He grinned. “I’m sure you did. Hey, you think you might want some of those leftovers? I’m starved.”
“Let me change and I’ll be right there to help heat it up.”
Neo wasn’t home yet so they only heated enough for them. Ryan helped Chloe navigate the kitchen, pulling out pots and pans and finding correctly sized containers for reheating. He didn’t like the way things had ended between them this afternoon, and he’d spent the rest of the day at work wishing he’d handled it differently. Yeah, abandonment was a trigger for him. He knew it and he didn’t typically get whacked out about it.
But when she’d said she should pack up and run away again, he’d gotten that familiar sick feeling deep inside. He liked her, a lot, but maybe she didn’t feel quite the same. So slowing it down was as much for him as it was for her. Even though his dick was going to hate him later tonight.
Once the food was ready, they carried their plates to the living room and set them on the coffee table. Ryan grabbed the remote and turned on the television. “What do you want to watch? More reno shows?”
“I always love those. But if you want to catch the news or something, I understand.”
“I get enough of the news at work.”
Which was true because there were televisions in HQ featuring news stations from around the world. HOT HQ was drowning in world news every single day. But he also didn’t want to stumble across any mention of the militia in Virginia. It probably wouldn’t make the news, unless there was a big gathering out there, but since Ryan hadn’t told Chloe about the fact Travis James had a good excuse to be in the area, he didn’t want her learning it from the television.
He needed to tell her, but the way she’d panicked earlier, he didn’t think it was a good idea just yet. Soon, though. Once he had definitive answers about where James was.
He found a show about a couple working on their first flip and took a bite of chicken. Still just as damned good as yesterday. They talked while they ate, not about anything in particular, but whatever topic happened to come up. They especially talked about renovating houses. He was fascinated with how much Chloe knew about it.
“No, no, no,” she said, shaking her head. “They’re measuring it wrong. That door isn’t going to fit.”
Sure enough, when the show came back from commercial break, the door didn’t fit. The couple stared at each other, the woman frustrated as hell and the man resigned to nothing working out right. Hell, he was probably wondering how they were ever going to get out from under the project and make any money.
“You must have worked with your dad a lot,” Ryan said.
“I did. Summers, mostly. But then he liked to buy houses and flip them too. Before it was cool enough to be turned into reality TV. Mom and I used to help out. I’ve done everything at least once, though I’m smart enough to know that I don’t have the skill to do major renovation on my own.”
“So why didn’t you get into the construction business?”
She shrugged. “I’ve always loved hair and makeup, much to Daddy’s dismay. He wanted me to love dirt and sweat and hard work, but I wanted to curl my hair and fix my face and play with clothes and stuff. So I went to beauty school. He paid for it, but he also made me work with him on houses during my breaks. He wanted me to keep my skills up, he said. Just in case.” Her gaze dropped and she frowned.
“I’m sorry you lost him, Chloe. And your mother.”
“Thank you. It was hard once he was gone. I mean he’d set everything up for Mama so she’d have income. The houses had paid off well enough for a nest egg over the years. But she missed him. Her health deteriorated. She wouldn’t leave the house for weeks at a time, not even to go to church. I did the shopping. The cooking. And I worked too.”
“I guess you didn’t have much of a social life.”
She shook her head. “Not really, no. I went out with friends after work sometimes, but not too often. Mama relied on me for everything. She did get well enough to start leaving the house. For the past two years, she was doing okay. She’d started going to church again, attending the socials.” She picked up her water bottle and took a drink, her fingers caressing the label for a long moment. “Mama was only fifty-three. I thought I’d have her in my life for another thirty years at least. I thought she’d go to my wedding, the birth of my children—their school plays and graduations. I just didn’t think it would all be over so fast…”
Ryan reached for her hand. She twined her fingers with his. Looked into his eyes, hers shimmering with tears. “It doesn’t help, I know, but think about all you did have with her. And when you have kids, you’ll tell them about her. People aren’t gone if we share them with others.”
