by Levia Ortega
It was late already and everybody wanted to know what Carmen had made out of the location, so there was a line in front of the door. Bea, as nice as she was, told us that we didn’t need to wait in line, but simply walk to the front and tell the bouncer our names, so we could start partying without any wait time. I therefore got in pretty quickly, the whispers of the waiting women behind me made me smile involuntarily.
The club was small but not too small. A L-formed bar was on the left side, behind it was a small, separated room, which was open but shielded from the dancefloor and music through the wall.
Bea apparently was fascinated of sofas. For she wanted to have the whole room full of sofas, at best second hand and all different. Carmen and her had agreed that Bea could chose two of them, since there still had to be room for the pool table and the Dart board.
Round tables with bar stools were also dispersed in the room. I saw Bea. Her smile, which was irradiating her face right then, made me smile honestly and rightfully after weeks. It felt good.
I tried to move pass women, that were apparently looking to get in touch with Bea, literally squeezing through the crowd. Bea was standing behind the bar, leaned forward as much as she could, when I arrived at her and we hugged each other. The moment was too beautiful, as if we asked each other how the other was doing.
Bea pointed with her finger to where Chris and Em were standing. I ignored the mad looks of the other women, but not without winking at Bea one more time provocatively. This made Bea laugh and I joyfully walked over to Chris and Em, who had occupied a table close to the bar. When I arrived Chris smirked at me boldly and picked up a card from the table which she waved before my face. It said “Reserved”. Chris’ smirk, which went from one ear to the other made me laugh out loud.
The evening started off good and I felt absolutely carefree and happy. Now we were only waiting for Peg to arrive. She had sent Chris a message saying that she would be joining us later. There was some kind of emergency, she had to calm someone down and was stuck on the phone. This was just Peg; she could talk on the phone for hours without really saying anything. It was a mystery to me how she could talk about everything for hours. For me already five minutes on the phone were too long. I still prefer the personal conversation.
We talked, laughed and danced. It simply felt good.
When Chris and I came back from the dancefloor, Em was talking to Peg, followed behind by Dani. After hardly seeing Dani, I stopped in shock, because at the same moment as I saw her, I immediately saw Biene before my inner eye. Damned memories!
Why couldn’t the evening go on as carelessly? I got myself together, greeted Dani and tried to continue as normal as possible. But my thoughts wandered off to Biene more and more often. Every time I looked at Dani I had to think about that night and how Biene had looked at me angrily and wanted to go home. I tried to vehemently suppress the thought of how the rest of the night had went and had actually ended.
My mood dropped and before I would ruin Beas‘ big night, I wanted to leave. Chris grabbed my arm and wanted to know what had happened but I was only able to show her a sad smile. She knew what was going on inside of me and let me leave. So I said goodbye to everyone and drove home.
* * *
As I arrived in front of my door I took a deep breath and went on my way to the second floor with slow steps and sagging shoulders. I was looking to the ground as I walked up the steps. The first thing I saw when I arrived at my front door was a pair of sneakers. I stopped in shock and wasn’t able to move. My eyes moved further up – and there she was!
Biene was sitting in front of my door and looked at me. None of us said a word. I never had seen her like this. Sneakers, sweatpants, an oversize T-Shirt. Her eyes were red and slightly puffy and her hair was a mess, as if she had calmed it a hundred times with her hands.
I was happy to see her and I wanted to pull her up and hug her real tight. She looked terrible and I felt the need to protect her. I didn’t really know from what, but the need was there.
Biene slowly stood up and I took a step forward and at the same moment another one backwards again. She wanted to walk towards me but changed her mind as she noticed my reaction and made another half a step backwards. “Hi.”
That was all? Hi, after all that we had experienced together, after the sleepless nights that she had caused and mostly after a month of silence? My held back happiness flew away fast and endless anger emerged.
“What do you want?” I immediately saw the flinching in her eyes and knew that I had hurt her with my harsh tone.
„I…“ Her voice was shaking, her fingers were twisted into each other and I saw her white knuckles.
I felt sorry for her, but at the same time also got a bad conscience because I knew that I had overreacted. “How are you even looking?” My tone was now easy, with a touch of humor and this had the desired effect. I saw how she separated her hands from each other and stroke down her T-Shirt.
Biene smiled back lightly. „I drove straight here.”
She drove five hours straight just to be here with me? She wanted to come see me, right? That can only be a good sign, if somebody drives for hours, sits in front of your door waiting for you.
As much as I believed that, I needed clarity. I couldn’t just forget about that, not after all the pain that she caused me to have. I waited, I wouldn’t be the one standing here and reveal my feelings if she was going to leave again. I knew that my heart would break in thousand pieces and I would never recover from that.
Biene took a deep breath and ran her fingers through her hair. “I am so sorry!”
This was already a beginning and the little wall that I had started to build, was already starting to fall apart. Now I was mad at myself. An honestly meant sentence from her and I forgave her. Would it always be this way?
„I wasn’t able to sleep, to eat. I was unbearable to anybody and everybody.”
“More unbearable than usual?”
“Outsch, I deserved that. I was afraid, okay? “
In her last sentence I could overhear a little anger. Maybe I should listen first before opening my mouth again? But I had one more question: “Because I am a woman?”
“No! Because … I don’t know how to explain it.”
I crossed my arms before my chest. “Try it. I am listening.”
She knew because of my gesture that she either had to explain it to me or that all this here would be over. It was on her how all this would turn out.
„When I saw you for the first time, you had …”, Biene took a deep breath, „you caused feelings in me, that I had never experienced before. They scared me. Not, because you are a woman, but because the feelings were so strong. I didn’t know such feelings until then. And then I did what I know best: block you out. But every time when I saw you again, the emotions came back even stronger. It made me angry that I wasn’t capable to block or control these feelings. And what made me even angrier was that you had such a power over me, without even knowing you did. I thought that if you hated me, everything would be way easier and the feelings would disappear with time.”
