by Louise Hall
The children could barely even look at him and it was like an actual, physical wound.
“They’ll get over it,” Cate patted his arm. “It’s because you’ve been away a lot. They were like that with me when I was on Stepping Out.”
When they got home, Kian could tell that Cate was emotionally drained. He led her upstairs and into the master bathroom, where he’d prepared a lovely, hot bath for her. “Why don’t you just relax? I can look after the children this afternoon.”
Cate was sorely tempted, “but they’re still not talking to you?”
Kian smiled, “that’s even more reason why I should spend some quality time with them. I need to show them that I’m not going to go away again.”
“OK.” She stripped off her clothes and climbed into the bath, letting the hot water soothe her tired, aching muscles. Kian avoided looking at her naked body until she was safely covered by the frothy bubbles.
“I think,” she leaned her head back against the side of the bath and closed her eyes. Her black eyelashes fluttered against her flushed cheeks. “You’re the angel, Kian. This bath is perfect.”
He brushed his lips against her forehead. “As long as you think so, that’s all that matters to me.”
“Where’s Mommy?” Sierra asked when Kian came back downstairs alone.
“She’s having a bath, sweetheart.”
“Oh.”
“So, I had an idea…” Kian sat down on the squashy l-shaped sofa in the lounge. “I know I’ve been away a lot recently and I want to do something to make it up to you and Mum. I was thinking that I could cook a really nice meal and you guys could help me. What do you think?”
Lola scoffed, “you can’t cook, Dad.”
“Hey,” Kian pretended to be offended. “Who cooked all your meals for you when Mum was on Stepping Out?”
“Uncle Nate?” Mateo piped up.
They were still a bit cool with him but they helped pick out a couple of recipes and agreed to go to the supermarket with him.
“We should get these,” Sierra picked up a box of cereal from one of the shelves. “They’re your favourite, aren’t they, Daddy?”
“What’s the point?” Lola scowled. “Tomorrow morning, he’ll probably have already gone away again.”
Sierra looked up at him, tears shining in her big, black eyes. “Are you going on another business trip, Daddy?”
“Please don’t cry, baby girl,” he dropped to his knees. “I’m not going anywhere, I promise. No more business trips.”
“I don’t believe you,” Mats grunted, looking down at the floor.
Kian found an old receipt in his wallet and scribbled something down on the back of it. “Come here, I want the three of you to see this. I promise that if I go away again for more than one night, I’ll give each of you a $1,000,000.”
After they’d all read it, he handed it to Lola. “Can you hold onto that for me, sweetheart?”
He picked up the box of cereal that Sierra had put back on the shelf and placed it in the trolley.
When they got back from the supermarket, Kian checked on Cate. She was curled up in their bed, her arms tightly hugging his pillow. He gently covered her with the comforter so she wouldn’t get cold and then closed the door.
When Cate woke up later that afternoon, at first she felt a little disorientated. It was starting to get dark outside but she didn’t know how long she’d been asleep for. It felt strange to be in their bed on her own, she was so used to having the children around her.
“Hey, sleepyhead.” When she blinked open her eyes, Kian was sat in the chair at the side of the bed, watching her.
“How long have you been sat there?”
“Not long,” Kian stroked his hand over her soft cheek.
“Is everything OK with the children?”
“They’re fine,” he reassured her. “I want you to get dressed and come downstairs. We’ve got a surprise for you.”
Cate sat up, “I don’t normally like surprises.”
“You’re going to like this one, angel. I promise.”
She put on faded blue jeans and her favourite pale-grey cashmere sweater and tied her inky-black hair up in a messy top-knot. “Is this OK?”
“Beautiful,” Kian murmured. He reached for her hand and tugged her out of the bedroom.
“Oh my goodness,” she gasped when she walked into the dining room. The table was set with the fancy plates and cutlery they’d been given as wedding presents. There were thick red candles flickering in the centre of the table and on the windowsill. “What is all of this?”
