by Day Leclaire
Her frustration came to the fore, edged with a hint of anger. “Yes, I realize that.” She fought with the sheet some more, before knotting it in front of her. “I realize something else, as well. I can’t have a public affair with you.”
“I agree.”
A hint of vulnerability darkened her eyes. “Does that mean we don’t—”
“Hell, no. We do. And as often as possible. We’re just discreet about it. Eventually whatever this is between us will fade.”
Her gaze clung to his. “Are you sure?” she whispered.
It was as though time had reversed and he was seeing a seventeen-year-old schoolgirl standing before him, her eyes filled with impossible dreams. He could see the need in her, the hope, and knew hers were needs and hopes he couldn’t possibly fulfill. He didn’t have it in him. He never had.
“Don’t.” He uttered just that one word, but he knew it might as well have been a slap. He came off the bed with a smothered curse and wrapped his arms around her. “How is it possible that so many years can go by, and yet neither of us has changed? You still want what I can’t give. And I still want what I shouldn’t have.”
He could hear the tears buried in her trembling laugh. “You’d think we’d have outgrown such foolishness,” she said.
“Apparently not.” He cupped her face and lifted it to his. The tears he’d heard in her voice glistened on the tips of her lashes and he brushed them away with his thumbs. “Truth time, sweetheart. Let’s decide right here and now what we want out of this affair.”
“You and Jinx are the only two men I’ve ever loved.” A hint of color warmed her cheeks. “Or thought I loved.”
“You never knew me. Not really. You created a fantasy, nothing more. This—” His hands swept over her, eliciting a helpless shudder. “This is reality. This physical connection we feel is the only thing we have between us.”
“I know.” Her smile held a bittersweet quality. “On some level, I’ve always known.”
“Can you handle a physical affair?”
She gave him a clear, direct look, one painfully empty of romantic fairy tales and moonlit wishes. “If that’s my only choice, I’ll take it.”
“And when it’s run its course?”
“Then I hope we’ll be friends and continue to work together.”
He accepted her at her word. “Okay. That brings us to the business end of our relationship.”
Her eyebrows pulled together. “We have to find a way of keeping the two separate.”
“Agreed.”
“I suggest when we’re in the office, it’s strictly business. No touching. No kissing. No suggestive comments.”
“That’s going to be tough.”
“It’s the only way this will work. Outside of the office…” She shrugged, causing the sheet to dip a tantalizing inch.
“We keep doing what we did last night,” he suggested. “I’m sure we’ll get bored with each other in a decade or two.”
She wrinkled her nose at him. “Or…maybe it’ll only take one more time.”
Sweeping her into his arms, he dumped her onto the bed again. “In that case, let’s find out if you’re right.”
Instead, all he discovered was how very wrong she was.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
“WELL, FANS, as we work our way through July and August, we’re definitely in the dog days of summer. These are the races when the teams who want to make the Chase had better have shaken out all the bugs and be running like well-oiled machines. Any mistakes now can mean the difference between being in the top twelve at the end of the Richmond race, and being eliminated from the bid for NASCAR NEXTEL Cup’s Championship hunt.
“Back in the lead is Hutch Matheson, closely followed by Lucas Boyce. We don’t know what’s gotten into Bad, but something at HRI has given the seven-time champ a new lease on life. He’s racing like there’s no tomorrow.
“After an incredible start to the year, Cole Whaling seems to have stalled in his mid-season bid to run with the top pack, bouncing week to week between that all-important twelfth place, and a nail-biting fourteenth.
“As for Jinx Junior, he’s moved into an impressive fifteenth place and seems to have overcome the Hammond Curse—at least for the time being. But a return to Bristol is coming up and everyone is waiting and watching to see if history repeats itself. Will young Hammond put Boyce into the wall? For Bad’s championship bid, we certainly hope not! Stay tuned to find out whether Jamie strikes again, or Bad holds the Jinx at bay.”
KELLIE PULLED HERSELF onto the large wooden raft anchored several dozen yards off the edge of the lake and flopped onto her back, fighting to catch her breath. Closing her eyes, she allowed the sun to caress her, knowing that she could only afford a brief time beneath its rays before escaping back to shore and the shade she’d find there.
An instant later, the raft dipped as Lucas hauled himself up beside her. “Where’d you learn to swim like that?”
“Didn’t realize I was part fish, did you?”
“Hell, no. If I didn’t know we were in fresh water, I’d have thought a shark was after you.”
She squinted up at him with an impudent grin. “There was.”
He bared his teeth. “The better to eat you with, my dear.”
“That’s a wolf, not a shark. Though given your sponsor, I suppose that’s more appropriate.”
He rolled on top of her, shading her with his body. “If I weren’t concerned about you getting splinters from this raft, I’d give you my best wolf imitation right here and now.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck. “Then take me back to shore.”
He gazed down at her as he combed his fingers through the tangled strands of her damp hair. There was an odd light in his eyes, a hunger that never failed to catch her by surprise. “It was supposed to have eased off by now. Gotten old.”
“But it hasn’t.”
