by Cindy Rizzo
“Now you sit right down here while I go see about finding you something to eat.” Esmerelda put her hands on my shoulders as I lowered myself onto a chair. “The girls will be right here with you.”
“Where you from, honey?” It was the blonde, Janelle. “I come from Florida and these winters up here are workin’ my last nerve.”
I couldn’t risk telling anyone about Am Masada. “I need to find the girl in the picture,” was all I said.
“Well look around. She could be right here.”
I scanned the room trying to focus through the chaos. Two girls stood in a corner together kissing. I opened my mouth in surprise that they would do such a thing in front of so many people. Tova and I had always been so careful.
“Okay Ariel, this will be good for what ails you. Hot vegetable soup and chicken fingers, plus a piece of chocolate cake.”
I looked at the tray of food set down in front of me and frowned. I couldn’t eat any of it.
“I can’t,” I said pointing to the food. “It’s treyf.”
Esmerelda looked confused. “You don’t like the tray? Here…” She removed the bowl and plates and put them all on the table as she whisked away the tray.
“No. Treyf, treyf. Unclean. I can’t eat this.”
They all began talking to me at once. “Hold on,” said Esmerelda, her hands raised in front of her. “Let me get Tracy. She’s volunteering tonight. Maybe she can figure out what’s going on.”
A few minutes later she returned with someone tall and thin, with blonde hair tied back. Her long legs were covered in tight-fitting blue jeans. She crouched down beside me, and I could see the most beautiful green eyes. She was like a princess. I thought of Queen Esther.
“Hey, Ariel,” she said softly, her voice was melodic, it’s cadence rising and falling in pitch. “Why can’t you eat the food, baby?”
“It’s not clean.”
“Why do you say that?”
“It’s treyf. I cannot eat treyf.”
“Is this food different from what you’re used to?”
I nodded.
“What do you eat at home?” Her voice was soft and comforting. I felt a pang in my heart for my family and for Tova.
“Kashrut.”
“And what is that?”
How to make them understand? And even if I did, what would it matter?
The princess stood and turned. She waved her arm in front her and then pointed toward me. “Robin! Baby, come here.”
This person she called Robin approached. She had wavy brown hair that seemed to go in all directions. Her features were soft and welcoming.
“Ariel, this is my partner, Robin.”
Partner, what did she mean? Were they like Tova and me?
Robin sat down in the chair next to me.
“Tell Robin what you told me about the food.”
“I cannot eat it. It’s unclean.”
“How is it unclean?”
“It’s treyf, not kashrut. Do you understand?”
She nodded. “You’re an Orthodox Jew.”
“Hasidic.”
Again she nodded. Warm relief spread through my chest. “Did your parents kick you out?”
I shook my head. “No. I left to find her.” I showed her Tova’s picture.
She put her hand on my arm.
“You love her, like me and Tracy?” She pointed to the princess.
“Yes,” I whispered.
“So Ariel, I’m Jewish, too.”
I breathed out. This could be a good thing or not. On the one hand she seemed to understand. On the other hand, she could call Mama and Papa before I had the chance to find Tova.
“But I observe differently than you do.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“I don’t follow the same rules as you, but I know enough to be helpful. You see, there’s more than one way to be a Jew. I can explain all that later, but I just want you to know for now, Ariel, that you’re safe with me and with all of us here.”
“It’s Chava. My name is Chava.”
She smiled. “Chava, it means ‘life’ in English, right?”
I smiled back.
“Okay, now to get you some food. Will you eat a banana or an orange that hasn’t been peeled or cut?”
“I can, yes.” I began to cough again.
“Great, you need the vitamin C with that cough. I’m going out to find you a kosher meal and some cough medicine. Do you know that it’s Chanukah?”
“Yes, I lit two flames and said the blessings.” I wanted her to know that I hadn’t abandoned the commandment.
“Well let’s see what we can do to make the rest of the holiday a bit more joyous for you while we continue to look for your girlfriend. Can you tell me her name?”
“It’s Tova.”
“Tova and Chava. Together you translate as ‘good life.’ That’s a hopeful omen.”
She stood and left the big, noisy room. Esmerelda brought me some hot water and a whole lemon, along with an orange and a banana. I squeezed the juice from the lemon into the water and drank.
* * *
Five nights later I still could not find Tova. I was staying with Robin and Tracy in their beautiful apartment with a view of the river. They brought me food I could eat and each night we lit candles and said the blessings. There were even latkes, though they came from the kosher store and didn’t taste as good as Mama’s.
On the eighth night they were taking me to their shul for a special Chanukah celebration.
“Rabbi Goldfarb would like to talk to you before services,” said Robin.
My eyes grew wide. “No, I cannot speak to a rabbi. He will send me back!”
“She may be able to help you find Tova. We’ve looked in all the places where homeless kids hang out. The rabbi can help us look in other places.”
