“So what can I do for you, Lee?”
“Well, I…I guess it’s no great secret that I was very upset over the game.”
“No,” Henry said, laughing. “That’s no great secret.”
“Yeah, well, to tell you the truth, Henry, I was even more upset about the things you told the boys in the locker room afterward. I felt we should be reprimanding them for their behavior and even thinking of punishing them. Certainly not telling them they were on the right track by the way they behaved. Getting the opponent to respect you is one thing; getting him to fear you…that’s not sportsmanship and sportsmanship has always been an integral part of athletics, a reason for it.”
“I see,” Henry said, nodding. “You have a good point, Lee. I guess I’ve gotten caught up in this rivalry thing myself. Everyone puts so much emphasis on it. I’m sorry.” He nodded again and then put up his hand like a man taking the witness stand in a courtroom. “I swear, from this day on, I will stay out of your face when it comes to the team.”
“That’s fine, Henry. I appreciate your saying that and I appreciate your apology, but Jessie and I have been talking things over and we think it might be best for us to move on as soon as we can. I think I want to give you my notice,” Lee said.
“Oh no,” Henry said, sitting forward. “You can’t mean that, Lee. Everyone’s impressed with you. No one has started work here with such overwhelming approval. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t like and respect you. Please reconsider this. You’re making a tragic mistake. This situation with the team will improve in time and you’ll mold them into the sort of team you want them to be. I assure you.”
“Well, it’s not just that…it’s—”
“I know, I know. Jessie’s uncomfortable at the DeGroot house. Well, good news. I’ve spoken to Charley DeGroot on your behalf and you’re out of the lease as of the end of the month. Furthermore Dr. Beezly called me late this afternoon to tell me about an apartment now open in the Courtyard Gardens, a first-floor apartment with an attached garage. The rent, believe it or not, is less than what you’re presently paying. And it’s closer to the school.”
Henry sat back, smiling.
“Actually you’ll find out anyway, but Dr. Beezly owns the Courtyard Apartments. Perhaps, with that sort of news, you can cheer up Jessie and get her to reconsider. What do you say?”
“I don’t know, I—”
“At least sleep on it, Lee. You have a lot going for you here,” he added.
“Yeah, maybe,” Lee said.
“Of course.” Henry stood up and came around his desk. “Why, you’ve hardly had a chance to get to know people, including some of the other members of the faculty,” he said. Lee looked up sharply. He had certainly gotten to know Monica London.
“Right.” He stood up. Henry extended his hand.
“You’re a fine young man. I’m proud to have you on our team.”
“Thank you,” Lee said. He started away. “Oh, how’s Marjorie doing?”
“Better. Much better. And it was very nice of Jessie and Tracy to visit her today. She called to tell me they had been there and she was very up because of their visit. Tell Jessie I appreciate it. She’s really a remarkable woman, your wife. With her handicap, she does so much. An inspiration, truly. Another reason why I’d hate to see you two go.”
Lee nodded again and walked out. His mind was reeling with confusion.
Maybe he should give it all just one more chance. After all, he had hardly had a chance to try to make a difference. Look what sort of progress he had made with the boys today, and as far as some of this other nonsense went…well, now he could promise Jessie they would be moved out of that old house and away from the cemetery by the end of the month. Surely that would make things much better. Her imagination would calm down. Maybe they could make a life for themselves in this community yet, he thought. Really, where were they running away to anyway? What sort of a job could he get? He didn’t want to go back to driving a cab. He was a teacher, a coach, a professional. He had an opportunity here. The people in authority liked him. Why throw all this away?
Just as he stepped out to the parking lot, a door slammed and Monica London emerged from a side entrance. She crossed the parking lot farther down and went to her car. Before she got in, she turned and looked his way. His heart began to pound. She waved and he waved back. Then he waited as she got into her car, backed out, and drove off.
He hesitated at his own car because he felt like he was being watched. He spun around, but there was no one there. Then he lifted his eyes toward Henry Young’s office windows. Because of the way the late-afternoon sun hit the building, those windows looked dark, almost like two black eyes gazing down at him. Then a curtain was pulled open and Henry Young appeared.
He waved and nodded, smiling. A moment later he was gone and the windows were dark again.
Lee got into his car and started away. What would I ever tell Jessie if she found out what had happened between me and Monica London? he wondered. Like a fugitive covering his tracks, he groped about mentally for excuses and reasons, leaving a trail of deceit and lies behind him as he fled from the truth.
10
Jessie was still sleeping when Lee arrived. Without a light on, the apartment was dark and gloomy. The sun had fallen behind mountains and trees, so that long, deep shadows flowed through whatever windows had their curtains open. Lee turned on a lamp and started through the apartment. Not hearing her in the kitchen, he went directly to their bedroom, where he found her sprawled on her side, in the fetal position, her right hand cupped just under her chin.
She looked so peaceful, so content, he didn’t have the heart to wake her. Seeing her this way brought an ache to his heart because it made the memory of his adultery that much sharper and more painful. In so many ways she was so helpless. What a bastard he was.
