by Levia Ortega
We all got out and ran to the back of the car.
Sabine was the first who gained her speech back and said with a laugh: "Who is reversing from a one-way street and at the same time hits the one-way street-sign?"
I also had to laugh, but I quickly calmed down again, that was probably the first shock. The one-way street-sign had not been completely torn out of its anchorage, but was just crooked and now pointed towards the sky.
I looked, looked again, then I started to laugh out loud. The ironic undertone, which life was sending along was not to be overheard. The other two looked at me befuddled and Sabine was starting to grumble. I think she wanted to quickly be released from this situation. "What are you laughing at now?" I thought she now was really annoyed.
"Very easy. The fate sends us a sign", thereby I pointed to the blue sign whose white arrow provided the direction with the lettering one-way street.
"Yep!" Miri agreed with me, smiling cheekily.
Now we both laughed out loud. The torn sign didn't matter, Sabine staring in disbelief even less, but she eventually exploded: "Are you both done soon?"
I briefly cleared my throat and looked at Miri twinkling. "Okay, okay, it should be okay to have a little fun, or do you only laugh in the basement?"
I looked left, then right, and then to the windows of the houses. Not a single soul to be seen.
"Get in, lets drive on!"
"What? Don't you want to see if you have damaged your car?" Miri looked at me in disbelief.
"Are you crazy? Do you know actually how expensive those signs are when they need to be repaired? No! That's not funny. Nobody has seen us until now, so let's not waste any time. I will look at the damage later."
Both got in the car quickly and just before I got in myself, I took another look at the sign that pointed skywards.
"Is also a one-way street," I muttered to myself.
I drove forward a bit and then the rest of the way back, we were at the beginning of the road anyways, so we drove off quickly.
When we arrived at the stock sale, we searched for a gap in the parking lot, which was completely packed. It was the perfect time, in the middle of the afternoon, because there was hardly any parking space available. I did not even want to imagine what would be going on inside.
It was really crowded in the store, clothes were laying on the floor, there was chaos and the air was stifling. Miri and Sabine were happy and walked of full of energy, and I was looking for a seating area, sagging my shoulders. When I finally found one, I nodded to husband number one, which I already had often seen at such events. Since I did not know them by name, I gave them some numbers. Now we were sitting there; and even without talking to each other, we both had the same hope that it would not take too long.
* * *
At a quarter to seven we finally arrived at my mother's house. After Miri and I could close the trunk only by joining forces, the two left me alone. The whole trip they only talked about their purchases. They had looked at the clothes, tried them on, shown each other and bought at the end. What else are they supposed to talk about?
I was just glad that they left me out of this conversation.
Miri got a kiss on the left and on the right from my mother and Sabine at the same time. I felt a little guilty, since Sabine did not know what would happen to her, and seemed slightly overwhelmed with this kind of greeting.
When we started with the appetizers, Sabine sat next to Miri, she was very reserved and hardly spoke a word. While Miri talked with each and everybody at the table.
I was eager to see Sabine’s reaction.
There were about fifteen people and it was very noisy. The person who sat at the table head, chatted loudly with the person at the end of the table, while the person next to him held a conversation with a person diagonally across from him. It went back and forth. The voices had to be raised in order to understand each other in the distance. So while I was talking with my cousin, I joined in another conversation and spoke my opinion on various topics. Women are just multitasking capable.
Sabine did not say a word about anything, but from the corner of my eye I saw her slightly bending towards Miri and whispering something in her ear. Miri laughed, nodded and from her lips came an "always like that". It was the second time that day that I saw Sabine smile, and she began to take part in the conversations.
At that moment I thought: Too bad that you're so awful most of the time. But you messed it up for yourself.
The appetizer consisted of ham, cantaloupe, cheese, sausage and grilled prawns. Oh! I saw we even had white bread.
When I took the bread basket, I only meant to be nice. "Sabine, have you already seen this? We even have white bread. Here, have some!"
I held out the bread basket and with an angry look, she took a slice.
"No, rather take two. I know how much you like white bread."
Invitingly I moved the bread basket. She took a second slice and mumbled a thanks.
My mother looked at me questioningly, but I just smiled friendly. She knew my undertone, and it would not be tonight, but she would talk to me about it as soon as possible and ask what it had all been about with the white bread. After a short break came the main course. Fish and meat in all possible variations.
It did not matter how long I was no longer living at home, I still had to do my tasks. After clearing the plates, I took out the bowls and the next course was served, the desserts. A bit of chocolate cake, plus a good amount of whipped cream, flan and crema Catalana.
I had to laugh a little when I saw Sabine's widened eyes.
It happened to me most of the time that my belly was already full with the appetizers and then continuing eating was a torture. This time I was more careful and it happened to Sabine. Out of politeness she continued eating, of course. But! I still felt a little bad for her.
As everyone had gotten their portion of dessert, we began to spread out in the apartment. Sabine and Miri continued talking with my mother at the dinner table and I went over to the others in the living room.