He shook his head. “If anything…”
Desperation warred with better judgment. “It’s gotten worse.”
“Not worse. Amazing. Outstanding. Incredible.”
She closed her eyes against the desperate ache of it. The past two and a half months had been the most extraordinary of her life. They’d also been the most painful. Except when their schedules prevented it, not a day went by that she didn’t end it in Lucas’s arms and in his bed. And every time she found herself there, she waited to see if it would be their last night together. If the burning desire would lessen, would slip less readily into her veins, would flame with less brilliance.
But it never did.
If anything, it had grown stronger each time they came together. As often as she tried to reassure herself that what they felt was purely physical, nothing more, she couldn’t deny that there had been changes in their relationship, some subtle, some not so subtle.
They’d grown more adept at reading each other’s thoughts and emotions. It was a natural outcome of even a physical relationship, she supposed. They were bound to learn to anticipate one another’s reactions. But there were connections and layers building between them, ones that wouldn’t have grown if theirs was nothing more than a superficial affair.
He knew it, too. She could see the awareness of it when they were together and at their most vulnerable. Those were the most difficult times of all, when the overwhelming need to expose all her secrets would take hold and it was everything she could do to maintain her silence. But she couldn’t bring herself to tell him the truth about their son. Not yet.
If she came clean now, so close to the Richmond race, it might throw his focus. Worse, she couldn’t inform Lucas without also telling Jamie. And it was even more crucial that her son keep his concentration where it belonged—on the race track. But the real reason, the reason she found most difficult to admit even to herself, was that she knew it would put a permanent end to her affair with Lucas. Because once he found out that she’d lied to him—blindsided him, as he’d referred to it in the past—he’d never fo
rgive or trust her again.
Just a few more weeks. Just a little longer. Was that so wrong?
He rolled onto his side, tucking her close. “What are you thinking about?”
It took her a moment to come up with an answer that wasn’t too far from the truth. “In part, I was thinking about our first night together.” Because of Jamie, it was never far from her thoughts. “I want you to know how sorry I am for lying to you about my age.”
“The morning after was a bit of a shock.”
A wistful smile curved her mouth. “In more ways than one.”
“Were you really hoping for marriage, like you said? Or was that your way of escaping your feelings for Jinx?”
“I wanted marriage.”
His jaw tensed. “Just out of curiosity, did it matter who?”
“It mattered,” she admitted. “I really thought I loved you. But, even if our one-night stand had turned into an actual relationship, when you told me about your father I understood why you weren’t interested in marriage or white picket fences or children.”
“My father made his choice, one he claimed never to regret.”
Her brow furrowed. “But he was a race car driver. And when your mother got pregnant with you, he gave it up.”
“In those days he couldn’t have supported a family on his winnings.”
“So he sacrificed who and what he was.”
Lucas shrugged. “And lived his dream through me.”
She levered herself onto her elbow. “I never would have come between you and your dream. I’ve been in the business too long, seen how much racing means to men like you to take it away from you.” It was as close as she could come to telling him the truth. “I couldn’t do that to you. I couldn’t live with myself afterward.”
A shadow drifted across his expression. “I would have, you know.”
She closed her eyes, so he couldn’t read her thoughts as easily as she read his. “Would have what?” she asked, even though she knew.
“If you had become pregnant, I’d have given up racing for the two of you.”
“And come to hate us.”
“No.” His hand skimmed the curve of her cheek, then traced the curve of her bottom lip. “I would have regretted letting go of my dream. But, I wouldn’t have hated you, any more than my father hated me and my mother.”
“But you wouldn’t be where you are today. You wouldn’t be breaking every NASCAR record out there.”
“No, I wouldn’t. I have to admit, if I’d had to give up racing, it would have been—” He shook his head. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter, does it?”
“No,” she whispered. “It doesn’t matter.”
He cupped the back of her neck and pulled her down until her mouth brushed his. “Still…I would have had one hell of a son.”
And then he kissed her more thoroughly, blotting out regrets, stealing guilt and pain, and replacing it with a desire so intense it seemed to melt bone and muscle, melding her with the man who held her. Even as she gave herself up to the intensity of his embrace, she could feel the clouds of despair building on the horizon. Soon the summer would draw to a close and the rain would arrive.
And with those rains would come truth and heartbreak, because the truth was, she loved Lucas. She’d loved him eighteen years ago, just as she’d loved him during those long, sweet years of her marriage to Jinx. Just as she loved him now and would continue to do so for the rest of her days. She clung to him, knowing that when the time came and he ended their affair, heartbreak would follow as surely as the rain followed the burning heat of summer.
THE HARD KNOCK at her office door had her head jerking up. “Come in,” she called.
Cole entered, closing the door behind him. “Got a minute?”
She regarded him warily, a little concerned by the hardness in his eyes and the tautness building around his mouth. “Sure. What’s up?”
Instead of taking a seat in front of her desk, he wandered the length of the office, pausing by the floor-to-ceiling windows that overlooked the shop. “I tried to get in touch with you yesterday. Nobody seemed to know where you were.”
She strove for a casual air. “I took the day off.”
