by Louise Hall
“Angel,” Kian brushed his lips against the top of her head, “I think you should get checked out at the hospital.”
Cate shook her head, “if they see the bruises on my tummy and thighs, they’ll think that you’re abusing me. You could be arrested.”
“All I care about,” Kian hung his head, “is making sure that you’re OK. Maybe it’s what I deserve.”
Cate climbed down from his lap, “I’ll be OK. If I go to the hospital looking like this, rumours will spread about what really happened. You might not play for them anymore but you’re still famous here as the guy that led Seattle F.C. to back to back MLS Cup wins. We’ve put the children through enough over the years.”
She retrieved her clothes and underwear from the small suitcase and went into the bathroom. After she’d locked the door, she sat down on the closed toilet seat. Fresh tears trickled down her cheeks; she felt so wretched. There wasn’t a single part of her body that didn’t hurt.
She didn’t know if she was doing the right thing by not going to the hospital. Who was she really trying to protect: the children or Kian?
She tried putting on her bra but it was just too painful. Fortunately, her breasts were small enough that she could go without so she tossed it aside and tugged on her pale-grey cashmere sweater. The wool was so soft against her bare skin, it felt like a really warm hug, which was just what she needed.
As she’d suspected, her bottom was badly bruised but if she wore her panties a little low on the waist, the fabric was loose enough that it didn’t hurt too much. She pulled on her black skinny jeans and tried really hard not to wince as the stiff denim dragged up her bruised inner thighs. It was agony but she didn’t really have a choice because it was February in Seattle and the only other clothing she had with her was her crumpled silk dress from last night.
When she came out of the bathroom, Kian was dressed in a black, wool sweater and jeans.
Cate gathered up all her strength and forced herself to look him right in the eye. She needed him to know that she meant every word. “If you touch me like that ever again, I swear to God I’ll take the children and I’ll leave you.”
Kian nodded, “I understand.”
There was a town car waiting for them at the front of the hotel. Kian handed the driver their bags and while he put them away in the boot, he opened the door for Cate. She waited for him to join her but he remained on the sidewalk.
“After what just happened…” his voice trailed off. He cleared his throat. “I think it might be best if I go into the office for a couple of hours. You need space from me.”
That was the problem, Cate thought. When Kian was like this, when he was the man she’d fallen in love with all those years ago, she didn’t want space from him but when he was the monster he’d been in the shower, lashing out at her for no reason, she wanted to put entire galaxies between them.
When she got home, their nanny, Nate had just got back from dropping the children off at school. “So,” he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, “did the two of you have fun last night?”
“Mm,” Cate shrugged. She was rummaging in the kitchen cupboards looking for some arnica for her bruises.
“Please tell me that you tried the bread pudding at Labyrinth; it’s supposed to be an orgasm on a plate.”
Cate shook her head, “we didn’t stay for dessert.”
“You know I really hate you sometimes,” Nate grumbled.
She raised an eyebrow, “should you really be saying that to your employer?”
He laughed, “I meant it in a really good way, I promise. It’s just that you and Kian are so… You’ve been married for a like a billion years and you don’t just love each other, you’re still in love with each other. It makes me so jealous.”
Cate felt a huge lump form in the back of her throat. He definitely wouldn’t be saying that if he could see the bruises hidden underneath her clothes.
“Luke’s with Allison tonight, isn’t he?” Cate changed the subject. Nate’s boyfriend, Eric was their next-door neighbour and he shared custody of his son, Luke with his ex-wife, Allison.
“Supposedly,” Nate frowned, “although I’m sure Eric will get a phone call at some point this evening asking if he can come and collect Luke because Ali’s been called into surgery again.” Allison was the head of cardio-thoracic surgery at Seattle Central Hospital.
“Why don’t you take the rest of the day off? Go and enjoy what’s left of Valentine’s Day with your man.”
Nate’s pale-blue eyes sparkled with excitement, “are you sure?”
