So Long As There's Verona

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So Long As There's Verona Page 2

by Peter Stephenson

SCENE ONE

  SETTING

  Representing various aspects of Verona (see separate details).

  AT RISE

  The street is empty.

  Enter SAMPSON and GREGORY

  GREGORY

  Not much on the box last night, was there.

  SAMPSON

  (chip on his shoulder)

  I've no idea. I was working.

  GREGORY

  I work quite a bit too, you know.

  SAMPSON

  Quite a bit?

  GREGORY

  Yes. It all goes on behind the scenes.

  SAMPSON

  (unimpressed)

  Really.

  (beat)

  Well me, I'm always working.

  (beat)

  Oh-oh. Don't look now.

  Gregory makes it obvious that he's looking around

  GREGORY

  Where?

  SAMPSON

  Why do people always do that?

  GREGORY

  It's two of Montague's men.

  SAMPSON

  Yes. Hence: "don't look."

  (beat)

  But now that you've done an impression of a startled chicken - and alerted them to our being here...

  Sampson draws his sword

  GREGORY

  How's that going to help?

  SAMPSON

  It's purely precautionary.

  GREGORY

  It's an accident waiting to happen.

  Sampson brandishes his sword

  GREGORY

  You should have the pointy end downwards.

  SAMPSON

  Not where a Montague's concerned.

  Enter ABRAHAM and BALTHASAR

  ABRAHAM

  Well, well, well. What do we have here?

  BALTHASAR

  (to Abraham)

  A pair of unfortunates. What say you?

  ABRAHAM

  Your observational skills do you credit.

  GREGORY

  We are all unfortunate if to be a servant is unfortunate.

  SAMPSON

  Yet we serve with honour.

  ABRAHAM

  I am proud to be a part of the family Montague.

  SAMPSON

  But you don't carry the Montague name.

  GREGORY

  No. You're called Abraham Pudding.

  BALTHASAR

  Aha! We've all changed our names, now. So there.

  GREGORY

  But we're better than you.

  BALTHASAR

  No. We're better than you.

  SAMPSON

  Enough. Let a fight be the decider.

  ABRAHAM

  As you wish.

  Abraham draws his sword. Sampson and Abraham stand-off against each other, circling, as:

  Gregory and Balthasar eye each other up, trying to psyche each other out

  BALTHASAR

  Your nasal hairs need trimming.

  GREGORY

  When Sampson's killed Abraham you'll be more concerned with other people's funeral arrangements than their personal hygiene.

  BALTHASAR

  Speaking of which...

  Balthasar sniffs the air, as:

  Enter BENVOLIO

  BENVOLIO

  Stop all of this negative talk. Let us speak of peace.

  BALTHASAR

  (to Gregory)

  Yes. A piece of soap.

  Enter TYBALT

  GREGORY

  Yay! Tybalt!

  BENVOLIO

  Oh dear.

  Tybalt steps in to separate Sampson and Abraham, pushing Abraham next to Balthasar

  TYBALT

  (to Abraham and Balthasar)

  Hello, girls.

  BALTHASAR

  Ooh, now that's rude.

  ABRAHAM

  Who are you calling a girl?

  Abraham brandishes his sword

  TYBALT

  (re: Abraham's sword)

  Wow. That's big - for a knitting needle.

  Balthasar draws his sword unconvincingly

  TYBALT

  Ha! A pair of knitting needles for a pair of girls. All that's missing between you is a big ball of yellow wool.

  ABRAHAM

  How dare you.

  TYBALT

  Look.

  (pointing to Abraham)

  Knit one,

  (pointing to Balthasar)

  And knit two.

  BALTHASAR

  (to Abraham)

  Shall we stand for this?

  Balthasar pushes Abraham towards Tybalt

  TYBALT

  I expect you fight like a girl, too.

  Tybalt draws his sword

  TYBALT

  No matter.

  BENVOLIO

  Peace. Let there be peace.

  TYBALT

  I hate peace. I like the clang, clang, swish and thud of battle. Particularly the "thud" part.

  (beat)

  Very soon you will be squishéd.

  BALTHASAR

  "Squishéd"?

  Abraham and Tybalt clash swords

  Enter CAPULET, LADY CAPULET, CITIZEN 1 and CITIZEN 2

  CAPULET

  What's all this racket?

  GREGORY

  Oh, the usual.

  CAPULET

  The old "Capulet - Montague feud," you mean.

  CITIZEN 1

  Down with the Capulets.

  CITIZEN 2

  Down with the Montagues.

  LADY CAPULET

  Don't you join in.

  CAPULET

  Don't worry. I've just eaten.

  The fighting continues, as:

  Enter MONTAGUE and LADY MONTAGUE

  MONTAGUE

  Capulet - you are a villain.

  CAPULET

  Montague - you are a rogue trader.

  LADY MONTAGUE

  Don't have a go at my Monty. It's not his fault the conservatory fell down.

  Enter ESCALUS and GUARD

  ESCALUS

  What on earth..?

  The fighting stops, Abraham immediately puts his sword away. Tybalt reluctantly puts his sword away

  ESCALUS

  (like a headmaster, to all)

  Look at yourselves.