“Bad wasn’t around, either.”
“Lucas’s whereabouts aren’t my responsibility,” she replied with deliberate indifference. “So long as he takes care of his partnership and sponsorship responsibilities, and shows up at the race track when he’s supposed to, that’s all that matters.”
Cole approached her desk, edging a hip on the edge. He still had an odd look in his eyes, the hazel hovering somewhere between gold and brown. “You and I have never followed up on our contract talk.”
Uh-oh. “True.” She started to reach for the phone. “If you want to continue that discussion, I’ll give Lucas a quick call and see if he can join us.”
It was the wrong thing to say. Anger flashed across Cole’s expression. “This particular discussion is private.”
Exhaustion washed over her. “How many times have we been over this? He’s my partner. He has a say in all business decisions, more specifically all contractual discussions.”
Cole’s hands clenched. “I’m not talking about the damn contract and you bloody well know it!”
“Then what…?” Her gaze jerked up to clash with his and her breath escaped in a rush. “You mean us.”
“Of course I mean us.” He held her in place with a masculine aggression that spoke of thwarted desire. “Unless there’s someone else you’re interested in? Is there, Kellie?”
“That’s none of your business.”
“I’m making it my business. I told you what I wanted during our earlier talk. I want you. I want marriage. I want a family. I can give it all to you. Everything Jinx couldn’t.” His expression hardened. “And everything Boyce wouldn’t.”
She fought to hide her reaction. “What are you talking about?” she asked through numb lips.
“I’m talking about the reason you married Jinx. I’m talking about Jamie.”
She continued to stare at him, refusing to respond to what she hoped was blatant speculation rather than anything with substance.
“He told me, Kellie. Jinx. He got rip-roaring drunk one night and spilled it all. I’m not even sure he remembered the next day.”
“You are way out of line here.”
He leaned in and lowered his voice. “Hell, honey. You only get penalized for straying outside the lines if somebody catches you. You, of all people, should know that, considering how far out of the lines you strayed.”
“That’s enough.”
“It’s not even close to enough.” His gaze softened and he reached out to snag a lock of her hair and wrap it around his index finger. “I’m not trying to start trouble. No one has to find out about Jamie and Lucas. You think I don’t know the sort of dilemma it could cause with Food Basket? I’ve seen up close and personal how conservative that Farmer guy is. He actually had the nerve to call me up and ream me a new one after that bit of fun Jamie and I got into after Daytona.”
Anger speared through her. “You damaged Jamie’s reputation with that ‘bit of fun.’ It could have damaged Food Basket’s reputation, as well, which is why Leo had words with you. We nearly lost them.”
Cole tilted his head to one side. “And if they find out Jamie isn’t the legitimate son of Jinx Hammond? If they find out the majority owner of HRI screwed around with Bad Boyce and conceived a child out of wedlock, then turned around and pawned the kid off as Jinx’s? How do you think they’ll handle that news?”
“Not well.” Her tone was stiff with anger. “But FYI, Jamie wasn’t pawned off on anyone. Jinx knew from the start and offered to help me out of a tough spot.”
“You think that’s the way Farmer will see it?” He shrugged. “I doubt it. I suspect my version’s the conclusion he’ll jump to, especially since Jinx isn’t around to back you up. Considering what a stick Farmer is, I’m betting he’ll dump Jamie, despite being
best friends with Boyce. I wouldn’t be surprised if it ended their relationship. No great loss, if you ask me, but Bad seems to like the guy for some reason.”
“That’s enough, Cole. What do you want?”
“We still haven’t resolved our little problem.”
“We don’t have a little problem. We have a driver attempting to blackmail his owner.”
He grimaced. “Blackmail is such an ugly word. I much prefer to call it a negotiation.”
She pulled from his grasp. “Last time. What do you want from me?”
“I told you. I want it all.”
She thought fast, gauging various angles before deciding on the best of a bad lot. “I need time.”
He shook his head, amusement causing his dimples to flash. “Never try and con a con. They’ll see through you every time. I’ve given you months to make up your mind. Now give me your answer so I can decide what my next move should be.”
“Why don’t we meet again after Richmond. Once the Chase has been determined, I’ll give you my answer.”
He took several gut-wrenching minutes to consider her request before nodding. “After Richmond,” he agreed.
He leaned in and stole a swift kiss, catching her by surprise. She instantly shoved him away, glaring. “Cut it out, Cole.”
Instead of reacting with anger he grinned. “Just sealing our agreement. I look forward to sealing our next one, even more. Maybe we can find a more private place for that.”
The instant he left, Kellie dropped her face in her hands. The storm clouds she’d seen hovering on the horizon were fast sweeping in and nothing she said or did could stop them. Richmond. That gave her two weeks, one of which was out in California, where her time with Lucas would be severely limited.
Since she couldn’t and wouldn’t agree to Cole’s “negotiation,” that left her only one option. She’d need to tell Jamie and Lucas the truth. Tears escaped, despite her best attempts to control them. And when the truth came out, she’d lose the two people she loved most in the world, because she couldn’t see them ever forgiving her for the magnitude of her lie.