After everyone had finished the desserts, I cleared the empty dessert bowls from the table and made my way to the kitchen. When I saw my mother with Sabine, I stopped and watched the whole thing. They were just filling up the dishwasher and I backed out of the kitchen, then made a step to the left. It annoyed me a bit that I hadn't caught the conversation from the beginning. I first heard my mother say:
"Shocked, yes, I sure was, as Valerie told me that she is a lesbian. She was very nervous. I stayed calm and let her talk. She had so much trust in me that she already told me very early."
"And you didn't mind?"
"Mind? No I didn't. But for me it had been a completely unknown subject until then. Of course I had heard of it, but to see female couples or to think about it, I had not until then. Later, as I took some time to think about it, I realized a few things. And then the worries came. The worries about how other people would react in her environment, and bad experiences that she could make because of her sexual orientation. There are also bad people who have a problem with it, and I was worried about Valerie. Because this experience or disappointment when she would tell someone was inevitable. Not every person is as normal as we are, so there would be the most horrible reactions. So I was afraid that my daughter thinks she should be ashamed in her young years. I was and am indeed her mother, but I cannot protect her from everything and everyone. Of course it helped that she and Miri went through it together, discovered together, whatever you want to call it."
I looked around the corner and saw that both were facing each other now and were talking lively.
"Through Valerie I met a new perspective, and believe me, I love her father. At that time, times were different, it was not nearly as publicized as today. Nevertheless, I have discovered something in me through my daughter. I came to the conclusion that although we have a preference, but that we fall in love with the person and not with the gend
er. My daughter has taught me that."
I stood with my back to the wall and wiped a tear of my face, it was a lucky tear. I had never heard my mother talk this way, but the fact that she was talking so open about it with someone else, almost made my heart burst with pride. I would have liked to run into the kitchen, to hug her and tell her how much I love her, but I held back. My mother had never told me about her worries. It was a very private conversation that the two had, and I didn't want them to think that I was intentionally listening, if I stormed in and hugged my mother into the ground. I later would have enough time to talk to her.
"I have never looked at it this way," was Sabine’s reply.
Then there was silence and both were busy with their own thoughts. This was my chance and I walked into the kitchen.
They both looked at me and I tried to sound as innocent as possible, when I asked: "What?"
Both shook their heads and my mother said: "Nothing."
"Then it's all right. Miri has asked if we were ready to leave in a few."
"Wait, I'll pack a few things for you guys" my mother said quickly. As she said it, she turned around and already opened the cabinets to bring out the storage boxes.
I smiled, for my mother a few things always meant that if I did not throw it away before, it would certainly last for over a week. I always brought something for Chris, which always made her happy when she wasn't able to come along, and for the next day’s lunch was thus safe in the office. With the large blue tote bag, which can be purchased for little money in a well-known Swedish furniture store, now filled all the way up to the top with storage containers, we set out with the rattling plastic containers. I liked this storage option, because there was hardly anything worse than if the food had not been packed properly and was sitting around this way in the refrigerator. I always said that the meats tasted like refrigerator. It is this taste, which develops through the refrigerator, if something was not packed properly, this unique refrigerator taste. As sorry as I felt for the food, I could not eat it anymore as soon as they had adopted this taste.
We went to the car and Miri dropped into the passenger seat.
"I had forgotten how much there is to eat at your house! I just want to go to bed." She patted her stomach and turned to Sabine.
"I'm about to burst!" Sabine said. It was the last sentence I heard this evening. Without further ado, both really disappeared immediately in bed.
Saturday
Today was finally the evening, where I wouldn't have to worry about them both and still even could have a lot fun. Chris would make sure of that.
I stood in front of the mirror in the hallway, examining my outfit. For this evening I opted for the black complete package: black sneakers, black, tight jeans and a black, of course tight T-shirt. Black made me look slim and you couldn't really go wrong with it. The summer was there and therefore I didn't need a jacket.
Miri confirmed my outfit by blowing a whistle. Sabine looked at me critically from head to toe and once again twitched with the shoulders.
I retaliated by looking at her, from her high heels, going over her knee-length black dress, until I finally arrived at her spaghetti straps. I looked into her eyes, pulled an eyebrow and moistened my lips with my tongue. Sabine looked at me like the so-called deer that stares into the headlights of a car on the middle of the road. Was it because of my just performed gesture? I had achieved my goal. Her eyes were widened in shock after I had licked over my lips. Besides, it was not to be overlooked that she had to dry swallow. This facial expression and her physical reaction, as small as it was, were pure satisfaction for me. I turned around and walked out. In the stairwell I still could resist the loud laugh, but my giggling was impossible to suppress. I was on the verge to laugh out loud, and hurried to get out of the hearing distance of the two. It was this loud blurting when you long tried to suppress a laugh, the moment when the dams break and you can't help it anymore.
When we arrived at Chris and Ems’, both of them beamed and greeted us warmly. They were the perfect hosts. Chris chatted the whole time with Miri and Sabine and left me on the sidelines. I was glad just to simply enjoy the evening, being able to take a deep breath and just to be an uninvolved spectator.