“Yeah,” Cate gave him a shove. “We’ll be fine here. You know how Kian point-blank refuses to do anything romantic on February 14th. He’ll probably stay late at the office so he can make up for having to leave early yesterday.”
“You’re the best boss ever,” Nate kissed her cheek.
For the first time ever, Cate actually found herself hoping that Kian would spend the night at the office again. After the children had gone to bed, she had a bath. She hoped that it would soothe her aching muscles but actually it just made her feel worse. The bruises had developed and were now dark and angry-looking against her pale skin. Even though they’d been given in the height of passion rather than anger, the teeth marks around her belly button looked dirty and shameful. With her bottom being so sore, she couldn’t get comfortable in the tub and so she gave up and climbed out.
After she’d dried off, she changed into her softest flannel pyjamas. She hadn’t been able to find any arnica but she’d taken a couple of ibuprofen and was lying on her side, trying not to put any weight on her bottom. She still had so many unanswered questions. Kian said that he’d lashed out at her because he’d thought that she was somebody else. But who else would have climbed into the shower with him like that?
She knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep so she thought she’d watch a movie on her laptop instead.
Kian leaned against the bedroom door and looked at his wife. Even though the room was dark, he could still see the silvery tracks of her tears.
He recognised the score by Francis Lai and the fist, which felt like it was tightly clenched around his heart loosened ever so slightly. At least, these tears weren’t only because of him.
“You must have seen that movie a thousand times and yet it still makes you cry.”
Cate looked up and he hated the brief flicker of fear he saw in her beautiful, dark eyes. “Do you want me to go?” Kian asked softly.
Cate paused and then shook her head, “I don’t know.”
As he walked across to the bed, he couldn’t help but notice how she subtly moved further up the mattress, away from him.
He put his briefcase down on the end of the bed and flicked it open, removing a large, manila envelope from inside. Until this morning, he’d always thought that the contents of this envelope were his worst nightmare but that was until he’d spun around and seen that the monster he’d been fighting wasn’t really a monster at all but an angel. He’d seen his beautiful angel hunched over on the shower floor, bruised and sobbing, her skin marked by his anger. Knowing that he’d hurt her, that was the real nightmare.
“I want you to have this,” Kian handed her the envelope.
“What is it?” Cate asked, her bottom lip trembling.
Kian steeled himself, “they’re…” He could barely get the words out but that wasn’t a surprise. The same thing had happened earlier when he’d discussed it with his lawyer, Bram.
He closed his eyes, “they’re divorce papers, angel.”
Cate gasped. She threw the envelope on the floor. “You’re leaving me?”
“No,” Kian couldn’t bear the pain in her voice. He crawled up the bed and gathered her in his arms. “I could never leave you, angel, never.”
“I don’t understand,” Cate reached up and cradled his face in her delicate hands. “If you’re not leaving me, why are you giving me divorce papers?”
“I’m giving you an out,” Kian gulped
. His throat felt like it was coated with razor blades. “I fucking hate myself for hurting you this morning. If you can’t forgive me and you want to leave, I’ll let you. I’ve signed the papers but I haven’t dated them. It doesn’t matter when it is, if it’s right now or in five years’ time. They give you everything, angel; full custody of the children, the house, every last cent in our bank accounts. I don’t ever want you to feel like you’re obligated to stay with me.”
Cate sobbed, “it sounds like you’re trying to get rid of me.”
Kian lifted up her laptop and placed it carefully on the bedside table. He held Cate against him. “I don’t want you to leave me, angel but I also don’t want you to be scared all the time.”
Cate hugged him fiercely. “Tell me that it won’t happen again. Make me believe you.”
“I swear to you,” Kian whispered, “it won’t happen again.”
“OK,” Cate said softly. At that moment, she didn’t care if she believed him or if she just really wanted to.
Kian rubbed his nose against hers, “I still want you to have those papers.”
“No,” Cate shook her head. “If it’s not going to happen again, I don’t need them.”
