by John Grisham
Theo suddenly had a sharp pain in his midsection. His opponent was a real lawyer!
Blaze got his clients, the two women, properly seated at the table on the left side of the courtroom, and when everyone was in place, Judge Yeck said, “Say, Theo, you don’t happen to own any part of this parrot do you?”
“No, sir.”
“Then why are you here?”
Theo stayed in his chair. In Animal Court, all formalities were dispensed with. The lawyers remained seated. There was no witness stand, no sworn oaths to tell the truth, no rules of evidence, and certainly no jury. Judge Yeck conducted quick hearings and ruled on the spot, and in spite of his dead-end job, he was known to be fair.
“Well, uh,” Theo began badly. “You see, Your Honor, Anton goes to my school, and his family is from Haiti, and they don’t understand our system.”
“Who does?” Yeck mumbled.
“And I guess I’m here as a favor to a friend.”
“I get that, Theo, but normally the owner of the pet shows up to argue his or her case or they hire a lawyer. You’re not the owner, and you’re not a lawyer, yet.”
“Yes, sir.”
Kevin Blaze jumped to his feet and said sharply, “I object to his presence here, Your Honor.”
Judge Yeck slowly turned his attention from Theo and settled it heavily onto the eager face of young Kevin Blaze. There was a long pause; a tense lull in the proceedings in which no one spoke and no one seemed to breathe. Finally, Judge Yeck said, “Sit down.”
When Blaze was back in his seat, Judge Yeck said, “And stay there. Don’t get up again unless I ask you to. Now, Mr. Blaze, can you not see that I am addressing the issue of Theodore Boone’s presence in this matter? Is that not obvious to you? I need no assistance from you. Your objection is useless. It is not overruled, nor is it sustained. It is simply ignored.” Another long pause as Judge Yeck looked at the group of women seated behind the table on the left.
He pointed and asked, “Who are these people?”
Blaze, firmly gripping the arms of his chair, said, “These are witnesses, Your Honor.”
Judge Yeck was obviously not happy with this response. “Okay, here’s the way I operate, Mr. Blaze. I prefer short hearings. I prefer few witnesses. And I really have no patience with witnesses who say the same things that other witnesses have already said. You understand this, Mr. Blaze?”
“Yes, sir.”
Looking at Theo, the judge said, “Thank you for taking an interest in this case, Mr. Boone.”
“You’re welcome, Judge.”
His Honor glanced at a sheet of paper and said, “Good. Now, I suppose we need to meet Pete.” He nodded to his ancient court clerk, who disappeared for a moment then returned with a uniformed bailiff holding a cheap, wire birdcage. He placed it on the corner of Judge Yeck’s bench. Inside the cage was Pete, an African gray parrot, fourteen inches long from beak to tail. Pete glanced around the strange room, moving only his head.
“I guess you’re Pete,” Judge Yeck said.
“I’m Pete,” Pete said in a clear, high-pitched voice.
“Nice to meet you. I’m Judge Yeck.”
“Yeck, Yeck, Yeck,” Pete squawked, and almost everyone laughed. The ladies in the black boots did not. They were frowning even harder now, not at all amused by Pete.
Judge Yeck exhaled slowly, as if the hearing might take longer than he wanted. “Call your first witness,” he said to Kevin Blaze.
“Yes, Your Honor. I guess we’ll start with Kate Spangler.” Blaze reshifted his weight and turned to look at his client. It was obvious he wanted to stand and move around the courtroom, and felt constrained. He picked up a legal pad covered with notes, and began, “You are the co-owner of SC Stables, correct?”
“Yes.” Ms. Spangler was a small, thin woman in her mid-forties.
“How long have you owned SC Stables?”
“Why is that important?” Judge Yeck interrupted quickly. “Please tell me how that is possibly relevant to what we’re doing here.”
Blaze tried to explain. “Well, Your Honor, we need to prove that—”
“Here’s how we do things in Animal Court, Mr. Blaze. Ms. Spangler, please tell me what happened. Just forget all the stuff your lawyer has told you, and tell me what Pete here did to upset you.”
“I’m Pete,” Pete said.
“Yes, we know.”
“Yeck, Yeck, Yeck.”