Of course, the topic dream woman came up, as the conversation had splashed on for a while. And Chris, upfront like she was, asked me first:
"So Valerie, what does your dream woman look like?" Chris knew I didn't like to talk about it, when several people were sitting at the table, but only if it was just us two. I saw the challenge flashing in her eyes and was about to return the favor.
"That's a very good question, that I am too happy to answer." All eyes were now on me. A smile came across my lips as I continued.
"Brown, smooth hair, which reaches just under the shoulder blades. Beautiful, almond shaped, brown eyes. A tall and slender stature would of course be the icing on the cake. Ouch!"
I rubbed my upper arm. Chris looked at me half angrily, half amused and Emilia's face was filled with discomfort, she slightly slid back and forth in her chair and did not know how to react. It had not escaped to any of the present, that I had just described Em. Chris shook her head and started laughing. Relief was showing on Em's face seconds later, she laughed a round once she understood my joke.
"Now honestly, Val!" Chris wanted a serious answer and I thought about saying something random, but I decided to give an honest answer.
"Mmh, I have never really thought of the look or had a special type. I have to see her, and then there must be that spark, this one spark that arouses my interest, which makes me want to talk to her and get to know her better."
I took a sip of the wine and was hoping that the questioning would be over, but the others were still waiting. So I continued: "I wish for a woman with whom I fall asleep every night and wake up every morning. A woman with whom I sit on the sofa in the evenings and who does not care to be kept entertained, but that enjoys the togetherness. If we are visiting someone and she is in the other corner of the room, I can feel when she looks at me. When she smiles at me, the time stands still for a brief moment and only she exists." I looked up at my glass of wine as I continued: "And when I had a long, stressful workday and hear the key being put into the lock at night, my heart skips a beat, and a happy smile appears on my face because I know she's coming home. All this happens because I know I've arrived."
Nothing, silence, there was absolute silence in the room, and I lifted my eyes confusedly from the wine glass.
How they all looked at me! I felt quite uncomfortable. Emilia had gotten up during my story and now stood behind Chris. She had wrapped her arms from behind around Christine and gave her a kiss on the head. Chris had such a sparkle in her eyes and I knew at that moment that I had described exactly what the two had with each other.
Miriam dreamily looked into the nowhere and Sabine stared at her plate.
Miri was the first to break the silence. "Is everybody ready to go? Maybe Val will be lucky tonight and find this woman of her dreams!"
While she said this, she clapped her hands, rubbed them together, and got up.
I just puffed through my nose because I slowly stopped believing in it. And when I looked at Sabine, whose look just seemed wanting to kill me, I knew that now the nice evening was over.
* * *
The Chima was quite small, but set up very welcoming and comfortable. Directly opposed to the entrance, on the other side of the dance floor, which was naturally the center of the action, was the DJ desk. To the right and left of the dance floor there was a bar. Standing tables were dispersed in the room, in the back corner was a small lounge.
We saw that Peg and Bea could had gotten a seat in the lounge. When Peg noticed us, she jumped up from the sofa and waved at us vigorously. I could tell from her body posture that she was quite excited. She probably wanted to tell us the latest gossip. Her hopping around showed this excitement clearly, unlike the high Huhu in her pitch, whic
h she usually counteracted.
Bea did not notice us, she stared at her beer bottle and peeled off the label. Bea was always quiet and thoughtful, but even that was too quiet for her. Only when I put my hand on her shoulder, she looked up. I think she had expected someone else, because for a second I saw in her eyes that I had surprised her.
She did not like to talk about her emotional life, she had to be forced to talk; and many people did not notice the difference when she was more pensive than usual. Chris and I had needed a long time to notice the little difference in Bea's emotional situation. The subtle difference when the state of mind changed from pensive to depressed.
When we all were sitting down, Peg was, of course, the discussion leader. She screamed so loud that we could understand her well despite the music.
But my gaze wandered over to Bea again and again, who kept picking at the label of the bottle. And that was one of those small differences. When she began to pick at a bottle label and her eyes were so striven, she more than likely had something on her mind. I looked over at Chris, who kept looking at Bea frowning. Chris looked at me and I nodded to her. Even without speaking to each other, we knew that the other had also noticed the change in Bea. And one of us or both of us together would definitely talk to her.
But now was not the right time for that. Chris and I would talk to each other later and decide if we would drive either together to Bea or just one of us to talk to her. In order to get something out of Bea, you needed either two people who were putting pressure on her, or sometimes just one, so she did not feel cornered and come out with what was bothering her.
To our astonishment, Bea said goodbye shortly after she had finished the beer. I stood up and wanted to accompany her outside. Perhaps she would talk to me or at least make a hint about what was bothering her the whole time. But Bea just looked at me and slightly shook her head. Her body language as she walked off showed slightly hanging shoulders and a bowed head. This image of misery itself led Peg to stop in the middle of the sentence. She also looked at Bea, irritated.