  Guard looks around with a superior air

  ESCALUS

  Can't you see how you're spoiling Verona? Do you not love Verona as I do?

  GUARD

  Well said, sire.

  ESCALUS

  (to Citizen 2)

  You. Why do you hate someone only upon learning their name?

  (to Citizen 1)

  And you. Why do you rile someone who means you no harm; someone who would otherwise pass you by with nothing but a "good morning"?

  (to all)

  You should all be ashamed of yourselves. I tell you this now, if any of you do this again then death will be the end of it.

  GUARD

  So take heed.

  Exeunt all but Montague, Lady Montague and Benvolio

  MONTAGUE

  Tell me what went on here, nephew.

  BENVOLIO

  It was all Tybalt's fault.

  LADY MONTAGUE

  I might have known.

  BENVOLIO

  I did try to stop them, with talk of peace/

  MONTAGUE

  And poetry?

  BENVOLIO

  No, not at this stage.

  MONTAGUE

  (sighs)

  At least it's over. For now.

  LADY MONTAGUE

  Have you seen Romeo?

  BENVOLIO

  Yes. He's out jogging.

  LADY MONTAGUE

  Bless! He's been doing a lot of that lately.

  BENVOLIO

  He's got things on his mind.

  MONTAGUE

  Haven't we all.

  LADY MONTAGUE

  Come on. We best be off. We can catch up with him later.


  MONTAGUE

  Very well.

  Exeunt Montague and Lady Montague

  Enter ROMEO slightly out of breath

  BENVOLIO

  Hi! Where have you been?

  ROMEO

  Twice around the park, and thirteen times around the sycamores.

  BENVOLIO

  I bet Mr and Mrs Sycamore didn't like that very much.

  ROMEO

  Tis true, they failed to see the funny side.

  Romeo gives a heavy sigh

  BENVOLIO

  What troubles you?

  ROMEO

  Oh, you know.

  BENVOLIO

  You're either in love, or you're out of love.

  ROMEO

  Love is out of love with me.

  BENVOLIO

  Oh dearie me.

  (beat)

  What's her name? Tell Benvo.

  ROMEO

  Rosaline.

  BENVOLIO

  (her image does not please)

  Oh, her. I see.

  ROMEO

  I've written a poem for her.

  BENVOLIO

  (sense of foreboding)

  Right.

  ROMEO

  I'll read it to you.

  BENVOLIO

  No need to trouble yourself.

  ROMEO

  It's no trouble.

  Romeo gets some screwed-up paper from his pocket, unravels it

  ROMEO

  (reading:)

  The night is awesome, The day is awesome, And you are awesome, Or some - thing else, pause,No. I was right. Just like the night, You are awesome.

  Romeo folds the paper away again

  ROMEO

  I call it "Awesome"/

  BENVOLIO

  I don't./

  ROMEO

  And I dedicate every syllable of it to her.

  BENVOLIO

  All of that's for Rosaline, is it?

  ROMEO

  Yes./

  BENVOLIO

  Wow./

  ROMEO

  I'm determined to win her heart.

  BENVOLIO

  Best steer clear of the poetry.

  ROMEO

  Why? Are you not my friend?

  BENVOLIO

  Yes, of course I am.

  (beat)

  Remember: I know Rosaline. I know that she's not interested in you.

  ROMEO

  I disagree.

  BENVOLIO

  It's as plain as plain could be.

  (sotto)

  As is she.

  (beat)

  Romeo! You are a gentle, intelligent man. You need to find someone who will appreciate you for who you are; a girl who will not entertain herself by having you dance around like a fool.

  ROMEO

  (pleading)

  So tell me how.

  BENVOLIO

  Come here, you soppy thing.

  Benvolio puts his arm around Romeo

  Exeunt

  SCENE TWO

  Enter PARIS and CAPULET

  Paris sits, resting his chin on first one hand then the other, waiting for Capulet to speak

  CAPULET

  (chewing)

  Do you want a Fruitella?

  PARIS

  No, thank you. But tis another sweet that you can help me with.

  Paris smiles, awaiting Capulet's response

  PARIS

  (expectantly, prompting)

  The reason why I'm here today.

  CAPULET

  No, sorry. You'll have to help me out. I'm a bit thick.

  PARIS

  The lovely Juliet.

  CAPULET

  Ah, right. You mean marriage.

  PARIS

  Yes.

  CAPULET

  You wish to marry her.

  PARIS

  Yes.

  CAPULET

  What did Lady Capulet say?

  PARIS

  She's not the boss of you.

  CAPULET

  It'd be nice to think that.

  PARIS

  My business is with you.

  CAPULET

  OK, then. Here's the thing. Juliet is far too young. She's not yet fourteen.

  PARIS

  But people are marrying young these days.

  CAPULET

  No, Paris. You'll have to wait a couple of years. But speaking of food...

  PARIS

  (doesn't understand)

  P'dann?

  CAPULET

  I'm going to throw the most marvellous supper.

  PARIS

  Oh. Great.

  CAPULET

  I don't mean literally throw a supper, of course. That would be a waste of food. Even more so if

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