Her smile was watery. “Now you know why I have all her stuff crammed in Avery’s house. Why I couldn’t leave it behind. It reminds me of my childhood—and I want it to remind my children of theirs.”
“Do you want a lot of kids?”
“At least two would be nice. I was an only child, so I think having a sister would be awesome. Maybe three. I don’t know. I don’t actually sit around and plan how many kids I want—but I do want them.”
Other than when he’d found out Megan and Kurt were expecting and it hit him harder than he’d thought it would, he’d never really considered having kids. Not in any real sense. More of an abstract someday kind of way. He imagined getting married, having a kid or two, doing everything he could for his family—and it didn’t suck. Not like he’d thought it would. He was still a SEAL, and he still deployed. But half his team was married or engaged, and they seemed to handle it just fine.
“I was an only child too,” he said.
“So you know what I mean.”
“Yeah, it would have been nice to have a brother. But my mother left when I was five and my aunt raised me, like I said.”
“What about your dad?”
“He was a Navy SEAL. He deployed a lot. He was part of my life when he was around, but he wasn’t there often enough to keep me with him.”
She blinked. “Oh. So you’re gone a lot?”
“We deploy, yes. Maybe not as much as he did. It’s a little more structured where I work now.”
“Is it dangerous?”
He wouldn’t lie. “Yes. There’s always the chance one of us won’t make it back. I think that’s why my dad let my aunt raise me. Just in case.”
“And did he…?”
“He’s alive. Had a long career and retired. He still lives in San Diego. He does private security these days.”
“Oh. That’s good. Do you ever see your mother?”
The knot that used to form in his stomach at mention of his mother wasn’t there anymore. But he was smart enough to know he’d probably never get over the fact she’d abandoned him. “Haven’t seen her since I was five. I don’t even know if she’s alive.”
“I’m sorry. That has to be hard.”
“It was when I was a kid. Less so now.” Even though it still colored his life. His reaction earlier was proof of that. He got to his feet and picked up his plate. “Hey, what do you think about heading to the range for a couple of hours? Be good for you to practice.”
She seemed confused for a second, but she quickly recovered. “Sounds like a plan. Will any of the guys be there?”
“Friday night? Hell, yeah. Maybe some of the women too.”
He didn’t know if anybody would be there or not, but he suddenly needed to go and work off the tension that talking about his childhood brought.
Since he wasn’t going to work it off in bed with Chloe, firing weapons was the next best thing.
Seventeen
Friday night at the shooting range and the place was hopping with couples. Chloe wouldn’t have thought of the range as a date night kind of place if she hadn’t been hanging around with Ryan. She watched Ivy and Viking fire at their targets, the boom of their weapons reverberating in her chest. When they were finished, they both had perfect groupings dead center of the paper.
“Switch guns with me and let’s go again.”
She laughed. “I can shoot your gun, baby. Can you shoot mine?”
He gave her a heated look. “I can shoot anything you give me.”
“Rawr,” Ivy said, exchanging a quick kiss with him as they swapped bays.
Miranda McCormick backed out of her own bay and came over to lean against the table. “You having fun, Chloe?”
Chloe had shot a couple of pistols until her aim started to go wild because her eyes were tired. Ryan asked if she wanted to leave, but she’d said no, she just wanted to watch. She liked the smell of the guns, the snap of the air when they fired, and the feeling of heat and power that reverberated through her. She wasn’t scared in here. She didn’t feel vulnerable.
“I am. Though I can’t hit the broadside of a barn yet.”
Miranda arched an eyebrow. “I saw your target. It’s not bad for a beginner. You just have to be calm and not drop your hand when you squeeze the trigger. You’re anticipating the shot, so you drop it.”
“That’s what Ryan said.” It was amazing how, even wearing big ear muffs, she could still hear enough to talk. Sounds were muffled but not deadened. Of course when somebody was firing, all bets were off.