“I wanted to do something nice for you.” He led her across to the table and pulled out her chair.
“Do you like it, Mommy?” Sierra was practically jumping up and down with excitement.
“I love it,” Cate bit her lip, trying really hard not to cry.
Lola, Mats and Sierra all joined her at the table. “Mommy,” Sierra asked while Kian went back into the kitchen to get the food they’d all helped to cook. “Is a million dollars a lot of money?”
Lola kicked her sister under the table, “we’re not supposed to talk about that.”
Mats frowned, “Dad didn’t say that it was a secret.”
Cate narrowed her eyes, “what isn’t a secret?”
“What’s going on?” Kian asked when he came back into the dining room. He was surprised to see that Cate was frowning a little.
“Daddy,” Sierra asked, “can we tell Mommy about the million dollars?”
“Of course you can,” Kian shrugged, “it’s not a secret, baby girl.”
“Daddy said that if he goes away again for more than one night, he’s going to give each of us a million dollars.”
“Wow,” Cate sat back against her chair. “He said that, huh?”
“He wrote it down as well. Lola’s got the piece of paper in her purse.”
“OK, you two, it’s time for bed,” Cate said to Mats and Sierra later that night.
“Mommy,” Sierra tugged on her hand, “can I sleep in your bed again tonight?”
Cate dropped to her knees on the hallway carpet, “what’s the matter, baby girl? Daddy’s home now.”
“I know.”
“I tell you what,” Cate gave her a hug. “Why don’t you get in your own bed and I’ll come and lie with you until you fall asleep?”
“OK.”
“Put your jammies on and I’ll be right there.”
As Sierra ran down the hallway to her bedroom, Cate turned her attention to Mats. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m OK,” Mats shrugged. “Dad’s not going to go away again, right?”
Kian was just coming up the stairs after talking to Lola. He put a hand on his son’s shoulder. “I’m not going anywhere, Mats, I promise. I know it’s going to take a while for you to trust me again.”
“I don’t like it when you go away because I have to be the man of the house and I’m only eight.”
Kian led him towards the bedroom. “You did such a great job of looking after your mum and sisters while I was gone. I’m so proud of you, Mats.”
Cate lay there in the darkness of Sierra’s bedroom and watched as her youngest daughter drifted off to sleep. She knew that they had a long road ahead of them but for the first time in ages, she actually felt hopeful.
When she was certain that Sierra was asleep, she quietly tiptoed out of her bedroom. Kian was sat on the carpet in the hallway with his long legs stretched out in front of him.
“Did Sierra get to sleep, OK?” He quickly stood up.
Cate nodded, “eventually. What about Mats and Lo?”
“Mats fell asleep almost straight away and I think Lo’s almost there.”
After she’d checked on them both, Kian reached for Cate’s hand and led her downstairs and outside to the wooden swing on the back porch.
“I know in the past we’ve tried to be firm about not letting the children share our bed but, given what they’ve been through, given what
I’ve put them through, these past few weeks, if it helps to make Sierra feel safe, I don’t have a problem with it.”
Cate looked up at the stars, “we’ll monitor it and see how she goes but I think it’s best if we try and keep things as normal as possible.”
It was chilly outside so Kian draped the wedding quilt over their laps as he gently rocked them back and forth.
“I know I’ve asked a lot from you over these last few months but I need one more favour.”
“OK,” Cate turned to face him.
“It’s a big story back home and there’s going to be a lot about it online. I don’t want you to watch or read any of it. I don’t want you to see him.”
“Of course,” Cate squeezed his hand, “if that’s what you want.”
“He can be charming when he wants to be…”
“As charming as a rattlesnake,” Cate took a deep breath. She didn’t want to upset Kian but whenever she thought about the thing that had hurt her husband; she really struggled to suppress her need to cause him untold physical harm.
“He just… he can make people believe things.”