He had to turn away and get his mind on something else, so he decided to prepare their dinner. Twenty or so minutes after he had begun, she came to the kitchen door. She had walked so softly, he had never heard her approaching. One moment there was no one in the doorway, and the next there she was.
“Hi,” he said. “I didn’t hear you get up. Feeling okay?”
“Yes,” she said, even though she was still so groggy she had to lean against the doorjamb. “I can’t believe I didn’t wake up when you came in.”
“I tried phoning you a couple of times today,” he said quickly, unable to filter out a note of defensiveness. She didn’t appear to notice.
“I never heard it ring. How long have you been home?”
“Oh, awhile,” he said. “You were sleeping so soundly, I didn’t want to bother you.”
“I’m sorry.” She pressed her palms against her forehead and then ran them over her hair.
“Hey, no problem. I have things under control. The table’s set. What were you, tired from visiting Marjorie?” he asked, pretending he didn’t know. Lies, little lies, he thought. Why not just admit he called Tracy and she told him about the wine?
“Oh Lee,” she said. Her lips began to tremble.
“Hey.” He put down the pot he was using and rushed to embrace her. “What is it, honey?”
“I drank too much of her wine,” she cried.
He started to laugh.
“No, don’t laugh,” she said, pulling back. “It wasn’t funny. It wasn’t like wine; it was like a drug to make you tell the truth.”
“Huh?”
“I want to sit down,” she said, and he guided her to the kitchen table. He sat beside her and still held her hand.
“What are you talking about, Jess? What drug?”
“I didn’t want to say anything about your meeting with Henry today. It wasn’t anyone else’s business.”
“So?”
“After I started drinking the wine, I just babbled away, telling everything,” she moaned.
“Hey.” He patted her hand. “There’s no harm done; and as far as the wine being a drug…well, a lot of pe
ople open up when they drink alcoholic beverages. It’s no big deal.”
“Oh Lee, I can’t help feeling I told them the most intimate things.”
“What sort of things?” he asked softly.
“Events, feelings, I don’t know. It’s all a blur now.”
“So maybe you really didn’t say anything you thought you did. Maybe you just imagined it,” he suggested. She shook her head.
“No. I don’t think so.” She took a deep breath.
“Apparently Marjorie was feeling all right then?”
“Feeling all right? Didn’t I tell you on the phone?”
“We didn’t speak on the phone, Jess,” he said. “I told you I tried to call, but—”
“Oh, I’m so confused. Marjorie’s fine; Marjorie’s even better than she was. At least according to Tracy.”
“What do you mean?”
“She’s bright, animated, laughing, baking cakes, and telling risqué stories. You wouldn’t think it was the same person we met at the Bakers’ dinner party. Tracy says the accident had the effect of an electric shock treatment. She thinks it was good.”
“Hmm.” Lee sat back, folding his arms across his chest. “Maybe so. Who’s to say no? Just her doctor, I guess.”
“He was there, too,” Jessie said quickly. “And he’s coming here tomorrow to examine me. I couldn’t get out of it.”
“Is that so? Well, maybe he can do something, suggest something.”
“What can he do? Lee, you know it’s a waste of time. We’ve been to the biggest doctors and the best hospitals. What’s a country doctor going to do that they couldn’t? I don’t even know why he wants to examine me. It’s…it’s weird, just like everything else around here.”
“Now, hold on, honey. This doctor does seem to have performed near miracles here. Don’t forget, medicine is an art, too. There are physicians who are more talented than others. Maybe he’s one of them.”
“You’re not serious?” she said, and then the look on her face changed. “Lee, what happened with Henry Young? You gave him your notice, didn’t you? We’re leaving, right?”
“Well, not exactly,” he confessed.
“Oh no.” She brought her hands to her face.
“Just listen for a minute, Jess. I did go there to resign, just as we discussed. I began by bawling him out for his behavior with the team after the game.”
“So?”
“He didn’t get upset with me. In fact, he admitted he had been wrong. He said he had gotten caught up in the rivalry and excitement just like everyone else. He promised not to have anything more to do with the running of the team.”
“And you believe that?”
“I don’t see why he would lie about it, Jess. Then, contrary to what we thought, he was terribly upset about my leaving. He went on and on about how well I was doing and how quickly and enthusiastically the other staff members have taken to me.”
“Lee, he was just saying these things because it will be hard for him to find a replacement,” she insisted, but he couldn’t quell his new feeling of pride.
“I don’t know; the school family has been very congenial and I have received a number of compliments from other teachers, secretaries—”
“Lee,” she cried. “I can’t stand it here. I can’t!”
“I know, and that’s another thing Henry told me. He’s spoken to DeGroot on our behalf and the lease can be broken. He and Dr. Beezly have found us a new apartment in a much nicer area and cheaper rent, too. We’re moving at the end of the month. You won’t hear any more of those imaginary noises or be spooked by old man Carter. How’s that sound?”
“Did you see if there was a funeral today?” she demanded.
“I looked in the paper during lunch hour. Nothing, Jess,” he said.
“I didn’t imagine the digging. I heard it,” she insisted.
“All right. So maybe there are grave robbers out there at night. Who knows? At least we’ll be moving away from it.”
She sat silently for a moment and then leaned back in defeat.