“Thank you, Pete.” A long pause to make sure Pete was finished for the moment, then the judge waved at Ms. Spangler. She began, “Well, on Tuesday of last week, we were in the middle of a lesson. I was in the arena, on foot, with four of my students mounted, when suddenly this bird here came out of nowhere, squawking and making all kinds of noises, just a few feet above our heads. The horses freaked out and bolted for the barn. I almost got trampled. Betty Slocum fell and hurt her arm.”
Betty Slocum stood quickly so everyone could see the large, white cast on her left arm.
“He swooped down again, like some crazy kamikaze, and chased the horses as they—”
“Kamikaze, kamikaze, kamikaze,” Pete blurted.
“Just shut up!” Ms. Spangler said to Pete.
“Please, he’s just a bird,” Judge Yeck said.
Pete began saying something that could not be understood. Anton leaned over and whispered to Theo. “He’s speaking Creole.”
“What is it?” Judge Yeck asked.
“He’s speaking Creole French, Your Honor,” Theo explained. “It’s his native tongue.”
“What’s he saying?”
Theo whispered to Anton, who whispered right back. “You don’t want to know, Your Honor,” Theo reported.
Pete shut up, and everyone waited for a moment. Judge Yeck looked at Anton and said softly, “Will he stop talking if he’s asked to stop talking?”
Anton shook his head and said, “No, sir.”
Another pause. “Please continue,” Judge Yeck said.
Judy Cross took over and said, “And then the next day, at about the same time, I was giving a lesson. I had five of my riders on their horses. In the course of any lesson, I yell instructions to my students, such as ‘Walk on,’ and ‘Halt,’ and ‘Canter.’ I had no idea he was watching us, but he was. He was hiding in an oak tree next to the arena, and he started yelling, “‘Halt! Halt!’”
Pete, on cue, yelled, “Halt! Halt! Halt!”
“See what I mean? And the horses stopped dead still. I tried to ignore him. I told my students to remain calm and just ignore this guy. I said ‘Walk on,’ and the horses began their movements. Then he started yelling, “‘Halt!’ ‘Halt!’”
Judge Yeck held up both hands for silence. Seconds passed. He said, “Please continue.”
Judy Cross said, “He was quiet for a few minutes. We ignored him. The students were concentrating and the horses were calm. They were in a slow walk, when suddenly he started yelling, ‘Canter! Canter!’ The horses bolted again and began sprinting all around the arena. It was chaos. I barely escaped getting run over.”
Pete squawked, “Canter! Canter!”
“See what I mean,” Judy Cross gushed. “He’s been harassing us for over a week. One day he’ll drop from the sky like a dive-bomber and frighten the horses. The next day he’ll sneak up on us and hide in a tree and wait until things are quiet before he starts yelling instructions. He’s evil. Our horses are afraid to come out of the barn. Our students want their money back. He’s killing our business.”
With perfect timing, Pete said, “You’re fat.”
He waited five seconds, then did it again. “You’re fat.” His words echoed around the room and stunned everyone. Most of the people looked at their shoes, or boots.
Judy Cross swallowed hard, closed her eyes tightly, clenched her fists, and frowned as if in great pain. She was a large woman with a wide frame, the kind of body that had always carried extra weight, and carried it badly. It was obvious from her reaction that her weight had presented
many complicated issues over the years. It was something she had battled, and lost badly. Being heavy was an extremely sensitive topic for Judy, one she wrestled with every day.
“You’re fat,” Pete reminded her, for the third time.
Judge Yeck, who was desperately fighting the natural reaction to burst out laughing, jumped in and said, “Okay. Is it safe to assume that your other witnesses are willing to say pretty much the same thing?” The women nodded. Several seemed to be cowering, almost hiding, as if they had lost some of their enthusiasm. At that moment, it would take enormous courage to say harmful things about Pete. What would he blurt out about them, and their bodies?
“Anything else?” Judge Yeck asked.
Kate Spangler said, “Judge, you’ve got to do something. This bird is costing us our business. We’ve already lost money. This simply isn’t fair.”
“What do you want me to do?”
“I don’t care what you do. Can you put him to sleep or something?”
“You want me to kill him?”
“Halt! Halt!” Pete screamed.
“Maybe you could clip his wings,” Judy Cross chimed in.
“Halt! Halt!” Pete continued, then he resorted to Creole and unleashed a furious string of harsh words at the two women. When he finished, Judge Yeck glanced at Anton and asked, “What did he say?”
Anton’s grandparents were chuckling and covering their mouths.