Viking and Ivy squeezed off their rounds in succession. “I think Ivy’s got it,” Miranda said.
Chloe studied both targets. They were almost identical. Except for one slightly high shot on Viking’s. Ivy did a victory dance around Viking while he stood with his hands on his hips and shook his head. Then he grabbed her and kissed her so thoroughly she had to hang on for dear life. When he let her go, she had a goofy grin on her face.
After everyone finished, they all piled into their vehicles and headed for Buddy’s. For the second time, Chloe found herself at a table with these people, surrounded by laughter and the kind of camaraderie that she’d never had before. And of course she compared these people to Travis’s so-called friends. No comparison at all. Her gaze strayed to Ryan, who sat across from her. He was laughing at something Cowboy was saying. Beside Ryan, Neo frowned at his phone. He pocketed it after a second and lifted his head. His gaze met hers. She smiled at him. She didn’t know what was bothering him, but she hoped he got it fixed. He’d been nothing but terrific to her since the day he’d helped move her in, but she hadn’t seen him as often she’d seen Ryan. It was almost like he didn’t live across the street at all.
Neo smiled back, though she didn’t think his heart was in it. Poor guy. After a couple of hours of food and drinks—she wasn’t even hungry but she nibbled at the chili cheese fries somebody had ordered—the party started to break up. They said their goodbyes, Miranda and Ivy hugging her and promising to get together again soon, before it was just her and Ryan.
He held the car door for her, then went around and got into the driver’s side to start the vehicle.
“What’s going on with Neo?” she asked as he backed out of the parking spot.
He turned to her. “Why do you ask that?”
“He seems preoccupied. Maybe even a little sad. I just wondered.”
Ryan sighed. “I don’t know. Not entirely. But I think it’s got to do with Bailey’s sister.”
Bailey hadn’t been there tonight, but Chloe remembered Bailey asking Neo where her sister was the last time they were at Buddy’s. “Are they dating?”
“No. I think that’s the problem. Kayla has a baby—the father’s an asshole, and he’s in jail. He also doesn’t give a shit about little Ana, so he’s not an obstacle. I think Neo wants Kayla—but I think he’s convinced himself he’s no good for her. Or maybe he’s tried to make a move but she doesn’t want him. I don’t really know, but I do know when they’re in the same room they can’t keep their eyes off each other. Makes no fucking sense to me. I just want to lock them up together and make them figure it out.”
Chloe thought about it. “Well, he’s clearly tangled up about something. Maybe somebody should talk to Kayla and find out what her thoughts about him are.”
“Bailey’s tried. She won’t say anything.”
“That’s sad if they like each other.”
“You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.”
Chloe giggled. “Listen to you, popping out the country sayings like a pro.”
“Everybody’s heard that one. Come to think of it, why are there so many sayings with horses in them? Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, if wishes were horses beggars would ride…”
“Save a horse, ride a cowboy?”
Ryan threw her a surprised look. Then he laughed. “Okay, you got me there. That’s not one I’ll be repeating. Unless I get a cowboy hat, I guess.”
Chloe couldn’t help but smile. “Sorry. My bestie from Cedarville used to say that one a lot. She has a type, you might say.”
“Cowboys?”
“Bingo. Except she moved to Huntsville for work and married an engineer. So far as I know, he’s never been on a horse in his life.”
When they finally reached his place, she automatically looked across the street at the little house where her things waited. Her bed, her mama’s antique cabinet, the pictures and knickknacks she’d kept. Those things were home to her, and yet she had to wait to enjoy them. Always waiting.
“Is there anything you want to get?” Ryan asked softly.
Her gaze met his. Her heart beat a little faster. “No, nothing. I just want to go home and stop looking over my shoulder for trouble.”
“I know, honey. I’m working on making that happen for you.”
“I believe you will, Ryan.”
“Do you really? Because earlier you mentioned leaving town.”
Her heart hitched. “I know. That was panic. But I don’t want to leave. I want to stay.”