“She? A woman rabbi?” I began to laugh.
“Now Chava, we talked about how there’s not just one way to be an observant Jew. There are many rabbis who are women, cantors too.”
The hazzan can be a woman! My mind filled with possibilities for myself. “Does your shul have a woman hazzan?”
“The cantor?”
I nodded.
“Yes. And there’s a man as well.”
“Like Papa.”
“Your father is a cantor?”
I looked down at the floor, afraid I’d said too much.
“I’m not surprised now that I’ve heard how beautifully you sing the Chanukah blessings.”
She was shorter than I pictured her, with light brown, curly hair and dressed in a charcoal blazer with matching pants. On her head was a small, multicolored yarmulke, held in place with a bobby pin. Married women must cover their heads, but never with a yarmulke. I stared at her trying to make sense of it all.
She welcomed me to Congregation Shaare Ahava, the Gates of Love, an unusual name for a shul. Her voice was warm and gentle.
We talked about what I’d been doing since I left home. How I’d walked the streets, sleeping and eating when I could, as I looked everywhere for Tova.
“There are communities of Orthodox gay men and lesbians here in New York City. She may have found them. I’m going to ask around.”
I agreed to let her use her phone to take a picture of my photograph of Tova. For the first time since the beginning of Chanukah, I began to feel hopeful.
* * *
As we left the rabbi’s office to take our seats for the service, I looked around for the women’s section. But instead of heading toward the back of the sanctuary, I was guided to the very front row where chairs had been reserved for Robin, Tracy, and me as if we were honored guests. A man sat down next to Tracy.
Men and women sitting side by side in shul? I turned around and was amazed to see the rows behind me filling up with everyone all mixed together. I had so much to learn about the different ways there were to be a Jew.
The service was familiar and at the same time completely strange. I recognized
some of the prayers and their melodies, but they had a piano and a chorus that sang with the hazzan at times. It felt like I’d been transported to some new Jewish planet.
The rabbi had asked me to accept an honor. Accompanied by Robin and Tracy, I was to come up to the bimah, light the Chanukah candles, and sing the blessings. At home, women and girls were not permitted to go anywhere near the bimah so I was nervous about standing up in front of all these people.
As the rabbi entered, wearing a beautifully embroidered tallis, the yarmulke still placed at the top of her head, the congregation quieted.
“Tonight we have someone special here who I am inviting to begin our celebration by lighting the Chanukah candles. As you know, this congregation has been engaged in campaigns to end the epidemic of homelessness that particularly affects LGBT youth. Well, right before this service, I met with one of these young people, a teenage girl who comes from a Hasidic family. She left her community recently to search for her girlfriend who’d run away to avoid an arranged marriage. Please welcome her as we all stand for the lighting of the candles.”
When I accepted her invitation to sing the blessings, I asked her not to use my name, in case there was anyone who might connect me back to Am Masada. I stood and walked slowly to the front, Robin and Tracy on either side of me. I lit the shamash, the center candle, and then used it to light the others that surrounded it. I sang the first blessing in a loud, clear voice that echoed off the vaulted ceiling. When I paused and took a breath to start the second blessing, I heard my name piercing the silence, getting louder with each repetition.
“Chava! Chava! Chava!”
I turned, the shamash still in my hand, and saw someone running down the center aisle coming toward me. At first, all I could see was dark brown hair flying forward, and then her face became visible. It was Tova! I quickly put the candle back and ran to meet her.
“Tova!”
Our arms grasping one another in a tight hug, we stood together not speaking for a good number of seconds. Then the rabbi spoke.
“For anyone who doubts the existence of modern-day Chanukah miracles, I suggest you observe what is happening right now at Shaare Ahava as we commemorate our peoples’ miracle from ancient times.”
“I’m sorry I lost the phone,” Tova whispered in my ear. “Someone tried to take it from me on the pier, and it dropped into the water.”
“Where have you been?” I whispered back. “We’ve looked everywhere.”
“With Shuli and Sarah, two Orthodox women who are together like us. They found me in the subway station, and when I told them where I was from, they took me home with them.”
“Do you want to go somewhere to be alone?” It was Robin standing next to us.
“No, I want to finish the blessing, with Tova.”
The rabbi looked down at us and smiled. “Ready to continue?”
I nodded and gave Tova the shamash so she could light the candles while I sang the second blessing.
“One more thing, before you are seated,” Rabbi Goldfarb said to the congregation.“ We usually recite this blessing only on the first night, but I think it’s more than appropriate that we all recite the prayer that thanks God for helping us to reach this day.”
I smiled up at her as she used her arms to invite the entire congregation to join us.
When we finished, I turned to Tova, the lights from the nine lit candles were shining brightly in her eyes.
“I love you. I always will,” I said.
She wiped away a tear that was forming. “I love you and I always will. Happy Chanukah, Chava.”
“Happy Chanukah. Tova Chava, a good life.”
