by Louise Hall
“Dad, I know your middle name’s not Finbar.”
“Ah, I thought I’d got you there. Come on, the suspense is killing me, who is it?”
“Promise,” Kian said sternly.
“All right, all right,” Eamon held both his hands up. “I promise. See no crossed fingers.”
Kian went around the corner and reached out a hand.
Cate shook her head, “I can’t.”
“C’mon,” Kian whispered. “Trust me.”
She slowly placed her hand inside his and let him lead her around the corner. The shock on Eamon’s face when he saw that it was Cate holding his son’s hand was obvious. He dropped his cigarette on the ground. “Well, I never.”
“You promised not to tell anyone, Dad,” Kian reminded him.
“Yes, of course,” Eamon stood there, still open-mouthed.
“I’m going to go back inside,” Cate said quickly.
“Take care,” Eamon said after her, “on the steps I mean, they’re slippery.”
Kian watched until the kitchen door had closed behind Cate and then turned back to face his Dad. “Don’t say it.”
“Your mum and I, we’re not stupid, Kian. We’ve both seen how you look at Cate when you think that nobody’s watching.”
“I’m not a creep,” Kian gritted his teeth.
“I didn’t say you were,” Eamon sighed, “but you also haven’t got time for distractions like Cate, she’s not one of your friends with benefits. The only thing you should be thinking about right now is football. You’re so close to fulfilling all those fanciful dreams you had when you were a little boy. You’re already a first-choice central midfielder for a Premier League team and you’ve been capped by England. I know if you keep working hard and you don’t get distracted that you’ll be the finest England captain we’ve ever had. That’s still what you want, isn’t it, son?”
“Of course,” Kian replied with all of the enthusiasm he could muster. “You were right before; it’s too cold to be stood out here. I’m going to say goodbye to Ben and then head home. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He trudged up the stairs and let himself in through the back door. He was surprised to find his mum in the kitchen. “Is everything OK, Kian? I thought you’d still be downstairs with Ben and the others.”
Jean would be furious if she caught his dad smoking so he quickly checked that he couldn’t be seen from the kitchen window. “I’m tired,” he shrugged, “training was tough today. I think the gaffer wanted to pre-emptively punish us for overdoing it tomorrow so I’m going to head home.”
“Your dad caught you with Cate, didn’t he?”
“What?” Kian stumbled backwards.
Jean smiled, “relax, Kian. I’m not going to tell anybody but I knew it was only a matter of time before something happened between the two of you.”
“Dad wants me to focus on football. I’m this close to winning the World Cup apparently.”
Jean lowered her voice to a whisper, “you really like her, don’t you?”
Kian shook his head, “I know it’s a huge mess because of the age difference between us and how close our families are but I love her, Mum.” His body shook as if struggling to hold the weight of his next words. They might have only shared one sweet kiss but Cate was already his and he was hers. He could still feel the silk of her hair through his fingers, the taste of her lingered on his lips and her gentle curves were imprinted on his body. “Someday I’m going to be lucky enough to marry her.”
“Oh, Kian,” Jean reached up and cradled her son’s cheek. “I really hope you get your wish.”
Thursday March 14th
Kian stopped the Tank in an empty parking lot; his heart slamming hard against his ribcage. He could still smell Cate’s arousal on his fingers and yet he was holding their signed divorce papers. “Fuck,” he stumbled out of the car and was violently sick in the gutter.
“You all right, man?” A homeless guy asked. He was pushing a bright red Target shopping trolley stuffed full of his belongings.
“I don’t know,” Kian answered honestly.
“Can you spare a few dollars?”
Kian grabbed his wallet from inside his jacket and handed him $50.
“God bless you,” the man smiled brightly. He was missing his two front teeth.
Yeah, right! He’d stopped believing in God when he was twelve years old.
Where there was nothing left in his stomach, he got back in the Tank and looked again at the manila envelope containing their divorce papers. It felt so fucking surreal. He needed to see her signature so that he could believe that this wasn’t just a hellish nightmare.
He flipped open the top of the envelope and slid out the papers. His eyes slowly trailed down the black print, prolonging the agony.
His first thought was that it didn’t look like Cate’s regular signature. When he looked more closely, he realised that she’d scrawled ‘FUCK YOU’ in the space for her signature.
He flipped through the other pages but she’d done the same there too.
Why couldn’t she just let him go? Didn’t she realise that she was a billion times better off without him? Because she loves you, you fucking idiot! You might be determined to push her away but she’s not the naïve 18 year old she was when you first got together, she’s a woman now, a warrior and she’s going to push back at you just as hard.
After he’d gone, Cate sank down against the closed front door, still dressed in just a towel and she laughed. It was completely inappropriate considering what had just happened but once she started, she couldn’t stop. She was cackling like a crazy lady. I wonder when Kian will realise that I didn’t actually sign those stupid papers.
Friday March 15th
“Cate Warner, are you ignoring me?” Heidi asked when Cate dropped Mateo and Sierra off at school that morning.
“Not on purpose. What’s up?” She still felt really bad that she’d had to cancel Mats and Diego’s play-date after Kian’s “accident”.