Cate looked up at him in disbelief. He looked so uncertain and she wasn’t sure whether she wanted to sob or punch the absolute heck out of something. Surely he didn’t think… She cradled his face in her hands, forcing him to look at her. “I could watch interviews with him non-stop for the rest of my life and it wouldn’t change a thing, Kian. I believe you.”
“I know but…”
Cate pressed her finger against his lips. “No, I need you to hear this. I. Believe. You. I believe you, Kian.”
His large frame shuddered against her, “thank you.”
They sat there for a few minutes in silence; the only sound was the creak of the porch swing as Kian kicked them back and forth.
Cate felt like she needed to say something to lighten the mood.
“I can’t believe you actually promised each of them a million dollars.”
“This is going to be a fresh start for us all,” Kian brushed his lips against hers. “I’m going to talk to Ben about stepping back from the company a little bit. No more overnight trips. Anna’s doing really well; I think she can handle more responsibilities.”
“Are you sure?” Cate looked up at him. “I know how much the company means to you.”
Kian shook his head, “being away from you and the children was hell, angel but it also gave me a lot of time to think about what’s really important to me. You were right when you said at the cabin that I don’t have to prove anything to anybody. Coming so close to losing you and the children has made me realise that all I want is to be a good husband and father, anything else is just a bonus.”
“You’re already those things. I love you so much.”
“I love you too.”
Sunday March 17th
“I might start taking it personally,” Cate teased when she walked into the kitchen early the next morning, “if every morning I wake up and you’re not there.”
Kian switched off his phone and put it face down on the kitchen counter. He’d just finished talking to Jane Barrett, Liam’s mum.
When he’d woken up this morning, he’d felt so blessed to be back at home with his beautiful wife in his arms and his children sleeping peacefully down the hallway. But then he couldn’t stop thinking about Liam and how he’d never have that; the unwavering love and support of a wife and family.
When they’d first joined the Rovers Academy, he and Liam had looked almost identical. Apart from that one time when Liam was in the hospital, why did Hunter decide to abuse him and not Kian?
With Cate, he’d always believed in fate; that she was his first half, destined to be his wife and the mother of his children. But with him and Liam, it didn’t make sense. Why was he blessed to have a successful football career and a loving family while Liam ended up so broken that he took his own life?
There were so many whys and what ifs twisting him up inside. The most frustrating thing was that for most of them he would never get any answers.
It was at that moment that Cate shifted against him, she was still asleep but she reached up and scratched the tip of her cute nose.
He leaned down and gently brushed his lips against hers, tasting her sweetness.
It strengthened his resolve. If he was going to move forward, if he was going to be the man his wife and children needed him to be, he had to make peace with Liam’s family.
He turned his attention back to Cate. “What are you wearing?”
She was wearing a green t-shirt which was much too big for her and had slipped down on one side, revealing her delicate shoulder, a pair of navy-blue and green plaid boxers and navy-blue and green striped over the knee socks. “Happy St Patrick’s Day,” she giggled.
When she turned around, he saw that the front of her t-shirt read ‘Kiss Me, I’m Irish Enough.’
“There’s only one problem with that,” Kian chuckled. “Unlike the rest of this family, you’re not Irish at all, angel.”
“I don’t know,” Cate continued to tease. “I’ve had a lovely half-Irish man inside me so many times; I think that makes me just a little bit Irish.”
“Go on then,” Kian smirked. He boosted her up on to the kitchen counter. “I like these socks.”
“I haven’t had my kiss yet,” Cate gestured to the front of her t-shirt.
Kian brushed his lips against hers and she scooted closer, gripping the front of his t-shirt. “You really want that kiss, don’t you?” he teased, slowly licking his lips.
Cate brought her arms up around his neck, their bodies pressed tightly together.
“I love you,” she whispered.
“I love you too, angel,” Kian whispered back, “always have, always will.”
After they’d kissed, Cate buried her face in his chest and he felt her gently trembling against him.