“Please,” Kian begged. “Put them in a drawer somewhere and just forget about them.”
Friday February 15th
When Kian woke up the next morning, their eldest daughter, Lola was stood at the end of the bed. “Geez, Lo. What are you doing up so early?”
“It’s not that early,” Lola had her hands on her hips. “Why are you still wearing your suit?”
Kian reached up and tied his black hair away from his face, “I was just really tired when I got home last night. What’s up?”
“Nate isn’t here and if Mum doesn’t wake up soon, Mats and Sierra are going to be late for school.”
Cate stirred a little in his arms. “It’s OK,” Kian gently slipped his arm out from underneath his wife. “Give me a couple of minutes to get changed and I’ll take you guys to school today.”
Lola frowned, “why can’t Mum do it? Is she sad again?” Now that she was a teenager, Lola tried to pretend that she was really tough but Kian could see that she was worried. Cate had battled with prenatal depression when she was pregnant with their youngest daughter, Sierra.
He led Lola out into the hallway so that they wouldn’t wake up Cate. “Your mum’s fine, Lo. I promise. I just thought I’d do something nice and let her have a lie-in this morning.”
Lola looked back at the closed bedroom door. “Are you sure?”
When she chewed on her bottom lip, she looked so much like Cate. He gave her a hug, “you’ve got such a beautiful, big heart, Lola. I know you worry sometimes that Mum’s going to be sad again but I promise you, she’s fine.”
“OK,” Lola shrugged, “you’d tell me if she wasn’t though, right? I mean, I’m not a little kid anymore like Mats and Sierra.”
“Sweetheart, it’s not your job to worry about your mum or me. You’re a teenager now. Aren’t you supposed to be stomping around the house, slamming doors, playing your music really loud and yelling that you hate everybody and everything?”
“Is that what you and Mum were like at my age?” Lola asked.
Kian shook his head, “when I was your age, I was at the Rovers Academy every night after school and all day on Saturdays and Sundays. The coaches there were so tough. If I’d even thought about slamming one of the doors at the training ground, they would have beaten the crap out of me.”
“Daddy,” Sierra frowned, “you said a naughty word. You owe the swear jar a dollar.”
“Shit,” Kian hadn’t seen her walk out of her bedroom.
“That’s two dollars,” Sierra thrust out her hand, “hand them over.”
“Lo, can you check that your brother’s nearly ready. Right,” he turned to Sierra. “I might as well give you the five dollars now because I’m sure I’ll have sworn at least three more times before I drop you off at school today.”
“OK,” Sierra giggled.
When Kian got back from the school run, he went upstairs to the master bedroom. “Hi,” Cate smiled sleepily. “Thanks for taking the children to school today.”
“It’s no problem,” he leaned down and kissed the tip of her nose. “How are you feeling?”
“I’ll be OK.”
She was about to sit up. “Wait,” Kian retrieved a small tube from inside his jacket pocket. “I got you some arnica for your bruises.”
“Thank you,” she smiled. “I looked for some last night but we must have run out. I was going to stop by the store on my way back from the school run this morning.”
“How bad are they?”
“They’re OK,” Cate turned her head and looked out of the window at Puget Sound.
“Can I see them, angel?”
“OK.”
Kian slowly unbuttoned the front of her pyjama top. “Fuck,” he groaned as he saw the dark-purple bruise spreading out between her teardrop-shaped breasts. “I’m so sorry.” He brushed his lips ever so gently against her skin; his early-morning stubble rasped against the sides of her breasts.
Kian reached for the tube of arnica and squeezed a dab onto his fingertips. He cupped her breast, gently keeping it out of the way as he applied the ointment to her injured flesh.
Cate let her eyelids flutter closed. She understood that he needed to take care of her. His slick fingertips danced over the teeth marks surrounding her belly button. She reached down and stroked her fingers through his black hair. In between gently applying ointment to her bruises, Kian peppered her skin with soft, butterfly kisses which made her feel all floaty.