“There’s this cool, new exhibit that’s just opened over at the Children’s Museum. I was going to take Diego a week on Sunday. I texted you last night to see if Mats wanted to come too?”
“He’d love that,” Cate fumbled in her pockets for her phone. “Darn, I must have left it in the car. It must be broken. I definitely didn’t get your text last night or I would have replied.”
“No worries,” Heidi smiled. “I know you’ve got a lot on your plate right now.”
When she got back home, she tidied up the breakfast dishes and tried to avoid looking at her cell-phone. She was kind of surprised that Kian hadn’t already called to yell at her for ruining those stupid papers. She knew he was angry because when he’d called the previous night to say goodnight to the children, he hadn’t wanted to talk to her at all. It might have been incredibly childish but she didn’t have any regrets about what she’d done. He’d held the balance of power for most of their marriage but she wasn’t 18 years old anymore. He didn’t get to just show up at their house, give her an orgasm and then decide that their marriage was over.
Her phone started ringing but when she looked down at the screen, it was ‘DO NOT ANSWER’. She didn’t have anybody in her contacts listed as that.
Curiosity got the better of her and she pressed the button to answer the call.
“Don’t hang up, OK.”
She didn’t recognise the voice.
“I know you don’t want to talk to me. I’m actually kind of surprised that you answered my call… I just thought you should know that Hunter’s been charged. He’s going to pay for what he did to you and Liam.”
“What he did to you and Liam?” She knew without a shadow of a doubt that this was the final piece of the puzzle. She held the phone away from her mouth so ‘DO NOT ANSWER’ wouldn’t hear that she was breathing really fast.
She sank down on to the kitchen floor, trying to pluck up the courage to say something. She still had the choice to remain oblivious. She could
press the button to end the call at any time.
But she couldn’t. Somebody called ‘Hunter’ had done something to her husband.
“Warner, are you still there?” ‘DO NOT ANSWER’ asked.
Cate closed her eyes. “Who…?” her voice came out in a squeak. She quickly coughed. “Who’s Hunter and what did he do to my husband?”
“I thought this was Kian Warner’s phone?”
“It is. I’m his wife, Cate. Who are you?”
“Shit!” At first she thought he wasn’t going to answer her. “My name’s Sam Richmond. I was at the Rovers Academy with your husband.”
“Who’s Hunter?” Already the name felt really bitter on her tongue.
Sam cleared his throat. It sounded like he didn’t like saying the name all that much either. “Joe Hunter. He was our coach when we were at the Academy.”
“OK,” Cate vaguely remembered the name. “What did he do to my husband?”
“I think you’d better ask him that,” Sam sounded really uncomfortable but she was grateful that he hadn’t hung up on her.
“Can you at least tell me what he’s been charged with?”
“Child sex abuse.”
“No!” Cate quickly scrambled to her feet. “That’s not possible. No!”
“I’m so sorry, Mrs Warner.”
“It’s Cate.” She clutched her stomach. It felt like it was on a really fast spin cycle. “Can I call you back, Sam?”
“Of course.”
“Will you answer?” she asked.
“Yes, I’ll answer,” he said quietly.
As soon as she’d ended the call, she staggered over to the kitchen sink and threw up. She’d been married to Kian for well over a decade, surely she’d know if he’d been abused? It had to be a joke, it just had to be but who would joke about something as sick and twisted as that?
She thought about how angry Kian had been when she’d surprised him in the shower at the Chatsfield. When he’d lashed out at her, he’d said that he’d thought that she was somebody else. She lurched over the kitchen sink, retching again. Did he think that she was Hunter? Was that why he’d attacked her? Was that what he’d done to Kian?
Even just thinking about somebody hurting him like that made her heart feel like it was being ripped to shreds.
He’d said so many times over the last few weeks that he was a monster. Was that because of what had happened to him?
She’d never felt so angry in her whole fucking life. That bastard – she couldn’t bear to even think his name – had hurt her kind, loving husband. An unquenchable fire surged through her veins. She wanted to get the first flight back to England, find that bastard and kill him. “No,” she quickly shook her head. Death would be too easy for a twisted fuck like him. She’d beat him until he was bleeding out of every goddamn pore, until there wasn’t a single part of him that wasn’t wracked with pain. But it still wouldn’t be enough.
Kian really thinks that he’s a monster. That thought quickly sobered her. She slowly sank back down to the kitchen floor. She leaned back against the kitchen cupboard and brought her knees up to her chest.
It was all starting to make sense now. That’s why he’d asked her for a divorce. He really thought that she and the children would be better off without him.
She picked up her phone again and called Sam. “Are you OK?” he asked tentatively.
“No,” Cate shook her head. “Please can you tell me what you know?”
After she’d finished talking to Sam, her first thought was that she needed to find Kian right away. She ran upstairs and flung some clothes in an overnight bag while she called Liv.
“Hey, I need a favour.”
“Are you OK, sis? You sound out of breath.”
“I’m just in a hurry,” Cate shoved her feet into her shoes. “I know it’s really short notice but is there any way you can pick the children up from school today and keep them at yours tonight?”
“Of course. What’s going on?”