“What about all the things that disturbed you? The team, the community…”
“I had those boys turning today, Jess. It took a lot more effort, but they were different. I think they’re beginning to understand, and once I change their behavior, I can mold them into a halfway decent squad. I’m not saying we’ll break records or even be contenders, but at least I’ll bring back a semblance of normalcy and…”
She shook her head.
“No, you won’t, Lee. You’re just deluding yourself. Something’s happened,” she said perceptively. “Something’s changed you, blinded you.”
“What are you talking about?” he replied guardedly. Before she could reply, he took the offensive. “Look, Jess. Where are we running to anyway? Do I have another position waiting for me in the wings? What were we thinking about when we decided to hightail it out of here? Hightail it to where? To live with your parents or mine? Me going back to driving a cab or some other such job while I wait to find another opportunity like this? I’m a teacher, a coach; I want to do what I’m supposed to do.”
He realized he had made his hands into fists and pounded his own thighs for emphasis. Jessie said nothing for a moment, sensing the tension in his voice; then she nodded.
“Okay, Lee,” she said, relenting. “We’ll do what you want.”
“Once you’re in a nicer apartment in a more pleasant atmosphere, it will all change for you, and you will see it’s what you want, too. It was a mistake to jump to take this place just because it was so large and inexpensive. I regret that now, but thanks to Henry and Dr. Beezly, we can correct it shortly. Listen.” He reached across the table to put his hand over hers. “Do you think we would have people so willing to help us in the more urban areas? Small-town life has its advantages.”
“Your hand feels so hot,” she said. Instantly he lifted it from hers.
She’s going to sense it, he thought. She’s going to know.
“I’m probably still overheated from practice.”
“Didn’t you shower?”
“Sure. Well, I’d better get back to our dinner. I’m working up one of my special meat loafs, the recipe that won your heart.”
She didn’t smile.
“Okay?” he pursued.
“I don’t know, Lee,” she said firmly. “Is it okay?”
“Sure…” He stood up quickly. “Sure, it’s okay. You’ll see. We’ll be fine.”
“I’m going to go wash my face,” she said, standing. “I’ll be right back.”
“Everything’s under control,” he repeated. He watched her walk away. She looked twenty years older, her shoulders slouched, her steps short, ponderous.
“It’ll be all right,” he whispered to himself. “It has to be.”
Jessie didn’t eat much for dinner, even though she said everything tasted good. He managed to get her to smile a few times, but the veil of sadness and depression over her face didn’t lift. She complained of still being tired. He tried to make light of it by joking about her having a hangover, but she said it wasn’t like a hangover.
“It’s more like I’ve been drained, invaded,” she insisted.
“If you still feel this way tomorrow,” Lee said, “you should tell Dr. Beezly while he’s here.”
She raised her head. The way she was sitting, face forward, her shoulders and back stiff, she looked hypnotized. Then she shook her head softly, the lines in her mouth relaxing.
“You don’t think it’s odd then, his coming to see me?” she asked.
“Oh no. From all I have heard and from what I’ve seen of him myself, he seems to be a bright, compassionate person, a holdover from another time when life was less complicated. People take each other more seriously in these small towns, Jess. Don’t you think that’s all it is?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “I want to feel that way, but I don’t. Instead I feel…frightened.”
“Oh Jess. Afraid of a doctor?
After all you’ve been through?”
She hesitated for a moment, thinking. Then she nodded softly.
“Perhaps you’re right,” she said. “I’m just tired.” She stood up like one accepting her fate. “You want any help with the dishes?”
“No, no. Just go lie down. I’m going to do some reading and watch a little television. There’s a game on cable I want to see.”
“All right,” she said, starting away. “Oh.” She turned in the doorway. “I almost forgot. Check to be sure we have at least ten pounds or so of potatoes. I’ve got to make potato salad.”
“Potato salad? What for?”
“The PTO dinner dance,” she replied. Then she almost smiled. “You know about it, don’t you?”
For a moment he couldn’t speak.
“Er…yeah. It was mentioned to me today.”
She nodded as if confirming a suspicion. It had to be his own guilty conscience making him imagine things, he thought. There’s no way she could have guessed what had happened. No way, he chanted to himself.
It was more like a prayer.
He lost himself in the televised game. The Knicks were playing the Lakers. While he watched he fantasized himself becoming an NBA coach someday. Why not? He could do something here and then move on to a college, and from there…
A few weeks ago coaching a high-school basketball team again seemed like a near impossibility. Now he was imagining all sorts of possibilities. His wounded ego had rebounded. He felt invincible, full of potential and promise, as eager and enthusiastic as he was when he played college ball. After all, he was just outside that circle of players who were contenders for professional ball. If he had been another three or four inches taller…
Making love to Monica London seemed to have restored his youth. He had been living under the gloomy clouds of defeat and anguish too long. Sure, it was wrong to be an adulterer, especially to betray a woman like Jessie and especially at this time in her life, but the erotic incident had come just at the right time, he thought. He rationalized that it was more like a treatment, a psychological boost, than an immoral act. He would be an even better husband to Jessie now because his confidence had been restored.
After Life Page 13