He traced his fingers around the waistband of her pyjama trousers and looked up at her, asking for permission to pull them down. She nodded.
Kian slid an arm under the small of her back and lifted her up, protecting her sore bottom, as he carefully peeled away her pyjamas until she was naked apart from her pale-blue panties.
He applied more ointment to the bruises on her inner thighs and then wiped his hands.
He reached for her hands and lifted her up so she was kneeling on the mattress in front of him. He smoothed his hands over her hips and slid his fingers under the waistband of her panties. “Can I take them off?” Kian asked.
Cate was surprised because since their very first time together, he’d always been so dominant in the bedroom. She’d never seen him look so nervous before.
“Yes.” He teased her panties down her legs and then squeezed the arnica on to the palm of his right hand. With his free hand cradling the back of her neck, he smoothed his palm over her warm, aching buttocks. “Kian,” Cate shivered. Despite her injuries, her nipples were hard and swollen against the wool of his jumper and her thighs trembled.
“I wish,” Kian whispered, wiping his hand again. He kissed her neck, savouring the familiar scent of her blackberry shampoo. “I wish I could get inside your skin.”
Cate looked up at him and she was even more surprised to see tears glisten in his dark eyes. “I can tend to the bruises I’ve caused on your skin but I can’t do anything about the hurt I’ve caused you right here.” He pressed his lips over her heart.
Cate cradled his cheeks so that he was looking at her. “You made a mistake, Kian.”
“It’s like you said yesterday…” Kian gulped. He’d started out wanting to take care of his wife but now he was the one who needed the comfort of her embrace. “I didn’t mean to lash out at you, angel but it doesn’t make me feel any less guilty.”
“The bruises will fade,” Cate reassured him. “Yesterday will be just another day.”
Kian remained in her warm embrace. Cate gently kissed the top of his head. “Can I ask you something?” She hated the butterflies which swarmed inside her tummy. She was 99% certain that he wouldn’t try and hurt her again; it was that unknown 1% which was making her nervous.
“OK.”
“Yesterday, when I touched you in the shower…” She felt
him stiffen in her arms. “Who did you think I was?”
Kian burrowed deeper into the curve between her neck and shoulder, cocooned safely within the curtain of her inky-black hair.
“Please,” Cate whispered. “You said that you didn’t mean to hurt me yesterday and I believe you, I do. But you were so angry, Kian. I’ve never seen you like that before. If I don’t know why you reacted the way you did, how can I protect myself and the children?”
Kian looked horrified, “you think that I would hurt our children?”
Cate wanted so badly to just drop the subject but she had to think about what was best for Lola, Mats and Sierra, “not intentionally, no.”
Kian stood up. She’d never seen him look so despondent before. “I’m going to stay in a hotel tonight.”
“No,” Cate crawled across the bed towards him. She didn’t care that she was naked. “Please, I don’t want you to go.”
“If you think…” Kian clutched his stomach, “that there’s even a chance that I could hurt our children, I need to go.”
As if somebody up there had a cruel sense of humour, he was just reversing the Tank down the driveway when his cell-phone rang. He’d programmed the number in to his phone as ‘DO NOT ANSWER’.
Kian took one last look at Cate, who was stood in the doorway watching him leave. She looked so broken. He’d fucking done that.
He stabbed at the button on his phone. “What do you want, Richmond? Haven’t you done enough fucking damage?”
Sunday February 10th
“Ugh, I’m so freaking jealous of you right now,” Cate grumbled. It was another gorgeous February day in Seattle, if by gorgeous you meant blowing a freaking gale and raining.
She kicked off her brown leather ankle boots and padded across to the wardrobe in her stockinged feet. She unbuttoned the front of her calf-length black dress, which was printed with dark-red flowers.
She grabbed her oldest, scruffiest pair of jeans and dragged them up her legs and then reached for the dark-green, thick wool jumper that she’d co-opted from Kian’s wardrobe.