“Really bad stuff,” Anton replied. “He doesn’t like those two women.”
“Got that.” The judge raised his hands again and asked for calm. Pete got the message. “Mr. Boone.”
Theo said, “Well, Judge, I think it might be helpful if my friend Anton gave you some background on Pete.”
“Please do so.”
Anton cleared his throat, and began nervously. “Yes, sir. Pete is fifty years old. He was given to my father when he was a little boy in Haiti, a gift from his father, so Pete has been in the family for a long time. When my grandparents came to this country a few years ago, Pete came, too. African gray parrots are some of the smartest animals in the world. As you can see, he knows a lot of words. He understands what others are saying. He can even imitate the voices of humans.”
Pete was watching Anton as he spoke, the voice so familiar. He began saying, “Andy, Andy, Andy.”
“I’m here, Pete,” Anton said.
“Andy, Andy.”
A pause, then Anton continued, “Parrots like to have a fixed routine each day, and they require at least an hour out of their cages. Every day at four o’clock, Pete gets out, and we thought he was just hanging around the backyard. I guess not. The stables are about a mile away, and he must have found the place. We’re very sorry about this, but please don’t hurt Pete.”
“Thank you,” Judge Yeck said. “Now, Mr. Blaze, what am I supposed to do?”
“Your Honor, it’s obvious that the owners cannot control this bird, and it’s their duty to do so. One compromise might be that the court orders the owners to have its wings clipped. I’ve checked with two veterinarians and one wildlife specialist, and they’ve told me that such a procedure is not unusual, nor is it painful or expensive.”
At full volume, Pete yelled, “You’re stupid.”
There was laughter as Blaze’s face turned red. Judge Yeck said, “Okay that’s enough. Get him out of here. Pete, sorry old boy, but you must leave the room.” The bailiff snatched the birdcage and took him away. As the door closed, Pete was cursing mightily in Creole.
When the room was quiet again, Judge Yeck said, “Mr. Boone, what’s your suggestion?”
With no hesitation, Theo said, “Probation, Your Honor. Give us one more chance. My friends here will find a way to control Pete and keep him away from the stables. I don’t think they realize what he’s been doing, or the problems he’s created. They are very sorry for all this.”
“And if he does it again?”
“Then a harsher punishment would be in order.” Theo knew two things that Kevin Blaze did not. First, Judge Yeck believed in second chances and rarely ordered animals destroyed until he had no other choice. Second, he’d been kicked out of the Macklin law firm five years earlier, so he probably held a bit of a grudge.
In typical Yeck fashion, he said, “Here’s what we’re going to do. Ms. Spangler and Ms. Cross, I am very sympathetic to your complaints. If Pete shows up again, I want you to video him. Have a cell phone or a camera ready, and catch him on video. Then bring me the video. At that point, Mr. Boone, we will take Pete into custody and have his wings clipped. The owners will be responsible for the costs. There will be no hearing—it will be automatic. Is this clear, Mr. Boone?”
“Just a second, Your Honor.” Theo huddled with the three Regniers and they were soon nodding in agreement.
“They understand, Your Honor,” Theo announced.
“Good. I hold them responsible. I want Pete kept at home. Period.”
“Can they take him home now?” Theo asked.
“Yes. I’m sure the good folks at the animal shelter are ready to get rid of him. Case closed. Court’s adjourned.”
Kevin Blaze and his clients and the rest of the women in black boots hustled out of the courtroom. When they were gone, the bailiff brought Pete back and handed him over to Anton, who immediately opened the cage and removed the bird. His grandparents wiped tears from their cheeks as they stroked his back and tail.
Theo drifted away and walked to the bench where Judge Yeck was making notes on his docket. “Thanks, Judge,” Theo said, almost in a whisper.
“That’s a bad bird,” Judge Yeck said softly with a chuckle. “Too bad we don’t have a video of Pete dive-bombing the ladies on their horses.” They both laughed, but quietly.
“Nice job, Theo.”
“Thanks.”
“Any word on the Finnemore girl?”
Theo shook his head. No.
“I’m very sorry, Theo. Someone told me you’re a close friend.”
Theo nodded and said, “Pretty close.”
“Let’s keep our fingers crossed.”
“Yeck, Yeck, Yeck,” Pete squawked as he left the courtroom.
