own guilt and the determination to fix their situation, Chris hadn’t seen what was happening and even if he had, he wouldn’t have known what to do about it. If he were being brutally honest, Liam’s willing compliance made it that much easier to keep him safe.
And he had. Somehow, someway, he’d kept them going until Jared and Bull helped them get out. But as their lives evolved and got better, as they forged friendships that would become family, then found love and a reason to want more, Liam continued to struggle.
Where Chris knew his life was better than ever, he wasn’t sure his brother felt the same. On the surface, the answer seemed obvious. The big decisions he and Billy made a year ago were reaping huge rewards, and Liam was more effusive than ever. Smiling, laughing, almost glowing. He credited therapy, which should have been a godsend, and while Billy was more cautious about how that was going, Chris still thought it was encouraging. He didn’t expect a miracle—though he knew Liam was hoping for a quick fix—just a sign that Liam was finally healing.
And he thought it was working right up until Liam asked his favor.
“What’s going on?” Confused, Liam paused beside the table and looked at the spread. Publix fried chicken and a six-pack. It wasn’t fancy or gourmet, but it was their tradition. “Our anniversary isn’t until August.”
“I know.” But he really hoped they hadn’t reached the point where they needed a special occasion to spend time together because they were failing at that too. “We missed a few years, so I thought we could make up for it.”
“Has it really been that long?” Liam looked startled, like he hadn’t realized, and Chris struggled not to feel hurt. They were both at fault for the lapse, but if only one of them was missing it, that was something he needed to know. “Why did we let that happen?”
“If I had to guess, I’d say we forgot how important it was. Life was good and getting better, amazing things were happening, and all the bad seemed like a thing of the past. This—” Chris waved his hand to encompass them, the table, and the memories they evoked. “—is a reminder of everything we survived. Why would we continue to carry it forward?”
“You say that like becoming brothers was a bad thing, and it’s not. It was the first amazing thing that ever happened to me!” Liam slammed his hands on the table and leaned forward, looking angrier than Chris had ever seen him. No, his brother wasn’t just angry; he was seething. Voice rising, body trembling, eyes blazing.
Despite everything they’d been through, Chris couldn’t remember a single instance of Liam getting angry before. Not like this. Not with his whole being. When he was younger, he had a reputation for being popular and smart and genuinely kind. After that night… Chris thought it was shock. The kind that makes you numb to everything. The kind that makes you go through the motions for a dozen years.
“We were celebrating, remember?” Liam continued to rail. “Celebrating what we found in each other, not eulogizing what we lost!”
“Of course, I remember, but…”
“But what? Are you still angry? Mad because I asked you to…” Liam swallowed hard; the sound as loud as the sudden fear in his voice. “Because I asked you to protect my kids.”
“You asked me to protect your kids from you!” At the time, Chris had been disappointed that Liam still felt the need to ask. That changed the more he thought about it, but the anger he felt wasn’t directed at Liam.
“Who else would do it?”
“You!” Chris pushed away from the table and the confusion that made him want to scream. “I am so fucking tired of this. How can he still be winning?”
“Chris…”
“Are you happy, Liam?”
“Am I—” Thrown by his quick change of topic, Liam just blinked at him. “Happy?”
“Yes, happy,” Chris repeated. “Because I am. I have a wonderful husband, a job I love, a home, a big family, friends I adore… I have a really long list of reasons to be happy and I refuse to be afraid of it.”
Liam opened his mouth, but there was no way to deny that he was very much afraid and they both knew it. Just as they both knew he was partially responsible for that fear. David might have been the monster, and Chris didn’t regret fighting back, but saving himself had destroyed Liam’s life. No matter how many times his brother said otherwise, his fear was proof of that.
“I know that losing any one of those things would be devastating. I know that, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take because this feeling…this happiness…is worth experiencing.” Was he making sense? Liam had gone from confused to wary, so he had no way to judge. “Some days I even believe I’ve earned the right to feel this worthy.”
“You do, Chris. You more than anyone.”
“No, not me more than anyone! That’s what created this mess in the first place.” When Liam just blinked at him, Chris reminded, “You told me our relationship wasn’t a one-way street where you get everything while I get nothing. So, why would you think for even a second that I would be content to be happy when you are not?”
Again, Liam opened his mouth and again, nothing came out.
“Because you’re not happy. You look happy. You have a long list of reasons to be happy. But that feeling is trapped behind your fear and you wouldn’t be afraid now if that night never happened.”
“If that night never happened,” Liam repeated hotly. “If that night never happened, my father would have continued to beat you until you either ran away or he killed you! Do you think I’d be any happier if you were dead?”
No, he didn’t believe that for a second. Liam was too good to wish someone dead, no matter how horrible they might be. “I think you would have been happier if you didn’t know.”
Cupping a hand around his ear, Liam cocked his head and demanded, “I’m sorry, what were you saying about no one-way streets? Where do you think that line of thinking leads?”
“Liam, listen…”
“No, Chris, you listen and maybe this time it will sink in. The only way I could be happier is if my father never laid a finger on you. That’s on him. He’s the only one to blame. Not you!”
“Or you.”
“Chris…”
“No, I heard you. Now it’s my turn.” He sent up a silent prayer that he wasn’t making things worse and barreled on. “We have been through some seriously shitty situatio
ns, had plenty of reason to rampage, but violence has never been your response. Not once. Even that night, you didn’t jump into the fight. You tried to separate us. When he threw you off, you tried to grab him back, but you did not fight. That’s why I… I had no choice because I knew your fight instinct wasn’t going to kick in fast enough to save you.”
It was a hard truth to face. Chris knew Liam wanted to believe he would have done whatever was necessary to protect them, but he had been blindsided and slow to react and the idea of hurting his father was abhorrent. That failure was his fear.
Ashley and Drake didn’t need protection from their father. Liam needed to know someone would protect them if he couldn’t. While Chris knew that nothing would get past Billy, or Cam and Corey, Liam needed the reassurance of knowing his protector was still on duty.
“That won’t happen if someone threatens your children.” Determined to prove his point, Chris crossed the distance and took Liam’s hands in his. “You won’t need me or anyone else because you’ll beat us all to the punch.”
Chris could see Liam thinking about it, so he was surprised when his brother asked, “Is that what you think I’m afraid of?”
“It’s not?” He was no professional, but he thought he had at least some understanding of how Liam’s mind worked. “Then what is?”
“Being wrong.” When Liam tried to pull away, Chris held on, needing to understand. “I thought my father was a good man. I promised he would treat you right. Remember? I promised and he… He wasn’t and you paid the price. Now, I have what I think is an amazing life, but what if I’m wrong and it blows up in my face? I couldn’t handle that again, Chris, I couldn’t.”
Struggling to catch up, Chris could only gape. Liam had actively pursued Billy. He bent over backward to make things work with Cam and Corey. This ‘amazing’ life hadn’t just happened to him.