Glossary
Bar Mitzvah (Bat Mitzvah for girls): coming of age ritual when a boy turns thirteen
Bimah: a raised platform with a reading desk where those leading the service stand
Hashem: a name for God used by religious Jews outside of the context of prayer
Hasidism: a traditional, mystical-based sect of Judaism; communities adhere to strict, fundamentalist practices
Hazzan: or cantor; a non-rabbinic clergy trained in vocal arts who leads a congregation in prayer
Kashrut: or kosher; the laws that define what foods can be eaten by religious Jews
Latkes: potato pancakes; a traditional food for Chanukah
Minyan: a group of at least ten people (men only in this context) assembled for prayer
Pesach: the holiday of Passover, commemorating the ancient Jews’ flight from Egypt
Rebbe: or rabbi; the religious leader of the congregation
Shabbos: the weekly Sabbath that begins at sundown on Friday and ends at sundown on Saturday
Shayna: term of endearment meaning beautiful
Shul: or synagogue; the house of worship
Tallis: a Jewish prayer shawl
Torah: the first five books of the Hebrew Bible
Treyf: not kosher
Yarmulke: the round head covering worn by religious Jewish men and by observant, progressive Jewish women
About Cindy Rizzo
Cindy Rizzo lives in New York City with her wife, Jennifer, and their two cats. She has worked in philanthropy for many years and has a long history of involvement in the LGBT community. Cindy is the author of Exception to the Rule, a lesbian romance and winner of the GCLS Debut Fiction award. Her second book, Love Is Enough, was released in September 2014. Earlier writing includes essays in the anthologies, Lesbians Raising Sons and Homefronts: Controversies in Non-Traditional Parenting. She was the co-editor of a fiction anthology, All the Ways Home, published in 1995 (New Victoria) in which her story “Herring Cove” was included. She serves on the boards of Congregation Beth Simchat Torah in New York and Funders for LGBT Issues. She and her wife have two grown sons, a wonderful daughter-in-law, and a baby granddaughter.
Visit her website: https://cindyrizzo.wordpress.com
Other books from Ylva Publishing
www.ylva-publishing.com
Unwrap These Presents
ISBN: 978-3-95533-278-5 (mobi), 978-3-95533-279-2 (epub)
Length: 130,000 words (443 pages)
Twenty-three authors of lesbian fiction contributed holiday stories that give you snow, presents, plenty of food, Holiday cheer and nicely wrapped curvy women under the tree.
All profits of this anthology will be donated to the Albert Kennedy Trust in the UK and the Ali Forney Center in New York City. Both organizations provide housing for homeless LGBT youth.
Authors:
Andi Marquette; Ashley Stevens; Catherine Lane; Cheri Crystal; Cindy Rizzo; Clare Lydon; Devin Sumarno; Erzabet Bishop; Eve Francis; Fletcher DeLancey; Jae; Jean Copeland; Joan Arling; Jove Belle; L.T. Smith; Lee Lynch; Lois Cloarec Hart; Nikki Busch; Patricia Penn; R.G. Emanuelle; S. M. Harding; T.M. Croke; Wendy Temple
Coming from Ylva Publishing in 2015
www.ylva-publishing.com
Turning for Home
Caren J. Werlinger
Like her mother before her, Jules Calhoon couldn’t wait to escape her small Ohio town. Unlike her mother, though, Jules couldn’t disappear forever. When she’s called back for her grandfather’s funeral, the visit unleashes a flood of memories and starts her on a lonely—and familiar—path.
Her partner, Kelli, feels Jules slipping away but can’t figure out how to pull her back. In desperation, she turns to Jules’s oldest friend—and her ex—Donna. The problem is, Donna never could figure out why her relationship with Jules ended so long ago, and she never stopped loving Jules.
When a lonely, confused teenager reaches out to Jules for help, the past and present are set on a collision course, igniting a chain of events that will leave none of them unscathed.
Getting Back
Cindy Rizzo
Elizabeth Morrison has ascended the ranks of her industry and now runs one of the most successful publishing companies in the US. But even after three decades, she has never been able to get past the devastating end of her relationship wi
th Ruth Abramson. As she approaches her 30th college reunion, she must face the woman who long ago acceded to the demands of her famous father, regarded universally as a national hero, to marry a young man and start a family. It doesn’t make it any easier that Ruth, now a US District Court judge and divorced, is the class luncheon speaker.
As Elizabeth and Ruth face one another and attempt to reconcile their past, Elizabeth must carefully decide whether she is more distrustful of Ruth or of herself. Is she headed for another fall with this woman? Or does she just want to get close again, so she can be the one to walk away?
When it comes to reuniting with the love of your life, it’s not always easy to know the difference between getting back together or just getting back.
The Miracle of the Lights
© by Cindy Rizzo
ISBN (mobi): 978-3-95533-352-2
ISBN (epub): 978-3-95533-353-9