Chapter 14
Jack Leeper wanted to talk. He sent a note to the jailer, who passed it on to Detective Slater. Late Friday afternoon, they marched Leeper from his cell block and through an old tunnel which led to the police station next door. Slater and his trusty sidekick, Capshaw, were waiting in the same dim and cramped interrogation room. Leeper looked as though he had not bathed or shaved since they had chatted with him the day before.
“Something on your mind, Leeper.” Slater began rudely. As always, Capshaw was taking notes.
“I talked to my lawyer today,” Leeper said, as if he were now more important because he had a lawyer.
“Which one?”
“Ozgoode, Kip Ozgoode.”
As if they had rehearsed, both detectives chuckled and sneered at the name. “If you have Ozgoode, you’re dead meat, Leeper,” Slater said.
“The worst,” Capshaw added.
“I like him,” Leeper said. “He seems a lot smarter than you boys.”
“You want to talk or swap insults?”
“I can do both.”
“Does your lawyer know you’re talking to us?” Slater asked.
“Yep.”
“So what do you want to talk about?”
“I’m worried about the girl. You clowns obviously can’t find her. I know where she is, and as the clock ticks her situation gets worse. She needs to be rescued.”
“You’re a real sweetheart, Leeper,” Slater said. “Snatch the girl, stash her somewhere, and now you want to help her.”
“I’m sure you have a deal for us,” Capshaw said.
“You got it. Here’s what I’ll do, and you guys better do it fast because there’s one frightened little girl out there. I’ll plead guilty to one count of breaking and entering; get two years in prison, with my time to run at the same time as that mess
in California. I stay here and do my time. My lawyer says the paperwork can be done in a matter of hours. We sign the deal, the prosecutor and judge okay it, and you get the girl. Time is crucial here boys, so you’d better make a move.”
Slater and Capshaw exchanged a nervous look. Leeper had them. They suspected he was lying because they expected nothing else from him. But what if he wasn’t? What if they agreed to his deal and he led them to April?
Slater said, “It’s almost six p.m. on Friday afternoon, Leeper. All the judges and prosecutors have gone home.”
“Oh, I’ll bet you can find them. They’ll hustle up if there’s a chance of saving the girl.”
Another pause as they studied his bearded face. Why would he offer such a deal if he didn’t know where she was? Such a plea bargain would be thrown out the window if he couldn’t deliver. Plus, they had no other leads, no other suspects. Leeper had always been their man.
“I don’t mind having a chat with the prosecutor,” Slater said, giving in.
“If you’re lying, Leeper, we’ll ship you back to California come Monday,” Capshaw said.
“Is she still in town?” Slater asked.
“I’m not saying another word until I sign the deal,” Leeper said.
As Theo was leaving the courthouse after saving Pete the Parrot, he saw a text message from Ike, who wanted him to run by the office.
Because he got off to a slow start each day, Ike usually worked late, even on Fridays. Theo found him at his desk, piles of papers everywhere, a bottle of beer already opened, and Bob Dylan on the stereo.
“How’s my favorite nephew?” Ike said.
“I’m your only nephew,” Theo replied as he shook off his raincoat and sat in the only chair that wasn’t covered with files and binders.
“Yes, but Theo you’d be my favorite even if I had twenty.”
“If you say so.”
“How was your day?”
Theo had already learned that a large part of being a lawyer was relishing the victories, especially the ones involving courtroom battles. Lawyers love to tell stories about their weird clients and strange cases, but they thrive on their dramatic wins in court. So Theo launched into the saga of Pete, and before long Ike was roaring with laughter. Not surprisingly, Judge Yeck did not hang out with the more respected lawyers in town, and he and Ike occasionally bumped into one another at a certain bar where some of the misfits liked to drink. Ike thought it was hilarious that Yeck allowed Theo to handle cases like a real lawyer.
When the story was over, Ike changed subjects and said, “I still say the police should be checking out the girl’s father. From what I hear, they’re still concentrating on Jack Leeper, and I think that’s a mistake. Don’t you?”
“I don’t know, Ike. I don’t know what to think.”
Ike picked up a piece of paper. “His name is Thomas Finnemore, goes by Tom. His band calls itself Plunder and they’ve been on the road for a few weeks. Finnemore and four other clowns, most from around here. There’s no website. The lead singer is a former drug dealer I met years ago, and I managed to track down one of his current girlfriends. She wouldn’t say much, but she thinks they’re in