When she looked up at him, her black eyes were wet with unshed tears. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” she laughed. “They’re happy tears, I promise.”
Kian reached up and wiped a stray tear which trickled down her cheek. “Doesn’t mean I like seeing them,” he frowned.
“What were you doing before I came downstairs?” Cate asked.
Kian slipped his hand up the back of her t-shirt, needing to anchor himself with the feel of her soft, warm skin against his palm. “I was talking to Liam’s mum.”
Cate reached up and idly stroked her fingers along his jawline. “What did she say?”
“She said…” Kian took a deep breath. “She said that she doesn’t blame me.”
He’d expected Mrs Barrett to be really angry with him because if he’d told somebody about what Hunter had done to him, it might have stopped him abusing Liam. But she’d actually been really kind.
Cate knew that it was a huge deal for Kian that Liam’s mum didn’t blame him for what had happened to her son. He’d carried that guilt around with him for so long. She wrapped her arms and legs around him, holding him closely while he buried his face in the curve between her neck and shoulder. They stayed like that for several minutes, finding comfort and strength in their unbreakable bond.
They only broke apart when they heard Lola’s footsteps coming down the stairs.
“OK,” Kian chuckled, “it’s not even 7am and you’re already awake. Who are you and what have you done with my eldest daughter?”
“I’m hungry.” She narrowed her eyes at them. “You’re both acting weird again.”
“Everything’s good, Lo,” Cate jumped down off the counter. “Do you want pancakes for breakfast?”
“Uh, Mum?” Lola eyed Cate’s t-shirt. “You do realise you’re not Irish, right?”
“So people keep telling me,” Cate snuck a glance at Kian.
First thing on a Sunday morning, Lola usually watched the Premier League highlights from the day before. “Do you want to go and watch TV while I’m making the pancakes?”
“No,
I’m OK,” Lola shook her head. She sat down next to Kian at the kitchen counter.
“What’s wrong?” he asked while Cate got the ingredients together.
“Noah sent me an e-mail yesterday.” Noah was Yoakey’s son. “It had a link to a news story about a man called Sam Richmond.”
Cate looked across at Kian and she could see the sheer panic in his dark eyes.
“Do you know him, Dad?”
Kian cleared his throat, “I knew him a long time ago, sweetheart. We were at the Rovers Academy together.”
“They said that he found out that…” she looked down at the countertop, her cheeks were flushed pink. “One of the coaches was doing really bad things and the club paid him a lot of money to keep quiet about it.”
“How do you feel about that?” Cate asked.
Lola looked up at her dad. “What they did was wrong. I know you played for them but I don’t want to support Rovers anymore.”
“If that’s what you want, I understand.”
“Why did they do it, Dad? Why didn’t they call the police?”
“I don’t know.”
“You’ve always said that if I ever feel uncomfortable or I see something that doesn’t look right that I should tell you straight away?”
“That’s right, sweetheart,” Cate put her hand on Lola’s shoulder. “You should.”
“But that’s what Sam Richmond did, didn’t he? I mean, he told his mum and dad what he’d seen but it didn’t matter because Rovers didn’t call the police, they just gave them money to go away.”
“Just because Rovers gave his parents money instead of calling the police, it doesn’t mean that he did the wrong thing by telling them. He was very brave to speak up like that.
Kian’s shoulders were hunched over and Cate could tell that he was beating himself up all over again for not speaking out.
After they’d finished eating breakfast, Cate sent the children upstairs to get dressed.
“Come on,” she tugged on Kian’s hand. “There’s no bigger screw you than to have a fun day out with your wife and children. If you’re lucky I’ll even let you buy me a pint of Guinness.”
The heavy weight lifted from Kian’s shoulders as he followed Cate upstairs. “I distinctly remember you telling me a few weeks ago that if I saw you in the vicinity of any type of alcohol that I was to tape your mouth firmly shut.”