Biene looked at the floor. “And when I saw you with this woman, I lost it and I was jealous. I had never been jealous before! I went to Miri and told her that she could just leave with her company since I had talked to you and you would give me a ride home.”
„That was before you came to me? “
Biene nodded shamefully.
What a beast! I thought, but at the same time it made me happy. I don’t know how long we had been standing there and I saw how her brain was working. When she lifted her head and looked me in the eyes I saw fear and insecurity.
„Gosh, Val! It was the most intense and beautiful night of my life.“
My whole body started tingling and I best would have slapped myself, that my body was simply betraying my mind.
“And then you just disappeared.”
“Yes “, she whispered. �
��I didn’t know how you would react in the morning. If you would laugh about it or if it was just a heated moment between us. I know I was a coward but I needed to do it to protect myself. The longer I thought about it, the surer I was that it hadn’t just been a random night for you but that there was much more between us. Not the way you had kissed me, how you had touched me. I felt so safe with you. But then a long time had gone by, so I didn’t dare calling you anymore.”
I heard the stability in her voice, how honest and truthful she meant it. Biene let her arms drop. “I cannot live without you anymore. Every night I was sitting in my apartment and had to think about you. About the night we spent together. I just got up and drove off. Even if you don’t feel like me I wanted for you to know how I feel. Even if we don’t have a future together.”
Oh my God! Of course I feel the same way and even much more than that, more than I can even put in words. I love you! I wanted to scream it out. But something held me back.
„And how am I supposed to know that you won’t run off again?“
Biene’s look, that was unsure before, all of a sudden got stable and piercing and my heart was beating faster and faster. She took half a step towards me and waited. Since I didn’t pull away she got bolder. She put her hand over my left breast and took another step towards me, without stopping to look at me. I don’t know how present my main artery was on my neck but I had the feeling that the throbbing was obvious. My crossed arms loosened and fell beside my hips. Sabine’s eyes had a dreamy expression and a smile dodged around her lips.
„I want to fall asleep right next to you every night and wake up every morning next to you. I want to cuddle up on the sofa at night and enjoy being together. When we are visiting somebody and you are standing in the opposite corner of the room I will feel when you are looking at me. When you smile at me, time will stand still for a moment and I will have the feeling that only I exist for you.”
Now she was right in front of me, I only had to come a little closer to her and our lips would have met but I waited.
She calmly continued talking and I had the feeling as if her lips would lie on mine and what she said would hit me directly in the heart. “If I had a long and stressful day at work and hear the key turn in the door of our apartment at night, my heart will skip a beat and I will have to smile because I will know that you are coming home. And all this happens because I know that I have finally arrived.”
I had to swallow. She had memorized everything!
And this is how it really was, she had memorized everything I had said back then and the way she said it now, I had no doubts.
I wasn’t able to put it in words and this is why I showed it. When I touched her lips, this electric shock went through my body again and I knew that I would always be this way, when we would kiss.
She came to me and in this moment nothing mattered to me. Sabine was here with me and together we would master everything.
When we stumbled through the door together, without taking our lips off each other, I knew that she would stay forever.
I finally after so many astrays had found my dream woman and at the same time my soul mate. And I felt that she was feeling the same way and that I would never let Biene go.
The End
Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it. Feel free to send feedback to: [email protected]
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.Books Available from Levia Ortega
When Dreams Take Flight
Vivacious Valerie and rather down-to-earth Christine could not be more different, but they are also inseparable friends. They are co-owners of Dreams Take Flight, a travel agency. Valerie firmly believes in the inevitable encounter with her soul mate, the love of her life. Christine dismisses this idea as a flight of fancy, until the day she meets the unexpected love of her life. At her favorite club Sappho, she sees a beautiful stranger and feels like she has been struck by lightning. Their eyes meet and lock for a moment, but suddenly, the attractive mystery woman vanishes.
Christine enters an exciting emotional rollercoaster when she moves heaven and earth to find her again.
https://amzn.to/2Ynw4Ce
Dreams On Astrays
Romantic Junkie Valerie has helped her friend Chris to find her true love. Val still believes in love at first sight and such magical encounters, how Chris experienced them.
But the love is taking its time. And to make it even worse her childhood friend Miri and colleague Sabine, that Val cannot stand since first meeting her, are coming to visit over the bank holiday weekend and will be staying in Val’s apartment.
A shopping tour is going to turn into a survival trip. Meeting with some girlfriends and visiting a party together will develop into a true revelation event.
How is she supposed to survive this weekend?
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Masked Feelings - A Short Erotic Halloween Story
It is all too much for Manuela. She just spent a whole terrible week with her standoffish boss at a trade show and wants nothing more than to crawl into her own bed – but her flight has been overbooked.
Fortunately, the airline pays for a night at the airport hotel, which also happens to be where her best friend works. That night, the hotel is hosting a big Halloween party, and Manuela reluctantly allows her friend to dress her up as a sexy pirate.
At the party, she meets an exciting stranger who is hiding her face behind a Venetian mask.
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What A Nice Mess! - Three Christmassy Lesbian Love Stories
Johanna's car breaks down in a snow blizzard on Christmas night, catphobician Lisa receives an uninvited Christmas visit on four velvet paws and Vanessa sits in the dark, as on the 24th of December the electricity in her apartment block turns out. What a nice mess! the women think in the three short stories. But maybe such small catastrophes have to happen in order for Christmas to be a celebration of love - at least if your present is the right woman. Or is there a little Christmas magic involved?
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