For the first time in months, she finally felt like she belonged somewhere again. And she didn’t want to give that up. She didn’t want to let Travis—or the threat of Travis—make her run. Where would she go this time? Her cousins mostly lived in Alabama. Christopher was the only one who’d moved far enough away that she felt like she could breathe somewhat when she’d gone to stay with him.
“I want you to stay, Chloe. Because I want to get to know you better. I want to get to a place where you’re comfortable enough with me that if I call you mine, you’ll be happy about it. I don’t want you to panic. I want to be the man you turn to when nobody else can fix it.”
Chloe swallowed. “You’re already the man I turn to.”
“Because you don’t feel like you have any other options.”
“That was true last week. It’s not true now. You’ve introduced me to a lot of people who could help. You’re still my first choice.”
He dipped his head in acknowledgement. “That’s a beginning then. And Chloe?”
“Yes, Ryan?”
“If you ever want to say I’m yours, I’m not going hate it.”
Ryan woke early, as usual, and lay in bed thinking about Chloe. She was in the room next door and he imagined her in her little sleep shorts and tank top, sprawled on her belly, hair a tangled mess on the pillows. He wanted to slip into her room and wake her up with kisses and caresses that made her moan and sigh. He could hear exactly how she’d sound in his head. He closed his eyes, his brain conjuring up memories of soft skin, damp sweat, and hot, wet pussy that gloved him tight as he slid home.
His dick was stone. He palmed it, considered jerking off, then discarded the idea with her so close by. He wanted Chloe, not his fucking hand.
And yet he was going to have to wait for her. He’d known they were rushing things—didn’t take a genius to figure that out—but her outburst over what he’d said yesterday really highlighted how fast this was going. For her especially.
She’d just gotten out of an abusive relationship and she probably hadn’t intended on getting into any relationship for a long while yet. And sex was still a relationship, no matte
r how much people might like to pretend otherwise. If you fucked the same person night after night, even if you said it was only sex, you were lying to yourself. It might only be about sex in the end, but it was still a relationship. Unless all you did was undress and fuck until you came, at which point you got dressed again and didn’t say much, you had to have some sort of connection with the person whose body you were spending time in.
And he wanted a relationship with Chloe. It was kind of a shocking thought, really, but there was something about her that got to him in ways no other woman had. Not even Megan, because they’d been kids when he’d been twisted up over her. This thing with Chloe, no matter how fast, was his first adult romance. He’d dated women, some more than once, and he’d enjoyed the bodies of more than a few. But not one of them was as sweet as Chloe. She made him laugh, and she interested him on more than just a physical level.
Was it his protector instinct coming to the fore? Maybe. Maybe he just wanted to keep her safe and teach her how to never let any guy like Travis James take advantage of her again. And yet the idea of her dating somebody else, no matter how distant in the future, made acid churn in his belly.
Mine. That was the thought in his brain. The word she’d grown angry over. But it was there and he wasn’t going to push it away. Somehow, he would make her believe it—and embrace it.
He got up and showered, careful to be quiet so he didn’t wake her. He dressed in jeans and a T-shirt and went to make coffee. Neo’s car was in the drive, but Ryan didn’t hear his teammate stirring.
He poured a cup once the coffee finished and took a sip, studying the street in front of the house. Chloe’s place looked undisturbed, which was good. She was going to want to go home again, and he didn’t blame her for that. He just wanted to find Travis James and put the fear of God—or a group of pissed off Navy SEALs—into him first.
“Hey, is there any for me?”
He’d heard her shuffling across the floor toward him. Now he turned and met her gaze. She stood there wearing yoga pants and a tank top, her hair piled haphazardly on her head. She grinned sleepily, and his heart did a little squeeze thing he wasn’t expecting. She was sexy as fuck, but all he wanted was to pull her to him and hold her.
HOT SEAL Hero: HOT SEAL Team - Book 7 Page 15