“I can’t explain it right now.” She ran back down the stairs. “Damn it, where did I put my keys?” She found them on the kitchen counter next to what she now knew was Kian’s cell-phone. “I just really need to talk to Kian.”
“OK.”
As she was driving over to downtown Seattle, Kian’s cell-phone rang. It was Ben. “Hey man, I’ve just seen something on the news about Rovers.”
“It’s me, Cate.”
“Cate?” There was a pause while Ben checked that he’d dialled the right number. “What are you doing with Kian’s phone? Is everything OK?” He was working from home.
“He stopped by the house yesterday to pick up some of his things and he must have picked up my phone instead of his by accident.”
“Oh, OK. I’ll call him at the office then.”
“No,” Cate yelped. She didn’t want him to try and talk to Kian about Rovers right now.
“What’s going on?” Ben asked suspiciously.
“Nothing…” Cate quickly tried to think of an excuse. “Sorry, some jerk in a Mercedes just tried to cut me up. You mentioned something about Rovers?”
“Yeah, one of the youth team coaches there – a guy called Joe Hunter - has just been charged with several counts of historic child sex abuse. I remember the bastard from when Kian was at the Rovers Academy and I was just wondering if he’d heard about it?”
“Could you ask him about it tomorrow instead?” she asked. “It’s just… I’m on my way to the office right now. Kian and I are going to talk about making this trial separation more permanent.” She winced even just saying the words.
“Shit, Cate, I’m so sorry. I had no idea things were that bad with you guys?”
“It’s OK. I just think today’s going to be difficult enough without having to think about whatever’s happened at Rovers.”
“Of course,” Ben said. “Do you need anything, sis?”
Cate bit down hard on her bottom lip. All she really needed right now was Kian.
“I’ll be OK. But will you promise not to say anything to anybody else? It’s just that we haven’t told the children yet.”
“Of course not,” Ben promised. “I’m really sorry, Cate.”
“I don’t give a fuck what you do but I want my name kept out of this, OK?” Kian said to Bram.
“Duly noted,” Bram nodded.
There was a knock at the door to his office. Kian quickly swept the paper file he’d been poring over into the bottom drawer of his desk and locked it. “Come in.”
The door swung open and Cate was stood there. It was a family joke that she would make the absolute worst poker player because her emotions were always so obviously written all over her face but today, when he looked into her big, black eyes, he couldn’t read the expression in them.
“I need to talk to you,” she said softly.
Bram got up from the chair in front of Kian’s desk, “I’d better get back to the office.” It was getting late. Ben was working from home today but Anna had already left. Bram had always worked unconventional hours.
“I’ll let you know if there are any developments,” he said to Kian before he left.
Cate quietly closed the door behind him and turned the lock so they wouldn’t be disturbed.
Kian sat behind his desk and watched as she removed her black wool coat and hung it on the hook by the door. She was wearing jeans and a pale-grey cashmere sweater.
“Can we sit over here?” she gestured towards the black, leather couch.
“Of course,” Kian pushed back from his desk.
She sat down on the sofa and rubbed her palms up and down her jeans-clad thighs.
Her handbag was on the floor by her feet and she reached down and took out her cell-phone. She put it down on the coffee table in front of them. “We have the same phone,” she explained. Her voice didn’t sound right; it was quiet and brittle. “When you came to the house yesterday to pick up your things, we must have got them mixed-up.”
�
��I must have yours then,” he started to get up from the sofa. “You didn’t have to come all the way over here to collect it. I could have had it couriered to you.”
She put her hand on his knee, stilling him. “I didn’t come here just to get my phone back.” Cate looked down at the dark-grey carpet. She was biting her lip and he had to fight hard against the urge to reach up and gently tug it free from her teeth. “I didn’t even realise I had your phone until this morning. We’ve got the same passcode.”
He wondered if she realised that she still had her hand on his knee. He could feel the warmth of her touch through the fabric of his pants.
“I got a call from…” She looked up, her eyes meeting his and it was like he knew what she was going to say even before she opened her mouth. “Sam Richmond.”
His heart slammed into his ribcage.
“What…” He coughed, trying hard to regain his composure. “What did he say?”
Perhaps he hadn’t wanted to see it before because now it was so fucking obvious, there was so much pain in her beautiful eyes. He wanted to be sick. This exact moment was what he’d tried so desperately hard to avoid. He’d been prepared to give up his marriage and his family just so that he didn’t have to watch her go through this.
“I know,” she said softly. She removed her hand from his knee and he winced. Was he already so repulsive that she couldn’t bear to touch him?
But then he felt her hand settle on top of his, her delicate fingers entwining themselves with his.
“How can you do that?” Kian asked incredulously. “How can you touch me knowing that… knowing that I’m a monster?”
“Don’t say that.” Her eyes were brimming with tears. “You could never be a monster, Kian.”
“Liam is dead because of me!”
“No,” Cate shook her head. “That’s not true.”
“Yes, it is. I knew what was happening. I should have said something.”
Cate took a deep breath. “Sam saw what was happening to Liam. His mum was waiting for him but he’d left his football boots behind in the locker room so he went back to get them. Hunter…”
